Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Chin up, Gavin...I still like you!


We stumble, we fall, we get back up.


And then we eat snacks!

everyone.

I had the worst sleep ever last night. I got too hot... then too cold when I turned the heat down... my stomach made noises I've never heard before lol- all in protest to some Chicken Chow Mien I had eaten (the horrible Mexican food I had for lunch probably didn't help either)... then the bird yelled and the dogs cried outside my door in protest... then I heard people in the bathroom and outside and in the kitchen. Every noise bothered me.

I just woke up but the kids are up in arms wanting me to take them to the store. Stuff it. I'm waking up first.

Oh yeah... and my son is insulted. Hubby said he needs to start riding in the back. He's breaking down the passenger seat. I told my son and he's really offended. He's 450 pounds or so. He knows his weights a problem because his couch is broken too... so, when I do wake up and go to the store I'm going to have to deal with attitude... Gah!

WINTER HAS COME. Seriously, yesterday was all sunny and hot and today it started raining and ended up with a clear sky but a damn cold wind. My body wasn't designed to tolerate that shit!

I start normal classes in two days, finally. I really want to start, I'm so excited that I want to work and study, you know, that shit you say at the very beginning but at the end you end up doing nothing at all, yup. I've taken a look at my second year subjects and I want them now! It's awesome, I like everything, so interesting with really nice practices, not like now that I've to study general subjects like physics (oh, sweet physics, they're going to give me so much love in the ass this year) or maths. Anyway, I've to do it, so.

What else... Yeah! I'm learning new recipes and they turn out really good, it's so nice to cook a not-so-easy good food all by yourself. A few days ago I went for a walk and ended up walking like 3 hours, went to the beach (it was like 23:00) and stayed there, on the sand, listening to the sound of the waves... so soothing. Saw a really good spot I'll be going in the future. It's nice being there, alone, doing whatever you want without asking for it or telling anyone anything. Freedom. Freedom feels lonely sometimes though.

I wanted to buy Mimosa Hostilis so I waited like three weeks for it to be in stock again but it didn't! I asked them and offered me a 500g option, which is a lot but I bought it, so when I have the opportunity I'll extract DMT and hopefully post nice trip reports here! So excited to have a DMT breakthrough. That's all!

Yeah so I picked up and moved like 1000 miles away only to find out I'm more broke and have even less of a place to stay with 2 less jobs and 1 more totaled car. America, FUCK YEAH

Bills work bills and work
Bills bills bills work work
Kinda sick of this cycle
A change is coming

Snoop and DocKnubis.

Astaroth, have fun Be safe.

My stomach is keeping me awake again tonight. Perhaps it's not indigestion but hunger. I had 2 peanut butter sandwiches at around 4 then a shredded chicken mini quesadilla (sp) at 8:30 and 1/2 of a Snowball and a small slim jim at midnight. That's fairly normal for me minus the chocolate. Oh yes, I also snacked on Cheetos mix-ups both yesterday and today. Perhaps those are the culprits?

I might try eating something... but I'm really getting sick of peanut butter lol. My son's preparing a stew for later- kelbasa with carrots and cabbage. Ugh... I can barely wait. This past week I've been miserable whenever the kids cook real food. It makes me hungry which was never an issue before.

This is such a little thing, but Destinee is getting on my last nerve. She drank half of the Coke I had in the fridge (a 20 oz). She'd say, "Well, I bought you that snowball, so I didn't think you'd mind." She KNOWS I'd mind I would have given her a different bottle- don't drink my only cold one!
I'm drinking honey water right now, so it's not that big of a deal, but it's just annoying as heck. No consideration... She also didn't bring back my Seasoned Salt and hammer, which I told her I wanted back the minute she was finished with them. RAWR.

So I just came back from the beach, it was really fun and relaxing, though I was stung by a jellyfish(first time in a loooooooooooooooong time) and it felt like a b*tch.

Depressive episodes suck. Hopefully this doesn't last too long, I've got an exam to write on Thursday and I won't be able to do my best if this mood episode doesn't end soon. I think I might smoke a little tonight after I'm done studying and running a few errands. It's been a while since I last smoked but if it'll break me out of this funk, fuck it.

I hate feeling like this. I feel like shit and I just want to make other people feel like shit. I want to be an asshole. It's better being an asshole.
You know people aren't gonna like you so you don't have to worry about whether they like you, you don't have to worry about pleasing them.
And you don't have to wonder when they're gonna suddenly change and treat you like shit.
Of course you give up any chance of any kind of friendship or relationship, but if you don't get those things anyway, it doesn't really matter.
And if you do, the bad parts tend to outweigh the good in any case.

I think I also put too much stock in people. If I care about them and they say something which seems hurtful but is just a joke, sometimes it just cuts
deep as shit. I take it too personally. There are other things where I can laugh at myself coz I know I'm a certain way or whatever, but certain things
from certain people just kill me.

It's easier if you just don't give a fuck about people.

