Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

God help me i'm about to blow with my effin ex! He is purposely pushing my buttons i fucking had it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He said he hadn't drink but ik he did, he only gets this pushy while drunk and i hate it....i told him straight up..."what's wrong with you? You wanna fight? Fight!!" always bringing repeated shit! Fukn ass hole!
HE WANTS TO FIGHT WHILE HE EATS AND HE BRUSHES HIS HANDS OFF FROM HIS FOOD LIKE STATING "THE WORK HE DID IS DONE NOW, ITS OVER!" AND THAT REEEEEEEALLY PROVOKED SOME DISDAIN AND LOATHE FROM ME!

I couldn't find my lighter so I went to check my bag, and I noticed that my stash was gone. My bud, the buster, my papers, everything. One of my parents obviously took it, but I'm not sure who (or when). I used my lighter a few hours ago, but I didn't bother checking my stash at time. So I'm not sure if my stash was taken this morning, and I simply misplaced my lighter this afternoon... or if my Mom went through my bag when she got home from work (while I was taking a shower).

If it was taken this morning, then it was my Dad. He knows I burn; he's not happy about it, but he also knows he's in no position to tell me to stop. Which makes me think it was probably my Mom... which wouldn't be all that surprising. She's also acting a little odd and it's starting to really annoy me, but I can't really call her out on it just in case it was actually my Dad.

Now I have to wait until morning to ask my Dad. I've got a major headache, this shit only made it worse, and there's no Advil/Tylenol in the house. I was going to take two small tokes and get on with my day but noooooooooo.... -.-"

My little boy is going to be 3 years old next month. I joined this forum just a month after he was born. So crazy. Usually this is the part where a person would say it feels like yesterday, but it really doesn't. I think I've grown up quite a bit since then, too. I feel it, every minute of it. I'm excited to plan his birthday party. I think I'm just going to do it on a Tuesday. I hate having birthdays on any day other than the actual day because it just doesn't "feel" like a birthday, ya know? I don't care if people can't make it. If I have it in the evening, then most should, and those who want to be there will be there.

I've cried and complained on here, but I don't think I've ranted and raved, so here we go. Please not there is no advocacy meant to be implied in ANY of this, just an anecdotal report.

Last night I tripped on 4-ho-mipt, at 15mg, the second time i've used this substance. It was also my first time tripping indoors, which was very different. I was with my girlfriend in her room.

The comeup was bizarre, and being inside was unsettling. There were red lights, blacklights, and glowing stone lamps in the room, so the vibe was mystical. The comeup produced some anxious energy that soon channeled into a strange bodily euphoria, when I realized "aw fuck the anxiety, what a waste of my focus" and soon turned analytical, and by nature of the substance, more mindful and meditative. After the comeup, nothing felt like it could go wrong, though there was still some festering anxiety because of the bizarre alien atmosphere.

Things began to "breathe" and colours intensified, especially the hues of blue and cooler tones in the shadows of the room. A great deal of pink and "candy" looking things were around the room aswell. Backed up into the corner of the room, the round had a circular kind of fisheye effect which was awesome to just lay back with and watch the ceiling move (stucco ceiling). In the ceiling details there were some fractals being noticed, particularly from triangulation of patterns. The whole ceiling was essentially a "sky" filled with these:



After awhile of having fun with this, we decided to venture out to get some water, because our kidneys felt dry as hell, like empty balloons. I knew the floor would creak as we walked past Lindsey's parent's room, so I pointed for us both to walk along the wall (it never creaks if you do that), and then we ventured into the kitchen. It was so quiet that we could hear out heartbeats, and honestly, I thought it felt like her room was a space ship and we'd just stepped out into pure space. Quiet enough for a pin drop to be LOUD. We picked up a kitten while we were out there too, which was near someone who was sleeping on the couch, and took her into the room with us.

Back in the room we decided to try some nitrous, which was like turning the room into water basically. Everything was rippling fast, intensifying in vibration until it concentrated into a "buzz", which seemed to be organizing the stucco ceiling in sync with this, forcing it into the triangular fractal posted above, but 100% visually organized. I knew that as soon as I moved my eyes, it was going to change. It was great to see though, because it literally was perfectly rendered as a fractal (Lindsey had this happen too).

