Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

I'm great about reading people... but I tend to read too much. Sometimes a person will think about something but have no intention on acting on it. It's like, a person can flirt and be friendly but that's all they want it to be (maybe they have a flirty personality sort of thing). It's all so confusing. You're not alone in that lol :hug:

It happened again. Stupid.Throbbing.Gums. I had to clean my chamber pot but the snow is up to my shins. I ran through the yard because I was wearing 2 long skirts and tennis shoes (no boots and my only jeans are dirty) :roll: and I carried a bucket full of water back so the kids could flush the toilet. My pulse was 155, my gums pulsated in pain, my vision got a little dim around the periphery. I understand the vision thing. I even understand the pulse thing. But the gums? What the friggin heck? ANY time my pulse starts roaring, my gums hurt. It makes NO sense. Google's no help either. the gums on the bottom (no teeth, not even dentures on the bottom) are what kill me. so, it's not related to the cold causing sensitive tooth pain, not gingivitis, not sinuses or dehydration. I KNOW it's because my pulse is pounding. But why? What would be the mechanism behind the pain? Increased blood flow, sure. But why would that hurt? :huh: :bang:

The butcher who took my teeth was barbaric. I was removing bone splinters more than a year after the fact. that was back in 1997. Everything has well since healed, but could there be remnants of the trauma sort of like how arthritis flares in bad weather or exercise?

Not knowing annoys me lol... but, I have to pick up the girls from their appointment.
stay warm and safe, DV.

^ Got me scared there for a bit.

Fail omg, I meant GavinGill's post :3

lol, it's all good. I hate page changes. Always confuses things :D

Well, this is the limit. I don't think I want to be friends with him anymore.

Why do some people get all bent over sleep paralysis vs REM atonia? I think we all understand REM atonia happens every night but waking up in it makes it sleep paralysis. At least that's my understanding of it. Im sick people online trying to correct everyone. Its the same goddamn thing. It's all semantics. It's like measuring light. Sometimes its wave, sometimes its a particle. It depends on how you observe it. Still, I could make the general statement that light is a particle or I could make the general statement that light is a wave. Both are right. I'll only ever say 'sleep paralysis, just to piss off those REM atonia people. Maybe this bothers me too much, but its a pet peeve when people act superior and try to correct everyone. It doesn't matter that much. You know what the hell we are talking about when we say SP. Yeah, you know who are.

Ok I feel better. Thanks for reading. Have a good morning everyone. :lol:

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Originally Posted by Zhaylin

:roll:
Beef Jerky may have been messing with my stomach too. Last week, the girls bought a big bag of Jack Link's Tender Strips but they didn't like them. I've been snacking on them every day since.
I just finished the bag and decided to read the info. They were supposed to be refrigerated after opening or eaten within 3 days.
They were feeling rather slimy :lol: but I thought that was just from condensation :panic: Ewww.

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Fear not ! There's more stuff in that stuff than there is in "Twinkies"
200.0000 yrs from now something with 6 legs will dig it up and say "Look! Artifacts" And it will still be edible :yddd:

:cackle: Wobly. I've often thought of strange artifacts to be discovered by the future :)
I definitely wouldn't be brave enough to test its edibility (heh, that's actually a word :lol:)

:hug: Anju.

heh, Xanous, I think everyone has a "silly" pet peeve. Yours makes complete to me though :D

My rants: I woke up 30 minutes ago irritated as heck. I'm getting on my own nerves I'm THAT cranky. It's -17 and my heater is struggling. I woke up stuffy and dehydrated to barking dogs outside (which means 90% of the time that someone left the front door wide open)
The toilet will not flush at all. It backs up into the (thankfully unusable) bathtub...which happens every year in severe cold when the pipe (?) freezes at the ground. There have actually been extreme arguments among the kids about who poops the most :roll: :bang: No one wants to claim responsibility for the backup. I know who's responsible. My dear daughter Destinee. But she get so offended when I tell her. :bang: Is it a girl thing? Why does she have to be so defensive.
My bedroom is right against the bathroom. I hear everyone walk to and fro. She tries to tell me the others are in stealth mode. Stealth mode my butt.

