Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Annoyingly, of late I have some really decent recall for the first few moments of waking up, but I think my sleep has been even more crap than usual lately - we need to do something about our bed - so I haven't really been able to write down the recall because I'm too tired and other thoughts just flood in and make me want to ignore the recall. Plus, I should make some time for catching up on updating my DJ here...

On the other hand, other things have been going kind of fine, so maybe now just isn't the time to focus on dreaming anyway. Well, not until we get the bed sorted anyway. :P

Rant: They demoted my boss who liked me to the same rank as me and gave the lead position to my co-worker who really does not like me. This makes me fearful for my future with the company.
Rave: Just over a week until they will do surgery to replace my ACL which got snapped in half while grappling. I have been trying to do Kung Fu but it is not easy with my right knee completely unstable. It will take a full year before I am allowed to pivot on the knee, but after that it should be as good as my other knee.

Ughh, walked into a trap today at work.

A lady from the district showed up to observe me and another teacher (with our new co-teachers). Why? We spoke up during a training last year. Even my ESE boss spoke up too, on our behalf, about the impracticality of the models they wanted us to use along with no planning time to plan it out, and an excessive amount of ESE paperwork due to Covid. Their models are the usual stuff they give which looks good on paper, but not based in reality in the classroom unless you teach amazing perfect kids. The lady wasn't too pleased that we spoke up. She actually suggested we planned with our co-teachers on the phone together while driving to work, or stayed after hours.

So, it went great today, except, we weren't using their models. I used an embellished assist model - they don't like that model, but I tried. I wanted to use their models (for the show, anyway). Problem is, the lesson got changed last minute last night, so I was going in blind (that's normal, but today is a bad day for that). Also, my co-teacher is new to co-teaching, and it is her room, her class first and foremost. She does the planning for it. I have to respect that and follow her lead. So it basically it was her teaching, and me awkwardly standing next to her hoping she would pass the reigns a bit, as we had talked about, (she didn't) and me trying to cut in (ugh) without interrupting her too much (maybe I should have? I probably could have done it in a way that didn't come off as rude). But we did do a good job with both of us assisting the kids. I know they want to see both of us actively teaching, rather than just her teaching, and me assisting the kids (which is normal).

This district lady isn't too fond of me, I suspect, so I don't expect anything good to come from this. In fact, when she left, she thanked my co-teacher twice. She didn't make eye contact with me. Didn't smile. I don't know how I did, although I thought things went well (outside of using the wrong model). She'll talk to admin (my bosses), and I guess someone will tell me?

Good thing is, I feel like I just don't care. I'll swallow my pride, and jump whatever hoops I have to until she leaves me alone. Honestly, I work too hard for this crap. And admin knows that. They already know I'm a good teacher so I hope I don't have to worry about her messing with my reputation.

Had a bad night last night. I have a bad earache. Not in the greatest mood.

Sleep Schedule is crap. I've *NEVER* been able to get a handle on this. I think that about all else is and has been holding back my dreaming practice. Tearing myself away from the computer is difficult.

I've fallen back to arguing with idiots on FB, despite that it is like teaching a pig to sing ("...It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig" -- Mark Twain). This despite the fact that I KNOW that it aggravates me, raises my blood pressure, and leaves my mind like a hornet's nest whacked with a stick, which is just what you DO NOT want prior to lying down to sleep.

The art of argument is long lost. "Argument" online is just a perpetual screaming match, full of logical fallacies: moving the goalposts, strawman, reducto ad abdsurdum, the list does on and on. It seems nobody is capable of actually producing a single coherent, logical train of thought.

Our government has made a fabulous mess of the pandemic. All hope has been placed on vaccines that are more dangerous to take than is claimed, but by exactly how much, and for whom, it is impossible to say because adverse event reporting is a joke. All the other critical approaches like: high quality ventilation, rapid/cheap antigen contagiousness testing, Government agency and social media are shutting down discussion of any other prevention or protocols that can be taken with or without the shots (e.g., FLCCC, google them).

Rant: My surgery is on Tuesday. They will remove my snapped knee ligament and place a piece of cadaver tendon where they want a new one to grow. I will be basically crippled for many months and that makes me anxious and a bit fearful.
Rave: I have been on a strict eating regiment for a couple months. I must not be at a calorie deficit while unable to work out, and must build back up my glycogen (stored sugar reserve) before the surgery. I just ate 4 slices of pizza and 2 squares of brownie! It tasted really good. I will eat about 3200 calories a day for 3 days and then figure out the correct amount to eat while bed ridden. Anyways, I get to eat lots compared to my last 2 months, so that is a big plus!

