Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

How is he going to tell me he's disappointed in me when I've been in such a loving relationship for a year. Even though we're two boys that doesn't change the fact I'm human. Just like him. My brother.

At least I don't sleep with other bitches when you 'take breaks'.

Originally Posted by Castles

How is he going to tell me he's disappointed in me when I've been in such a loving relationship for a year. Even though we're two boys that doesn't change the fact I'm human. Just like him. My brother.

At least I don't sleep with other bitches when you 'take breaks'.

Ooooo damn.. maybe you deserve better? Not my place, I know. But still..

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

Ooooo damn.. maybe you deserve better? Not my place, I know. But still..

The bold/underlined text was at the person I was aiming it towards. It has nothing to do with my relationship. We're perfectly happy. Sorry if that was unclear ^.^

Originally Posted by Castles

The bold/underlined text was at the person I was aiming it towards. It has nothing to do with my relationship. We're perfectly happy. Sorry if that was unclear ^.^

Oh HAHA my bad. I would have known that if I had just read more of the thread. Glad your guy is not sleeping with other bitches while on break. Sorry for the person you were aiming it towards.

Anyway, my rant... uhhhh.. I hate that my montasio came out a little stinky.

That awkward moment when your former best friend who claims to "hate politics" posts an argument-inspiring comment on a political-related post... Oh man, today has been going down hill so quickly!

I can't describe this feeling, but this feeling where you start accepting the possibilities of another life, even though your ideals still try to make you afraid from being too optimistic, it kind of makes everyone you meet in your life as objects. Like you only can get so much out of these people, and even when you do that, it feels like you're just using them, especially when you don't give them the opportunity to use you back as well (in a positive way).

All the previous lovers, current crushes, etc., they just feel like something to keep my mind conformed to the typical cycle with relationships and social interaction, but nothing more. It's like I can't find any way to see these people as beings who are going to go a different path in life to hopefully find a universal truth in living and dying.

It just feels weird, it's good because it makes you value life a little bit more, but at the same time, it makes you think that it's just a process that you're forced to experience until you get the bigger picture. Kind of like a spiritual awakening, yet the conditions itself are too petty for such a big step in realization. Damn it.

I need the Triforce of Wisdom for this...

I just spent over an hour talking to my best friend (who has really just always been that "talk to" guy, never really a close friend but really my closest. Not sure if anyone understands what I mean but yeah.) And it felt awesome. I haven't talked to him in a very long time.

I think the longest we've gone without talking was about 2 years... but then we talk and it's so refreshing. My day is turning up again. (Does that count as a rave?)

BUT I DIDN'T WANT THE CONVERSATION TO END!

Had almost two hours sleep. Got home towards 5AM and did the most stupid thing - went to bed. Now I feel like a rag. Now I am to live 6 hours at work again.

I am itchy. I am allergic to penicillin. And I make mold ripened cheeses that use penicillin candidum for inoculation. That said, cheese makers say that this strain doesn't agitate those with a penicillin allergy.

I may have to beg to differ

Originally Posted by sinoblak

Had almost two hours sleep. Got home towards 5AM and did the most stupid thing - went to bed. Now I feel like a rag. Now I am to live 6 hours at work again.

That sucks, Sino! Good luck staying awake. How was the job?

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

That sucks, Sino! Good luck staying awake. How was the job?

Damn, no wonder Sinoblak has these amazing lewd dreams! I would try to induce them to tolerate the pain she must be going through :/

Relatives are over for brother's birthday
Well. Time to pretend I have something important to do other than sit there and talk (see:listen) to them.

Yesterday went well enough. I left at 1:30 and was back home by 3:30. I picked him up a cheap pack of smokes and lunch at McD's. He looked on the verge of tears as we sat eating His nerves were so shot he couldn't even eat much (though he saved it for later) The veins in his arm were bulging which confused him. He said it's a reaction to his frayed nerves or his body is so used to shooting up when stressed that his veins were responding. He followed up with "If that's the case, that's just sad man."

The cop who had picked him up was a decent guy. He asked my brother if his back hurt. Harold (bro) said no and the cop asked if he was sure Then Harold got it and said it did hurt a little. The cop cuffed his hands in front of him and let him ride up front. When all was said and done, he gave my brother a ride back to the Hotel instead of making him walk (which would have taken about 5 hours).

Now I have "his life" in my car.

I crashed early last night and I kept waking up annoyed because my upper lip was tingling as if it had gone numb Then I realized that my top blanket was rubbing it ever so faintly

Originally Posted by OldSparta

So... I got curious and tried cutting myself... Umm Ow. Why the hell would people do this willingly. That fucking hurt.
EDIT: I'm not a cutter. I'm just a curious idiot.

Yeah, I also did the same once when drunk. It just hurt, bled and left a scar. No gain what so ever >.<

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

That sucks, Sino! Good luck staying awake. How was the job?

I like this job, actually. I had to stay till late last night because my new coworkers stood me a treat, kind of welcome. Well, some of them got drunk, but it was after the clients had left, so it didn't bother me much. Uh, one of the waitresses can't breathe my air already. What made me tell her not to wear short skirts at work the first time I saw her, I don't know. But her tonsils could be seen whenever she bent a little . I cannot translate exactly what she said to me, but it would sound like, 'I don't get remarks from a jealous and selfish bitch like you.' A good revelation to hear, no doubt. I'm not sure whether she have suggested what a spiteful bitch I can be as well.