The next whippet in for me was more bizarre. I was in the corner, on a bed, but my head slightly tilted. Part of me wanted to lean my head back as the whippet came up, something felt "misaligned". I locked my head into the corner, perfectly 45 degrees, staring into the red light on the ceiling. The lightbulbs on the ceiling had the shape of dragonfly eyes, and then the rest of the body of this dragonfly materialized into the stucco ceiling, with some blue electricity. The vibrations that fractalized in the other whippet, this time, materialized in my body. I felt something pulling from deep in my body, out through my throat, and into the eyes of the dragonfly, and into it's body. It was like I was experiencing the light it was giving off, but it felt like sharing an electric current from within my and into the light as if it were a lightning rod.

So yeah that was CRAZY. My mind was blown lol.

The rest of the night was a lot of self reflection, realizing that I communicate better with my hands than I do other parts of my body, like my voice and throat. I'm expressive visually, and just anything to do with my fingers, especially with kungfu, massages, any kind of art. I decided to try to channel this expression into my throat and voice and began rambling to Lindsey seamlessly, and it just felt like a very pure kind of expression, something I wasn't used to. I'm always used to gestating ideas, critiquing them, debating them, but never just confidently trusting myself to speak fluidly. My stutter was gone, my awkward "backspacing" tendencies weren't there, I was just talking naturally for what felt like the first time. It was a very important thing for me, I'd never confronted that kind of issue before, I didn't think I could.

All in all it was a very meaningful trip, despite not being indoors. 4-ho-mipt seems to be a tryptamine that makes confrontation and reflection seamless, and the empathy makes it an optimistic experience doing so. I feel like all the festering anxiety in my system is gone and I expect this to stay for quite awhile.

That's all~

I am emotionally crushed. It seems that nobody around me likes me. I am trying to be nice, good and am always trying to help people around me like for example in my class but all people around me seem to get pretty mean towards me and I don't know why. I feel emotionally crushed and I wish I could just die now. I am already sick of this being nice but everybody around you sh** on your face.

Originally Posted by Karloky

I am emotionally crushed. It seems that nobody around me likes me. I am trying to be nice, good and am always trying to help people around me like for example in my class but all people around me seem to get pretty mean towards me and I don't know why. I feel emotionally crushed and I wish I could just die now. I am already sick of this being nice but everybody around you sh** on your face.

Just because the people around you aren't validating your good deeds doesn't make them any less valuable. People will remember you by the good things you share with them. Soon it'll become more obvious, you'll be one of the good guys.

On that note, don't take the crud they attempt to feed you. Speak out if there's something inherently wrong with something, it feels so much more liberating than just recognizing something's wrong and not doing anything about it. Not only are you voicing an important opinion, but you're getting people to realize that you have confidence. Sometimes your empathy will stop you from speaking up, because either you don't want to hurt somebody's feelings, or you feel like you'll end up getting whipped because of it-- those are just barriers. You have to know that you have good intentions; and if you know that, don't let yourself lose sight of that. People might try to tell you otherwise, but if you know you rightfully are doing something for the greater good, don't let them tell you otherwise man >: (

These are skills you will inevitably find yourself gaining as you get more experience in your schooling and just everyday life in general. It takes a lot of being pushed around to realize that you have the ability to stand up, because you don't deserve that crap. What right do they have to try to brainwash you into thinking your positivity is sour? You deserve better. Don't be hostile, don't be aggressive, but don't be soft. You have more power to stand up for yourself than you think.

~

Everyone.
Karloky My daughter called me last night, crying, for a similar reason. People suck, sometimes. Ignore them and smile. That bothers bullies more than anything.

My internet has been crap. Then I was on a three day death watch for my dog. She passed away yesterday
At the same time, I've been dealing with crap from my sister.

