Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Originally Posted by Suena

Relationship wise. I don't think I have met anyone quite like myself. What I mean by that is, I don't know very many people who will openly discuss their feelings. I'm not talking about people who inappropriately do so, but I mean in general. I guess I can name a few who I perceive as pretty open and easily communicative, but the people that really matter, my fiancé, my family, some of them are pretty closed off.

It can drive someone like me insane. I'm not saying these people are not honest, but I want to clarify what I mean by honesty. I mean being real. I mean, when I ask someone what's wrong, I want to help. If it is a private issue, OK, there are ways to communicate that, with words and body language, but if a person tells me nothing, namely my fiancé, and all of his behavior points the opposite, my brain gets overloaded by all the things that I could be doing wrong. People should be more real. At least that is the type of person I want to be with and around. I want everything on the table that should be there... I understand that not all issues are something everyone should know about, but in what is supposed to be a loving relationship, whether between friends or lovers, everything should be on the table.

Generally, I am a good communicator. I listen, I understand, I respond and I explain. I'm not perfect, I have my moments. But I've always prided myself a bit in the area that I'm pretty open to understanding and finding a resolution. But why are so many people not like this? I mean, why are so many people in my life not like this?

I see where you're coming from and in general I agree that it would be a lot better if people were more honest with one another. I think most of us may be conditioned to be indirect just because that's the way we see everyone else acting. For example, when someone asks "how are you?" in most settings it's socially unacceptable to say anything other than some equivalent of "good." But that's only how people act around strangers. People closer to you should bring about more open personalities. So I think your concerns about your fiance are completely valid.

Of course this is all my opinion. To me, this isn't even as simple as you two having conflicting social attitudes. No matter how inexpressive both members are in social settings, while together they need to be able to communicate properly. It is a cliche, but I would be saying this same thing from experience even if it wasn't. And I'm not saying you don't believe the same thing, as it's obviously important to you. I'm just trying to explain why I think you're right that it is important. I don't believe a relationship is automatically doomed if there's some occasional arguing, or that both people have to be willing to talk all the time. People's moods change and it isn't a crime to sometimes wish to be alone, or to be in a mood in which you just can't think rationally enough at the time to have a serious discussion without taking everything personally.

All of this is okay, I think, as long as, periodically, the couple gets together and talks about their issues, and both people are okay with the frequency at which these talks occur. And when these talks happen, everything must be laid out on the table, as you say. Everyone's feelings need to be considered, any problems that either person is having need to be laid out, or else the issues are just going to build up until even small issues become big deals eventually. The fact that you have to write about it in this thread hints that perhaps you and your fiance don't do this at all. And if that's true, you really do need to talk about it with him. If communicating (whether at all, or more frequently) is a big deal to you, and he doesn't want to communicate his problems as much as you'd like him to, then you're going to have a big problem eventually. As should be obvious to you, since you said you've learned that over the last 5 years. Even if it seems like a relatively minor issue now, that's the type of thing that, left alone, will build up until it eventually starts slowly devouring your relationship.

Originally Posted by Linkzelda

Not saying that all old people are like this, just the ones who brag so much about how much they lived, feeling as if they have all the right planning, all the right measures, all the right fail-safes when they still treat people as if they're just minor characters. We just end up conforming to a persona that's just an illusion on who we really are because if these people aren't putting effort in reasoning with us or confirm to us that they don't want to hear our opinion (so they can continue making a false model of who we are due to lack of communication), I guess we might as well make them feel at ease with giving them pretense about ourselves.

(This was going to be short but it turned into something else)
Old people have lived their lives, they have little potential left as they're going to die relatively soon, they've gone physically downhill, they've likely experienced more pain relative to us, ...... they generally have greater reason to be miserable. I've become pretty sure lately that this is why older people seem so eager to think themselves superior to younger people. It's all they have. Without their believed wisdom they would have no worth, so they need to believe that they do. That isn't to say that they don't. I think it's fair to say that in general an older person will be wiser than a younger person simply because he or she has been through more potential learning experiences. But in any case in which it's obvious that the older person knows less, in some way, than the younger person, but is denying it and thinks overly highly of himself... I really think it's because he has nothing else. He needs to feel superior in some way.

