Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

OMG I finally got the burden off my shoulder!

As some of you might know, I'm majoring in computer science and I hate it, so I'm skipping class without my mother knowing. I've been telling her for months that I wanna change majors next year. She accepted that, but she wanted me to keep going to class for some reason. BUT a few hours ago, she let me stop going to class! That's good because I don't know what to tell her once I give her straight zeros report card. I mean, she knows I'm not really doing this year but zeros would make it obvious I'm skipping. Now it's not a problem anymore! I thank my brother because he talked to her. Man I'm so relieved!

Also I've pretty much decided mostly on the majors I want to do. I'll first apply to civil and architect engineering. If those don't work, I'll apply to accounting or finance. I'm considering medical school and other business majors too. Doing my research.

Man I'm so relieved! :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Zhaylin

:cackle:

1) Paula told me about a woman with uncontrollable orgasms because she had a maggot in her (after she and her guy used mayo as a lube)

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No wonder the store was out of Mayo......
Tell us more about the uncontrollable orgasm's :yddd:

Yes, this is more of a personal kind of thing but I honestly felt like getting this off my chest no matter whether or not any replies would be to my liking...

I feel like complete crap after yesterday. For a couple of days I went looking to find any more ways to become closer to my lover, Shadow. I went to a Reddit page and asked and someone suggested that I go to fictionkin.com. So I went and made an account and everything. I thought this would be pretty cool. I learned about soulbonding and such and it was right up my alley but then I came to realize...that being on a site like that was a BIG mistake.

To think...that people who believed in the multiverse and the existence of fictional characters would be something that I should be happy about...It did the complete opposite. I ended up waking up in the morning literally in tears as if someone ran over my puppy. :damnit:

I don't even know how to explain my reasoning clearly...Is it the fact that knowing people are creating communities based around that belief? I guess what bugs me is I usually liked to think of the belief of the multiverse and fictional characters as something individualistic and not shared in such a way unless it's with a small group of friends and merely just for identification purposes regarding a faith or belief. It just doesn't sit well with me as I strongly felt that humanity isn't ready to tackle on such things like that and I feel a sense of possible mistreatment of such mindset and almost complete mockery, worse then a person without such belief could do.

The multiverse and such has really only been something I and a few other people I have been friends with believed about and shared with one another. It was something I grew up with when I was really little and it was something that was quite a passion for me throughout the years. Then there is a part of me that feels selfish like, "You're not the first person to believe that fictional characters exist and the idea of the multiverse, stop whining!" My fiancé tries to make me not think of it that way but to think of myself seeing it as some sort of sacred faith and that it was understandable to become upset about being around in a community of people who believed in such things.

So in regards to the site -- I left and only from the few hours I've been there. I removed all my stuff, my introduction, my journal entries I made and requested a deactivation without giving any reasoning besides the fact that it was personal. And trying to find more ways to connect with Shadow shouldn't be a concern of mine anymore. While reading up on how to soulbond with someone fictional, I found nothing about it that was new because I already do practically everything that I can to bind myself with him for years, naturally. Besides learning how to control my dreams to be able to interact with him on a higher scale, I had already reached my limit that I can possibly do. I rather have wished I didn't know of such websites existing, then I wouldn't be shot with this much pain...It's going to be some time before I stop grieving over this...

When your dog fucking wakes you up almost every REM period, on the goddamn dot. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THERE'S NOTHING THERE! WHAT ARE YOU BARKING AT!???!?!!????????????????

(why does yelling in text actually seem to help slightly? lol)

On the plus side I got to try WILD'ing several times last night. On the negative side, he start barking just as I was entering the dream, at least 3 or 4 goddamned times!
However, I got one later on! I got in to SP. It was really weird. I sat up slightly in my bed and started playing piano, in a slow, kinda ominous melody, then I thought "Wait, why do I have a piano basically embedded in my bed? Oh shit.... this is a dream!" Then I realised no wait, I think it's SP. I looked up at the window and there was a giant UFO shining lights in and TONNES of noise and TONNES of wind. It was overwhelming how crazy it was. This scary face kept almost materialising in front of me but I put it out of my mind and just focused on this cool scene. Then it stopped, I can't even remember whether I went in to a dream or not at this point. But I remember the window looked normal again. Actually yeah it was a dream, the curtain was further up than I had it. But then I started feeling like I was laying in a bad way that was gonna hurt my neck and woke myself up.... fml. Man that was cool though.