Originally Posted by sinoblak

I like this job, actually. I had to stay till late last night because my new coworkers stood me a treat, kind of welcome. Well, some of them got drunk, but it was after the clients had left, so it didn't bother me much. Uh, one of the waitresses can't breathe my air already. What made me tell her not to wear short skirts at work the first time I saw her, I don't know. But her tonsils could be seen whenever she bent a little . I cannot translate exactly what she said to me, but it would sound like, 'I don't get remarks from a jealous and selfish bitch like you.' A good revelation to hear, no doubt. I'm not sure whether she have suggested what a spiteful bitch I can be as well.

Looks like you're making friends already. XD Well I'm glad you like it.

I'm happy to hear you had fun- and at work no less

I tried napping earlier. I woke to a sound like rustling paper and lots of movement. I told the cats to settle down (they've been carrying on in the AC vents ) but then I opened my eyes and directly across from me, under a nightstand I keep the birds on, was Cuddlebug the bunny. I laughed at him, picked him up and set him back in his container.
The dog came into my room (and under my blankets) and we both went right to sleep. I dreamed Cocoa climbed into the rabbits container to use the restroom and Cuddlebug was angry and thumping. I ended up waking up and there the bunny was, at the foot of my bed this time. I picked him up and put him back and now I really do have to clean my room.
Toddlers and pets will put anything in their mouths and rabbits, especially, LOVE chewing on cords.

At 8pm I felt like lying down, so I slept, for 12 hours.

This level of depression is not something I want to keep feeling. It isn't even the comfortable depression that I used to get, in which it felt good in a way to self-pity and listen to sad music. I am alone, but I don't even care. Talking about it doesn't bring release, and all of my attempts to interact with other humans seem to result in depressing me further. My thoughts are slow and unreasonable. It is hard to find the motivation to do even things that I have to.

Liked because you mentioned the depression you said you became accustomed to.

Most of the time I'm listening to depressing music etc.

There's a study going on that depressing situations and music can help you think more deeply, but of course, it's a work in progress, at least that's what a student declared in a Seminar I took for my elective as an undergraduate for college.

I think it may be due to the fact that if it's raining for instance, since you can't go outside, you're forced to do something inside and do something engaging, otherwise we'd die of boredom.

And I find I'm not motivated to do things I need to do as well, right now I'm trying to read a Chapter for Biology, but I'm just doing a quick scanning with my finger processing the information by widening my eyes and just focusing huge chunks of data rather than killing myself reading like a slug.

I find I learn a lot more reading quickly, but I start to get lazy again :/

Zhay, I love your pets' names, especially Cuddlebug.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

At 8pm I felt like lying down, so I slept, for 12 hours.

This level of depression is not something I want to keep feeling. It isn't even the comfortable depression that I used to get, in which it felt good in a way to self-pity and listen to sad music. I am alone, but I don't even care. Talking about it doesn't bring release, and all of my attempts to interact with other humans seem to result in depressing me further. My thoughts are slow and unreasonable. It is hard to find the motivation to do even things that I have to.

That's kind of where I am right now, but not at all times. I'm noticing an odd pattern that I tend to be happy or content during the day but depressed during the night. Even during the day I still have no motivation though, nor care that I'm alone. It's a little distressing because I've lived at home with no school and no job for the past year and I still have no desire to even really get off of the couch, my friends think I'm insane for not being incredibly antsy to do something by now. Most of my friends also don't live here during the school semesters so I don't really have many people to see on a regular basis, the closest ones live about an hour away which is doable from time to time but obviously not like several times a week. I would still hang out with them all the time if I could but mainly because they're all really laid back and we don't go out and do things anyway, we'd just be sitting here doing what I do every day.

to Alyzarin and dianeva (I have this terrible habit of trying to tab complete names, stupid IRC)

Anyway a small rant. I can run on a wall, jump on/off of things, and run like hell and not touch anything I don't want to touch. But the second I get into a house, suddenly my foot thinks everything is a soccer ball. My toe is killing me, swollen and ingrown as fuck. and here I am stubbing my toe on chairs, walls, doors, and the occasional dog. Not cool

Aw, OldSparta. I stub my toes all the time too. DX

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

That's kind of where I am right now, but not at all times. I'm noticing an odd pattern that I tend to be happy or content during the day but depressed during the night.

I think it's generally easier to be happy in the day as well.

For the last few hours I've been experiencing that strange state that's half depression, half elation. The elation is due to recognising the pointlessness of everything and caring about nothing, seeing beauty in everything. This is the form that all of my periods of happiness seem to take lately. I just wish that I could summon the feeling whenever I wanted. It seems to only come about through times of extreme misery, as a way to break out of it, in a sense. I haven't even broken out of it, I'm still miserable, but it's like there's another part of my mind that's completely at peace.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

The elation is due to recognising the pointlessness of everything and caring about nothing, seeing beauty in everything. This is the form that all of my periods of happiness seem to take lately. I just wish that I could summon the feeling whenever I wanted. It seems to only come about through times of extreme misery, as a way to break out of it, in a sense. I haven't even broken out of it, I'm still miserable, but it's like there's another part of my mind that's completely at peace.

That sounds about right. One of the reasons I always say it feels like my depression is conditioned in is because I know I can experience these really happy states of mind, it's just that when the depression hits I just can't seem to remember how. And it's not really like the general theme of my sadness changes, or my happiness either for that matter, and they really seem mutually exclusive. Yet they still manage to coexist to various degrees or even push each other out of the picture when at any given time the one that's dominant seems infallible. The thought that we're such complex beings alone often contributes to both sides for me.

Anyway, I'm not really feeling depressed right now, but I'm sure I will later. In the meantime, I'm glad you're at least half elated right now. I hope you can get to feeling even better soon.