I've wanted to cut, just to stop my racing thoughts and rage. But I haven't
I've been having very angry dreams though lol. I keep finding myself slaying zombies

I think vented anger can be healthy. Get everything off your chest and move on. My youngest daughter, who lives with my sister, has kept everything bottled up for years. She apologizes for real and imagined faults. I remind her she was a kid. To let it go, to get angry with me, to heal.
She let me have it last night. Her words hurt, but I had it coming. What bothers me most about what she said is that she's remembering some things improperly. I didn't try to correct her about most things. I don't know how much of her faulty memory is due to the way she perceived things at the time, and how much is coming from my sister.

I sent my sister a message, to let her know my daughter and I had a bad conversation, so my sister could make sure my daughter didn't spiral. Which lead to a nasty conversation with my sister.
She thinks she knows everything and she believes everything she hears.
I love my daughter, but she's extremely manipulative. She's fed my sister some crap but she's not interested in my side of the story. I usually take her crap and let it go. But I told her last night that if I was to believe everything I heard, I'd think her son beat animals, gay kids, smokes pot and vandalizes churches. And I could think she's a terrible mother from the things I've heard. I went on to tell her that I take what I hear with a grain of salt and maybe she should do the same.

Then she sent me a cryptic message saying she has more than what she's heard.
Okay. Whatever you say. You live 2 hours away, never come to this side of the state, and you know secrets? My family's delusional. The State worker is delusional. She asked them (again, no one ever asks for my side of anything) if I had a gambling problem. Okay. What the heck. I NEVER gamble. Part of it is a religious thing, part of it is I don't have money to gamble, another part is I think it's stupid. I don't have skills for big games and the little things are luck (like slots).
People have asked me if I have a drug problem. Uhhh, no. Stupid people. Unless you count nicotine and caffeine as drugs. Or my Celexa and vitamins.

They can't accept that I was just a lousy mom. I'll own up to that. Excuses are stupid though I could make plenty (real and imagined). But no. They have to make me out to be much worse than I already am.
Stupid people.

But I am proud of myself for not cutting and for standing up to my sister.

The first day of school went surprisingly well. My friend stayed over at my house last night and we went to school together, we're in the same class aswell. I was feeling really anxious, cause it's a new school for me. But it was okay I guess. I felt so uncomfortable though and I don't even know why. And I'm already feeling very nervous for tomorrow, it's actually killing me D: I don't wanna walk through the school alone looking for my classmates before our classes start. And I don't have my books yet until next week which is stressing me out aswell. And I'm feeling really really tired and exhausted, I don't think it's even normal after one day at school. (Sorry for my shitty english btw)

Thanks you two. I'm doing a tough study which is called maritime officer. I chose it because I'm a technical person and I want to see different places of the world later, I can achieve this with that study. I don't really have an interest for boats whatsoever specificially, but this seemed like the best choice to me. I already started studying once and quit... didn't take it serious enough back then. It's the first day of school now and I'm already making homework, lol.

The room is either too hot, too cold, or too loud. I am randomly uneasy and I'm not tired when I lay down, BUT when I sit down at the computer I start yawning.
Sigh.
The bright side is I'm in Italy!
I just want some damned sleep before I have to get up in the morning and walk all over the place.



...I also have a sunburn, because I walked around Rome for 5 days and apparently couldn't be bothered to dig out the sunblock I brought with me.

Ugh... to add insult to injury, I backed into my hubby's rock wall and scraped the heck out of the side of my car... with some small body damage. I think I'm going to stay in my room for the rest of the week!!!
I also lost my lighter Maybe it's contagious lol

Well, my dog was put to sleep about an hour ago. I'm pretty sad. She was a great dog and we had her since I was about eight. My parents got her because of me and she was even born on my birthday. Really sweet and smart. She'd even pick up the plate after we gave her a treat and take it to the garbage. I'm going to miss her. The stupid thing is I can't cry. I'd like to but all I can manage to do is tear up. Seems like a dumb thing to be upset about, but it's just weird.

Maybe I'll post a pic or two of her later.

@ NewArtemis

so sorry to hear that. Everybody grieves differently, so don't be upset over not crying.