For this reason, I just feel sorry for them, so much that I wouldn't even argue. Feeling useless and knowing that you're going to die soon must be the worst feeling ever. Even at 23, I'm already feeling it, resentment and regret over wishing I had not done some of the things I have, and envy of younger people who still have that potential that I've wasted so far. I'm already finding myself wanting to find something wrong with them, and when I see a teenager who actually seems smart and as mature (or more mature) than I am, that feeling becomes extreme. Oddly, I remember being that age, and it was such a short time ago, and even then I feared being the age I am now. I knew then consciously that I loved being young and having potential, and thought pretty lowly of old resentful people. But now I understand why, even though I know it's wrong, would prefer not to feel that way and try to be aware of those feelings when they come up so that I can eliminate them. It's all about the fear of death, of never being remembered, of being worthless, of losing everything that's ever made you happy. It's difficult to just... not care, and not be jealous.

Oh fuck.... this hurts like a mother fucker....
I almost cried today from a combination of absolute frustration over every goddamn item having plastic wrap on it for no goddamn reason, they're CLOTHES AIRERS! THEY DON'T NEED TO BE FUCKING BE WRAPPED IN PLASTIC TO BE TRANSPORTED! MORONS!

Originally Posted by Dianeva

(This was going to be short but it turned into something else)
Old people have lived their lives, they have little potential left as they're going to die relatively soon, they've gone physically downhill, they've likely experienced more pain relative to us, ...... they generally have greater reason to be miserable. I've become pretty sure lately that this is why older people seem so eager to think themselves superior to younger people. It's all they have. Without their believed wisdom they would have no worth, so they need to believe that they do. That isn't to say that they don't. I think it's fair to say that in general an older person will be wiser than a younger person simply because he or she has been through more potential learning experiences. But in any case in which it's obvious that the older person knows less, in some way, than the younger person, but is denying it and thinks overly highly of himself... I really think it's because he has nothing else. He needs to feel superior in some way.

I agree and acknowledge with you that older people will generally have a greater experiential totality and experiential learning of things, that I gracefully accept, but to say that this gives them this unalienable right to be miserable and have their own pity parties (that a person of any age can have) is just as skewed in its intentions of trying to be compassionate towards that person being closer to death.

And I know that not all older people are like this of course.

And the classic strawman that older people generally use when they find a younger person dominating over them on a particular subject, they use the strawman, "Oh, so you think you know everything" (glad to know that even in their morbid jest, we suddenly know the totality of the universe and beyond when they find themselves at loss of what to counter-attack with the younger person's logic). It almost feels that for us to promote and let these older people go through their own self-pity and insecurities towards their inevitable death doesn't really seem to be a practical coping mechanism for us. I acknowledge that there are just some things in life we have to leave as an enigma, but when it comes to the ideas you presented, it's just going with the moral of how we all have that probability of going senile to the point where we eventually end up in a mini-lobotomy of things we've done in our lives.

It's like despite of the shifts in paradigms of life we go through, as we accumulate our own experiential totality to reach true empathy of what it was to be in that older person's perspective, how does your justification that encourages these people to revel in their self-pity and self-hatred that they sublimate in some way towards younger people or just people in general? How does your justification that's based on being disheartened towards older people make anything better? How does this justification of promoting the fueling of superiority complexes with older people make anything better? A younger person can have a superiority complex just like an older person, but because they're reaching near-death, that there's suddenly more merit to that?
It's one thing to eventually accept that older people have better experiential learnings and experiential totality of life, but when something like dreaming and lucid dreaming comes into the equation, when a person, no matter what age they are, find themselves exploring the totality of their minds in their natural sleep. That they engage with literally thousands, hundreds of thousands, if not, millions of thought-forms and dream characters in their head throughout their lives (whether they're aware of their dreams or not), it feels this itself can make the gap, the dichotomy with older people generally having better experiential totality vs. younger people generally having a lack of experiential totality much smaller.
It makes the experiential totality itself as bragging rights towards limited perception of the workings of life on this planet while we see the totality of our minds going way beyond that. Especially when there's people being thrown into asylums for going too much into the escapism with their lucid dreams, that children and younger people get scolded by their parents and end up going through therapy sessions because "talking to those dream characters or trying to have a lucid dream is bad."
Like this thread below:

http://www.dreamviews.com/help/14496...-am-crazy.html

(Note: I'm just using that as an example, I'm not trying to degrade the thread)