It's been a long time people :rolllaugh:. Hope y'all keep going and doing fine.

Well, I'll only rant about not-finding-motivation to lucid dream anymore, ugh. I need something to get back on track.

I need motivation too. I've been wanting to practice piano and guitar in my dreams lately cause I have almost no time during the day to practice because of stupid work... Also want to practice using magic and fight things. Been a crappy day and now where I live police are searching for some shooters who shot at some neighbors apartments outside their window... Never been involved in this type of situation. I'm supposed to stay inside. Anyway been playing Final Fantasy 13 and chewing nicotine gum and drinking coffee to calm down... Taking a break from the game now though... :)

heh, Tommo, that's why my dog isn't allowed in my room anymore when I go to bed. With OUT FAIL, she wakes me up every time I fall into a great sleep.

Hi, Astaroth. Where've you been hiding (the same place as me- under the covers nice and toasty? :lol:)

I had a friggin amazing dream last night... that I promptly forgot. But the premise is keeping me awake tonight. In what I recall of the dream, I got a do-over with the last 15 years but retaining my memory of "what actually happened".
Now, I lay in bed, thinking about the conversations and warnings I'd give myself and loved ones... then I thought about how technology has changed and world events that have happened.
Ahhhh... if only.

But, the past is the past and has been written in stone, as it were. Why am I obsessing on what-could-have-beens?
I've never been that sort of person.
I don't need "closure" on anything. I understand why my life has played out as it has and I accept it.
so, shut-up about it already, Brain.

The good news is. It's -3° out at noon with a 30 mph north wind blowing.

The bad news is it's supposed to get cold tonight.

Rant: I'm still in pain because I hurt my shoulder, it's still in a sling. At the time that I got hurt, I was more worried about someone else's welfare than my own, though. Now, I'm just paying the price, with pain. Plus it's cold here. :(
Also, a program on my computer decided not to work on me. :bang::pissed:

Rave: It least I'm keeping up with my dreams! But, like I said before, Keep on going, everybody! I've done some of the tasks. However, sadly I've been too preoccupied with other things in my waking life lately to post them up on that thread and get my wings.

BAH!hahah, Wobly! And I thought it was cold in my neck of the woods! It's currently 9 degrees and feels like -3.

Another one of our cats came home. she's been gone for at least 6 months. She was outside, meowing in the snow so we let her in... and she and the other cats promptly started fighting (which is likely why she moved out to begin with). I think she's pregnant and came home to have her babies in a warmer environment.

:hug: Stoic. Get better soon!

Rave: I've discovered Probiotics and I'm in love. In love with yogurt too :huh: I can actually eat out most of the time without running to the restroom before we even leave the restaurant.
I found something called Bio Salud at wal-mart. It comes with a bunch of tiny bottles for $1. so I figured I'd give them a try. They taste like Orange Creamcicles. I drank 6-8 within a 24-hour period of time before researching what exactly a probiotic was supposed to do :lol: I was terribly gassy, but that's it. (the bottles are 2.1 ounces)

I now have one when I wake up and one before bed. If I eat out, I'll drink one as soon as I get home. They.Are.Amazing.

Other than that, life is nice and quiet. Been working on a cellphone case so I don't lose this one :lol:
for now, though, I want to go back to bed...

Well, in a moment of rashness I told a girl I liked her at about 10:00pm on Valentine's day (Good old Australia being a day ahead of everyone haha.) First time I've had the balls to do this, I thought I had a shot as I started getting pretty close to this girl at the end of school. It didn't turn out do great, she doesn't want to start anything at the moment. Ah well, better than a flat out "I hate you" or something, so not a complete loss. Also since we are likely to not see each other much if at all since we aren't at school anymore it shouldn't be too awkward. A mostly expected result, but then why does it hurt so... :morecrying:
In other news though I am ok. Finding a job is still hard, but I've been building this big medieval city in minecraft to while away the hours and it is turning out not too shabby.