I need to level up my time management skills by the fold. 4 chapters a week, and home work in each chapter in two different books and an online program makes me wonder how I'm going to do it. It's not like they test me on that material the following week....oh wait.

I had my first day of classes today. I'm pretty exhausted and for some reason I've been getting like 6 hours of sleep for the last week. I want to get more tonight but don't know whether I will. Going directly from doing nothing all day for months to doing all this is insane. So many new things.... lecture halls, so many people, even the campus is insane. I've never really been to a real university before. It's huge, basically a city filled with students. Just taking in the mass of students was such an overload for my mind, since I'm an extreme introvert. Sitting in a class with like 150 other people, I felt like I wasn't really there some of the time, like I was dreaming or something.

Then I had to go to my aunt's house for a Jewish holiday. I was so tired even before going there, I don't know how the hell I managed to socialize with them. I should probably just relax now, but I'm so afraid of falling behind as always happens even when I take much less of a workload than this. I want to make sure I study and otherwise prepare as much as possible for every class. It's exciting in a way though. It feels good to feel my mind working hard again, and I'm finding I actually do remember a lot that I'd thought I'd forgotten. It will be really nice to sleep though... I want to aim for 8 hours, that would be so nice.

I just got my annual pay hike and it's such a meagre amount that I'm ashamed to tell my family.

NewArtemis, so sorry about your dog. It's not silly to be upset or want to be upset by the passing of a pet. Especially one you had for so long.

My rant is that I woke to a facebook message from my sister again. Saying: 'Nice text message you just sent... lie again about not knowing anything'. I was seething.
Then I asked if my other daughter could be sending the messages and I gave her new cellphone number. But then I felt like I sold my other daughter out. I don't even know what these messages are supposed to be.
But then my youngest called from school. I've not spoken with her since she let me have it a few nights ago.

And now I don't know what the heck to think. She says the messages are being sent from my number and the messages are crap like 'You should have cut deeper... why are you still on this world'.
But I can't even find where to send texts. It was never my thing and I'm completely clueless. AND my minutes haven't changed. Texting takes away something like .10 units. I've had 3.10 total units for months because I can't afford to top it off.
So no one else is using my phone either. Is my phone cloned? But how would they have her new number? I didn't even have it.
I told her to look at her new household. But she said none of them know how to send messages from someone elses number.

Then I told her to give it to the State and let their techs figure it out. She then said she has in the past and they think she's sending the messages to herself.

In any case. I told my daughter that people have always called me "a pacifist", "a hippy" and "too permissive". Therefore, would a permissive and pacifist hippy ever send such messages to the child she bonded with the most? Doing something so horrible goes against the core of my being. I was glad that I got to talk to her again to remind her of that.
A parent isn't supposed to have a favorite. I love all my kids equally. But I did bond with her the most. And from the moment she was born I knew she would be the one to break my heart.
I reminded her that I love her more than anything and that I only want her to heal, be happy and to get away from all of the crap that came with home and this community.

So now I'm just exhausted. I can't really be mad at my sister if what my daughter says is true and those terrible messages are coming from my number.
I just REALLY friggin wish people would ASK questions instead of assuming things and accusing. But I would be mad at me too with the info she has.

I don't understand people.

**EDIT**
What's up with friggin juveniles in adult bodies? ADULTS are supposed to be civilized.
I called the State worker, left a message for her (which she NEVER returns) saying that I want to get to the bottom of this BS.
Then I decide to take it a step forward, be the adult, and reach out to my sister.
Her husband answered because she's at work and he has her phone. He said "worms" cannot be placed on cellphones so whoever's sending the messages is using my phone. He went on to ask what my son has been up to (long story, but he's the reason my daughter can't be here). MY MINUTES HAVE NOT CHANGED!!! How daft can people be? He then went on a threatening tirade of how they're pursuing this, there are warrants and supenas out and the person responsible will be procecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

Goody Goody for him. But that doesn't change the fact that I have not made these texts. He basically hung up on me, which really ticks me off. Friggin asshat. If I had all the info to begin with maybe I could have helped figure it all out. Maybe I could give my cellphone to someone so they could search it. Accusations tick me off. If I don't know what I'm supposed to be guilty of, how can I defend myself?