When OP within that thread is able to reason with people like us who go through their own justification towards lucid dreaming and how it occurs in our natural sleep,and yet still find older people that won't budge or are intolerable towards being curious of lucid dreaming (the parent in this case of the OP's position in the thread), then I guess when you mention this:

Originally Posted by Dianeva

For this reason, I just feel sorry for them, so much that I wouldn't even argue.....It's all about the fear of death, of never being remembered, of being worthless, of losing everything that's ever made you happy. It's difficult to just... not care, and not be jealous

I guess it's perfectly fine for us to gracefully accept the rebuke we might get from people who think that lucid dreaming, something that occurs in our natural sleep, is suddenly crazy or signs of becoming a madman/madwoman.

And I acknowledge that we just have to accept there will be those intolerable towards the curiosity towards lucid dreaming, but to say we have to gracefully accept older people's self-pity just because they're transcending towards death a bit faster than us?

I guess you are right that it's an enigma that's hard to justify, even if I try to go through the ends of the earth in coping with it.

For older people to be jealous when it's inevitable that to really have a betterment of society, the younger people will have to ideally elevate themselves beyond older generations' accumulation of competence towards certain things in life, it feels kind of sad and petty. I always saw it that if a older person sees younger people obviously surpassing them, or eventually being able to surpass, that they would find some solace that they set the forces in motion for those younger people to do that, that they allowed their own children, expansions of their beliefs and desire to preserve those beliefs through those children would be the ideal coping mechanism or justification they would conform to, not just reveling this fear of death.

Originally Posted by Linkzelda

I've had a few good friends of mine (that I sadly don't stay in touch with anymore) that have themselves encountering the same thing with their loved ones saying how they're basically married because of their situation. It's almost as if we have this predisposition to think marriage is just that stage where we know so much about a person that we just become "Meh, whatever, but I still need you because you're the only best option right now."

You know, I might not care if he just admitted to me that he wants to have all marriage entails without being married. Then at least it would be honest, you know? We never talk about anything. We have the strangest relationship, we have this well acted facade where we go through the motions. There's no...anticipation, no sense of passion. The other day I was playing with some disaster/end of the world fiction and I started thinking. How would we react if we were separated and then brought back together? Would we be joyful or awkward? You know, he went on a business trip for a week and when I went to get him at the airport I wanted to hug him and he didn't want me to. Something about being cramped on the plane and wanting his own space. I guess that's fine, but it felt like a slap on the wrist. I felt stupid for wanting to hug him. That isn't normal, right?
Part of me is worried that my expectations are too high, and this is all there's ever going to be.

Anyway, just wanted to talk things out with you, sorry if it felt like I was trying to fix or change anything. I find myself going over things so much that I forget that people might think I'm trying to fix their lives when I'm just discussing things with them, since I know I'm not obligated or shouldn't have implications of being liable to change anything about them, since it's their lives and they are in control of themselves. It's kind of hard not to resist talking with others like this, even if it's just in forum-formatting rather than actual face-to-face conversations.

I know you're not trying to fix anything, but it helps to see how other people process the information I give them.

Originally Posted by Amurehna

You know, I might not care if he just admitted to me that he wants to have all marriage entails without being married. Then at least it would be honest, you know? We never talk about anything. We have the strangest relationship, we have this well acted facade where we go through the motions. There's no...anticipation, no sense of passion.....You know, he went on a business trip for a week and when I went to get him at the airport I wanted to hug him and he didn't want me to. Something about being cramped on the plane and wanting his own space. I guess that's fine, but it felt like a slap on the wrist. I felt stupid for wanting to hug him. That isn't normal, right?
Part of me is worried that my expectations are too high, and this is all there's ever going to be.

