Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

My throat is sore.....and I have stomach problems And beside that I am exhausted and have to go to school.....why is life so hard? grrrr

Because you live in Croatia. If you lived in a normal place it would be too late to go to school right now.

why is life so hard?

because you make it that way :/

Originally Posted by Karloky

My throat is sore.....and I have stomach problems And beside that I am exhausted and have to go to school.....why is life so hard? grrrr

Why not take a day off?

Here's my rant for today:

I graduated from college a year ago and I just completed 1 year on my job.
I really want to get back to studies for a post graduate degree. But I'm not sure what course and college to opt for.
On the other hand, my parents don't want me to study any further. They want me to marry and settle down and have kids asap.

Originally Posted by Anju

Here's my rant for today:

I graduated from college a year ago and I just completed 1 year on my job.
I really want to get back to studies for a post graduate degree. But I'm not sure what course and college to opt for.
On the other hand, my parents don't want me to study any further. They want me to marry and settle down and have kids asap.

Bloody Indians....
Sorry I'm sure if you read my previous posts on my thoughts about this kind of cultural bullshit (was talking about it because of the Sri Lankan girl) you will see my view on it, I'm not being a bigot, I just hate that kind of thing.
You know you should tell your parents it's your life and you have to do what you want to do.
You only have one life (unless you believe in reincarnation, which you might coz you're Indian lol) and there's no point spending it all suffering.
Do what you wanna do! Family is supposed to help you be successful (happy), and if they are forcing you to do something you don't want, they aren't helping you, even though they may think that is what's best.

I feel so so so so sorry for women in that culture.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

This is like a prime example of a first sentence that will have no problem drawing people in.

You are so goddamn hilarious sometimes, and for some reason I don't think you have any idea how funny you are lol

Originally Posted by Dianeva

I'm behind on a lot of readings in class because, though I had this entire weekend, I ended up spending it switching my os to linux....

You know Valve is just working on getting games properly compatible with Linux?
They just announced it a couple of days ago. I was thinking of making the switch too and games were the only thing holding me back.
But yeah, Valve is also making a Linux OS which I think will be out very soon.
So don't get yourself too worked up over that. Shortly it will be much easier to get it to work. ATM it's pretty much hit and miss with getting games to work; depends on your hardware etc.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

A mini rant is that I tried to finish my responses to people before I had to get ready to leave but failed. I'll definitely finish them when I get back though!

A rave (depending on how you look at it) is that I'm about to head to my first day at a job.

That's great that you got a job! Massive independence boost Hopefully you can move out soon, but don't be too quick to leave, it costs a lot of money for rent etc.
Or maybe not where you live, I dunno. For me it would be like half my paycheck at least, every week.
But yeah, just having a job can make you feel more independent even without moving out of your parent's house, because you can buy your own things, food etc.
Much less stressful living at home
Of course if you feel you need to, do it, but yeah, just saying don't rush in to it.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Have a great first day, Aly!!

Anju: drama. Some people eat, breathe and live it. I'm an introvert as well and the older I get, the more I exclude drama kings and queens from my life. I don't dislike them. I'm not angry or annoyed with them most of the time. I just sort of view them as psychic/emotional vampires and I simply don't have the energy to deal with such people regularly.
Hope you're feeling completely better and enjoyed your rest

Joe Rogan, on his podcast, explained those people in exactly the same way. Emotional/psychic vampires just sucking all your happiness and contentment out of your life.
You have to get rid of them, it's so true.
It took me a while to get used to that. I think maybe due to anxiety I was a total pushover and would try and help friends etc. who would never help me back and listen to their bullshit all the time to try and be a good friend and just not do anything when they made fun of me (even in a joking way, it's still making fun of me) etc. but now I just tell them get fucked. It is so liberating. It takes effort to not give in to those vampires, but it is SOOOO worth it. You end up respecting yourself so much more.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

If life is just misery with no chance of getting better, then there's literally no reason to keep living. It would be the rational move.

It would be. Alan Watts once said something which perfectly articulated my thoughts on this.... If you're perfectly rational, the only option is to commit suicide.
However, if you realise everything is utterly meaningless, it also opens up the choice of just experiencing everything in a sort of comical way. Why not? You're never going to experience life again.

