Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

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Originally Posted by Dianeva

I was going go respond to more but went on a rant and have to sleep.






I agree that you need to use judgment while making decisions about what side you're going to stand on. If you think about an issue thoroughly and end up finding one side completely irrational, if you're familiar with their reasons but disagree with them, and they're destroying some element of life you value, it would make sense to become furious with them and rant about it occasionally.

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But maybe you only decide to rant when you do have those strong judgmental thoughts, and the rest of the time you're completely normal, I guess I don't really know.

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It's pretty much that, if I was like the other scenarios 24/7, I'd probably pass out really quick :P

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You also seem to hold in a lot while not on the internet. From your stories, it seems like in general, when something bad happens to you and you're angry at someone, instead of confronting the person, you go home to DV and vent about it on there. There's nothing wrong with venting one's problems on a forum, but I feel a bit sorry for those people you interact with in real life.

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It's not usually anger, it's mostly just being depressed about what that person did, I'm aware that I have my own faults in the things that I do. And like you said, those strong judgemental posts are just that.

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If the hints I've been getting from your posts are correct, those people that you interact with often, but have serious problems with, are kept oblivious to your real opinions of them because you want to maintain a likable personality and manipulate them.

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Exclude the manipulate them part (quite the opposite), and yeah, I do want to be a civil person around people in general, it's not too hard for me to do.

I give them my opinions and I'm willing to help, but ultimately, they'll have to make the decision to change themselves. I just get "angry" or "mad" when they don't realize they had the answers themselves, but never really do anything, but then complain about how they're not getting anywhere. I try to be calm and normal as much as I can, it's just those things that pop out once in a while that gets me hot-headed.

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But they think you're just their friend. I know I'd be very upset if I were to find out that a friend has held terrible opinions of me for years and never bothered to confront me with them.

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The reason I'm close friends with them is because I gave them my opinion about them, we call each other out on our nonsense, but sometimes, we deviate from learning from that, but we somehow come back learning bit by bit about ourselves.

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We aren't 'friends' but it's occurred to me that that's what I'm doing to you now in a way (inb4). But it isn't that big of a deal.

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There's nothing wrong with what you did, I know I'm not perfect, and I don't try to think of myself as superior (the opposite - and I hope you got the hint from the drawing I did of you in the other thread :P)

You're an example of a good friend, even if we don't know each other all too well. :hug: I'd go so far to assume you're just like my other good friend that really calls me out when I get anxious, I wish we could talk more as friends. Anyway, thanks Dianeva. :)

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Originally Posted by GavinGill

I was watching the news just now and they were covering this story where this girl took her own life just recently. She was gang raped by 4 guys at a party at the age of 15, the guys took pictures, people spread them around on Facebook/school, and she was harassed daily for it. She was fucking raped, did absolutely nothing wrong, yet she was constantly bullied for being a "slut."

Another girl was gang raped at a party a little while back too. Not in a back room with the doors closed, but out in the open in a main room. With people standing around, cheering the attackers on and taking pictures/videos. The poor girls screaming for help and the 50+ people around her are just standing there laughing and enjoying the show. She faced the same harassment (online and in person) as the other girl but luckily she didn't commit suicide.

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Fucking hell, man, that is absolutely disgusting! How can people even do stuff like that?

This here is the reason I joined Amnisty International. It's also one of the main reasons I have next to no faith in humanity.

I'm not sure why I typed out all of that last night (guess I was just really depressed) and was terrified to read the response to that, but it ended up being fine and clarifying things. *relieved*

*Edited this post for paragraphs but deleted the whole thing got deleted =(*

I'm going away tomorrow and need to get a lot done today. I've been living off the same two pairs of jeans for over a year, and the same worn-out paper-thin terrible looking shoes for months. I have the money and my parents will sometimes insist on paying for my clothes when I haven't gone shopping in a long time and they can tell and just want me to go shopping. It's just that I hate shopping. After only a few minutes or so I get really confused. It's like there are too many items to look at and my mind overloads from stress. It's like 10x worse when someone from the store is watching me or tries to ask me if I want help, or even another person shopping is nearby and can see me. I get self-conscious about how I'm browsing and worry that I'm somehow doing it wrong. I'm not as afraid of shopping as I was when I was a teenager and knew other shoppers who hung out in cliques and I felt like such a loser shopping alone, because when they saw me they'd actually make fun of me. I'm 23 now and don't really care about that, no one will say anything.

