Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Aly and Khh.
That's very poetic, FiftyBirds, but I'm sorry you're feeling that way.

My complaint is that my life is full of dummies. I was talking to my hubby earlier and I saw the dog using her paw to break off a piece of Wall-mart bag to eat. I firmly said her name just to get her attention so she'd stop, but she felt very guilty, freaked out, had the handle of the bag around her paw at that point so when she bolted, she dragged the bag behind her which freaked her out more. She lost the bag when she jumped through her doggie door.
WTH dog? She came right back in my room but then went under my bed to hide from me. When I was done talking to hubby, I called her to me, pet her head and told her she was a goofy girl.
I know that behavior usually means submission. That the dog's not sulking or depressed. In her case though, I think it's fear. I think her original owners beat her or something.
She's a very good dog. Very well trained. But she's also very anxious a lot.

She's taken to eating weird stuff, recently, because (I think) I don't coddle her. I can't. I pet her, then reach for my baby wipes. No matter how many baths she gets, her coat feels icky. She wants me to hold her. She was previously a lap dog. But I've had this dog for a couple of years now. You'd think she'd be used to my ways by now. In fact, when she sees me reaching for my wipes, she knows petting time is over lol. For as smart as she is, she's very strange at times. She's been more anxious than usual.

The other idiot in my life is my hubby. He's a DOCTOR. He should KNOW BETTER. But, Doctors do, indeed, make the worst patients. His blood pressure has been wonky. He started prescribing his own BP meds years ago. Last night, his pressure was high and his meds weren't getting it under control. So... he took more meds. He got up this morning for work, moved about the kitchen then got in the shower and promptly passed out. Earlier this week he had the same trouble. High night time pressure, take meds then more meds and when he woke up his pressure was something like 70/40.
He missed work today. I've not yet seen him, but he also has a knot on his noggin from hitting (likely) the heater in his bathroom when he went down- shower curtain and all.
He'll be 70 years old this August. He needs to see a doctor that specializes in BP.
But he's a big dummy and wont.

As for me... I am okay. I'm hungry. So I guess that's my rant. I don't go to the store until sometime between 5-9 today.
Typically, I wont go out when the busses are on the road and 5:30-9:00 isn't much better for shopping. I hate going earlier than 9 because of the crowds, so I probably wont grab any actual food but something to hold us over for tonight and tomorrow morning. I should just get over myself and get my shopping done. But I REALLY hate crowds and traffic. I'm too hungry to go shopping at my usual time.
Blah

Leaving society has become my singular obsession. I allowed myself to be bitten by the possibility and it's utterly consumed me. I think of nothing else. I spend my free time studying tarot and developing my reading abilities. I spend time at work going over everything I intend to fit in my backpack. Which books, which clothes, which tools. The desire burns brighter than any before it. Granted it's not like I don't desire money or love or sex or any of those things, but I've been disillusioned to all of it. For all the lip-service I gave to the fact that society is psychologically corrosive and living in it is ultimately a waste of time, I never did anything about it. I was like a vegetarian that didn't want to quit eating meat until everybody else did too. Now I can finally taste freedom. And I'm certain the novelty of being a drifter and walking the earth as Jules from Pulp Fiction put it will wear off on my first cold, hungry night. But the necessity of the adventure will outlive the novelty. I'm not doing this because it sounds cool in my head. I'm doing it because it claws at my skull. It keeps me up at night. The road calls to me like Navidson's dark hallway called to him in House of Leaves.

Well, today we got a letter from a debt collector concerning a $130 debt from our last apartment, which we moved out of because it sucked so bad. We never received any notice that we owed any money before this. We wrote a nice, direct letter outlining our problems, but here is what I really wanted to write.

Dear Assholes,

Today we received a notice that we owed $130 to your shitty apartment complex. We have not lived there since last December, and according to our rental agreement you had 30 days to contact us about any charges from damage to our apartment, unless an act of god was involved. Our apartment is in better shape than when we found it, and even if we did incur any charges, you failed to notify us within 30 days. Staying on your lazy asses is not an act of god. If you fuck up our perfect credit, be prepared for hell to be rained down upon your idiotic fucking heads. We have two lawyers in the family. Clear this shit up or face the consequences.

You have been warned.

I'm really, really, really bad with money. So often I see something I want and buy it without even thinking about it and then regret it immediately afterward. Most of my interests are incredibly fleeting anyway, but it takes so much effort to remember that in the moment. This needs to change....

