I wish I could continue my work motivation to my home life. I don't know if it's just because my first job was a factory job where I worked worked worked worked all day, but I just hate standing around at work when I don't have anything to do. Quality jobs are easy, so if I don't pace myself and walk really slowly, I'd blow through an 8-hour shift in like 3 hours and then be twiddling my thumbs the rest of the night.
And at work it's so easy to think to myself: I need to do this when I get home. It'll take 4 minutes. Then I need to do this, and that'll only take maybe 7 minutes. Then this which shouldn't even take 30 seconds. But when I get home and I'm all, "Fuuuuuuuuuck that." And so I lounge around listening to music, playing games, or reading for leisure and not really accomplishing anything. Not that that's bad--I think maybe an hour that lazy leisure time every day is important, but like anything there needs to be balance. As it stands, I go to work, come home and lounge around, sleep, and then repeat the cycle. If I were to suddenly be on my death bed and reflecting on my life, I wouldn't be regretful as I've enjoyed myself quit a bit, but at the same time... what have I done? What have I truly offered society? My job at work is instantly replaceable, and beyond that, all I'd leave behind is my "stuff."
I'm not sure really what I'm trying to say. I guess I'm just frustrated with how easy it is to just work a job, pay the bills, and sleep. I don't want to stop learning new skills and growing as a person, but that motivation is hard for me to grasp, especially when it's so easy to say, "I'll do that tomorrow," and have no real repercussion other than these thoughts I'm trying to put in words here.
This is what I think would be ideal in terms of my happiness, future goals, and that general sense of accomplishment and satisfaction with life that I think I'm searching for: Continue my current job/position. I like it. I don't love it, but I definitely don't hate it. School... fuck the engineering degree. I chose it because it's what online personality tests said I'd be good at, but I think I'm happiest working a "trade." I had been reading a book on electronics and found it pretty interesting, so I'll give a that a shot; try some classes. I think I'd focus on industrial electronics, because I really like the manufacturing environment. I'm also thinking about taking classes on woodworking, not as a career choice but more so because it's a skill I've always admired in others. In my parents' house, nearly all the furniture was made by my grandfather.
I guess that's kinda what I'm after. My grandfather has left behind treasures that will be cherished long after he passes. If I continue with my current hobbies of playing video games, buying music, riding my bike, etc... that's all good and all, but in the end, I'm just a consumer, no? I don't like that. I don't like thinking that I could die and leave behind just a bunch of accumulated "stuff."
Eh, I don't know. I was in a thoughtful mood last night while driving to work, and this is just mediocre attempt to sort of put those thoughts into words, but I don't think I'm really typing exactly what I'm feeling.
For the record, I haven't re-read anything I typed. So... yea. Sort of a train-of-though type of thing, I suppose. Maybe I'll re-read it later.