I also need a hair cut but this is my last day and I have no appointment, so I don't see how that will happen. My hair is down to about an inch above my belly button right now. I like long hair, and most guys like long hair, but mine is so thick that hair at this length is unmanageable. I've been getting more annoyed with it every day and it only gets in the way. Wish I had booked an appointment for today. Maybe I can get my hair cut in Wisconsin. I worry they'd do a bad job though relative to here, like it will just be some hick with scissors. That's probably completely wrong.

I've been up for over an hour now and have only gone on DV.... time to get shit done right now.

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Originally Posted by Dianeva

I'm not sure why I typed out all of that last night (guess I was just really depressed) and was terrified to read the response to that, but it ended up being fine and clarifying things. *relieved*

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Spoiler for Bonus:

http://i.imgur.com/AwU13Zt.jpg

lol
Come to think of it, I did have a dream that I checked my notifications and had gotten a PM from you that said something like: "Nice job Dianeva. Insulting me while softening it and pretending to be open-minded. I thought you were my friend ...." It went on but in the dream I was so afraid to read it I couldn't open it past the message preview (which I don't think exists in the actual DV).

And I went on a bunch of other threads before hitting this one. I planned not to at all until later in the day because I'd just woken up and thought I wouldn't be able to handle it. But finally I just clicked it.

There is nothing more frustrating to me than being unable to express my opinions clearly. What's the point of having all these thoughts, ideas, or feelings if I lack the skill or even the will to express them?

Also, If my dog wakes me up from a dead sleep for no reason one more time........ :P

Sometimes I just want to say "Screw it!" and be done with being nice to strangers, but there are two problems: One, most of the time it comes natural and I can't help it. Two, occasionally someone is nice back and it makes my day and who knows, probably theirs too. Guess it's worth all the silence and rudeness I put up with from everyone else.

On a positive note, my son has used his potty chair twice today. So I went out, bought a poster board, car stickers, and some big boy undies (and some pull-ups) and we're going to do this damn thing! :)

It's amazing what a little two year old boy pissing in the potty can do for a mother's mood lol. The potty pants dance is the new hit around this house. I'm celebrating by drinking a straw-ber-ita! YUP. yup.

Ohhh and I had a crazy vivid dream the other night that I went to some city called Zurich? Which my fiancé assured me was a real place in Sweden. I literally just looked up a picture to be sure and it looks exactly like it did in my dream. Absolutely beautiful. But I have no idea where that came from because I can't remember any time that I was thinking about this city. It was an 18 hour flight though in my dream. Crazy ness.

It did get me thinking today though about how much I'd love to travel and see the world... You know, before it goes capooey on us all.

I hate my landlord so much. He lives in NZ, while we live in Georgia, US. So, far no real problems, until the AC broke about a week or two ago. It would just stay on all day, and that made it REALLY cold. I flipped the breakers to get it to stop, but now, the breaker won't flip back, so it's still running, but blowing hot air only. The problem is I cannot call a repairman unless he approves it, and he is only accessible by email. This is awful.

Woah, just checked back here and it seems that my little rave caused quite a bit of anger to be directed my way. Sorry, I didn't mean to say that taking risks is awful, I really just meant that you should be wary about the kinds of risks that you're taking.

That's what I get for letting my emotions take the wheel on the internet, I suppose. :roll:

I did some research and can confirm that what happened to my friend was indeed quite rare, and can be considered an isolated incident. I apologize again for making such a bold statement about something that I really have rather little technical knowledge about.

Ok, it's all done with, just want to say two sort of unrelated things, not continuing the debate.

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Originally Posted by Linkzelda

Also, you're criticising me for me criticising people for criticising me.

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No, I wasn't. I was criticising your argument and rationalisations, not saying you are worthless, lazy etc.

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Originally Posted by Linkzelda

I'm presuming you had some experience with Adderall, and because you're just one case scenario compared to millions, I highly doubt your case dominates the cases of others. This is exactly like the cutting ordeal I gave my opinion before, people who are this passionate usually don't want to feel insecure when someone states that others doing this is wrong.

So if you took Adderall, don't feel too bad about what I said, but if you didn't take Adderall, then you must be extremely bored to find something to argue about.

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I have never taken Adderall, just arguing a point because I don't like people talking about thing like an authority on the subject when they have no idea what they're talking about.

Anyway, just wanted to clear up that I wasn't being argumentative for argument sake.