Anyhow... that got wayyy off course :cackle:
Ugh. I have to go to the store later but I do not want to. I want to crawl back into bed.

My coils are sucking. I tried cleaning one of them with acetone, then I dry burned it to burn ff the gunk, but now it just tastes like crap (burned). Maybe acetone isn't the best thing. Maybe I really should try vodka.

Final rant. My son is ripping off. Not really. I do "owe" him $15. but I'm offended that he's actually making me pay (plus giving him $5. because I'm "a nice person"). I've driven him to the city and payed for his counseling for over a year with only a two month break when he was working. He's insisting mostly because he needs a new game controller. Because Miley broke yet another one. I don't know how nice I'm going to be. I need to eat from now until Monday night plus buy the animal food, toilet paper and gas for my car... all on $50. and he wants $20. of it? For a controller. that Miley broke. :sniper: Miley is extremely rough on controllers. ray bought the last one and swore Miley wouldn't touch it.
Yeah, we all see how that one turned out :mad:

I'm really tired of being the way I am. I'm so far behind everyone else and it's just really humiliating.
Best way to get laid without paying a prostitute, what do I do?

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Originally Posted by Maeni

I'm really tired of being the way I am. I'm so far behind everyone else and it's just really humiliating.
Best way to get laid without paying a prostitute, what do I do?

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Paying the hooker is cheaper :yddd:

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Originally Posted by woblybil

Paying the hooker is cheaper :yddd:

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Oh yes. And they're definitely worth paying for because they give you just what you ask for.

I just want to scream and break stuff, I feel so powerless right now.

I'm having hard days dealing with my mind and mood, having existencial crisis and anxiety attacks. Fuck that man. I just don't recognize myself anymore, I was looking at my old Twitter account (3 years ago) and I really don't recognize myself, I DON'T know who that guy is. I'm having also melancholy troubles, I miss many people and moments, it's very hard.

My parents are probably divorcing soon, so another plus. Yeah.

Somebody hug me, please.

:hug: Astaroth :clairity: :hugitout: :zocks:
I know it's cliche but This too shall pass.
I was almost certifiably insane when I was a teen and young adult. Looking back, I can't believe a lot of the stuff I did, felt and believed. Masterpieces take time. Your final strokes have yet to be painted.

:hug: everyone else.
:clairity: Maeni. Try not to compare yourself with others. We each have our own path. Easier said than done, though, I know. :hug:

My rant is just the cold. it's -6 but feels like -19 with the wind chill. will this cold snap never pass :panic:
Everyone in my small town, it seems, is bundling up with Netflix, Hulu and similar sites. I can't watch anything. Which is annoying, but I'll live. Maybe I'll read some more of the first Game of Thrones book.
Maybe I'll organize some more drawers. I only have 6 more to go :bang:
Maybe I'll start crocheting a rug for my floor.

Likely, though, I'll go hibernate under the blanket for the rest of the day :cackle:

**EDIT**
New rage. I just checked the extended forecast. We probably wont have any water until at least the first. What the heck Winter? Go away already :chuckle:
Seriously :sniper:

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Originally Posted by Zhaylin

My rant is just the cold. it's -6 but feels like -19 with the wind chill. will this cold snap never pass :panic:
Everyone in my small town, it seems, is bundling up with Netflix, Hulu and similar sites. I can't watch anything. Which is annoying, but I'll live. Maybe I'll read some more of the first Game of Thrones book.

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If you can get to "Youtube" they have everything the other sites have for free... Games, Movies etc:

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Originally Posted by Anju

Oh yes. And they're definitely worth paying for because they give you just what you ask for.