It's sort of along the same lines as the video you posted (edit: which I just realised you already realised coz you said "maybe the two complaints are related"). We constantly try to elude that feeling of complete loneliness, or meaninglessness, distracting ourselves with anything we come across that we think would be useful, but as soon as you accept it, you realise if your brief consciousness doesn't really matter, then why not just enjoy the show?
Why end it now if it doesn't matter anyway? What possible reason could there be, in a reason-less universe, to end it?

Originally Posted by Dianeva

On another issue, I need a fucking smartphone. It's not just that 'everyone has one, therefore I want one to fit in', it's that not having one literally gets in the way of my life. There are certain ways of doing things for which phones are essential now. I've noticed that there are even less hung-up clocks than there were a few years ago, because everyone has a phone so there's really no point in wall clocks.

Then again, maybe the two complaints are related.....:

Spoiler for Comedy:

I noticed that too. Can barely ever find a hung up clock, except in my house. However, my dumb phone does just fine for this.
I was about to buy a cheap $300 or so smart phone from ALDI the other day, and Android one, but I just realised once again that I have zero reason to own one.
The internet is shit here, and the data contract are just too expensive for me anyway, and I'm mostly at home like 90% of the time....
Just doesn't make sense to have one. What would I do? Browse the internet while I'm out of the house as well. Just to distract myself from that ever-present knowledge of being completely alone.

I wonder, if you really think about it, that it's the same for you.

The only thing I see people doing on their smart phones is going on facebook or taking way too many pointless photos.

________________________________

Rant: I'm drinking again, after a short break. But I don't have enough money to drink as much I need to.
We had CHEAP wine for a while in Australia because of a good few grape growing seasons, like $2 bottles of really good wine.
Unfortunately that has now ended, once I actually have money to buy it.... ugh.... could have stocked up so much.
We still have the cleanskins for about 3.50 though, but obviously it's a gamble.

Anyway.... was talking to my ex on fb today and she sent a couple of pictures that she took in her class, coz I was asking her about it.
The first picture she was holding something and the ring finger was exactly blocked by her thumb. LOL
Then in the second, the area where a ring would be was too dark to see.
But.... I think maybe she is not married anymore. She hasn't said anything about him at all, and only talks about herself and her kid when talking about what she's doing etc.

I guess that narrows down my potential paths....
But goddamit, I just wanna relax and be content. Why I always gotta be chasing something?
I guess it's that nagging feeling of complete loneliness.... heh....

Dianeva. Could you tell your dad something like "15 minutes." As you race to another part of the house to unwind.
My kids ALWAYS want to talk. They're always popping up in my doorway to shoot the breeze. If I've just woken up or something, I NEED alone time. I tell them to give me half an hour to wake.
If I'm actually going to bed, I block my door with my chair. THe kids don't knock lol, they just open the door when they want to talk. But if my chair is blocking the way, they know not to bother me (no lock on the door).
I don't understand why your dad would be so pushy... unless you never talk to him?
Hope you feel better soon and you get more time with your boyfriend!

Anju aimlessly crocheting is something I definitely understand
Hope your parents respect any decision you come to.

Karloky. Just breathe. Hope life gets better soon.

Tommo, I'm so glad I never picked up drinking. Those prices and quality would make life difficult- especially adding cigarettes to that. Oh, how is it going with the e-cigs?

Originally Posted by Dianeva

All day, such a fucking battle fighting terrible PMS. For the last few hours, everything I think about is either so irritating I want to kill someone or so depressing I want to kill myself. I spent the whole 1.5 hour bus ride on the verge of tears, trying not to cry because I was in public, because I kept thinking about death. It started when I saw this elderly lady sleeping on the bus.... and it just looked so pathetic. Imagining becoming old and useless and disgusting, everything I love dying, knowing that will probably happen, as I'm female, and I'll probably outlive my partner, and I'm almost positive I'm not having any children. The only way I could stop thinking about it and come to some resolve was to convince myself I'll kill myself before I let that happen. If life is just misery with no chance of getting better, then there's literally no reason to keep living. It would be the rational move.

This is the reason I used to be convinced I would die by suicide eventually even if I managed to live a happy life for a while. However, I eventually found the fatal flaw (at least in my view).... "If life is just misery with no chance of getting better, then there's literally no reason to keep living." This statement is not a certainty. If there's one thing I can tell you for sure it's that life can get much, MUCH better. In fact, as long as you know how to seek out opportunities, there are literally endless chances for it to get better. Another thing that comes to mind is that old lady that you describe with words like 'pathetic', 'useless', and 'disgusting'... but all you saw of her is a bus ride. How do you know that she hasn't lived a full life that she's proud of, or that she wasn't just taking a nap on her way back from having a great time with her friends to a house full of people that loved her, or that she's not actually pretty happy about her appearance for her age? And how do you know that she's not actually pretty active, just because she was sleeping at that particular time? Since joining the fetish community around here I've met multiple people who I would describe as elderly, and they're some of the wildest people I know. They're really still kids at heart, and they're often the life of a party.

