Corsets? Aren't we supposed to be naked at an orgy? :uhm:Quote:
Originally Posted by Alyzarin
And how come I wasn't invited to the drunk night? :(
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Corsets? Aren't we supposed to be naked at an orgy? :uhm:Quote:
Originally Posted by Alyzarin
And how come I wasn't invited to the drunk night? :(
Don't tempt me, I have a lot to say on these subjects. :shock:Quote:
Originally Posted by Zacsby
Iboga is a really amazing thing, you should do a little research on it.... It's this plant with really strong anti-addictive and antidepressant properties. It actually stops withdrawals to most drugs immediately and ends cravings. I did some research on it and apparently it has a temporary but long-lasting effect of inhibiting the ability of kappa-opioid receptors to reduce dopamine, which interrupts the addiction circuits basically. I don't know how it does it exactly, but I know it has a wide mode of antidepressant effects like nicotinic receptor antagonism, serotonin reuptake inhibition in a different way than SSRIs that lasts for like two weeks to you just keep flying high... and NMDA receptor antagonism, so it's also hallucinogenic. It also works on 5-HT2A and kappa-opioid receptors, so it's really multifaceted. I don't think they've been able to show that any one mechanism of that type plays a dominant role, it's really just a combined effect. People who take it often report re-experiencing difficult times of their lives or emotions and being made to relive them repeatedly from new perspectives in order let go of that negativity, and stuff like that.... The main trip doesn't really last more than a few hours normally I think, but it could if you dosed high or spread it out. There's a stimulant effect after the trip that lasts for about a day, and then like I said there are antidepressant effects lasting for a couple weeks, and I've even heard people talk about increased confidence and stuff for long after because of how it interrupts addictive behavior.... People talk about how they even started eating healthier and exercising more and all kinds of stuff like that. It really is an incredible plant....
Well that would be the endpoint lol. I would want to build the stimulation first though!Quote:
Originally Posted by Anju
The drunk night was before your time unfortunately.... It was a chat room thing haha. My memory of it is hazy.... >_>
Hey, I'm drunk! 4th night in a row drinking! Record for a long time!
I haven't been on much lately because I've gotten addicted to reddit instead. =( But Alyzarin it's nice to see you visiting.
holy shit I don't know whether to be excited or terrified. maybe I can just hang out with you when you try it and watch first? :popcorn: hahahaQuote:
Originally Posted by Alyzarin
but im going to do some serious research on this, you definitely convinced me that it is worth a look. and substance abuse is just one of my many comorbid disorders so finding something that could tackle more than just one would be something I hadn't even considered before. that's not a trip though. that's a fuckin voyage. The Iboga Maiden Fuckin' Voyage is what we're gonna call it :cool:
Hooray for drinking! (Hmm....)Quote:
Originally Posted by Dianeva
I like stuff I see posted on reddit but posting on it doesn't really do much for me.... Lots of really neat things on their though. It's nice to see you again as well. :content:
Haha, I know what you mean.... You can sit in on the second go if you like. X) My setting for the first time around will probably a little bit more, uhh, intimate....Quote:
Originally Posted by Zacsby
Oh yeah, iboga is some heavy shit man.... The main active chemical in it is ibogaine, but there are others as well. Some of them have even stronger anti-addictive effects, and it's likely that they have different ratios of hallucinogenic action and the like, so they all just synergize in intense ways.... I've even heard it compared to lucid dreaming in some ways, in the sense that people could often choose wherever in the cosmos they wanted to voyage to.... It really depends from one trip to the next though. As always, trips vary.
I'm excited to know what else you'll think about it.... It really is an intense thing!
Alyzarin is alive! Hey there :cheers: Make sure to send me one of those plants once you get some
I quit weed for nearly a month a while back and then started to smoke again in the weekends, itīs a shame because itīs a habit I want to break permanently. So Iīll have to dedicate myself again starting today. Same for pornography! I know itīs a fucking taboo to talk about it but idgaf, anyway I quit that shit for 2 months a while back and now I watch it too often again. Itīs time I stop that shiz as well. The journey to manhood is a long and tough one.
It makes me kinda sad but at the same time I got interviews for Siren and donated money and it was a great night but then I'm sad because memories and feeling bad and thoughtfulness and yeah.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alyzarin
It was awful. I hate spicy food but Adam (the guy who organized it who is the brother of the guy in my year who died of Luekemia a couple of years ago) forced me to have some because of all the coverage I'd given the event and it was. Words cannot describe it. It's sure a challenge. Damn bloody sure.