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Can I ask them to have a relationship with me?:morecrying:

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Originally Posted by Zhaylin

:clairity: Maeni. Try not to compare yourself with others. We each have our own path. Easier said than done, though, I know. :hug:

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I actually wrote about this so I'll just copy and paste lonely rantings out of my journal okay lol. The thing is, people have said this before, and it's always irked me weirdly because it feels like it misses the point. I'm not upset about being a virgin and never having been in a relationship because it's something that's expected of people my age. I'm upset because I'm a virgin and having never been in a relationship. It's not about expectations: it's the humiliating implication that I'm socially defect, the alienation and experiential gap between all my peers; the continuous limiting effect for future success in the same area, the shame and sadness felt when others discuss their own successes and good times, and the pain knowing the fact that some of the possibilities belong exclusively to a time that has already passed in my life.
Well this is embarrassing. Anyway, yeah, I'm sick of being this way and now I want to do something about it but I'm not entirely sure how to do it. I'm not going to hire a prostitute because it's not just about being a virgin.

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Originally Posted by ResamVi

Can I ask them to have a relationship with me?:morecrying:

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Hookers need love too :)

Actually.... Your'e in Germany and have a girl problem? God how I loved the girls in Germany...GO for the dark haired ones :yddd:

@maeni, I understand your point. When I hired a prostitute, I knew it's not the same as having the looks/personality to achieve sex the regular way. But I thought getting my virginity out of the way will help a lot and I can work on the other aspects and gradually be able to achieve sex. And it did help; my confidence was restored and it somewhat helped me get over my depression. I'm still not getting a lot of attention from men, but it's slightly better than how it was before. That's just my experience, may not work the same way for you.

Rant My car sounds like crap right now.
Rant I didn't' get the paid intern position I applied for.
Rave I'm finally caught up on homework.

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Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Maybe I'll read some more of the first Game of Thrones book.

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Do it! They're great.


My rant: Some idiot from my apartment parked me in last night. I was in a spot right by the door, and I guess some lazy SOB didn't want to walk a few feet from the next closest parking space, so they just parked perpendicular to myself and another car--basically just sitting in the middle of the parking lot. Times like these are when I wish I had a truck. I was half tempted to just ram right into their car, but didn't (mostly because there's a camera outside the building) and instead spent the next several minutes inching forward and backward until I was at an angle to where I could squeeze through.


For a rave, I've been doing good lately at... life? I think I've just been depressing myself all this time I've been on 3rd shift. I keep the windows covered almost all the time. I live in a studio apartment, so they need to all be covered for the room to be dark enough to sleep. But I rarely opened them beyond pulling back one curtain so my cat could look out. I guess I figured: I don't have a good view, so what's the point? But yea, I think I've been depressing myself from a lack of sunlight. :chuckle:

Lately, I've declared my PC 'off-limits' when I first get home. Instead, I open the windows wide and let all that morning light in. It's harder to ignore dirty areas under sunlight, so I've been better about cleaning--even during the work week. And I've been doing 'bulk' food prep every 2-3 days rather than every day, which saves a lot of time (and I friggin love my crock-pot for this). I go straight to the gym from work instead of stopping home first (and then sometimes deciding not to go). And just in general, I feel like I'm waisting less time and actually getting more accomplished while still having plenty of time to relax/unwind each day. IDK. Mostly it seems like simple/obvious things, but for whatever reason it's taken me over a year to get back into a healthy, productive routine. Well, almost. I still don't get enough sleep, but there's progress!



Other rave: More overtime tonight! Really, I'd much rather stay home this weekend and sleep, but I can't refuse more money! So I'm going to feign happiness and call this a rave! Yay! I love work! It's going to be amazing! I can't wait! YES!

My dad died 2.5 years ago. My pet of ten years died a week later. Grandpa died six months after that. Grandma died a year later. I lost two pets in the fire and all my coral and fish a month later.

Now my mom just told me they found "masses" on her uterus and adrenal gland.