Obviously there will be hardships in life, but there can be so many good parts about it too.... What I once thought I would end up doing no matter what I now don't think I could do even if I wanted to. There are so many incredible things about life that I just can't imagine cutting my only go at it short for any reason. Maybe the problem isn't that life is sad but that you just haven't found the perspective on it that makes you happy yet?

Originally Posted by tommo

That's great that you got a job! Massive independence boost Hopefully you can move out soon, but don't be too quick to leave, it costs a lot of money for rent etc.
Or maybe not where you live, I dunno. For me it would be like half my paycheck at least, every week.
But yeah, just having a job can make you feel more independent even without moving out of your parent's house, because you can buy your own things, food etc.
Much less stressful living at home
Of course if you feel you need to, do it, but yeah, just saying don't rush in to it.

Yeah, I'm pretty psyched about it. And I know I should by willing to live at home for as long as can just to make things easier, but I really do need to get out of here. And I'm not too worried about surviving in the real world, at least for now. I do know that when you-know-who finishes beauty school if she can find a good place to work around here she'll be making probably around $200 a day, and she's offered to get a place with me and mostly pay for rent even before I had any plans to get away from home.... Not that I would particularly want to put that strain on anyone's wallet, but it sure would be nice to have that until I can start making enough to pull my own weight too. I'm just ready to go though. I've got the job, I'm pretty sure I know what I'm going to do in college now, and I'm finally starting to find the motivation to actually live my life. The only thing still holding me back is my home environment, so I'm ready to cut it out of my life ASAP. I'm ready to become my own person, you know?

And now I'm off to work.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Because you live in Croatia. If you lived in a normal place it would be too late to go to school right now.

Croatia is a normal place and it has very good educational system ....much better than many other countries



and yes it is hard because I am giving every tiny bit of myself in everything I do

Karloky, the smily at the end of the sentence means she's being silly. She wasn't really knocking your country

My rant is that my son was bugging me when I wanted to unwind and write the last post So I blocked my door and took a nap. Sheesh. I didn't expect to sleep for almost 6 hours!!!
So, I got a total of nearly 12 hours and I still feel sleepy I'll blame it on this cold. Or allergies. Or whatever it is. I've been getting freebies of Nasonex and Dexilant from my family Dr. I ran out of Nasonex a couple weeks ago or so. My nasal passages have been getting progressively worse. I have way too much post nasal drip and swelling. It's funny how I sometimes don't appreciate how much a product works until I stop using it

And now I have a headache as well. Blah. Oh well. I almost always wake with one and it usually passes within an hour.

This morning, hubby and I went to the court house to look at the deeds, the to McD's for breakfast and then to Walmart for a compass. We were only gone for about an hour. Thank goodness we didn't go back to the Farm. I don't think I would have had it in me. I was only home for about 30 minutes before I crashed.
Oh well.
Time to find some food.

**EDIT**
I got sidetracked. Words and name fascinate me. Sometimes I'll fixate on one for no apparent reason. The name I'm now obsessed with is Hosaflook. I saw it on hubby's deed at the Farm over the weekend and I saw it again today and actually remembered it lol. So I googled it. There are 39 Hosaflook's in WV, 63 in Virginia and then the name dwindles from there. I'm thinking it's Swedish for some reason but I can't find out for sure I've been searching for over an hour now Time to move on...

Twooooo raves!

The first one is that I think work went really well today. There's this guy who just got hired like the day before me and he's really lazy and unproductive, and I love it because it makes me look awesome in comparison. I got some pretty promising compliments from the general manager, especially on my prep work. I also went on lots of deliveries with my trainer too and I started out shy at first but by the end he was happy with my progress. I even got to do the last delivery in my own car with him riding along, and the other guy doesn't even get to drive yet for the second day. I'm getting to know my trainer well too, so I think this place should work out well! Hopefully it won't be too terrible just working there either, it was all mindless work in between deliveries so I just didn't check the time at all in between each one and the day flew by. I'm feeling good about it so far.

(In case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm a pizza delivery driver.)