Lol, funny. Last time I posted in this thread I said that my overall life quality has improved a lot. It indeed did for several months but it changed from one day to the next. I did a mistake and now that's what I get. I go through shit I wish no one should go thru and gave up my life.

Originally Posted by Spenner

I've cried and complained on here, but I don't think I've ranted and raved, so here we go. Please not there is no advocacy meant to be implied in ANY of this, just an anecdotal report.

Last night I tripped on 4-ho-mipt, at 15mg, the second time i've used this substance. It was also my first time tripping indoors, which was very different. I was with my girlfriend in her room.

The comeup was bizarre, and being inside was unsettling. There were red lights, blacklights, and glowing stone lamps in the room, so the vibe was mystical. The comeup produced some anxious energy that soon channeled into a strange bodily euphoria, when I realized "aw fuck the anxiety, what a waste of my focus" and soon turned analytical, and by nature of the substance, more mindful and meditative. After the comeup, nothing felt like it could go wrong, though there was still some festering anxiety because of the bizarre alien atmosphere.

Things began to "breathe" and colours intensified, especially the hues of blue and cooler tones in the shadows of the room. A great deal of pink and "candy" looking things were around the room aswell. Backed up into the corner of the room, the round had a circular kind of fisheye effect which was awesome to just lay back with and watch the ceiling move (stucco ceiling). In the ceiling details there were some fractals being noticed, particularly from triangulation of patterns. The whole ceiling was essentially a "sky" filled with these:



After awhile of having fun with this, we decided to venture out to get some water, because our kidneys felt dry as hell, like empty balloons. I knew the floor would creak as we walked past Lindsey's parent's room, so I pointed for us both to walk along the wall (it never creaks if you do that), and then we ventured into the kitchen. It was so quiet that we could hear out heartbeats, and honestly, I thought it felt like her room was a space ship and we'd just stepped out into pure space. Quiet enough for a pin drop to be LOUD. We picked up a kitten while we were out there too, which was near someone who was sleeping on the couch, and took her into the room with us.

Back in the room we decided to try some nitrous, which was like turning the room into water basically. Everything was rippling fast, intensifying in vibration until it concentrated into a "buzz", which seemed to be organizing the stucco ceiling in sync with this, forcing it into the triangular fractal posted above, but 100% visually organized. I knew that as soon as I moved my eyes, it was going to change. It was great to see though, because it literally was perfectly rendered as a fractal (Lindsey had this happen too).

The next whippet in for me was more bizarre. I was in the corner, on a bed, but my head slightly tilted. Part of me wanted to lean my head back as the whippet came up, something felt "misaligned". I locked my head into the corner, perfectly 45 degrees, staring into the red light on the ceiling. The lightbulbs on the ceiling had the shape of dragonfly eyes, and then the rest of the body of this dragonfly materialized into the stucco ceiling, with some blue electricity. The vibrations that fractalized in the other whippet, this time, materialized in my body. I felt something pulling from deep in my body, out through my throat, and into the eyes of the dragonfly, and into it's body. It was like I was experiencing the light it was giving off, but it felt like sharing an electric current from within my and into the light as if it were a lightning rod.

So yeah that was CRAZY. My mind was blown lol.

The rest of the night was a lot of self reflection, realizing that I communicate better with my hands than I do other parts of my body, like my voice and throat. I'm expressive visually, and just anything to do with my fingers, especially with kungfu, massages, any kind of art. I decided to try to channel this expression into my throat and voice and began rambling to Lindsey seamlessly, and it just felt like a very pure kind of expression, something I wasn't used to. I'm always used to gestating ideas, critiquing them, debating them, but never just confidently trusting myself to speak fluidly. My stutter was gone, my awkward "backspacing" tendencies weren't there, I was just talking naturally for what felt like the first time. It was a very important thing for me, I'd never confronted that kind of issue before, I didn't think I could.