I've just taken the first step to getting back across the border to visit my boyfriend, which was to pass my Learner's license test. I'll book the flight to leave in just over 2 weeks. But I'm still afraid I won't get through the border again. I'm guessing that I will, but what if the documents I have aren't enough? I still don't have a job to go back to, and no proof that I'm going to be enrolled in classes at school in September. I'll have a note from my parents indicating that they can financially support me, letters from the bank indicating that I have a certain amount of money in my account, as well as ones for my parents. I'll have my passport of course, which I had before, my Learner's license, my birth certificate, my care card, and I'm attempting to get a letter or something from my college that says I've been accepted into the Sept semester (I don't even know if this will matter, since I can't actually register for courses). But I'm still afraid it won't be enough.

It all depends, I think, on the border officer I happen to get. Whether they're in a good mood or not. Whether I look suspicious. I'm afraid of looking suspicious even though I've done nothing wrong and will be telling the truth. I'm terrible at controlling my emotions on my face, and I'll probably appear as nervous as I am, and they'll think I'm nervous because I'm lying or something. While really I'll just be afraid that they won't let me through. I've been thinking about it so much, imagining different scenarios, that I'm afraid no matter how hard I try to be calm and not worry, when the time comes and I'm actually there, standing next to the custom's officer's desk, after all that buildup, I'll just panic and my voice will waver or I won't be able to talk or something. I'm also hoping that I don't say anything stupid. Not that there's anything for me to even lie about; I'll be telling them the complete truth. But I'm worried that my mind will just blank and I won't be able to answer some basic question right away or something, so they'll think I'm lying. What if they ask me for my boyfriend's address or something and my mind just blanks even though I know it? Or they ask me some question that I should know the answer to but I don't for some reason?

I'm hoping that the person will just look at my documents there and send me along. I don't want to be sent to the interrogation area again, I really don't want to have to go through that again, but I realize I may have to. I just hope that, whether I have to undergo that interrogation again or not, they'll end up sending me along and I don't have to deal with the disappointment again. I don't know what other documents I could possibly get other than the ones I'll already have, so if they don't let me through this time, I'll never be allowed through again until I'm actually enrolled in school or get a job or whatever they want, and if I had either of those I wouldn't be able to travel anyway.

That sucks you have to go through all that crap Dianeva. Hope it goes well this time around.

I've got 12 credits to go until I can obtain my associate's degree and I feel like I'm caught in a net here. I've already changed my major once and want to change again to something that may be more useful, but I feel like it's too late. I've already used a year and half's worth of pell grants and I feel like I've wasted at least a semester's worth of classes or more. Why am I always so undecided??? My interests range so far and wide that I'm constantly trying to dive into five at a time. I'm like a little kid. "I want to be this! No, nevermind, I want to be that!"

First it was psychology. I thought to myself, "well, I'm really interested in this stuff so I guess I'll take some courses and see where it leads me." Then I thought, "hmmm, what do I want to be? maybe I should change my major to teaching... yea, teaching!" After taking one introductory course to teaching, I'm like, "yea, fuck that shit." And now I have no idea what to do. I avoided math and science pretty much until this point, because I was under the belief that I basically couldn't do that stuff. Now I'm realizing that because of my motivation levels, I could probably handle more math and science. It's much more interesting to me as an adult...

Now it feels like it's too late for that... I'm at a loss. I've got some funds leftover since I didn't go to school last semester. I was just going to change my major back to psychology and plow through 12 credits this summer, but here I am trying to think realistically... I've got two small children, a husband that doesn't do shit around the house and probably causes me more stress than I know, and I want to take FOUR classes condensed into 8 weeks?!?

I could, if I'm not mistaken, take only two classes this summer and then try to take two more next fall and get my degree. I would lose the benefits of being enrolled full time (honor roll, SEOG grant which is an extra two hundred bucks in my pocket, and leftover funds from Pell), but I would be a hell of a lot less stressed and may even be able to enjoy my summer. Not to mention, that would mean that I have to apply for a FAFSA again and when I try to get a job this fall, I will have no degree to at least combat my lack of employment for the past two years. I'll be really close to my associate's, but I don't think they ask for how many credits you have when they ask about college on applications. :/

And even after all this... I'm still left with my indecision of what classes I should even take. SIIIGH. I need more math and science in my life. Maybe even some more computer classes. If I want to make any money with the help of a degree, it needs to be something useful to this day and age. I just wish I had not taken certain classes, because they are completely useless to me now. I'm thinking of taking Business math... Gahh, figuring out what you want/need to study is harder than taking the damn courses.