The second one is that the outfit I ordered came in the mail today. A guy I've been talking to lately convinced me to get it when I got my job. It's a work-related outfit of a naughty persuasion.

Thanks for the hugs Zhaylin, they help

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

blue lotus

Nope, haven't tried it, though it does look interesting. I see it classified as a mild sedative but more anecdotal reports suggest it can be a bit stronger with a dosage increase, which I would probably need (sedatives do not work very well on me generally). If I wasn't short for cash I'd prolly order some tonight I have silene capensis but I doubt that has sedative properties, though perhaps the knowledge that interesting dreams are ahead would help part of me shut down quicker (who knows).

Thanks for the suggestion~

Originally Posted by Spenner

Nope, haven't tried it, though it does look interesting. I see it classified as a mild sedative but more anecdotal reports suggest it can be a bit stronger with a dosage increase, which I would probably need (sedatives do not work very well on me generally). If I wasn't short for cash I'd prolly order some tonight I have silene capensis but I doubt that has sedative properties, though perhaps the knowledge that interesting dreams are ahead would help part of me shut down quicker (who knows).

Thanks for the suggestion~

It's definitely mild compared to something like smoking good dro but it can still actually be pretty strong. A friend and I smoke it a lot when he's in town and we've gotten to the point of strong highs with lots of giggles and munchies very similar to weed. It does gain tolerance quickly though, as we learned when we smoked it for a whole summer pretty much all day. But if you only use it for bed you'll still get lots of good use out of it. I've always described the feeling to be somewhere between a weed high and a mild to moderate opiate buzz, not all of either but definitely some of both. Something that's unique about it though, at least that my friends and I find, is that it really makes your thoughts distant. It's like, I still know what I'm thinking, but it's more like just an acceptance of those thoughts without the need for language... my mind is very quiet and the inner monologue is not very active. I love this effect because when you get really high on it you can just stare at nature like you might on weed and take in the same kind of altered perception beauty of it all, but without any of the mental chatter. It's so soothing.

As far as recreational drugs go, it's pretty unique. It contains multiple chemicals which antagonize dopamine activity, which I'm guessing is a factor in its mind quieting. It also blocks at least one serotonin receptor and activates another, the latter being 5-HT1A which causes a release in oxytocin. That has a relaxing effect and lowers your subconscious craving for dopamine, which I would imagine may act for a two-pronged attack with the dopamine negation. It's mainly those things that made me suggest it by comparison to mirtazepine. There is a little bit of overlap, particularly in the ways I think might help you the most. You should still try the silene capensis too though! If it did help you sleep that would be great considering the dream effects.

And no problem.

Calea definitely has a relaxing effect, if you've got that.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Tommo, I'm so glad I never picked up drinking. Those prices and quality would make life difficult- especially adding cigarettes to that. Oh, how is it going with the e-cigs?

Heh, the wine is still cheap I think, compared to internationally. It's everything else that is ridiculous prices, beer is minimum $12 for 6 small bottles, but up to $25 for good stuff, whiskey is $36 minimum for 750ml....
I'm glad I remembered about wine, coz I was spending way too much on beer lol
And the cleanskins (which you probably don't know, just means they have generic labels with the type and year, but it could be from anywhere so you don't know exactly what it will be like) are usually still pretty good, coz Aussie wine is quite nice in general.
Although the good thing about beer is it also has Hops, which makes it way more calming and therefore you get more relaxation for less alcohol, and so don't feel as shit in the morning.

Anyway.... yeah I just started e-cigs again Like 2 days ago after my tobacco ran out.
You don't even wanna know our prices for tobacco.... $18 a pack now. Save SO much money with e-cigs.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Twooooo raves!

The first one is that I think work went really well today. There's this guy who just got hired like the day before me and he's really lazy and unproductive, and I love it because it makes me look awesome in comparison. I got some pretty promising compliments from the general manager, especially on my prep work. I also went on lots of deliveries with my trainer too and I started out shy at first but by the end he was happy with my progress. I even got to do the last delivery in my own car with him riding along, and the other guy doesn't even get to drive yet for the second day. I'm getting to know my trainer well too, so I think this place should work out well! Hopefully it won't be too terrible just working there either, it was all mindless work in between deliveries so I just didn't check the time at all in between each one and the day flew by. I'm feeling good about it so far.

(In case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm a pizza delivery driver.)

The second one is that the outfit I ordered came in the mail today. A guy I've been talking to lately convinced me to get it when I got my job. It's a work-related outfit of a naughty persuasion.