Yeah, and like how you mentioned how you have dream characters/thought-forms that are true to you in your lucid dreams, when we tapped into that unconditional love they can give us (like how you want to be like Sanja, if I'm not mistaken), it's hard for us to see people in reality differently. While we have this totality of ourselves that can express unconditional love and acceptance for us, seeing these people we try to cope with and have this conflicting relationship with is difficult.

And it is normal that you yearned to hug him and feeling his warm chest, because you have every right to have someone to hug and hold on to in this reality. That while you know you have Sanja and other people in your dreams important to you, that we still have this need to express ourselves towards others in a loving way, even if they respond our gestures with apathy.

And I don't deny that I go through that myself, except it just ends up with me having to find solace for myself.

The other day I was playing with some disaster/end of the world fiction and I started thinking...How would we react if we were separated and then brought back together? Would we be joyful or awkward?

Yeah, when I find myself wondering how we have so much limerance of that person that eventually dies down the more we get to know them, that separating ourselves from them would rekindle that limerance again. I guess one way of how we can still see the good in a person (or seeing the potential of sparking a new beginning with them), that we would be able to balance through contemplating and making models of realities (like how you were playing with post-apocalyptic fiction) of what it would be like to lose that person. I guess when we can do that, we can tolerate them a bit more, but I find myself seeing that concept more practical in our dreams (non-lucid and lucid dreaming).

Because just like Sanja (and I apologize if I spelled their name wrong, my memory is a little muddy), who you look up to and want to be (which is fine because you just want to be the best person you can be), when it gets to the point where there's nobody but the totality of our consciousness and our experiential totality, that these post-apocalyptic speculations with makes us conceptualize what it's truly like to be happy with ourselves. Being happy to the point where people in reality can be just the same as the dream characters/thought-forms in our dreams, it's just that we know the parameters and limits we have to eventually accept (like with society's views on lucid dreaming and us exploring our minds).

When we can find solace with ourselves with our dream characters, we want those expectations to sublimate towards reality, but sometimes, unless we have a person that shares the similar mindset to us, we have to settle for less. And it definitely sucks, and I know it's disheartening for you as well, and as we go through this enigma of balancing the experiences we learn in our dreams and through dream characters/thought-forms/mind constructs/etc., it becomes a challenge of hopefully shifting people to our belief.

Which is why because that it's a challenge, a dreaming forum such as this is often our haven to deal with that enigma. I have many expectations of how I think people should think, I go through the same cognitive bias as well because the more we start accepting this unconditional love our minds can give us in our dreams (when we can develop psychosomatic self-control that it's derived from), it becomes impossible or even a masochistic endeavor to resist expanding that in reality.

It's alright that you build predispositions of having high expectations of others, but also realize that ultimately, it's setting high expectations for yourself so that you actually become an individual striving for betterment in their lives. Never forget who you are and your right to be happy with yourself and have these expectations for others, that's good, you want to make change for yourself and others, despite of their differences. And ultimately, when you know you have that sense of self and comfort for yourself, you'll be able to see if he's really worth it or not (that decision is up to you of course! )

I won't pretend to know anything about your situation but I do know that hugs hold the world together and that being cramped for the past few hours is a shitty excuse for refusing one to somebody you love.

Originally Posted by tommo

Can you brainwash your own brain?

I think so.

I tried to militarize myself a while back, not like a religious-Jihad/terrorist thing or w/e, but to sort of put myself in the same frame of mind that you see soldiers or generals in. Not sure how to explain it, but I mean that intense determination they have and how they're able to accomplish a whole fuck-tonne in such a short amount of time.

I was trying to "peak" early and I figured this would be a good way to go about it. It worked for a while but since I couldn't keep up with the goals I was setting for myself, I burnt out and sort of shut down for a few months. I think it was similar to what you described a while back, how some people take on more information than they can handle and then they go nasdfnsdjaknfkajs'ed.