After all the hours I spent working and adjusting things on the hardware of my PC for once something broke.
However this time I only relocated me PC by 3m within the same room. No shocks or anything out of the ordinary, I didn't even open it and yet for no apartment reason my motherboard went down the Styx.
And it would've been the last time moving that PC in quite some time as well.

FML

Man, I'm stressing out about classes. My registration time is tomorrow morning and I still don't have things planned out. According to my calculations I'd have enough for two bitchy semesters or three not-so-bitchy semesters. The problem is ONE course. ONE! I need 2 chemistry courses with 2 labs to take that one course, and one course that depends on the first course. So like 5 classes to take one class.

All this is assuming I can even get into the other classes that I need, and that we have enough money for summer school... which we probably don't.

I'm fucking sick of them taking out $400-$500 a semester for "needy students". I'm also fucking sick of them making tuition exponentially greater per hour. It's like they're punishing students for wanting to do as much as they can. The main reason I still have so much left to do is because I don't have the money left to do it.

Hopefully I can figure all this out within the next hour or two, and relax for a bit.

Edit:

Looked at the money portion if I took those big classes I was talking about, we'd barely have enough to cover it if I put all my spending money towards the bill. I feel like throwing up. Seriously. I think I'm going to throw up.

I really don't understand the education path in countries like USA. You seem to have such a long range of programs and types of degrees. I don't think I've ever witnessed a problem like the one mentioned by NewArtemis or Suena here in Portugal. And I don't think education (even at an academic level) is near that expensive. When we're doing academic degrees, we don't pay for attending subjects of other areas (for example, we can freely take an optional subject like human biology at a medicine faculty). And we have loads of opportunities for people like you Suena, who work and want to study at same time. Myself for example, had to drop university in order to work and help my parents financially, and I'm working hard to start the degree I always wanted (Psychology), through a contest of students with +23 years. And if my boss still wants me to work when I start my degree, I'll have loads of advantages at the university regarding subjects, deadlines, schedules, etc.

Anyway, I've been working for a full month so far without any day offs and everyday a 9hour schedule till 4 o clock in the morning. In a customer support place which even a monkey could do. One of my colleagues doesn't even know how to read, which explains how easy the job is. I work as part-time, but been working (and this situation will repeat itself again) so many hours due my colleague having a baby. And to compensate, I get paid a total crap, and 99% of the money I give to my parents (to be fair, I live with them), that followed the tendency in my country of getting themselves in load of debts.

I guess for the normal person the above paragraph would be the rant, but not for weirdo zoth. Hell, I think I got way too much free time in my hands, and I can easily study during my night shifts. I'm forced to take vacations, because I don't even need vacations, give me a night of sleep and I'm all good, I already learned the lesson that your external world only influences 10% of your long-term happiness. My real problem is not knowing what drives me. Besides work, and my independent study (I study every day for at least 2 hours, more depending on the subject, basically trying to start the degree knowing as much as a graduate student lol), I have no clue what to do. Literally, I stay in bed 2hours longer because I don't know what I want to do with my time. How stupid it is that normal people wanted to have more time for the things they like, and I don't even have the need for day offs and have nothing to focus on? I try to be as active as possible, always looking for things to do because I hate people who complain instead of working towards a solution, but I lack passion. Something (or several things) that would make me curse my luck of having no day offs. Maybe I should increase my study speed. Or volunteer to help people. Or learn a new instrument. Or get back to lucid dreaming. Spark of passion, where are you?!

Oh but I'm so gonna find it. I'm so gonna be one of those people that doesn't even have time to pick the mail!

Zoth: You don't have required courses in other areas for your degrees? Here for your core you need history, English, 2nd language, art, science, physical fitness, and a retarded course on the university. And we have to pay for it. Yours is just like a straight-up psych degree? And if you don't mind me asking, how much is your college? If it's good maybe I'll just move to Portugal

Rant: Sorry to keep going on about this, I just need to vent.

So I was registering for courses this morning, great. Except that I can't take one of my chemistry courses. Which means that I can't take that biology course. Which means I can't take two other biology courses I need, which means everything is being thrown off an entire semester because I can't take one bloody course.