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Originally Posted by MoonageDaydream

Ughh, walked into a trap today at work.

A lady from the district showed up to observe me and another teacher (with our new co-teachers). Why? We spoke up during a training last year. Even my ESE boss spoke up too, on our behalf, about the impracticality of the models they wanted us to use along with no planning time to plan it out, and an excessive amount of ESE paperwork due to Covid. Their models are the usual stuff they give which looks good on paper, but not based in reality in the classroom unless you teach amazing perfect kids. The lady wasn't too pleased that we spoke up. She actually suggested we planned with our co-teachers on the phone together while driving to work, or stayed after hours.

So, it went great today, except, we weren't using their models. I used an embellished assist model - they don't like that model, but I tried. I wanted to use their models (for the show, anyway). Problem is, the lesson got changed last minute last night, so I was going in blind (that's normal, but today is a bad day for that). Also, my co-teacher is new to co-teaching, and it is her room, her class first and foremost. She does the planning for it. I have to respect that and follow her lead. So it basically it was her teaching, and me awkwardly standing next to her hoping she would pass the reigns a bit, as we had talked about, (she didn't) and me trying to cut in (ugh) without interrupting her too much (maybe I should have? I probably could have done it in a way that didn't come off as rude). But we did do a good job with both of us assisting the kids. I know they want to see both of us actively teaching, rather than just her teaching, and me assisting the kids (which is normal).

This district lady isn't too fond of me, I suspect, so I don't expect anything good to come from this. In fact, when she left, she thanked my co-teacher twice. She didn't make eye contact with me. Didn't smile. I don't know how I did, although I thought things went well (outside of using the wrong model). She'll talk to admin (my bosses), and I guess someone will tell me?

Good thing is, I feel like I just don't care. I'll swallow my pride, and jump whatever hoops I have to until she leaves me alone. Honestly, I work too hard for this crap. And admin knows that. They already know I'm a good teacher so I hope I don't have to worry about her messing with my reputation.

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Bad luck Moonage - all part of the corporate/public sector unfortunately.
These types of people need to justify their importance - don't pay it any mind

Rave:
Two lucid dreams in two nights! It's a miracle! Even wrote them down in my dream journal which I hadn't touched in months.
Meditation before bed really seems to increase the odds of a lucidity

Work is really starting to pile up. Had to stay late today... so tired. Graded a million papers.

On the plus side, my students really liked their lab last Friday. They raved about it today ("Miss! When are we doing out next lab? That last one was so cool!") and took pictures of themselves with their finished products. :) Their groups had graduated cylinders, and 7 different liquids to organize by density in their cylinders - they guessed on the order. If done correctly, it makes a beautiful "density column" and the liquids stack on top of each other without mixing. I add food coloring to some so it looks like a rainbow. They use dish soap, water, rubbing alcohol, mineral oil, vegetable oil, syrup and honey. They learn about density and measuring, but mainly, it's to teach them the scientific method. :)

Sad. Had a bad day today, well, at least for a portion of it.

I was talking with one of my co-teachers from last year at lunch. She's a very young, brand new teacher. I was her only and first support teacher. This year, she has a new guy as her co-teacher, a man who previously was a sub. He's not a science teacher, nor does he have any ese experience. My friend Dan said his first interaction with this guy was him showing up 15 minutes late and coming in announcing "Sorry I'm late, I had to take a shit."

Anyway.. I started talking to her about co-teaching stuff, and she quickly said "I'm just happy because my new co-teacher actually takes initiative. No more having to give directions to my co-teacher." Ouch. I just said "Awesome. Bye!" and walked away. I did not know how to respond to that...

A couple weeks ago she said to me, after I said "I miss co-teaching with you!" she says.. "I'm actually a lot happier with my new co-teacher because he shows up everyday." I thought this was rude thing to say, but I always believe in giving people a little wiggle room. I feel like sometimes people say things or word things in ways they don't mean.. but after today's comments too, I realize this lady is not my friend.

In my defense, I couldn't show up every day last year. I shared the period with another teacher and classroom. I also had a mountain of paperwork constantly. I did the best I could. And my intentions with people are always good. I certainly didn't try to not have initiative.. I'm just not able to read her mind. I also know that one thing I should NOT do is try to take over someone else's classroom or talk over them, etc. I always err on side of respect with my co-workers. I feel really sad that she felt that I didn't meet expectations, but I also think if I had "taken more initiative" she would have felt disrespected. Unfortunately, I think she's in for an awakening with the new guy when he starts having to write IEPs and stuff, too.

