Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

An ASS. I made an ASS of myself. A stupid ass.

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

An ASS. I made an ASS of myself. A stupid ass.

The important thing is.... well, there isn't an important thing. But it made me laugh . Lol, anyway brighten up it could have been worse. Like calling a pregnant woman fat

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

Oh my god I am so fucking stupid!!!!

Somebody just punch me in the face now, please.

I just went in Main Street Market (which incidentally is my best dream sign, I should have been RCing the whole time) and I noticed two of the guys who were working there looked exactly like Walt and Walt jr from Breaking Bad. The older bald man is the owner, and it's a small family-run store that's been there forever. It's also the closest store to me and I go in there all the time. I had never seen the Walt jr looking kid before, he must have just got hired. He was working the register, and I should have been doing more RCs upon seeing the two of them standing side by side. Hell it might have stopped me from the incredibly idiotic thing I did next. Can anybody see this coming yet?

Well, as soon as he started talking, guess what? He sounded just like Walt jr! No braces or anything though. But he even talked kind of slow and had just a slight bit of a speech impediment - exactly like Walt jr.

Oh. My. God. Shoot me. Now.

I did it.

There was this silence hanging in the place, and I wanted to say something all friendly and break it, so what do I do?

I say "Wow, did I just walk into an episode of Breaking Bad or what?" (herpitty derp derp)

The deadly silence only deepens, broken only by a nervous laugh from one guy who was bagging. A few eyes flitted toward me briefly as if I had just said something incredibly stupid, but it took a moment to hit me. And then it hit me.

The guy probably looked and sounded just like Walt jr because he probably has THE SAME FUCKING CONDITION WALT JR HAS!!!!

And then as that silence drew in tight and choked the air out of the room I had to hand my credit card to the guy who looked like Walt jr and probably has the same condition Walt jr has while he carefully avoided looking at me.

I seriously wanted to disappear right then. I think it'll be a while before I go back in there.

sometimes when i do stupid things like that i say and think the same thing. 'I am the fucking most stupid dumbass ever.' And that 'i want to dissapear feeling, OH GOD I KNOW THAT FEEL ALL TO WELL T_T

You know what - I'll bet he actually hears that all the time. And it was really uncanny - standing next to the bald guy with the wire rim glasses... It was too much really. It would have been ridiculous NOT to say anything. It wouldn't have surprised me any more to see Skyler and Hank step out of the walk-in cooler any second!! Maybe it wasn't really as insulting as I thought. I think I turned beet red though.

But what if he doesnt hear it all the time?

--------------------------------

I had trouble deciding weather this should go in happy or sad thread, so sad thread it is.

I SIMPLY CANNOT WAIT FOR DARK SOULS TO COME OUT, I MUST HAVE IT RIGHT NOW! FUCKAUGFA<HJDFAJHADF

Originally Posted by Solarflare

But what if he doesnt hear it all the time?

He will. Especially standing next to the owner. It's uncanny I say.

Sorry to hear about your blunder... but the way you told it made me smile

I feel even worse today. I look like death warmed over. My eyes are extremely bloodshot and puffy as if I've been crying for house. My nose is both stopped up and runny lol (darn nostrils alternate!), bother my ears are gurgly BUT they only hurt if I stick a q-tip in it
I don't know if I have a fever yet. I went straight to the fridge for a Coke. Oh yeah, that's the other rant: a can't taste anything. Well, I guess that's a good thing when it comes to taking my cough syrup!

I need to find something to eat so I can start taking Vitamin C. It upsets my stomach for some weird reason and I can't drink OJ because of acid reflux I LOVE OJ- the more pulp the better.

I made it to the Farm last night, so that's out of the way thankfully. I managed to buy my boys a weeks worth of food for about $60. Usually, I spend $80.+ That leaves me with $20. for my daughter, her friend, and I until tomorrow night I bought smokes and gas already
But I'm too lazy and sick to go anywhere. Plus, it's been raining for 2 days now plus it's only about 40 degrees outside.

I have no motivation to do anything, not even be on the computer, which requires like 0.2 motivation.

I'm feeling rather gloomy.