Just wanted to chip in here.... I see using stimulants and nootropics as nothing more than a choice. Everyone has the ability to do it, whether you think so or not. They're not expensive or hard to obtain at all, even legally. And I get that some people may not want to use them for whatever reason, but that's their choice. You can't bash people just for deciding that they're worth using for them.... I think Tommo has the most rational post on this subject. They're just tools... not really different from any other you have at your disposal, and every tool has its ups and downs. And in all honesty, Adderall will only help people who already really want to succeed without it. If your motivation wavers at all, it will only drag you down lower. You'd be amazed how much time you can spend on Adderall slacking off and thinking "Man, I could do anything I want right now couldn't I? Fuck yeah I could.... I should get some more Adderall."

I also think that being opposed to drugs in general is one of the most irrational mindsets known to man. So don't bother trying to use that against me, don't got the time.

Rant: I wanted this post to be so much longer and full of quotes but I ended up being beckoned for and distracted a lot while I was typing it and now I need to get ready to go to class... gah. Sorry guys, I'm going to get to those reponses, I swear.

Well said Alyzarin. On a small note (cause I have to leave for work xD), I still think there's still too much discrimination about the use of certain substances for lucid dreaming. You don't see it out on the blue, but for many, taking a pill to lucid dream is preposterous, or "cheating". Until I saw the forum of Lucid aids here in DV, I was used to see any person talking about galantamine in the internet for lucid dreaming to be told "drugs are dangerous, never take them!" or "you can only get lucid with those drugs, you suck". They are just tools, why wouldn't we make (responsible) use of them? Especially because the food we eat already contains small doses of what these drugs contain.

Schools stressing me out.

I'm of the mindset that if the tool is available, one ought to use it as long as it doesn't violate their ethics. I'm sure the british considered the american guerilla tactics in the revolution to be an unfair advantage, too. It's a sketchy dilemma, after all if a certain lobby were to believe it's unethical to bribe congress, then they're not going to have much of a voice. If an organized crime syndicate were to decide they didn't want to fuck with drugs, they're not going to make enough money and get pushed out of the territory. If you're a company trying to compete with Walmart, you may not find it advantageous to pay your workers what they deserve.

Whether or not an advantage is ethically sound, whether or not you consider using it to be "sinking" to the level of your competition, you're kind of forced to use whatever advantage is available. But adderall isn't an advantage to me, honestly. It's just a way to catch up to people that already have good study habits and choose school over friends, turn in their work on time, etc. Adderall is a tool for people that procrastinate, socialize and party too much, and still want to pass. In my opinion at least, but that's just what I saw.

EDIT: I completely forgot to talk about me. So I ordered several books lately using an amazon gift card my aunt gave me. I'm getting a book on body language, I Ching, developing intuition, and the Book of the Law by Aleister Crowley. I also ordered one for a friend in trade for a backpacking backpack and a one man tent. I decided against getting a book on palmistry for right now, and instead decided to study up on it while I'm still in town, just like I'm doing with tarot. I don't really want to give palm readings anyways, and while it's hard to ignore how lucrative it would be on the road, I think I can get by without it. In fact, I think it would take focus away from my singular sales pitch.

I looked like this> Browse Photos - My Body Gallery - What Real Women Look Like
Now i look like this> Browse Photos - My Body Gallery - What Real Women Look Like but 141lbs now :) what a rave!

Wow, that progress is quite stark. Congrats!

It's 3:46 in the afternoon. Slept In. Again.

I blame Link.

Didn't get through customs.

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Originally Posted by Dianeva

Didn't get through customs.

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if you didn't make it the first time, what made you think you can again? I assumed you wouldn't get pasted it, but trying doesn't hurt, but at least you learn how our borders are right now.

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Originally Posted by hathor28

if you didn't make it the first time, what made you think you can again?

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Because I brought like 10 different documents:

My passport
My birth certificate
A letter from my school indicating I plan to enroll in September
A letter from my parents saying they'd financially take care of me if I were to run into trouble or needed assistance, and that they intend me to return.
Proof that I've bought health insurance for the trip.
A letter from my bank indicating my balance.
My care card.
My social insurance card.
My driver's license (which I got just for this)
My return ticket.

The first time, they told me I needed to bring some evidence of my ties to Canada and then come back, and specifically said a letter from my parents, my bank account and a driver's license would probably be good. Why would I not have retried? And yes. Trying does fucking hurt. Being held up for four hours in constant anxiety and waiting while they interrogate me and basically emotionally torture me, and then being told basically I can't see the person I love for i have no idea how long, when I thought I'd see him tonight. It's his birthday in a week and that's now ruined, and he just bought a $950 computer just so that we'd both have one while I was there. They basically told me I shouldn't bother coming back again unless I have a steady job or am actually enrolled in courses which I've paid for already that I need to be in Canada for.