SOCIAL ANXIETY YAY! God damn it's driving me insane. I started normal classes today and well, it was fine, I liked the people and went to talk a little with a group of 6 people. They're nice, but kinda different and older than me, not my type I guess, either way it's too soon to judge. I had three classes today and went home after the first one, I was just overwhelmed and couldn't stand there anymore. Why do I have to be that awkward.

[last week]
Me: *checks product after initial changeover* I think somebody put the wrong inserts into this mold.
1st shift foreman: What?! No. It's right. It's fine. We only have one set that fits in this mold.
Me: (Yea, OK.)
*Production continues on all shifts like this for the next few days*

[this week]
QA from the next department: Hey, we got a bunch of parts from you guys and the insert is wrong. We can't use them.
1st shift foreman: What?! Why didn't anyone catch this?!
Me: *facepalm*

Originally Posted by Astaroth

SOCIAL ANXIETY YAY! God damn it's driving me insane. I started normal classes today and well, it was fine, I liked the people and went to talk a little with a group of 6 people. They're nice, but kinda different and older than me, not my type I guess, either way it's too soon to judge. I had three classes today and went home after the first one, I was just overwhelmed and couldn't stand there anymore. Why do I have to be that awkward.

lol, knowthatfeelbro.png

@ sefalik: tha lulz

Spoiler for the shameful rant:

I bought tampons for the first time and I'm not able to wear them. These are mini-tampons, the smallest i could find. The problem is not that it's hurting or uncomfortable. There is no opening at all, it is completely closed. It's like pushing into the belly button where there's just a dip and no opening. From the symptoms, I think I have vaginismus. It may not get cured, even with treatment. I feel awful and cried all night yesterday. I have to go to a gynaecologist but I'm scared that they'll say they won't be able to help me. I hate myself.

everyone

Anju, have you ever had sex? Have you always been closed? I just looked up what you suspect. If it's psychological, relaxation techniques might help.
But my daughters and myself were closed as infants and kids. For my daughters, I had to use a cream (Premarin?). I don't know if my mom used anything on me. I've heard most people grow out of it on their own. Well, you're getting your period, so... ??? in any event, it's nothing to be embarrassed about.

How the heck do you add spoilers? Ahha! Found it, finally!

Spoiler for And yet I get embarrassed and need this lol:

You can always try using a finger and some lube until your comfortable with something else.

My rant is that I'm broke and I didn't get any e-cig stuff. I think I have $6. left and I need to go to the laundromat (why is it spelled that way? It annoys me )
Hubby was grumbly at me earlier because I was gone shopping for almost 2 hours. I gave him until 9PM to wake from his nap. He didn't, so I left. I always shop at night if I can help it. He had no plans, mind you, he just wanted me to pick him up something for dinner. I offered to go back out, but it was "too late".

Another rant is that one of my iPad games reset itself I was level 30 and I've spent $20.-$30. on the game over the last several months. Now I'm back to square one. Seriously? GRRRRR.

I also started my period 3 days early. I cramped a lot today and I've been exceptionally fatigued... but not as much as I usually am before a trip.

A rave is the puppy. He's such a goofball. He scratches at my door to come in and out and he was annoying me because he wouldn't make up his mind. I hadn't heard from him for a while, then he shows back up, comes into my room, picks up a stuffed animal and pranced right back out. I don't know why that brightened my mood so much, but it did.
I'm also raving about my AC. I am SO thankful I have one. It was miserably hot today. Annoying weather change, seeing how I've been running my heat lol.

Is this ever going to get better? I couldn't do it again today, went to the first two classes but when the professor said we were done and still had 30 minutes left I collapsed. I didn't know what to do, stayed in class looking at the phone for a while but ended up leaving. I'm so damn embarrassed of myself, I can't do shit.
Hopelessness mood.

Originally Posted by Anju

Spoiler for the shameful rant:

I bought tampons for the first time and I'm not able to wear them. These are mini-tampons, the smallest i could find. The problem is not that it's hurting or uncomfortable. There is no opening at all, it is completely closed. It's like pushing into the belly button where there's just a dip and no opening. From the symptoms, I think I have vaginismus. It may not get cured, even with treatment. I feel awful and cried all night yesterday. I have to go to a gynaecologist but I'm scared that they'll say they won't be able to help me. I hate myself.

My sister's friend had that, I recognize that word vaginismus. At the time (6 years ago) my sis called it vaginalis or something, which might be dutch for that. But it pretty much meant that your puss sort of cramps, like the muscles contract instead of relax.

So that means you can't get fucked or use your tampon. I'd go to a gynae if I were you. My sis' friend couldn't have sex with her bf then, but eventually she got over it. I'm not sure how though exactly. I guess they became closer and she loosened up. If my gf would have something like that I wouldn't be weirded out, I'd just be patient and try to get her relaxed so don't get too embarassed.

@Zhaylin
Yeah burpees are the devil's exercise!! I can do 3 sets of 20 now but it's so exhausting.

I finally also sparred again for the first time in ages with a new friend I guess. He's pretty good but he blinks and looks away too much, so I scored more points (hit him more often).