All in all it was a very meaningful trip, despite not being indoors. 4-ho-mipt seems to be a tryptamine that makes confrontation and reflection seamless, and the empathy makes it an optimistic experience doing so. I feel like all the festering anxiety in my system is gone and I expect this to stay for quite awhile.

That's all~

Originally Posted by rumpel

Lol, funny. Last time I posted in this thread I said that my overall life quality has improved a lot. It indeed did for several months but it changed from one day to the next. I did a mistake and now that's what I get. I go through shit I wish no one should go thru and gave up my life.

Why did you give up? What happened?
Please share, don't post vague things and then run off.


Slight rant but also rave: I went to my friend from Uni's art exhibition thing today. It turns out it was in a restaurant, so not really an exhibition like I thought, and I ended up being late, as usual. Anyway.... I couldn't talk for shit. She's fairly hyper and I love her for that, but it's soooo hard to talk to her lol I guess I need to get back in to the "groove" of her company. Coz we used to talk a lot. But coz I haven't seen her for probably 2 years now, it just took me by surprise and I forgot how to talk to her. It's like she asks some questions, I'm not even done formulating an answer in my head yet and she's already on to the next thing.

But yeah, I love her artwork and she is so awesome, really good person and great friend. I miss her now. I want to catch up with her properly now. Hopefully she does as well. We'll see....

I sprained my ankle... I know a sprained ankle isn't much, but it's actually the worst injury I've ever had. I suppose I'm lucky, but it came at such an inconvenient time. I had just started on my internship; it happened on the second day at work and then I was suddenly reduced to a useless burden who took up space and work force as a colleague who I also happened to know personally took me to the hospital. And now I'm suddenly out of that whole loop again. Just as I was getting ready to start getting used to getting up early in the morning and having practically no time - I suddenly had all the time: more time than I had before. I had plans that my mom had plotted for a bit; to take K and her brothers with us to Legoland. Well that isn't happening now, as it was supposed to be today.

I don't really think I'm in need of ranting or venting, I don't know why I'm writing. I haven't needed this in a long time. I think my biggest worry is that these two days have instilled an idea that this job isn't actually what I want to pursue after all. I don't know any alternatives though, so I have no idea where to go for education or what to get for a job. It seems to me that most things require an education. Maybe it's just that I know too little, I feel that my options are far too vague. It's as though there are millions of things I can do, but I just can't see them. I'm pretty sure that actually is the case, but how do I find out? All I have with me is websites with lists of jobs to apply for, and lists of educations I can get and where. It just doesn't seem to make all that much sense to me. Pursue music, maybe? All the things I can find are like, 3 year educations for something that sounds weirdly specific. Is that really what I want and need? I just don't know where to go, really, and that's my problem.

Rumpel, Tommo, Maeni.
Get over that sprain quickly and grats on the internship

I am shaking I'm so mad. My bp is only 137/87 but my pulse is 117. I think that's neat and a little "impressive" that raw anger can raise my pulse so much... which in turn is a much needed distraction from my rage.
I was sleeping nice and soundly when my cellphone finally woke me. My youngest daughter was trying to get in touch with me. She sent me 2 texts from her phone (to my email) saying it was sort of important. I almost went back to sleep because the number is so new to me and I didn't realize she was calling.

I called her back and there was no answer. I tried several more times and my sisters husband answered. He was seething. I told him to "grow the fuck up and talk to me civilized" [] and 'explain what's going on'. I asked for the Officer in charge of my daughters case and he said I'd find out when they come knocking on my door. He then slurred me, my son, and my husband. I told him if he kept it up I would sue him.
Asshat.

Me and my husband/fiancée (yes still very confused about this, we are getting married, but he calls me his wife and for some reason I'm not comfortable calling him my "husband" until it's legit, so it confuses me every time! ANYWAY) have been getting alone well since I came back. Any time an argument strikes, um, I feel more aware of what's going on and just try to do damage control. Try to keep it to a minimum and I have been dealing with recent realizations of inner issues that have a major effect on our fights, and so those are hard to deal with, BUT...