I have lots of corsets. But I wear them all over shirts. Unless there was an orgy then I'd most likely make an exception.... ;)
I wear all my corsets over shirt. Last night I wore a plain black shirt underneath so there was no actual boob on show. It was all covered. I just, had a corset on over a shirt. It is okay to do that. I mean, It is when you're an LSS member. That';s what we do. xDQuote:
Originally Posted by Zacsby
Charity Event in this case means 'Lets get as many local bands into the Barge and Bottle (our local pub) to play, make people look ridiculous and commemorate those who've died whilst raising money for the charities that could have saved their lives but didn't' so because it's emotional because local community and friends and family people drink because it hurts too much otherwise and yeah.
They were 21. Hmm. This is, interesting. I legitimately didn't even look remotely slutty either, despite wearing a corset. I wore jeans with it too. So, yeah.
I did ask them to come over, but two of my best friends told me they couldn't. Because apparently they were out with their girlfriends.Quote:
Originally Posted by sefalik
So I just gotten really drunk by myself, which was fun I suppose. Right before I went to bed, I took my meds 'cause I was still feeling ill.
Well that was a very bad idea.
There's a party in town tonight. Last night when I was drunk, I told my friends that I was going with them.
But I woke up this morning feeling really ill and now they're mad at me for not going to the party.
We're already going to about three parties during half term. And yet they're still trying to force me to go with them.
I know for a fact that if I would go out tonight and party until 7-8am, that I would be really exhausted and ill on monday.
So this happened last night:
Retweeted by ria
Charlie 13h
@Ria you mean so much to me!
My friends are telling me to just stop talking to her and forget about her. Because she's messing with my head.
So I'm just going to not message her for the entire week and see if she misses me. (just ignore what I just said, I couldn't help it so I just messaged her).:?
But I already know how this is going to end. In a few weeks, she will be really mad at me and then we eventually stop talking. And that'll be it.
I just don't know if I'm able to cope with that.
I've been drinking every since 1pm and I think I might aswell just get drunk again tonight. My friend told me that it isn't really 'healthy' and that I've got a problem.
I honestly don't see a problem with that, alot of people go out on Friday and Saturday just to get high and drunk.
So what's so different about what I'm doing?
Hey Athylus! :content: Haha, I'll see how much we have left after we've had our fill. :PQuote:
Originally Posted by Athylus
You know, I actually have heard of iboga working for porn addiction before too lol. Same with helping with weed.... Well good luck on both though! :thumbup:
Makes sense lol. Well at least some good came out of it. :3Quote:
Originally Posted by Wishfulthinker
Ah, I gotcha.... Yeah, still fuck that. X) I never get the appeal of that sort of thing, though maybe I just don't like being in pain as much as some people.... It's like those chili peppers that are like thousands of times spicier than regular spicy foods. I remember Wolfwood talking about having one of those way back when and the way he described the immense pain did not make it sound any more appealing to me. o_O
Hehe, well I'll hold you to that. ;D Corsets are always sexy. :chuckle: You can try to make it more innocent but that's only going to make it more appealing haha. The whole outfit sounds very cute.... Plus, hiding more just leaves more to the imagination, and wearing one but not looking slutty at a public event just makes it classy instead. X3
<-- Corset fan.
My life is getting to repetitive. Going to school, hang out with friends, watching anime... Wish a zombie apocalypse would happen! Come on, I can't be the only one wishing for this? :eek:
Oh, I also acquired a fetish for Japanese girls in school uniforms. Don't worry, I'm not intrested in underaged girls! Really!!! :P
And some idiot drove against my car.. :mad:
No, that desire is completely normal.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ekyu
-------
I just deleted my reddit account. I got very fucked up last night, went in a Skype chat with 5 other people, and posted a link to a funny meme I'd made on reddit. Then a bit later, a girl in there starts freaking me out by reading word-for-word a post I'd recently made - one among MANY I'd never planned for anyone but myself to read. I woke up multiple times last night thinking I need to delete my reddit. So I just went through and deleted more of the embarrassing posts and then deleted my account.
But, this brings up an issue I've been ignoring for some time now, but which I know exists. I'm so traceable on THIS site. Multiple people including my parents, now my lab partner from school, whatever friends, have my Skype name or my Steam name, both containing Dianeva. All one has to do is google Dianeva and DV links come up. My parents even have my Skype name, AND they know I've been into LDing and I sometimes go on a lucid dreaming forum. What if there are people I know in person who are stalking me at this very moment, reading this message? I'm likely being paranoid but for now or in the future I'm scared. It's not like most of what I see is embarrassing, it's just that the way I say it, the level of maturity, the way I present myself in these messages... is not my personality in real life. Internet anonymity has driven my personality on here a little. I'm a bit more blunt, forward, perhaps immature, a bit careless, than I'd be to people whose faces I can see - then I'm just really shy and say almost nothing. So if someone were to read this who knew me like that it would be weird.