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

He will. Especially standing next to the owner. It's uncanny I say.

but what if other people are smart enough not to say it

Bah. I'm feeling somewhat depressed today. Maybe my cold is just wearing on me.

I was sound asleep at 4:30 this afternoon when my cellphone rang. I wasn't about to get up, so I kept sleeping. It's so funny how my subconscious picked up on stuff like voices outside the house. I dreamed some woman was moving in with me but I was concerned about how my hubby would react. And when the lady came inside, there was dirty laundry everywhere and I was embarrassed.
Well, someone knocked persistently at my window and I finally registered my brothers voice. I tried getting dressed and put my clothes on wrong lol, then wrapped in a blanket and opened the door.

Not only was my brother outside, he had 3 other people with him. 2 of them were my childhood best friends. I haven't seen them to socialize since 1999.
My first thought, was "crap! I hope my hubby didn't see them."
My hubby has promised me he will shoot my brother if he ever sees him on the property (my brother broke into his home 6 years ago or so in search of anything for a "fix").
My second thought was "Of course they come over now when the house looks like crap."

One of the girls came to give me a hug and my dog bit her. Thankfully, Cocoa just nipped her through her jeans.
We had a nice visit, though I could tell the guy with them was extremely uncomfortable- with the mess and about being in unfamiliar territory.
They only stayed for about 30 minutes.
It struck me that none of us suggested exchanging info so we could keep in touch.

They blame my hubby for isolating me. In words, I blame my hubby for not wanting me to have friends (he's somewhat controlling). But in truth, he's only controlling because I allow him to be. I don't want to keep in touch with people. I don't want RL friends. But why the heck not? lol What's wrong with me that I'm so content being in solitary confinement within my tiny room?
It's a known and controllable environment. When me and other people mix, bad things happen. Other people have opinions and lives and I have a hard time with boundaries (hard to explain.. I don't impose myself, it's just ???)
So now I'm all mopey.

My daughter was an idiot though which keeps bringing a smile to my face. She wasn't here when I answered the door. I figured she went back to the trailer park. When the visit was over, I called her cellphone and that's where she was. She asked if I could pick her and her friend up.
I was heading out the door for food anyhow, so I did. When she and her friend got into the car, they started laughing.
Turns out, she WAS here when my brother arrived. He knocks like a cop and his voice is so gruff and foreign to her that she was afraid the State popped in for a visit. She and her friend jumped out of my daughters window and ran to the trailer park. The friend didn't even take the time to put on shoes.

Yeah, and so much for me being Mrs. Tough Mom. The friend has been staying here almost every night. I think it's a stupid rule so I have a hard time enforcing it. But I'm the adult and should know better.
Yet I know nothing (or, at least, I DO nothing )

Zhaylin, im feeling quit depressed today too. Actually this whole week really. Are you naturally prone to depression? I know you said you didnt have a good high school experience in that one thread. My depression is related to my pain pill addiction I just got over with, and I dont even remember if I ever got depression outside from drugs. I know even weed would make me depressed the next day, but I know that actually is a side effect for some people. I remember the next day after smoking weed during high school, I literally just starred at my wall for like 20 minutes because I felt so down. There's this thing called PAWS during opiates withdrawal, which stands for post acute withdrawal syndrome, and one of the symptoms is depression. I remember 2 years ago, I had gotten off opiates for the first time, and I got so depressed that I just wanted to off myself. But I actually read, that so many people get the same exact feelings, and so people have actually gone through and have killed themselves because they dont think life is going to get any better. The truth is, some people do have permanent dopamine or serotonin damage from long term opiate use. Which us usually from hard opiates like heroin. Luckily for me, I never got into heroin ( well its not really lucky). The other night was really bad. I had gotten drunk and at the end of the night I felt so down that I jus sat in my car and just started crying for soo long. Alright, that's enough talk because I sound emo. Well I guess technically I am "emotional" right now. Moral of my rant, and im sorry for the downer story, is that no one should touch opiates unless you need it for pain and get it prescribed. I got my payback though because like I mentioned before, I just found out I have arthritis in 4 if my lower vertebrae's. Alright, that's enough emotion released for the day and to dreamviews lol.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

They blame my hubby for isolating me. In words, I blame my hubby for not wanting me to have friends (he's somewhat controlling). But in truth, he's only controlling because I allow him to be. I don't want to keep in touch with people. I don't want RL friends. But why the heck not? lol What's wrong with me that I'm so content being in solitary confinement within my tiny room?
It's a known and controllable environment. When me and other people mix, bad things happen. Other people have opinions and lives and I have a hard time with boundaries (hard to explain.. I don't impose myself, it's just ???)