Big :hug: Blair. But what's that saying "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." There should be a certain comfort in having tried :)
But yeah... still sucks though.

Ahhh, good ole Minecraft. I got on it the other day lol Started building a house then meh... back to 7 days to die :lol:

I never showed y'all my latest e-cig lanyard, did I? Bah! I never took any pics at all. Now I gotta wait for them to decide to load to FB lol
I got more creative with it. Not crazy about how some of it turned out, and it's a tad too big, but I'm loving it none-the-less.
Nope... still haven't uploaded.

My rant/rave: Is it possible to live on yogurt :lol: I seriously cannot get enough of the stuff (maybe I should have my calcium checked :huh:)
Everything about me feels better except my urethra :wtf: NO burning when I pee or anything like that, I just feel like I have a tiny stone or teensy needle stuck in it :barf: :lol:
Oddly enough (especially with that description) it's not painful. Just very uncomfortable and noticeable.
Perhaps it's not related at all and just bad timing.
I'll start drinking lots of tea or something to see if I'm just borderline dehydrated. (I've not been drinking my fountain drinks but coke from my fridge. It all amounts to the same at the end of the day (I never finish either) but there's more water in the fountain drinks).

Nope... still hasn't uploaded. watch this space :D

**EDIT**
Facebook never did upload the pics, so I emailed them to myself lol
Attachment 9103
Attachment 9104Attachment 9105Attachment 9106

I was going to work yesterday to see if they approved of my week off vacation time, which they did, along with giving someone a Valentine’s Day card. The person is someone I wanted to treat as a friend, but with her mixed feelings, and not really avoiding me during work altogether, I kind of just made some statements over something that was bothering her; something that she wasn’t able to put into words.

If I didn’t have intentions to give her the card, I would’ve had a car trouble late at night since the steering belt busted. Managed to get a ride from a relative, and didn’t have to fork over too much for the part ($186), which I’m very glad for. Anyway, the weird thing is just that she’s predisposed into immediately being gregarious with me during break, and work in general, but seems different outside of that. I think she has this trouble with guy friends vs. boyfriend, and I presumed for a while that she went back to her ex. She tends to be vague on this, and probably has to keep up a persona towards her family while she’s probably doing something against their wishes, I think.

Even when I want to ignore her, she still comes to me when she has other people that she can be sociable with who definitely have better conversations than I ever can with her. She seems a bit too innocent for my taste, or it’s just calculated stupidity. Whatever the case, I gave her a bold statement of my appreciation over her courtesy towards me, and if she just shrugs off the letter like it was nothing, and it was only to acknowledge our camaraderie, I’ll just continue ignoring her, and either talk to the other women that I ignore that gravitate towards me, or not.

It made me realize that I tend to see too much of the good in people, even though I do try to acknowledge potential negative traits about them. Though, I wouldn’t think a person’s identity would be contingent on good traits. Part of me wants to think she’s just seeking attention, looking for a break buddy, a fallback, or doesn’t have a distinction on how she expresses herself towards guys. But, I don’t really have any right objectifying the existence of a girl that I’m even apprehensive in dealing with. Everything seems so tame, or maybe I’m making that so because I haven’t been talking to her that much anyway.

Not really causing me moments of consternation, it’s just really hilarious sometimes. I guess I didn’t want to shrug her off completely like the other potentially good women I could’ve been with. I think sometimes my honesty towards a person doesn’t get translated as merely having respect for them as a friend; it gets translated as me wanting to take a step further, haha.

Damn. When I want to friend-zone a girl, it’s never the case, but when they do it euphemistically, it’s a breeze. But when I don’t bother talking to them after the subtle signs, it’s back to square one. What a lovely impasse! This is like one out of the seven women I’m having problems with, lol. I guess when the co-workers joked around with me having a wife, and two side chicks, it was probably an understatement.