You're doing my old job It's pretty damn good for a job tbh. Lot of dickheads and stingy people, but you should get some good tips and just cruise around listening to music.
I wonder if the people at your place smoke weed as well.... seems pretty common in pizza shops.

Originally Posted by tommo

You're doing my old job It's pretty damn good for a job tbh. Lot of dickheads and stingy people, but you should get some good tips and just cruise around listening to music.
I wonder if the people at your place smoke weed as well.... seems pretty common in pizza shops.

Hooray, we're delivery buddies! Sort of lol. I always thought it sounded like a neat job! And I mean, it's like the highest paying job in the store when you consider tips. I'm pretty happy with it so far, I even got to keep a couple of the tips that my trainer got when I was with him. :3

I'm pretty sure I heard my trainer mention being high at some point today but I'm not sure. >.> I don't want to bring it up yet until I get a better listen lol. It was only my second day after all. I would be downright shocked if one of my managers didn't though, or at least didn't do drugs in general. He was talking about going to EDC this year.

I've decided to just take some time to reply to people on different threads. I've noticed I ignore replies A LOT. Often I read some reply, have a lot to say about it but don't have time at the moment, so I plan to get to it and never do. It kind of just fades from my mind, and eventually it's been so long there doesn't seem a point anymore. (Since when is 'anymore' not a word....? wtf?) Sorry if this is long. I'm just going to go through an entire 2 pages, read every post attentively, even those from people I don't usually read, and write down anything I have to say about it....

Originally Posted by tommo

Don't worry about making assumptions, it was definitely helpful even though a few assumptions were wrong, gave me some things to think about.

Yeah, I was actually going to ask you that too. I was thinking about it and it seems wrong choice of words. Because I think it would probably be impossible to keep that initial intense feeling for so long, right? Probably turns in to a more subtle and varied attraction? I guess I've only felt the beginning stages of that, so you'd probably know better.

I'm still sorry for making assumptions. I don't know what you or anyone else has experienced of course. And the only experiences I have are my own, and I don't claim to have very much experience. And relationships are such personal things it would be hard to tell what other peoples' are like and judge them. For all I know they could be different from the ones I've had in essence... maybe I bring something or lack something that other relationships have. But from my experience at least, that initial feeling inevitably dies out, and is replaced with another which dies out after a longer time.

There is that initial feeling of lust and excitement. For me, at least, I think it's inevitably temporary because it relies on uncertainty. To be excited about it you have to still be getting to know the person. You like them a lot so you're really happy to be around them, but you don't yet know them enough to be completely comfortable, so there's some uncertainty.... like being on a roller coaster, knowing the ride is going to be fun but not knowing what's going to happen exactly. I'd compare it to anything new that happens in life. Like if you moved to another country, you'd be excited and overwhelmed for a while, but eventually it would have to die down and your feelings would go back to normal, because that seems to be what happens when our brains get used to anything.

Anyway, for me at least, after that you gradually become more comfortable with one another, and start to learn more about each other. As that happens, you're becoming more aware of their flaws. I suspect this is when a lot of people break up.... because that haze of perfection kind of melts away, and you have to decide whether you like the person you've realized they really are. And this can happen from quickly to very gradually, because getting to know a complex person takes a lot of time, and you're always discovering new things about them which change your perception of them a bit. Of course there's more after that, once you know them so well there's really no mystery anymore at all... maybe that's when love comes in, knowing someone completely and caring about them as if they're you in a way, reserving a "special place in your heart" for them or w/e. :/

Originally Posted by Suena

I'm not sure what my problem is but I cannot seem to post anywhere else and I'm starting to feel real pathetic. Anything I want to say is a rant/rave. I just want to talk I guess, but I've been going to this thread and this thread alone for so long now that I can't find a place to just interject anywhere else.

I have the same problem sometimes... I'll decide to just post on-topic or anywhere else, read through a bunch of threads and find I have nothing to say. But I find it can actually help to just force yourself to say something anyway. Even if you have a half-formed opinion, type it out anyway, do that on a few threads, and by the next day someone will have replied to at least once and you'll be able to respond to them.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

I hope your game starts working for you soon, Dianeva... and that you absolutely love the new operating system once you get used to it. I need to upgrade my machine in a major way, but I always wait for hubby in that department (especially!)