Also, I don't know what it is but I got stoned yesterday and one of the cats my brother brought over jumped on my lap and started purring a lot. So I petted her for a good amount of time. She just wants to feel loved, like we all do right? It made me tear up, not sure what I felt... but it was a bit strange to me. Why would that make me cry huh

This guy I used to be best friends with annoys me. He still sometimes come over (rarely) but all he does is try to bust my fucking balls at every chance he got. I don't flinch and just stay calm, but I'm just not sure what his fucking problem is. Whenever I see him these days he's just acting high and mighty like he's reached the top of the fucking world. Busting everyone's balls around him all the time, sitting at the highest location there is. Like we're sitting on a bench, but he will sit on the rail with his feet on the bench. Wtf is his problem anyway... I don't want to see him anymore.

Well, last day was good. I met a nice guy I spent the day with. It is still hard and thinking about going with all these people next monday makes me anxious, but it's a step.

Rant about the professors. How the hell can they be so lame? Physics; we are doing things I did three years ago, THREE. The fuck man? I want you to remind me the stuff I haven't seen, but not that way! I like the biochemistry professor, he is pretty nice and makes classes a lot less boring that others.
Oh, I almost forgot. We are starting with programming and the teacher couldn't be more stupid. He is nice but he started saying things and showing us how to set variables and stuff but he is not teaching us the basic stuff like what's a library or how do common things work. I started reading some books and learned a lot in a few days, excited to keep learning. It upsets me how those incompetent professors make the subject look terrible and boring.

Originally Posted by Anju

Spoiler for the shameful rant:

I bought tampons for the first time and I'm not able to wear them. These are mini-tampons, the smallest i could find. The problem is not that it's hurting or uncomfortable. There is no opening at all, it is completely closed. It's like pushing into the belly button where there's just a dip and no opening. From the symptoms, I think I have vaginismus. It may not get cured, even with treatment. I feel awful and cried all night yesterday. I have to go to a gynaecologist but I'm scared that they'll say they won't be able to help me. I hate myself.

Definitely don't be embarrassed. I have heard stories from doctors. You aren't even close to their worst cases, and they just want to help you.

Originally Posted by Anju

Spoiler for the shameful rant:

I bought tampons for the first time and I'm not able to wear them. These are mini-tampons, the smallest i could find. The problem is not that it's hurting or uncomfortable. There is no opening at all, it is completely closed. It's like pushing into the belly button where there's just a dip and no opening. From the symptoms, I think I have vaginismus. It may not get cured, even with treatment. I feel awful and cried all night yesterday. I have to go to a gynaecologist but I'm scared that they'll say they won't be able to help me. I hate myself.

Spoiler for spoiler:

Make sure you're absolutely sure you're trying to push in the right place, and at the right angle. It should be almost the farthest back possible that's still between the ends of the labia, not higher up as might seem more common sense. And usually tilted toward the back. I'm sure you probably already know all that, but I thought I'd say something just in case, because it would suck to have to go to a gynocologist and deal with all that stress if there isn't really a problem.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

How the heck do you add spoilers? Ahha! Found it, finally!

Really!? You have been on DV for this long!?

Been cramming for a midterm for the last few days, feeling fried. @_@

On the bright side though, I learned some great study tips that should make it easier to prepare for the next one.

I am pretty sure I had a cluster headache episode. Today it's better though.

Thanks, Dianeva. I didn't really know that. I mean, I knew mine was at the farthest back but that's not how they show it in most diagrams. I thought mine was wrongly placed.

I did better research and took a good look down there with a torch and mirror. It looks like I have a thick hymen with an opening of about 5mm which is possibly why the tampon wouldn't go in. I might go to the gynaecologist and hopefully get a hymenectomy.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

How the heck do you add spoilers? Ahha! Found it, finally!

I just recently learned how to add spoilers as well... and that was exactly my reaction lol. Seriously this site should come with a instruction manual on forum controls
(I know there is plenty of help though, don't get mad at me mods )

My rave is that I got into a local symphony! Onward with my cello performance. Also, lots of and and for everyone here.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Spoiler for spoiler:

Make sure you're absolutely sure you're trying to push in the right place, and at the right angle. It should be almost the farthest back possible that's still between the ends of the labia, not higher up as might seem more common sense. And usually tilted toward the back. I'm sure you probably already know all that, but I thought I'd say something just in case, because it would suck to have to go to a gynocologist and deal with all that stress if there isn't really a problem.

I was gonna say the same thing. I was reading recently on reddit all these guys went to stick it in the wrong hole the first time they had sex.
Seems so weird.... to me it was kinda common sense somehow, like innate knowledge lol
Do girls not know either sometimes?

Actually I read about a woman who couldn't have kids and she went to the gynecologist and realised her husband had been fucking her urethra for 10 years or whatever. So fucked....

Rant: Exams soon. Need to study and keep procrastinating. Also a chem test in a couple of days and I'm still learning stuff now, not even just revising. Goddammit.