It doesn't make any sense. Anyone could go through the normal custom's lineup and pretend they're going on some little trip and then cancel their return flight and be an illegal immigrant. I went through all that shit, went to the trouble of getting all those documents, spent 6 hours with the custom's people total, and they still told me I couldn't go through. They have more proof that I'm going to return to Canada than they have that some other random person who gets through in 10 seconds is going to return.

I don't know how I'm even typing and arguing. No one be mean to me please, just don't argue. I'd say I'm irrational now so there's no point anyway. I feel like absolute shit already, I haven't been able to stop crying since before even leaving the custom's place and my head is pounding.

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Originally Posted by Dianeva

Didn't get through customs.

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I'm really sorry to hear that, Dianeva :(

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Originally Posted by Dianeva

fuck customs

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If you try again, make sure you don't admit to cannabis use or even allude to the fact that you've ever been around it. That can get you banned from crossing the border now (potentially for life).

Sorry about the whole ordeal btw, that sucks pretty deep.

Thanks gavin & khh. Some DV people are so wonderful... I'm in that mood where both nice and mean acts are exaggerated, so anyone who says something even a little nice I feel like they're angels or something, and mean people yeah.. idk. I'm completely irrational right now. I can tell I'm not thinking straight at all lol. Not related to that but I've started to drink.

EDIT: And thanks for the advice gavin. I wouldn't have guessed there would be much of a problem with pot... it's just pot. But I guess Americans do treat it more seriously. It also sucks to have to lie to border guards, because they'll often ban you if they catch you lying to them about anything. They didn't ask me anything that came close to that subject though. I told the truth about everything they asked.

I've been trying to listen to the same song without interruption for over half an hour but my Mom keeps talking. I get like 30 seconds in before she says something - she's one of those people that likes to talk about the show while watching tv. D;

For a while now I've also had a feeling that I won't live much longer. Weird, I know. I fully intend to be around as long as possible but idk, I sort of fear I won't live to see 30 for some reason. Tbh, I'd be happy if I at least hit 25.

Aaaannndddd I'm still not sober. I felt like I was for a few days but then the high crept back in slowly. Just an hour or two a day for like a week, and it's been steadily building since. There's no way that's normal (last I ate anything was like a gram of high grade back in like February or maybe the beginning of March) but it's not much of an issue. Either the bud is still somehow in my system, or my brain is somehow recreating the feeling of the high for some odd reason.

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Originally Posted by Dianeva

Thanks gavin & khh. Some DV people are so wonderful... I'm in that mood where both nice and mean acts are exaggerated, so anyone who says something even a little nice I feel like they're angels or something, and mean people yeah.. idk. I'm completely irrational right now. I can tell I'm not thinking straight at all lol. Not related to that but I've started to drink.

EDIT: And thanks for the advice gavin. I wouldn't have guessed there would be much of a problem with pot... it's just pot. But I guess Americans do treat it more seriously. It also sucks to have to lie to border guards, because they'll often ban you if they catch you lying to them about anything. They didn't ask me anything that came close to that subject though. I told the truth about everything they asked.

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No worries, Alysha. :P And yeah, marijuana was never much of a problem but they changed tactics when Washington legalized. Sort of a "Well, fuck you then" type of reaction from the federal government.

They're just fucking idiots basically. There's no rational reason and you shouldn't try looking for one. They're bullies in a position of minor power and it goes to their head.

Why doesn't your bf come to Canada instead?

Rant about bitcoins and greed:

I was telling people on the bitcoin subreddit that it was going to crash at 250. I said it for 2 days before it happened, and right when it was crashing I posted the graphs which looked like a polygraph going up and down, whereas usually it's smooth. People were obviously panicking like fuck. Everyone said "it's fine, it's still up from last week, it isn't crashing it always has these dips" except one or two people agreed with me.

Just looking at the advice people give on there now, it is obvious they are just tricking people to get them to do what will benefit them. So if they want to sell their bitcoins, they'll tell everyone it's perfectly find and it's still going up. Then when they want to buy they will create panic and say all hope is lost and sell now.

It's just fucking sickening. Bitcoin is about getting away from all that shitty banking and trading practices. But because exchanges got set up people are taking advantage of it.

It's good that it's getting more exposure and will hopefully be more widely used to BUY things, but so many people lost money this week.