I don't know how to explain it but it sort of felt as if my mind had been shattered and I had to piece it together. It got to the point where simple tasks like scheduling my day became a challenge. I've spent the last few months pulling myself together and I just recently got to the point where I can finally say I'm out of the danger zone. I had been keeping a journal and going back and reading some of those entries now, it's pretty clear I had lost it for a minute there.

Originally Posted by Linkzelda

http://www.dreamviews.com/help/14496...-am-crazy.html

Shit lol. I never saw that thread, that's pretty sad and kind of funny tbh that that kid's mom thinks he's crazy for lucid dreaming. For 'believing in something real' as he put it, while if he became religious or something I doubt she'd care.

Anyway, as a general response to your response, it isn't exactly that they're justified in having false beliefs due to their generally low-quality lives. Of course it would be better if they could simply stop feeling resentful in the first place somehow. But in real life, while dealing with people on an individual basis, empathy sets in and I don't have the heart to take away from someone the one thing they have. If it were me, I'd want to know because I'd rather know the truth than be happy. But not everyone is like that, and in some cases it's better to let a person be happy. Not everyone has the ability to move past some terrible truth they're confronted with. Some may grow stronger and more knowledgeable, but others would be unable to recover and just feel worthless. It would be so bad that they'd probably deny that they're right to the death, which is why it's extremely rare for an old person to be convinced they're wrong and the young person is right. Or maybe that's a completely false judgment, but it's what I feel like might happen.

This thread needs more Zhaylin =(

Originally Posted by AURON

This thread needs more Zhaylin =(

Whatever happened to her btw? .-.

Originally Posted by GavinGill

Whatever happened to her btw? .-.

I don't know...

That time when you wish you could just knock the f*** out of your asshole boss... Self control is key in this life. Shut your mouth, go home and get drunk

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Anyway, as a general response to your response, it isn't exactly that they're justified in having false beliefs due to their generally low-quality lives. Of course it would be better if they could simply stop feeling resentful in the first place somehow.
But in real life, while dealing with people on an individual basis, empathy sets in and I don't have the heart to take away from someone the one thing they have.

This is not about taking away a person's right for solace or living in a delusional state of decency, this is about people who acknowledge there are people like that, and knowing they can't really connect with them, so they'll have to continue living with a pretentious model of their character to those people while they continue being their true selves in an individual and introspective level, that's all I was saying. This isn't about the quality of other people's lives I'm talking about, I'm talking about a person building a schema of things where they become more aware emotionally and mentally of people's actions and their own.

If it were me, I'd want to know because I'd rather know the truth than be happy. But not everyone is like that, and in some cases it's better to let a person be happy. Not everyone has the ability to move past some terrible truth they're confronted with. Some may grow stronger and more knowledgeable, but others would be unable to recover and just feel worthless.

You're already recycling what's obvious, of course not everyone will be able to move on, I was merely talking about how one person who finds themselves being self-reflecting of their actions towards people and them knowing their own limits will eventually be at loss of what to do with these people that they can't really relate to anymore. I'm merely addressing one case scenario where the person felt them being self-reflective and over-analyzing as a bad thing, when it's really not, since the more they let the information out unconsciously, the better they can redefine their observations and actually make some sense in their speculations.

It's merely about going through unconscious priming and going back to what they thought was too "long" or "over-analytical." And then the person feels their over-analysis makes them feel weak, or that they'll think the people reading it will think they're stupid to think too much, when it's really not. If you truly state you would want to know the truth Dianeva, you would know that it may have initial feelings of feeling weak and insecure about the mistakes they made, but it doesn't mean they can't learn to moderate themselves and train themselves with practice to get over it (i.e. finding things that makes them happy and clears their mind from the anxiety after knowing the truth(s)).

When you focus on the initial stages of anxiety of knowing truth of self that may be thought-provoking or shocking in a negative way like below:

If it were me, I'd want to know because I'd rather know the truth than be happy. But not everyone is like that, and in some cases it's better to let a person be happy.