Thanks. I'm already loving it, but games are an issue. I have 2 hard drives, and Windows is still running on my smaller one, so I'm just going to use that for games for now.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

"I would really LOVE a great flying or spinning dream." And sure enough, I had a spinning dream. It was one of the greatest I had had in a very long time. But, I usually end up with a jumbled hodge-podge of things as well

You're lucky, I wish that would work for me. It is how I got my first first self-induced lucid dream, but it hasn't happened since. I expect it too much. For me, It's more like "It sure would be nice to dream about ______ tonight....... " then I don't.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Spoiler for Trying to make this post shorter:

Also, the cops finally came over today to talk to my son. They wanted to know about a FB account created. It used all of his personal info but it was the one used to harass my daughter. They seemed to take our word for it that neither he nor I knew about the account. From the point of view as being a suspect, it was a relief to get it out of the way. As the mom of a possible victim, I expected more. I've been expecting them to seize my cellphone and computer. I want to know who's torturing my daughter and why. But it seems, more and more, as if my daughter is doing it herself. The cop hinted that the investigator in my daughter's town thinks she was the one behind the cellphone calls. Or that she was making it up.

If my daughter is so far gone that she's crying out for help in such ways, I sincerely hope she gets it and finds some peace and closure. But, I fear, so long as I shelter my son that will never happen. Curse me for always playing the Devil's Advocate. Curse my inability to rise to rage over things that matter. Curse my son for being a pervert and curse them both for getting high and stupid.
I fall asleep every night thinking about her and feeling what must be but a tiny bit of her pain. Sometimes I just hate life.

I'm sorry to hear all of that is going on. You hardly ever seem to get a break from terrible events, mostly surrounding your kids.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

A rave (depending on how you look at it) is that I'm about to head to my first day at a job.

Congratulations!
(just thought I'd use an emoticon I'll never use again)

Originally Posted by Anju

Attachment 5630

I like the meme and completely understand. The person you've described seems to share some common misconceptions that a lot of extroverts have. Maybe you should post a video on FB, which hopefully that person will watch, describing what introverts really are and some common misconceptions. If she watches it then she might understand and know you don't hate her.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74kBqeq__OQ

Originally Posted by Athylus

But for some reason I have a feeling of emptiness in me, a void. I need to fill this up, but I absolutely have no idea how. It's not that I'm not happy, I am in fact. It just feels as if something is missing. How can I discover what it is?

Why not just set time aside to think about it? Imagine that you had certain things... like perhaps a romantic partner (if you don't have one) or money or a feeling of purpose... then ask yourself if that void would be gone.

Originally Posted by TimeDragon97

Shortly before this school year started, I told myself that I should move on and forget my crush.

I'm currently on my third full week of school... and that ain't happening.

lol... yeah, I really know what you mean. It's easy to say that when you don't actually have to see them or interact with them. Then when you do it all comes back.
Maybe if you pay enough attention, they'll eventually do something that will make you realize you actually don't like them. That used to happen to me all the time in school. For example, I once had a huge crush on someone until I one day saw him listening to rap music. Instantly went from liking him to hating him.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Another rant is that I don't know how to take a compliment and thwart unwanted sexual advances. I keep running into an older guy at Wal-mart. I mean, it's not often, maybe once a month or so. But I always forget about our encounters after I leave the store. He has a very kind face that reminds me of the husband of one of my hubby's employees. Falling into conversation with this stranger is very easy. I don't even know his name. Every single time I see him, I first think it's the employees husband. How is that possible lol.
But then he starts on about how pretty I am; how he likes seeing women in skirts but wonders how I would look in a pair of jeans. Then it turns to how he'd be so happy if he woke up next to a woman like me.
I always give him a hug before I leave.

He's very flattering and sweet, but he makes me very uncomfortable. But it's the sort of uncomfortable that I can still smile about.

If I could, I would never leave home. I don't like interacting with people in the flesh. I'm not witty and it takes me too long to think and make connections. And I must always be nice

Some people might not mind you being like that, like other introverts who know what it's like. If that man likes you then maybe he just would accept you for who you are.
Are you still living in a separate house from your husband? Is he still refusing to sleep with you? Obviously it isn't my place but... even you admit he's controlling. I assume you're only with him because of the money, or the kids, or something. You're still young enough to attract people, someone who would care about you, live with you and treat you as an equal, and I don't like knowing that you're wasting your life with someone who treats you more like a daughter than a wife... You're so settled in and controlled that I doubt that you'd ever leave, even if that were an economical option. But if you ever found the courage and ability to do that, and realized you deserved way better, I feel your life would be so much better.