Why the fuck did I make biology my minor? I guess it's too late to switch now, me being a junior and all. So I'm upset, but I figure I can take some other classes to get the minimum hours required. I've either taken every psychology class I can, or it's closed. Of course I didn't find any of that out until a good 20 minutes later because of server overload.

If I keep my minor as bio, what will I do? Take shittons of science classes in one semester? If I change it, what then? I will have to rework my entire schedule (assuming there's even any classes left for me to take), and my entire plan for the rest of college. We can't afford summer school. What do I do?

At least I got into fencing and racquetball, both of those are hard to get. But I might not even be able to keep them depending on what I need to do with the rest of my schedule.

for everyone.

My rant is religious based again. Last night was the Memorial (we observe the death of Jesus instead of the resurrection as most Christians do (I think lol it's been so long I've forgotten too much which is a rant in itself)).
I should have gone. It's respectful to God even if you're on the outs with the Congregation.
So I was thinking and praying last night about all my excuses for not going. I didn't want people to look at me with pity- was one of the reasons. Then I got side-tracked and wondered what that would be: shame, pride, ?
But that made me think of all the individual members of the congregation and how a lot of people talk bad about the members once they're disfellowshipped.
I've never had that problem. I agree with the reasons completely.
Which made me think of the personalities of the members. I was filled with feelings: love, longing, friendship, pride, admiration etc.

And it occurred to me that I want to feel that way about GOD again. He's no longer a real "person" to me like the congregation is. But I'm too lazy to do anything about it. And I'm too overwhelmed. Even if I quit smoking, my house would keep me from getting back to the congregation. There's dried puddles of dog pee everywhere. I can't be bothered to clean it. Every room of the house (other than my bedroom and bathroom) are disaster zones. I don't know where or how to start. I should just sweep everything into the trash but I can't. What if there are pictures or other keepsakes hidden in the trash in my daughters bedroom? I mean, there's not so much mess that I could shovel stuff or anything like that. Just random piles of paper in my daughters room. Boxes of I have no idea in her closet. The broken fridge and stove in a living room. I mean, we have no furniture to speak of so it's a bunch of empty space with torn up floors and trash along the walls or in boxes or on top of stuff (like a broken and cushionless sofa bed, a desk, a small filing cabinet.

I shouldn't feel as overwhelmed as I do. But I do.

And anyhow... as long as I do nothing about my life, I'll never get back in the congregation (they practice what they preach. They are clean, morally, physically and spiritually).

So blah.
Just blah.

Zoth: You don't have required courses in other areas for your degrees? Here for your core you need history, English, 2nd language, art, science, physical fitness, and a retarded course on the university. And we have to pay for it. Yours is just like a straight-up psych degree? And if you don't mind me asking, how much is your college? If it's good maybe I'll just move to Portugal

By college you mean faculty right ?

We work under a principle of several subjects giving you allowance to start a degree. For example, for psychology degree you can enter with biology, social science mathemathics, portuguese (no clue why this one lol), or maths A level. You just need one of these to be able to apply to the degree, then of course you compete in a formula of overal "grades+grade on the subject you're applying/2". But we don't pay for anything but the final exam (which we make at 17years old to apply to university). This assures a greater number of opportunities since at 15 years old we spread over 4 main areas and study a specific number of subjects. For example, I was in Social/human sciences thus didn't ever took any "biology/science" or "arts" classes. For one side it's good, but for other you have to work harder if you start a degree without some subjects.

As for the degree itself, we pay around 3k euros for the 3 years (more for degrees like medicine ofc), and around 2k euros for master's degree, which some faculties offer as included in the program, which makes it much cheaper. We can pay (more) for private universities, but in our country the public ones are the best rated in european terms. Beginning at 2nd year, we are allowed to choose optional subjects in order to personalize our academic curriculum. So as a psychology student you can go to a medicine university and pick a subject free of charge, or you can take a subject from your own faculty. We also compete in 2 programs to study for 6months or 1 year in another country (Brasil or and european country), but I'm guessing USA also has that kind of programs. And naturally at the last year/s, we choose an area of specialization and start having small internships.

Oh, and we don't work in "hours", we work in ects (European Credit Transfer and Accumulation System).

We should make an education thread, I was studying Sciences of Education for 2 years at an university and it certainly is curious to see the differences at our educational systems

I'm pretty sure I'm going to die of a heart attack at 22 years old.