Written in one of my journals when I was about 20:

"The only time life makes sense is when I'm alone"

It still applies.

Originally Posted by NrElAx

Zhaylin, im feeling quit depressed today too. Actually this whole week really. Are you naturally prone to depression? I know you said you didnt have a good high school experience in that one thread. My depression is related to my pain pill addiction I just got over with, and I dont even remember if I ever got depression outside from drugs. I know even weed would make me depressed the next day, but I know that actually is a side effect for some people. I remember the next day after smoking weed during high school, I literally just starred at my wall for like 20 minutes because I felt so down. There's this thing called PAWS during opiates withdrawal, which stands for post acute withdrawal syndrome, and one of the symptoms is depression. I remember 2 years ago, I had gotten off opiates for the first time, and I got so depressed that I just wanted to off myself. But I actually read, that so many people get the same exact feelings, and so people have actually gone through and have killed themselves because they dont think life is going to get any better. The truth is, some people do have permanent dopamine or serotonin damage from long term opiate use. Which us usually from hard opiates like heroin. Luckily for me, I never got into heroin ( well its not really lucky). The other night was really bad. I had gotten drunk and at the end of the night I felt so down that I jus sat in my car and just started crying for soo long. Alright, that's enough talk because I sound emo. Well I guess technically I am "emotional" right now. Moral of my rant, and im sorry for the downer story, is that no one should touch opiates unless you need it for pain and get it prescribed.

This is very good advice. Even for non opiate addicts.
After something happens, you are going to feel down and might make some bad decisions based on those emotions. When you need to realise the emotions will pass, you'll get back to baseline and then you can make decisions, that you won't regret later (or maybe not even get the chance to regret).

Glad you're off them now mate.

[/QUOTE]I got my payback though because like I mentioned before, I just found out I have arthritis in 4 if my lower vertebrae's. Alright, that's enough emotion released for the day and to dreamviews lol.[/QUOTE]

Which, ironically you will need opiates for later in life
Depending on how bad it gets anyway.


Oh and don't feel "emo" for crying.
I once cried for like an hour straight when I was drunk. I don't even really know why.
It's like everything you've been keeping down just comes out.

I dont know how many people believe in this, but when something bad happens in my life, I like to know that something good is going to happen in the future. Almost everything has two sides to it, so that defiantly applies to good and bad. To anyone going through hard times, know that you'll get through it, and that there are good things in life and life itself is a gift and is worth to further explore and live.

I went to bed a little while ago, and as I was drifting off to sleep my mind filled in the words I struggled to find earlier. "I'm afraid to rock the boat because I'll fall in and drown." That's what being around other people is like to me.
I usually don't have problems with the sadness of depression. I get rage and self-loathing lol. Mostly, I'm just always anxious.

NRelax I'm glad you're off the stuff too. CONGRATULATIONS! But that sucks about your back
And don't feel bad about crying or about ranting here. This thread, is after all, the Rant, Rave, Cry and Complain area of DV

Dark, I am most impressed that you keep/kept a journal. That always seemed the domain of females for some reason. I used to journal all the time. I didn't meet one of my half-sisters until I was around 13 years old. After that, I started keeping a journal for her which spanned almost 5 years (it was a few journals actually lol). My ex-hubby compelled me to rip it up and dump it in a creek so the info couldn't be used against me. I had other journals back then that were destroyed too. After that :shrug: I really haven't had the heart to keep another.