(This is getting really long, I've been on here typing for like 2 hours so far and I'm only half through the first of the 2 pages... so I'll just post this now and do the rest later.)

Originally Posted by Dianeva

There is that initial feeling of lust and excitement. For me, at least, I think it's inevitably temporary because it relies on uncertainty. To be excited about it you have to still be getting to know the person. You like them a lot so you're really happy to be around them, but you don't yet know them enough to be completely comfortable, so there's some uncertainty.... like being on a roller coaster, knowing the ride is going to be fun but not knowing what's going to happen exactly. I'd compare it to anything new that happens in life. Like if you moved to another country, you'd be excited and overwhelmed for a while, but eventually it would have to die down and your feelings would go back to normal, because that seems to be what happens when our brains get used to anything.

That's a good way to put it. It goes back (once again, lol) to that Low Latent Inhibition. That sort of thing never happens to people with that. Their mind doesn't start ignoring things like normal people's brains do. Usually once your brain realises some stimulus is neither harmful nor helpful/rewarding, you tend to not even notice it. And that's why even a new country would feel normal after a while. I wonder if it would be the same with loving someone....

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Anyway, for me at least, after that you gradually become more comfortable with one another, and start to learn more about each other. As that happens, you're becoming more aware of their flaws. I suspect this is when a lot of people break up.... because that haze of perfection kind of melts away, and you have to decide whether you like the person you've realized they really are. And this can happen from quickly to very gradually, because getting to know a complex person takes a lot of time, and you're always discovering new things about them which change your perception of them a bit. Of course there's more after that, once you know them so well there's really no mystery anymore at all... maybe that's when love comes in, knowing someone completely and caring about them as if they're you in a way, reserving a "special place in your heart" for them or w/e. :/

I think you're right. Makes total sense. Depresses the fuck out of me.
heh....
The thought process in to why that depresses me is really too convoluted to type out.
But yeah I think you are right. In a way love is just when two people are being themselves and like one another enough to enjoy each other's company often.
lol
But of course you have to go all that other stuff first to find out.

________________

Rant:
The girl from work's aunty (or family friend or something) has found a guy that she want her to meet.
Him and his family are going to her house this weekend or next.
She said "that guy is coming to see me soon"
I told her how absurd this is and I find it kind of scary. The words she used are important to why I feel this way.
I told her it's like they're coming to check out a car or something to see if it's fit for their use.
It disgusts the fuck out of me. And she said she knows what I mean. But I'm not sure whether she REALLY does, or if she's trying to make herself feel better about it by not conveying how scared she is.

The first time we talking about it she sounded terrified and anxious at the thought of it and didn't even want to talk about it because it scared her that she'd have to get married so soon and spend her life with some guy she probably wouldn't even like.

FUCK! I just hate it so much. Her brother is allowed to do whatever he wants, he's dating some Thai girl or something, can fuck anyone, go anywhere, marry anyone....
But she's not allowed to do any of that. And she's without a doubt the most kind and compassionate person I have ever met in my life. It just sickens me that she will almost undoubtedly end up unhappy, and some absolute fucking douchebag will, for all intents and purposes, own her.
And she'll feel obligated to do whatever he wants her to do. GodERGWE fuck!....

I know 100% now why people end up taking a stand against things only after it impacts them, whether personally or through someone they love.
Like that woman who campaigns for medical marijuana now that it helped her kid with epilepsy, even though she didn't care before.

I thought arranged marriage was weird, even one of my neighbors that I met a few times had to do that and I didn't think much of it.
I thought these patriarchal cultures were not fantastic, but never really grasped how the women must feel....

Now I know.

I do realise some women are just so brainwashed by it all that they don't even care, or they're just stupid and have no life aspirations.
But obviously some of them, including this girl from work, do want to do things with their life beyond being a cum receptacle and making babies and basically being a slave cleaning the house etc.
This girl wants to do research, she wants to go out and do things and learn new things and have experiences, she even has a list of all the qualities she wants in a guy/relationship, since she was a kid. But it won't happen if she goes along with this bullshit.
For example both the married Sri Lankan's at work won't go places unless their husbands let them. Not exactly like that, but they will think of their husbands before themselves, in all decisions.

I don't think I can deal with seeing that happen to her. She deserves so much.... she's a beautiful person. Seeing her amazing personality just slowly being crushed and all hope diminished.... would kill me. I would kill myself to stop that from happening.