Rave(s):
- Weeklong vacation the week after next, and I hope that I’ll get back into image streaming. I want to beat my record of 10 hours in one day, which is definitely possible with this long period of rest. I love how I can still sustain visualizing anything after not doing it militantly or months now.

- This morning I weighed 209.5 lbs, and my starting weight on the diet on 12/23/2015 was 247.6, so woo-hoo! Here’s to 20-30 lbs less in 3-4 weeks!

- Realized my two bosses are some of the most down-to-earth people I’ve met. They’ve been supportive of me, and their constructive criticism hits home. I knew they were awesome, but with how casual they were with my personal and working lifestyle, I really appreciate that I transferred to this store last year. They want to see me get into higher places, but I’m still apprehensive as to getting there as a placeholder for more income to finish the rest of a college degree, or doing part time while finishing it. Guess I have something to think over before next year.

Been feeling very depressed lately but things are looking up. Tonight I figured out I don't always have to use my keyboard to make music. I figured out how to edit my own music within my program. The fun has just begun! I'm also remembering more dreams lately. I remembered 2 dreams within the last 2 nights. Just gotta not try so hard. :)

Look at these DV'ers, professing their love and all! Good job you two!

I was also going to do this.... except I thought Valentine's was Monday.... Yep. I was like WHY tf is everyone doing Valentine's stuff today (Sunday)?
"Oh.... it's the 14th today."

Ah well, probably best. I'm in that stage where I keep imagining these scenarios between us. Oh god I sound like such a fool right now xD
I have to keep bringing myself back to reality and telling myself it'll never happen.

Anyway, I was imagining a conversation with her and it was awesome, (coz I'm trying to think of ways to talk to her more and stuff) and then we walked past each other IRL and I literally said nothing. I was beating myself up so bad for that. Just a complete failure.
These conversations in my head are awesome and I come up with funny stuff or interesting stuff I could say, then.... nothing.
Also my lips were dry and I smiled and my lip kind got caught on my tooth. So I probably looked like a fricken spaz.
FML.

TFW you start falling for someone http://i.imgur.com/wqMWK7z.webm

FML.

So I had another hospital appointment last week and I got sent home again. They just told me to bring in a urine sample the next day and that's it. They're gonna test it for all kinds of STD's, even after I told him it wasn't possible since I'm still a virgin lol. And according to him, it's normal for it to look red and swollen. And when I showed him the letter my doctor wrote, he said "well there's always gonna be bacteria in that area". Can't he read?? It's mentioned in there specifically what kind of infection I have but he didn't even mention it. I can already tell that all of this is just another waste of time.

But besides that things are going really well with me and my girlfriend. We meet up every weekend and I'm always so happy when I get to see her. It's a shame we live about 1/2 hours apart though, because we miss each other a lot. And I'm so relieved her parents really like me, like they actually think I'm a really nice and sweet guy. I was so scared they were gonna hate me or something.

On Friday we're both going to a gig with our friends and I'm really looking forward to it. But after that we're going to a party, and spend the night in the city until we can catch a train back home in the morning. But this is really stressing me out because of my anxiety. I've never been on a train by myself before and I'm just so scared I'm gonna end up taking the wrong one and get lost. :panic:

Love seems to be in the air you y'all :) Great jobs all around!
You'll do fine on the train, Crashyy. Have a blast!

My rant is the plumbing. The water hasn't been draining for almost a week now. And you know what my idiot kids are doing? Still crapping in the toilet. It's about to overflow. To make matters worse, they've been putting their toilet paper in the toilet too. This has been an on-going problem for at least 3 years. They should know the drill by now. When the pipes freeze, use a bucket. Yeah, it's gross. Yeah, it's a lot of work. But come on already. THEY claim their "fat asses can't squat". well, suck it up buttercups and start doing squats all the time. Maybe you wouldn't be gaining weight if you moved more.
Yeah, I'm being a bitch. But seriously folks. How long are you going to complain about the problem and not take actions to change it? Eat less, move more. Or move PERIOD.