I think the best way to handle this is to gently ask her why she felt that way, and approach her with love. I'm not going to be spiteful. I'm going to try to understand her, and say something like "I'm sorry that you felt that way. It certainly wasn't my intention. I hope we can have a better working relationship in the future."

I will say this, though. It's not uncommon (in my experience) for women to hate on other women. It's happened to me so many times in my life, I can't even count. And.. this explains now why I've had so many bad dreams with this co-teacher in it...

That was sad to read, I feel like she really could have been more respectful... :( I am not a teacher or anything but I would absolutely have been the same as you with regards to behaviour; I would let the other person be in their role of leadership and actually let them lead, trying not to step over their toes, etc. Normally I only take initiatives in that sort of situation if I'm absolutely sure it's a good idea but a lot of times, I feel it's a bit like you suggest it could have been, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't...

Anyway, not being spiteful is probably better since it also lets you walk away from it more calmly one way or the other. I hope you feel better tomorrow, anyway.

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Originally Posted by DarkestDarkness

That was sad to read, I feel like she really could have been more respectful... :( I am not a teacher or anything but I would absolutely have been the same as you with regards to behaviour; I would let the other person be in their role of leadership and actually let them lead, trying not to step over their toes, etc. Normally I only take initiatives in that sort of situation if I'm absolutely sure it's a good idea but a lot of times, I feel it's a bit like you suggest it could have been, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't...

Anyway, not being spiteful is probably better since it also lets you walk away from it more calmly one way or the other. I hope you feel better tomorrow, anyway.

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Thank you Dark. It makes me feel better to have friends that are understanding. :)

Today while I was getting ready to leave one of my other co-teachers classrooms, she was staring at me. I decided best thing to do is not make eye contact, be engaged with with what I am doing (talking with Ms. Y.), and be unaffected. If she makes another comment I will question compassionately, but otherwise I think it's best to just avoid without being rude or anything. Keep contact minimal and professional. I think this because I think she was looking for a reaction from me, and I am not going to go there. Nor am I going to grovel and apologize when I shouldn't. Not that I don't care, I do, but I think this is more an issue with her expectations combined with poor communication than my performance as a co-teacher.

I feel a lot better. :)

Little stressed. Today at work I found out I have to write an emergency IEP, with only 3 days to get data back from the teachers, and also with the parent's attorney present. Never met the kid, she's not on my caseload. She's on someone else's caseload. I guess it's a compliment my boss is handing it to me?

Moral of the story: Good work leads to ... more work. :|

Knee is healing very fast. I am back at work and weeks ahead of the PT schedule.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MoonageDaydream

Little stressed. Today at work I found out I have to write an emergency IEP, with only 3 days to get data back from the teachers, and also with the parent's attorney present. Never met the kid, she's not on my caseload. She's on someone else's caseload. I guess it's a compliment my boss is handing it to me?

Moral of the story: Good work leads to ... more work. :|

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It's things like this that make me realise/feel that this is why some people are "lazy" or "inefficient" when they can clearly do a better job. You basically get punished for being good at something by having more put on your plate (even if the only issue caused is stress).

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Unrelated to the above.
There just aren't enough hours... :roll: :bang:

Rant: Lost my voice, I have a bad headache. I think I'm just coming down with a cold. I hope it's not a Cold! Or anything else. *Dies* :(


Rave: I had a lucid last night. :) So, I took some of the Lion's main and dried it. Then put it in the freezer... We made some soup out of it. We also fried it in a pan. It's great cooked. :)

Rant: I started a new DJ today. It is super pretty, bound in leather, decorated with embossed design and a moonstone, handmade, fancy textured paper. BUT the lines are super small and the paper is hard to write on. I don't really like writing in it. And it is very thick, so I will be stuck with it for at least four months.

Not feeling too good. I think I have a cold. :( Want to take tomorrow off, but it's too late to get a sub. And, I have an IEP meeting. Ugh :(

If I still feel bad tomorrow I will take Tuesday off and get another covid test.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MoonageDaydream

Not feeling too good. I think I have a cold. :( Want to take tomorrow off, but it's too late to get a sub. And, I have an IEP meeting. Ugh :(

If I still feel bad tomorrow I will take Tuesday off and get another covid test.

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Covid negative. Whew!