I think maybe this also has something to do with me. She's the first person in.... probably ever, that gave me any sort of real hope for humanity.
I had previously only met thinly-veiled selfish and petty scumbags.
If she gets pushed down this path, which seems inevitable unless she stands up to it, I don't think I will be able to retain my recently renewed optimism and hope.
Then it is back to square one, depressed as all hell and just wanting to die.

I kinda forgot for a while how far she has made me bring myself. Goddamn.....

Spent the entire trip with my dad tired and irritated beyond belief. I...have realized a strange inexplicable aversion to him. If he touched me for any reason at all, stood too close, or even -offered- me something I became edgy and uncomfortable. At one point the sound of him breathing from the other bed, and his shifting around made t impossible to sleep, I would start to doze, he would shift slightly rustling the sheets and I would snap awake with my heart pounding. What the hell?
It was the worst in Rome and Venice, damned if I can tell you why. I have absolutely no reason to react this way. Doesn't stop it from happening though. Once we left Rome behind it started to fade, in Pompeii it wasn't that bad, but when we got to Venice I was ready to jump out of my skin any time he tapped my shoulder. :/

My life is falling apart.... I feel terrible.... it seems like I will brake up with my girlfriend I am really down..... I'm falling apart I am slipping into a depression

I hate the customers at our bakery. They don't ever want to believe the truth. "These don't look like the same bread" Then when I tell them truthfully that they are, they say "But they don't look like the same one" (they actually do btw). I say I promise that they are. The. They complain up front and get both free.

Rinse repeat obviously. Now they know how to get free bread.

My rant is my internet. It and the cable went out from around 9:30 PM until 3:30AM. And it's been spotty today. My computer tells me I'm connected to the internet but pages either take way too long to load or don't load at all.

Thanks, Dianeva. Hubby is controlling... but not in a malicious sort of way and I'm okay with being dependent on him. He and I are in a groove. He's my bestfriend and I love him. I WOULD like to have sex again though,lol and I'd like to see him more often. But we click. We both joke about how there's no one else who would able to handle either of us
If anything ever happened to him, I would NOT get into another relationship.

Sorry to hear your trip was weird, Amurehna.
And so sad about your heartache, Karloky.

Tommo, even though you've told me before, I always feel shocked after reading "$18. for a pack of cigarettes." !!! I would absolutely die lol I'm thinking about picking up some more e-cigs tomorrow. I've just been putting it off because my batteries are almost dead and I can't buy replacements. As quickly as I kill the batteries off, I can't afford the name brand ones.
Sorry about your friend

Ophelia. Stupid mooches. I hate when people make a fuss just to get free stuff.

Seems you're pretty luck you found each other That's sweet.

Yeah I thought I had told you before lol, but wasn't sure.
What are you doing???? Get rechargeable batteries! Why would you buy new ones every time? lol
Seriously you can grab e-cigs off the internet for cheap that recharge via USB. I'll get you a link to a good one if you want.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

This is the reason I used to be convinced I would die by suicide eventually even if I managed to live a happy life for a while. However, I eventually found the fatal flaw (at least in my view).... "If life is just misery with no chance of getting better, then there's literally no reason to keep living." This statement is not a certainty. If there's one thing I can tell you for sure it's that life can get much, MUCH better. In fact, as long as you know how to seek out opportunities, there are literally endless chances for it to get better. Another thing that comes to mind is that old lady that you describe with words like 'pathetic', 'useless', and 'disgusting'... but all you saw of her is a bus ride. How do you know that she hasn't lived a full life that she's proud of, or that she wasn't just taking a nap on her way back from having a great time with her friends to a house full of people that loved her, or that she's not actually pretty happy about her appearance for her age? And how do you know that she's not actually pretty active, just because she was sleeping at that particular time? Since joining the fetish community around here I've met multiple people who I would describe as elderly, and they're some of the wildest people I know. They're really still kids at heart, and they're often the life of a party.

Obviously there will be hardships in life, but there can be so many good parts about it too.... What I once thought I would end up doing no matter what I now don't think I could do even if I wanted to. There are so many incredible things about life that I just can't imagine cutting my only go at it short for any reason. Maybe the problem isn't that life is sad but that you just haven't found the perspective on it that makes you happy yet?

^^ i really like this post.

i too fear getting old and slowing down.

Worst timer ever:


Its no wonder my toast is forever burnt.

>_<