You make this presumption that knowing the truth means they're not going to be able to climb over that initial stage of anxiety (it may not always be anxiety that comes surging inside their minds). I understand that people don't want to go over that, but it is possible to get over that, but of course, it just takes a bit of structural planning (which is why the more a person let's their thoughts out, the easier it is for them to connect the dots and find something sensible). This reduces the chances of the person from being at loss of words to explain what they're really thinking, this reduces the chances of the person thinking knowing the truth won't eventually make them happy that they acknowledged their mistakes and improved from it, this reduces the chances from a person having a skewed perception of being true and genuine vs. living a life of denial with sugar-coating their situation with a pretense of happiness.

Doing this does not involve exceptional ability in anything, it's just understanding how the unconscious has implicit knowledge to eventually come to those realizations, epiphanies, eureka moments, etc. with practice (by venting their thoughts anywhere like here or just to themselves)

There's a difference between gaining happiness from knowing the truth about sense of self in its most negative aspects because they're improving themselves vs. living a life of false happiness (the "let them just be happy").Even though you probably know a person can eventually find happiness in truth, when you're mentioning just the initial stages of anxiety and fear that comes with when the person realizes they made a problem (pay attention to the quote I quoted you on a bit more), it becomes non-sequitur to your logic of wanting to know the truth.

Because if you really paid attention to what you said, just like your previous mentions, you want to know the truth, that you can take what life throws at you, but at the same time, you think the truth means having to revel in the initial stages of anxiety (where you feel you think you're weak or inferior or incapable of doing anything). But then you know it's not like that, but you initially still go with the opposite. Walking around in circles!

Originally Posted by GavinGill

I think so.

I tried to militarize myself a while back, not like a religious-Jihad/terrorist thing or w/e, but to sort of put myself in the same frame of mind that you see soldiers or generals in. Not sure how to explain it, but I mean that intense determination they have and how they're able to accomplish a whole fuck-tonne in such a short amount of time.

I was trying to "peak" early and I figured this would be a good way to go about it. It worked for a while but since I couldn't keep up with the goals I was setting for myself, I burnt out and sort of shut down for a few months. I think it was similar to what you described a while back, how some people take on more information than they can handle and then they go nasdfnsdjaknfkajs'ed.

I don't know how to explain it but it sort of felt as if my mind had been shattered and I had to piece it together. It got to the point where simple tasks like scheduling my day became a challenge. I've spent the last few months pulling myself together and I just recently got to the point where I can finally say I'm out of the danger zone. I had been keeping a journal and going back and reading some of those entries now, it's pretty clear I had lost it for a minute there.

Well, did it really work then? I've strangely done exactly the same thing as you, right down to reading old notes I'd written, basically journal things but I just do it on random sheets of paper, and I'm just like "I was literally insane...." haha

Anyway, yeah it seems to me like any staunch effort to do anything only results in either complete shutdown, or restart, possibly while losing some of the work you've done.
huh....That analogy worked rather well hehe

Originally Posted by GavinGill

Whatever happened to her btw? .-.

I had one theory a couple of pages back, can't remember what it's called now but some condition which described all the things she complained about to a T.
If I'm right, she could be in hospital.
Honestly though.... I think she might be dead. Maybe it's just the pessimist in me, but she did not seem very healthy, didn't eat well, and lived in squalor.
She could obviously be fine and just busy, or maybe joined the Mormon's again, or whatever church group she was with before.

________

Rave: Everything is pretty good I don't want to type out too much, I write to get bad things out.
I don't want let the good things out

A small part of me wants to be mean and sarcastic to people.

But I know I would just feel bad about it later =/ restraint is my friend, I suppose.

Ok, I am assuming this thread is the right place to post this:

I feel sad and guilty because one of my guppies died and it's my fault I fear.

I have been feeling off, due to a summer cold: congested and tired and less observant and such. The other day on a weekday my husband pointed out to me that the filter in the aquarium had been making some unusual noise. My husband is not the fish keeping enthusiast, I am, and yet he noticed it before I did. I went to the tank, and the filter was off probably due to being clogged or something. I was tired and it was a weekday, so I just opened it up, shifted the stuff in it around a bit, and then closed it back up and restarted it, and it seemed to work. Even though I kind of knew that was not enough, but that's all I had energy for.