I have to rant about this one little thing about him. I mean.. Loyalty is always a good thing, right, supposed to be anyway. But this dog is WAY to loyal.. I mean.. maybe I am wrong. Anyway, any time a friend or family member (his mom, dad, brother) has an ordeal, a confrontation with someone who has stolen something from them or wronged them in a way, he HAS to take care of it (by punching someone in the face or getting into a fight). The last time this came up was when his parents' laptop was stolen. Yes, I get that that is messed up and why you would wanna track someone down. But the thing is... his family does not lock their house when they leave, even for extended periods of time, and while his younger brother was still living there, he had parties pretty much every night. These parties were fairly decent sized, people going in and out and roaming the house. To me, they asked for it. You know what I'm saying? It's something he will never be able to control while he is living HERE with his family. Yet, what did he do that night? Umm, got drunk, went over there with some bullets that his dad keeps here so his youngest brother doesn't put two and two together and takes them over to the house. Yea, ok, we're over that, he didn't shoot anyone, but this was the last incident.

Luckily, this one isn't so bad, but still it's in the realm of getting involved where you should just let it be. See, his bro and his sister and law were robbed 30 bucks (30 bucks!!!) by a "friend" of his sister in law's who they let stay there. This girl is... just... very easy very "friendly" with everyone and somehow his brother goes along with everything she says and they just let strangers stay at their house and what do you know, you get robbed. They're not the smartest people on the block. Or in town... or anything.. Um.. so the guy took thirty dollars and took off all day today. Well, my husband/thing got a text form his sister in law that said the guy was back so he's supposed to go over and get his brother who is at his parents and take him over there. He was in the middle of a game and suddenly, while I'm working out, he goes, I have to go take care of this. Like.. wait! Why? Is it going to be this way your whole life? They can handle their own fucking problems, just SIT dog. Seriously... I don't need the father of my children going to jail because some dumbasses let a dumbass stay with them and were betrayed. Why doesn't he get that? Why doesn't he understand that he cannot control everything?

It drives me insane. When I tried to reason with him as to why I think he should just stay out of it, he told me to HUSH. For real? fine, I'll hush. When you call me telling me you're in jail, I'm going to be hushed my dear. Stay in there for a bit, and learn your fucking lesson. Seriously. I get loyalty, but there are some cases where you just need to USE your fucking brain.

That's a pretty big issue Suena, one which I think he needs to confront for himself, because clearly he's not being mindful enough of it. That impulse to control is arrogance to himself; he CAN'T control everything, and he's falling deeper into delusion if he thinks he's always doing the right thing by playing anti-hero. It's something we all need to learn in different areas-- not letting ourselves fall victims to our emotional impulses. We have to be mindful of the fact that there's an animalistic impulse to act on what our emotions convey to us. This needs to be moderated... otherwise you end up with a person who cannot help themselves when they find themselves overwhelmed with emotional stress.

Honestly it sounds like that's a big step for him to overcome-- he needs to confront it himself, maybe with a suggestion made by yourself, someone else, or by reflecting on his own actions. I think he's taking it too far. But it's definitely not too late for him to deal with this issue, in fact I think it's almost exciting, the idea of him finally figuring out for himself that he has an extra layer of complexity to his mind, something that was for the most part automatic, but now is something he's aware of.

I really hope things turn out good in the long run. I know that your relationship can have such greater potential (not that it doesn't already, I won't pretend to know the deeply rooted chemistry between you two~ just sayin it's possible to add 10% on top of that~) if there's that level of self control in the mix, not letting emotional impulses get out of hand, when they manifest in anger and aggression. It's one step closer to an ultimately tranquil bond

I've had countless moments like this with my girlfriend, all of them have been necessary confrontations. The last one was actually while I was tripping on 4-ho-mipt, on the comedown, when i realized that I was holding back expressing myself vocally. I spend too much of my thought process worrying about saying the wrong things, and I realized that it's better to make a mistake and learn to correct yourself, than to say nothing at all. It felt quite liberating to face the issue and realize something can actually be done about it; for the longest time I'd have thought it to just be a part of me, something that would never change.

Florence! Where you can apparently be locked in your hotel room if your traveling companion leaves with the key and locks the door behind him.

-.-