And it's not like I can just delete my DV account. I don't think I can, and don't want to. I originally planned for this to be my final online name. But then I started using it for Skype to Skype with only other online people of course. But then I added a friend from here, and my dad, and then I met those people I knew online so they're more like real-life people now whom I don't feel comfortable reading random stuff I type on here. Maybe this is when people change their usernames. Maybe I should, though I hate when other people do that and I'd hate to confuse anyone.
(HOLY SHIT, accidentally lost this message but 'restore autosaved content' worked! :))
I don't want my friends/family to see the stuff I write here.. :panic:
Anju is my real name. If one does a google search with just my name, they won't find my DV profile..
But if they try 'anju' + 'lucid dreaming', my profile comes first. :panic:
But none of them have heard of lucid dreaming, so I hope I'm safe for now.:roll:
I just got back from a friend's house. I had so much fun, we've just been drinking, listening to music and playing video games.
And basically I've been drunk for the past three days now. I don't even think I can go to school tomorrow.
So I had a really good day. Until I got home and then this happened
http://i60.tinypic.com/qn8tj6.png
I feel so fucking awful and I don't know what to think of it :(
I might aswell just fucking killl myself now
I'll pass on the zombie apocalypse lol.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ekyu
Spoiler for Now who left this here?:
Sucks about your car. :C
:thumbdown:
Yeah, I always use different usernames for this exact reason lol. Well mostly anyway, but I keep forums and personal contact info separate.... Though to be honest as far as my personality and stuff goes I don't think too many people I know would be shocked to read what I post online... but some of the drug stuff and the like probably wouldn't be that great for certain people to come across. o_OQuote:
Originally Posted by Dianeva
When it comes down to it, if the things you say aren't really embarrassing then does it matter that much if people see it? I don't think they'll really feel weird or anything from seeing a different side of your personality, they'll just know that there's more to you. Everyone is at least subtly different online.
I thought I was the only one who has that irrational fear Dianeva and Anju. :| I do use different names online, but I am still afraid of 'getting caught' somehow lol. Even though there's nothing wrong with what I write.
Crashy I'm horrible with women but even I can tell you're being clingy as fuck man, it probaly turns her off. Just a little tip.
Alyzarin you're into that stuff? You might like this. Even I think it's cute, especially 0:53.
Ayaka's Surprise English Lessons 2 - YouTube
Holy shit my room is so tidy now, I cleaned it all up and it took me about 3 hours. It feels great, and my room makes for a nice atmosphere now. I still need to install this new light my dad gave me, I will do that tomorrow (not enough light now).
I thought I was the only one who has that irrational fear Dianeva and Anju. :| I do use different names online, but I am still afraid of 'getting caught' somehow lol. Even though there's nothing wrong with what I write.
Crashy I'm horrible with women but even I can tell you're being clingy as fuck man, it probaly turns her off. Just a little tip.
Alyzarin you're into that stuff? You might like this. Even I think it's cute, especially 0:53.
Ayaka's Surprise English Lessons 2 - YouTube
Holy shit my room is so tidy now, I cleaned it all up and it took me about 3 hours. It feels great, and my room makes for a nice atmosphere now. I still need to install this new light my dad gave me, I will do that tomorrow (not enough light now).
Another one who fears 'getting caught'' haha. I want so bad this last period here to end. It's like I can't be the way I am now with people I knew years ago. Weird.
No particular preference really, I just like sexy ladies in general. :P I'll always take an excuse to find some pictures haha. That video was hilarious. :chuckle: I want that reward!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Athylus
This post makes me feel lazy lol. I really need to clean my room again, but I mean I'm never even in there except when I'm sleeping anymore....Quote:
Originally Posted by Athylus
Woohoo! Aly. But, of course, I'm late to the party :P
I've gotten sucked into Skyrim. I didn't even go to bed last night or today for playing so much.
Today, in an effort to stay awake, I've actually been fairly productive, cleaning and laundry and all that.
I used to worry about user names when I first started up. But I'm an oversharer in life just as on the net, so I came to not care so much if people read what I write. I'm an open book. What you see is what you get. And, generally speaking, if I wont say something IRL, I wont say it on line either.
:huh: Zhaylin is who I am. Even on Facebook :lol: But I started out as AprilD, then Xyleisha and afamilyjah at a couple forgotten places. I really like Zhaylin though. I've been this "person" for... 6 years or more?
My rant is that it's getting very hard for me to stay awake lol. My eyeballs are on fire. I have clothes hanging up outside, though and I have to keep my attention on the weather because it feels like rain. I keep begging "Give me just 2 hours, clouds. My clothes should be dry enough by then."