This morning my son came to me saying that something was wrong with one fish, a guppy. I went and looked, and that fish indeed was barely moving, and another fish, a platy, was gasping for air at the surface, and some others were showing some signs of distress. And that's when I noticed that the filter was off again. This time I took it apart and cleaned all parts, and they had been filthy, then I reassembled, and now it's running well. However, I did not have the energy to change the tank water, and so I just added some liquid called prime which temporarily improves water quality for 24 hours.

A couple of hours later, the guppy was dead and the platy still distressed. I fished out the dead fish and turned off the tank lights to help reduce the platy's stress level.

I feel guilty because I feel responsible. These fish rely on me for their survival, and this fish likely died due to my negligence in basic tank maintenance. Yes, I have not had enough energy to do stuff, and still don't, but is that truly a valid excuse? Certainly not enough for me to stop feeling sad and guilty.

Now, guppies are common and cheep fish, easy to replace. Experienced fish keepers might not give it a second thought if a guppy died. But I feel about the fish as pets and am attached even to those silly guppies, plus I am big into guilt. If the fish had died due to unknown circumstances or something out of my control that's one thing, but since it was due to my negligence, I feel bad.

Then I feel bad about feeling bad, and wonder whether I am really a nice person feeling sorry for my fish or whether I am a selfish person feeling sorry for myself.

Ah, yes. I have a new emotional constant, I like to call it bitter cynical amusement. Often accompanied by loud and sarcastic internal laughter.
Example: I am going on a trip with my father to Italy next month. I'm standing around with my boyfriend's brother and talking about the trip, and my boyfriend offhand mentions that we plan to go there someday for our honeymoon. We have never made such plans. I'm so distracted by my sudden cynical amusement that I don't even hear his brother's response.
Hilarious.
I'm sorry to continually post about this. If I had friends, I would complain to them instead. But I don't and it feels so useless to write in a journal. Just tell me to shut up when I become tiresome.

Originally Posted by Amurehna

I'm sorry to continually post about this. If I had friends, I would complain to them instead. But I don't and it feels so useless to write in a journal. Just tell me to shut up when I become tiresome.

Don't worry, I pretty much rant about the same two things for the past.... well since this thread started really.
Relationships and work. With the occasional outburst of hate toward humanity in general.
I do it for me, who cares if others tire of it.

You all write posts that are too long to let my mind actually read them even when I'm interested.

Not in a bitchy way of I don't care about your problems just, barely ever interested in anything recently.

It's possible that my husband's wrist is fractured from the wreck. We'll find out tomorrow. I bought something online and no matter how many times I clicked "credit card" it took me to paypal. Fine, I'll just order through paypal. So I did, and I thought it took it directly out of my account like it should have, but instead it went through Bill Me Later. Thinking that the payment was taken care of, after I checked my (clear) statement a few days later I decided to close my account. Now I've got an email saying I need to make a payment, I can't make that payment unless I can log into my account, I can't log into my account because I don't have one, I have no idea how to get it back, and I need to log in to send customer service an email.

guess who's calling customer service tomorrow? garhfdhskjhfsdkjdncx. Oh, and our car might be totaled. and i need to finish crocheting a blanket in a few days. and i need to study for a chem exam that's on thursday (less than a week after the last exam, yikes.) and i haven't had a lucid dream in for fucking ever. and i havent been remembering my dreams that well at all. whatevs. im tired. best of luck to you all in your problems. night.

is it me or has the activity level on this forum dropped drastically within the past month?

Most people my age (that I've run into, of course) are border-line retarded.

Originally Posted by tropicalbreeze

is it me or has the activity level on this forum dropped drastically within the past month?

It seemed slow to me as well, here in the off-topic sections anyway. Wonder why. .-.

I'm so exhausted after picking a cherries (10h yesterday and 8 this day). I earned 112PLN(~25euro). They paid per picked kilogram. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh

I just woke up from a nap LD which broke my dryspell.