My current rant is that I"m awake and it feels as though something very bad is about to happen with my stomach lol. I feel on the verge of getting VERY sick. As if I wasn't already sick enough

My parents are unbearable. My Dad came home drunk todat which wasn't too much of a problem because he was in a good mood, he was just going to have dinner and then go to sleep. My Mom just had to start a pointless argument with him though. She couldn't wait until he was sober, she just had to get into an argument while he was drunk. For fuck's sakes, what a stupid thing to do. She's done this before too, it's like she just doesn't understand that there's no point in having potentially aggravating conversations with someone who's drunk.

Anyway, I really want to move out so I won't have to put up with them any more but that'd just make things worse for them. Whenever they get into it, I usually intervene and get them to shut up. When I don't things just escalate and they go on endlessly. If I were to move out, I'd be fine but they'd just argue even more. If I stay here, I have to put up with their bullshit. The "right" thing would be to just bear with I guess but I'd much rather just go off on my own. If they don't want to grow up and start acting like adults, I don't see why I should have to stick around and babysit. The icing on the cake is the fact that their so damn clingy. They had a hard time handling it when my sister moved out and got married - even though she only moved 10 minutes away, they call her like everyday, and she visits almost every week - so chances are they'd handle this even worse since then it'd just be the two of them.

Maybe I should just give them an ultimatum or whatever; if they don't get their shit together by [insert date], I move out. Or something. Idk.

I'm probably just being paranoid but I think they're going senile too. My Mom's been taking meds for depression for a couple years and she seems to becoming increasingly forgetful (though I could just be imagining things). My Dad's also becoming paranoid and delusional but that could just be the alcohol talking since I only notice these things when he's goes on his drunken rants. Hopefully I'm just imagining things.

EDIT: Post ended up much longer than I intended, I only meant to type out a sentence or two. =/

Im sorry to hear that Gavin because it sounds shitty. That's how my family was when I was younger and my dad was drinking. Luckily, my dad realized he was a dick as a drunk and quit about 8 years ago. My mom is also on antidepressants, but she's extremely nice, and actually to nice and nieve at times. How old are you if you dont mind me asking. I hope things work out eventually and things get better. Life sucks sometimes, but shit will get better hopefully for at least yourself. Well I think you know you'll be fine. You seem like a strong mature person.

I'm 19. Yeah, life does suck sometimes.

On the bright side, I think I suddenly became bang-able over the last year and a half. In highschool, girls would hardly bat an eye in my direction but now in university, I've noticed a couple in my psych. class checking me out (or maybe I just had something stuck in my teeth and they were actually staring in disgust ) and striking up random conversations. I've no delusions of being that guy that everyone and their mother wants to fuck, but at least I'm... adequate. Like a "Oh, maybe if I was drunk enough and he needed a little cheering up" kind of thing. xD That's another point for marijuana use, I'm much more sociable and fun to be around when I've got a little buzz in me. Plus I frequently get mistaken for an Asian when I'm high - and who doesn't want to be mistaken for fOrceez a super cool Asian? - so that's another bonus.

^ I laughed
My rant for the day is that while i was taking a nap, my dog wanted to bark for 20 minutes and no one in my household bothered trying to stop him or divert his attention to something.

Originally Posted by fOrceez

^ I laughed
My rant for the day is that while i was taking a nap, my dog wanted to bark for 20 minutes and no one in my household bothered trying to stop him or divert his attention to something.

Speaking of dogs... My mom and I went for a walk with my dog a few months back. We ended up going to an ice cream store, so my mom tied the dog up to a plastic chair outside... Damn dog never listens, so he ends up taking off down the street. For twenty blocks we chase the thing with the plastic chair dragging behind him. xD

Just finished the second school group project this year where, well, my "group" didn't give me one word towards the final presentation. One member of the group was away half the week but they could've contributed before then, and as for the other person... They just continuously ducked my calls and emails. Fuck this.

^ i hate it when people do that, just leave you to do all the work.

I know, right? The entire project had a collaborative essay component, along with a 10-15 minute presentation.

"Let's leave it all to Puffin, and see how she fares..."

At least one of the people in my group sucks at reading off a powerpoint unless they've seen it before hand, or know what they're talking about. That will give me a bit of satisfaction. I put a lot of big words in it too, most of which they don't even know. o3o