In my opinion, you need to step back and grow some.... courage. If you think that it's possible for you to visit her sometime in the near future (like in the next year), and you really, really like her, then go for it. Otherwise, completely forget her. You're torturing yourself. Close yourself off from her. Stay friends with her, but only talk about stuff you'd talk to your guy friends about. Stop this 'xxxxxx' bullshit and don't let her in on your feelings and don't be willing to do anything for her you wouldn't do for another friend. If she really liked you, but was using you and assumed that you'd be around forever no matter how she treated you (which it seems is what's happening from my perspective), then this will bother her. She'll want to break your shell, miss you and decide she wants to try despite the distance. If not she really just wasn't that interested and is not worth pursuing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Crashyy
[/end of crashy response]
Spoiler for But on a related matter...:
I need to head out but I want to respond to this or I'll forget forever. I know that you do this, and you have a good reason. I'm not proud of some of the things I say online. Especially on reddit, I felt anonymous so I would say things assuming no one I knew would ever read them. I made memes out of stupid observations about life, private little details. I made stupid jokes in response to posts purely because I hoped it would catch on and I'd get a lot of karma. The post I was talking about was something like "OMG I just had that song in my head! What a coincidence!" Just a small thing I wouldn't want people seeing because... I'm not the kind of person who would randomly exclaim such an unimportant thing. On here, well I'm sure there have been things I've said I wouldn't want anyone I know to read. Although with 3000+ posts anyone would have to dig pretty deep. I know there have been relationship issues, stuff about depression, etc. over the years I've been on here. Just personal topics I'd prefer people didn't know about.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alyzarin
I feel so ill and weird. I got a migraine and then I started to feel nauseous and weak and urgh. Idek what's up.
I could never manage a long distance relationship if we'd never met and had little prospects of meeting but that's because I don't want to. So, I'm aware of that. It'd be different if I dated someone and then went away to uni because I'd know them better if you understand me here? Idek what I'm saying so I'll just stay quiet on this matter. xD
Major rave - it's my birthday tomorrow! The birthday messages have started already. Brace yourself Katie, brace yourself...
I don't think I entirely like holidays. It's Sunday. I've just had one week off from work, and it's always one tricky illusionist rigmarole. I get completely pulled out of the idea of having little free time, and then suddenly it ends and I'm left feeling really stressed out knowing that the next many weeks will just be full force no stop straight ahead... I'm so bad at managing my free time, I think. Even weekends don't feel like I get to spend them in any meaningful way.
I actually have a skateboard now though, I still haven't been able to gather the courage to take it with me outside alone though. Only when I was heading to K's place did I take it with me, and that's how I finally got around to using it... I feel like I could get good at it fairly quickly. But now I've realized that I hate how noisy a skateboard is. I'd like to be able to do tricks, but as a method of transportation, it sucks because it's so loud. But then what? Aggressive inline skates? Should I actually get myself a pair of ice skates? Or a longboard? Who the hell knows! I hate the fact that I don't just have my own space do those things... I fear the public areas too much, I don't feel like I can be free out there. I'm so, so self conscious. Even just those two times, with the skateboard under my arm, I was so insanely affected by it, by simply the fact that people could see it. I will need a lot of practice... I feel like it'd be much easier if I was better at it, if I didn't feel uneasy on the board, I wouldn't be so afraid of being seen... Ice skating is fucking fantastic, though. I'd be completely in love with that if it wasn't because you can only do it on a specially created arena for it. Won't work anywhere else...
And I feel sick. Throat hurts like hell. Am not ready for Monday tomorrow.
Speaking of real identity being tied to internet identities... I have those fears myself, and hell, on two occasions, my dad actually read my posts on here... That was fun. Actually, both times were totally fine. But yeah, I also fear 'getting caught'... I've sometimes been afraid that maybe there's someone out there tracking me and linking my identities together. To be honest it sounds plausible to me with the things I've said in the past. It's paranoia and realism at the same time?
Karl Marx exam in a few hours. I've never missed my bed that much before. *Cries*.
Congratulations Wishfulthinker! Hope you get better :D
I didn't really feel better. I got an hour and a half's worth of sleep. xD
I go back to school this morning. This could be interesting!
I did however get the time to finish rewatching Kick-Ass 2 and re-reading The Fault In Our Stars.
Now I'm pretty damn hungry so I'ma go make myself a special breakfast.
On the subject of being 'found', one DV member is my ex, so, he could possibly see everything I post here. But idrgas anymore. He doesn't mean that much to me anymore because we don't speak after the relationship broke down so, y;know. I can kinda only care about those who are willing to speak to me.
ANYWAY, TO CELEBRATE! And be severely sleep deprived. I burst into sobbing tears at 5am this morning. Not a bloody clue why. xD
I have responses which I will get to when I'm more sober.... But for now, a rant. That being that tonight has been a night for poor, but ultimately unavoibable-feeling decisions.... Poor decision number one was getting drunk when I really should be quitting. Poor decisions number two was taking five hits of acid, about five minutes ago. We'll see how this goes.... Time to smoke some blue lotus while I play the waiting game.