Deep breath

damn mannn.... :hug:

I just reviewed the radiologists summery. It does not seem so bad, but mom could not read medicalease. There is one mass and the adrenal gland is a seperate issue. The single mass is only 1"x0.5". She will probably need a historectamy and survival rates at this stage would be 90%. That is assuming it is cancer at all.

Lets out breath.

I learned a few years back to just trust doctors. If you are concerned about something, go to the doctor. Don't WebMD it, don't assume anything. Ask a doctor. It saves you a lot of anxiety.

scratch that last rave. i talked to a guy last night at work that's basically doing exactly what i was considering. he's also working 3rd shift and he's going to the same school and same program i was looking at. basically he said he really liked it so far, so i think that's where i'm going to try to go. It's 14 months, but 5 hours a day. So, I might have to say goodbye to video games and internet for a while, but this is still mostly a rave.

:hug: to Astaroth and anyone else needing one.

*

My dramatic ramble:

I don’t even know what just happened…

After spending almost all day watching a horror series (which was probably not the best idea) and, close to finishing the final part and having watched a very elaborate scene about death – around midnight – I heard something which might or might not have been a knock on my door. I figured it was probably something else as I was wearing over-ear headphones and couldn’t hear clearly, plus it didn’t sound quite right, so it was probably something else in the house. There followed other strange tapping, knocking sounds from the hallway. Of course I immediately tried to come up with explanations for it – my imagination likes to run away with me so it didn’t take long to start thinking about things like—“Could one of my parents have had a heart attack, and the other is trying to resuscitate them?” but imagining pounding instead of pressing down on their chest. The most (perhaps only) probable and rational explanation, though, was that someone was repeatedly opening and closing one of the doors in the house.

I paused the film and listened. The sounds carried on and on. After what at least seemed like a few minutes of this, I turned on the main light in my bedroom so that I could see into the hallway when I opened the door.

My mum was on her hands and knees in the dark a little further down the corridor. I could hear my stepfather snoring, already asleep, and there was no-one else in the house. Looking at my mum, I saw that there was something off about her expression and again I wanted to instantly jump to conclusions – something happened, something was wrong with her. What if she was having a stroke, or losing her mind? I really didn’t know what I would do in either of those situations – I started trying quickly to think. Immediately I asked her: “What’s going on?”

She muttered something almost incomprehensible; I could only make out the word “fall” and it only strengthened my suspicions that something was wrong. She got up, turned the light on in the hallway and walked closer towards me. Everything looked cartoonish and surreal in the new light and the weirdness of the situation. A little freaked out, I asked her again what happened, what was going on. She didn’t answer me, instead asking me the very same question.

I said: “You’re the one on the floor and making knocking noises; should I be the one asking you what’s going on?”

“No, you shouldn’t. It’s none of your business.” In a harsh tone.

(I guess she could have been trying to hide something, but it really didn’t look like that from the situation.)

“…how is it none of my business if there are strange sounds in the house at night and something could be going on?”

Then she tells me—“You’re being mean.”

…?

(at which point the pure confusion lent itself to a sudden but intense sense of aloneness in the world :chuckle:)

Finally she explained to me and showed me what happened. It was really simple – she went out of the room for a glass of water but something fell over inside the room and blocked the door, so she had to keep moving it backwards and forwards to get it open. She managed to open it while I was there and showed me the thing. But I wondered why she didn’t just explain this to start with. Still confused about the way she reacted, I went into the living room and sat down. A few moments later she came into the room and once more asked me what was going on. Then she reminded me of the time and went back to bed. I went back into my room.

I guess the lesson I should learn here is that I shouldn’t watch horror films all day, heh. Or perhaps there’s no lesson to be learned. Who even knows…was that seriously not a dream? Then, I wonder if there's a single thing in life that doesn't have the potential to seem that way, from one perspective or another.

(Stop thinking and go back to your horror movies, vasiona.)

Edit - I went back to the series and the video player froze so that the same snatch of dramatic music played over and over, the video moved in jerky frames and I couldn't close it down at first. Okay, that's really enough for tonight. :D