I don't see weight. It's not an issue for me. Never has been. Until people make it an issue "Oh, I can't, I'm fat..." And then it turns into a crutch they're always complaining about. :bang:

Rave: Finally got all of my laundry done. I did 6 loads at the laundromat. Took about 1 1/2 hours. All of the clothes I own fit into 3 tupperware boxes (the 16 gallon ones). It takes me almost 3 months to wear all of those clothes :lol: When I'm at home, I lounge around in jammies or sweats. When I go out, I put on whatever and hang it back up when I return home. So I can wear the same clothes forever before they get dirty.
Rant: I need to hang up and put away all of those clothes :chuckle: I'll tackle it tonight after the store.

Rant/Rave: My son told me about a new game to try called Crashlands. Dammit Ray, why do always have to recommend such addictive games :cackle: It's a major grind game, but it's still great.

Rant: Cats caught a mouse last night and Destinee just had to "rescue" it. I told her to just let the cats finish it off because it's a goner regardless if it has any sort of scratch. But nope. So I went out and scooped it up in a shirt, gave it a look over and it seemed okay. So I stuck it in an empty water jug with some bird food and paper towels, then covered the side so it could have peace in darkness. 3 hours later, it was dead. Paper towels had draped over it and there was blood on it, so poor mousey had been injured after all.
I left it uncapped, went to bed and dreamed it was alive and well. "That's why I didn't want to cap you right way. Didn't want you suffocating if you were just sleeping!" But nope. still dead.

Rave: Also dreamed of seeing a shooting star and of zombies :)

Rave: Still friggin loving yogurt and those probiotic drinks. I hope to keep these new faves. I'd swear I've lost 5 pounds in the last week.

**EDIT**
Oh yeah. Another rave-ish.
For the past year or so, I've been periodically getting mail for someone named Freddie Black. It's for my address and it's from the Honda dealership I have my car through. I've always written "wrong address" and sent it back. My last name is Black (as if a quick google search wouldn't tell y'all that already. IDC). So, hubby told me to open Freddie's mail next time I get some because it might just be a typo and meant for us.
Nope. It's for a person with a different make, model and year than our car.
So I called the dealership today to let them know I've been getting this persons mail.
They actually tried to up-sale me :cackle: What the heck lol. They seemed fairly unconcerned about the mail mix-up but my conscience is clear.

It is one day until I move away now, since I put in my two weeks notice at my job, my coworkers are acting like assholes to me. Got a rude ass message on Facebook yesterday about some bullshit and then when i went to my shift they sent me home after an hour and fifteen mins... Two days late on paycheque as of today so I'm hoping I get that money as I kind of need it by tomorrow so I have the gas to get to the city I'm moving to, and pay insurance at the end of the month... But seeing their true colours I'm even more glad I'm leaving so I suppose this one is bittersweet.

My rant...about six months ago I was involved in a freak hula hooping accident in which I ripped off a part of my foot bone and had to get surgery to fix it. Fast forward to today, and I am still having trouble with it. I don't have feeling in half of my foot, but when I do...it's really unpleasant. I used to like to hula hoop upside down with the hoop on my feet...tried that again yesterday...Nope. Instead of feeling like a normal foot should, it feels as if I am wearing three inches of not-my-own-skin over a bone...it's just bizarre. And when anything even just barely clangs against where the screws are (like what happens every 10 seconds during a normal hula hooping session)...it feels like the bone is being broken all over again. I really wanted it to go back to normal, but now the scar is getting even darker and there actually looks as if there is a visible deformity building under the skin. I had a doctor tell me once that maybe hula hooping just isn't the thing for me (because I accidentally ripped my cornea via hula hoop a few months before this...) and I stormed out of the office. I was so mad that anyone could ever say that, because I love hoop dancing so much. But I really hope that she wasn't right. :damnit:

Dang that stinks QZ. Maybe the doc was right in that hula hooping isn't the SAFEST option for you. Which means all you have to do is find work arounds. You have been appointed a quest to defend the thing you love. I wonder if there's something you can wear on your feet and ankles that will help absorb shock. Seems like there would be something like that. If not, there should be and maybe you could come up with something yourself.