Although last night was rough and I felt feverish, I am happy to be home today. :)

Edit:

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Originally Posted by Sivason

- Practice with allomancy (like in the Mistborn series) .. see if you can do iron pulls, steel pushes, tin enhanced senses.. etc. Use coins to travel with your allomancy. (MoonageDaydream)

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Hey Sivason, you've read Mistborn as well? What did you think of it?

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Originally Posted by MoonageDaydream

Covid negative. Whew!

Although last night was rough and I felt feverish, I am happy to be home today. :)

Edit:



Hey Sivason, you've read Mistborn as well? What did you think of it?

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I think Mistborn is one of the best series I have ever read! Brandon Sanderson is amazing, and all of his stuff blows me away. I say that but must specify that book 4 of The Storm Light Archives was boring and drug on and on. I strongly belive he farmed out the work to at least one other person. I think he gave a staff of writers the story out line and developed the book that way. Total disappointment. With that said the first 3 books of that series are totally amazing too.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sivason

I think Mistborn is one of the best series I have ever read! Brandon Sanderson is amazing, and all of his stuff blows me away. I say that but must specify that book 4 of The Storm Light Archives was boring and drug on and on. I strongly belive he farmed out the work to at least one other person. I think he gave a staff of writers the story out line and developed the book that way. Total disappointment. With that said the first 3 books of that series are totally amazing too.

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Mistborn is pretty cool, I've read the first two books. Will read the 3rd book next year sometime. Right now, I am completely in love with the Stormlight Archive. I'm on book 2 (Words of Radiance), and almost finished with it (which is saying something because it's over 48 hours long).

I sure hope Sanderson wouldn't do as you suggested. Just from reading his books, I have a hard time imagining him NOT having a strong value system. I don't think it's his way to do something like that. Robert Jordan, on the other hand, I swear I think his wife wrote some of the later WoT books. They went from great fantasy adventure stories to mediocre romance novels with extra drama and bickering thrown in for good measure.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MoonageDaydream

Mistborn is pretty cool, I've read the first two books. Will read the 3rd book next year sometime. Right now, I am completely in love with the Stormlight Archive. I'm on book 2 (Words of Radiance), and almost finished with it (which is saying something because it's over 48 hours long).

I sure hope Sanderson wouldn't do as you suggested. Just from reading his books, I have a hard time imagining him NOT having a strong value system. I don't think it's his way to do something like that. Robert Jordan, on the other hand, I swear I think his wife wrote some of the later WoT books. They went from great fantasy adventure stories to mediocre romance novels with extra drama and bickering thrown in for good measure.

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Oddly enough it was Brandon Sanderson who wrote the last 3 Robert Jorden books! it was the same exact scheme I suspect on book 4. Jorden sat down with Sanderson and they hashed out how Jorden wanted it written, plot points and the ending, but all of the writing style was Sanderson. Funny, that is how I found Sanderson, as I was amazed at how much deeper and exciting the last three books turned out.
So he has worked writing some elses stories and understands the idea. He must churn out thousands of pages. I think he wrote every section about Stormblessed, but had someone else write the sections with Shelon and other female leads. Maybe he thought it would contrast nicely, but me and a co-worker were both very let down.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sivason

Oddly enough it was Brandon Sanderson who wrote the last 3 Robert Jorden books! it was the same exact scheme I suspect on book 4. Jorden sat down with Sanderson and they hashed out how Jorden wanted it written, plot points and the ending, but all of the writing style was Sanderson. Funny, that is how I found Sanderson, as I was amazed at how much deeper and exciting the last three books turned out.
So he has worked writing some elses stories and understands the idea. He must churn out thousands of pages. I think he wrote every section about Stormblessed, but had someone else write the sections with Shelon and other female leads. Maybe he thought it would contrast nicely, but me and a co-worker were both very let down.

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Yeah, I am aware that Sanderson wrote the last 3 books of the WoT, which, according to GoodReads ratings, rate much higher than the previous few books before them. I am talking about books 6, 7, 8, 9.... you know. The really really bad ones. Which is sad since books 1-5 of the WoT were AMAZING (at least, I think so!).

The only reason I'm trudging through these middle books is to get to Sanderson's finale. :)

So the other day I sprained my wrist but, I'm on the mend.

My ESE boss quit (she got a job elsewhere that will pay her double what she is currently making). Me and my work buddy were shocked. Not sure how this is going to impact us with running meetings, etc. And who our next boss will be.. Kind of happy (she wasn't an easy boss...), kind of scared.