As for the weird foot feeling, damnit I have that too! In the last year, the padding on the bottom of my right foot where the toes started feeling like I had my socks all bunched up in my shoe. But it feels like that even when there is no shoe or sock on it. My left foot does too, but not as bad. It also has a weird numb feeling along with it. You said it perfectly, like there's a bunch of feelingless skin there. When I massage it, it goes away for a while. Which is good because it makes me believe that it's circulation related, versus some kind of pinched nerve or nerve damage. I wonder if that would help you as well?

That's all I got for now. My head is thick with allergy snot. There's my rant lol

I reached for my cup of coffee this afternoon while playing a video game, but it was empty. The horror.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Rave: Also dreamed of seeing a shooting star and of zombies :)

Rave: Still friggin loving yogurt and those probiotic drinks. I hope to keep these new faves. I'd swear I've lost 5 pounds in the last week.

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I had a zombie dream too, I wrote about it in the one sentence thread (I think). But they were attacking people only because they wanted the people to kill them lol Was kinda sad really.

Yoghurt is the best! The stuff without sugar added, just straight cultured, acidic milk! Makes you feel so good if you have it a lot.
I've been eating heaps of stuff that's good for the gut microbiome (pretty much leafy greens and any fermented/cultured food) and I feel better than ever.

Rant: Reddit's mod system sucks.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Queen Zukin

My rant...about six months ago I was involved in a freak hula hooping accident in which I ripped off a part of my foot bone and had to get surgery to fix it. Fast forward to today, and I am still having trouble with it. I don't have feeling in half of my foot, but when I do...it's really unpleasant. I used to like to hula hoop upside down with the hoop on my feet...tried that again yesterday...Nope. Instead of feeling like a normal foot should, it feels as if I am wearing three inches of not-my-own-skin over a bone...it's just bizarre. And when anything even just barely clangs against where the screws are (like what happens every 10 seconds during a normal hula hooping session)...it feels like the bone is being broken all over again. I really wanted it to go back to normal, but now the scar is getting even darker and there actually looks as if there is a visible deformity building under the skin. I had a doctor tell me once that maybe hula hooping just isn't the thing for me (because I accidentally ripped my cornea via hula hoop a few months before this...) and I stormed out of the office. I was so mad that anyone could ever say that, because I love hoop dancing so much. But I really hope that she wasn't right. :damnit:

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After reading your post rant, I had a dream about fixing a blue/ green hula hoop in my house. :D But, yeah I agree with the doctor, hula hooping isn't the SAFEST thing for you. I hope you feel better soon. :(

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Queen Zukin

My rant...about six months ago I was involved in a freak hula hooping accident in which I ripped off a part of my foot bone and had to get surgery to fix it. Fast forward to today, and I am still having trouble with it. I don't have feeling in half of my foot, but when I do...it's really unpleasant. I used to like to hula hoop upside down with the hoop on my feet...tried that again yesterday...Nope. Instead of feeling like a normal foot should, it feels as if I am wearing three inches of not-my-own-skin over a bone...it's just bizarre. And when anything even just barely clangs against where the screws are (like what happens every 10 seconds during a normal hula hooping session)...it feels like the bone is being broken all over again. I really wanted it to go back to normal, but now the scar is getting even darker and there actually looks as if there is a visible deformity building under the skin. I had a doctor tell me once that maybe hula hooping just isn't the thing for me (because I accidentally ripped my cornea via hula hoop a few months before this...) and I stormed out of the office. I was so mad that anyone could ever say that, because I love hoop dancing so much. But I really hope that she wasn't right. :damnit:

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Stay away from Sky-Diving clubs......... :yddd:

I made a cake.
Wait, let me explain that one. I made a cake that I overwhipped (it's sort of a weird genoise recipe, if there's bakers out ther to laugh at me).
It's delicious. It's so light, so fluffy, it's like cotton candy, but in cake form. (I put rose syrup in it, for science.)
But that cake is a lie.
I can't slice it. It's so light and fluffy that it collapses under its own weight when I try.
I can only eat it one fluffy, cloud-like crumb at the time.
I am so frustrated T_T