I went into a very deep state of meditation and this was after i woke up, i just lay on my side and relax, closed my eyes and images started to show and sounds automatically. I seen a house inside, the person i was communicating with and someone else in there that was walking on hardwood floor and i heard the sound of the heels hitting the floor like a woman's shoe heel fainted sounds, it wasn't clear it was echoing.
And when the image disappeared, i came out of my meditated state slowly and while i did this i heard a voice in my right ear (i was laying on my left) a man's voice saying "You can just leave your things there, okay?" once i heard this my eyes opened immediately and i looked around to see if it was the upstairs neighbors or outside near my window saying this, but nothing sounded busy at the moment. I was in a deep sleep state and it wasn't a dream if i just finished seeing those images and only after hearing this man's voice. I was thinking of and concentrating on the guy i commune with often and this is the most advanced i got. I was in a half waking state but only in between sleep and meditation.
I'm like

Zhaylin: You can do it! My mom used to make us clean about every quarter year, so we got pretty good at it. It looks overwhelming at first, but there are a few key rules to follow.
1) Touch it and deal with it. No aimlessly digging through piles. You grab something, and you put it where it goes (or in a pile to be put where it goes, just deal with that later), or you throw it away, or you give it away (if you actually will give it away, not stick it in a pile somewhere to be taken "sometime" or to be taken out again)
2) Only keep the stuff you use. "Use it or lose it". Don't use it? You don't need it. You might use it sometime? Yeah. Probably not. (That's how I am, anyway.)
3) Prevention! As soon as a mess appears, clean it up - mess attracts mess. Finished using something? Put it away. It's a lot easier to do it as you go than have massive piles to deal with. And of course don't buy anything unless you will use it.

Guess what kind of childhood I had?

Zoth:I'm not sure what you mean by "faculty", but it sounds like our College of ___ (Liberal Arts, Natural Science, etc) that has different majors under it, like the College of Liberal Arts has psychology, sociology, anthropology, etc, and then you can get a degree (Bachelor of Science or Bachelor of Arts, Associates, Masters, Doctorate...) in that major, then you minor in another subject. By "college" I was referring more to the entire experience of going to school to get a degree and the actual physical university.

So if I'm reading this right, you go to regular school and when you would be entering high school here instead you prepare to get a degree, and once you pass all that then you're enrolled in actual courses for your degree? Or is it that you take all the classes for your degree and them pay for a final exam, which upon passing grants you your degree?

That is an awesome price! Do you have to pay for your other schooling? And by paying for the final exam, do you mean you don't pay for classes except taking that final exam per class or for your total pre-college or your total degree?

Sorry if I seem dense here, the way you guys do stuff is very...foreign...to me. Lol.

--
And I finally worked stuff out with classes, but I'll need to take summer courses to graduate on time. Boo. I might have even lost that semester ahead I had. Also boo. Upside I was able to keep both fencing and racquetball, I still meet the minimum hours for fall, and I won't have as many science courses to take in spring. I'd better pass everything or I'm royally fucked though. *Sigh*
Crying is lame. Now I'm all congested and of course if you cry in front of faculty you get recommended to talk to a counselor

Now I need to go work on this plant competition paper for biology before my husband gets home so we can see Django Unchained tonight. I need something to get my mind out of here. I've felt like cutting all week. God, it's tempting. But I'm not going to because I know it will fuck me over more.

I wish logic completely overrode emotions.

Originally Posted by NewArtemis

Zhaylin: You can do it! My mom used to make us clean about every quarter year, so we got pretty good at it. It looks overwhelming at first, but there are a few key rules to follow.
1) Touch it and deal with it. No aimlessly digging through piles. You grab something, and you put it where it goes (or in a pile to be put where it goes, just deal with that later), or you throw it away, or you give it away (if you actually will give it away, not stick it in a pile somewhere to be taken "sometime" or to be taken out again)
2) Only keep the stuff you use. "Use it or lose it". Don't use it? You don't need it. You might use it sometime? Yeah. Probably not. (That's how I am, anyway.)
3) Prevention! As soon as a mess appears, clean it up - mess attracts mess. Finished using something? Put it away. It's a lot easier to do it as you go than have massive piles to deal with. And of course don't buy anything unless you will use it.

Guess what kind of childhood I had?

Zoth:I'm not sure what you mean by "faculty", but it sounds like our College of ___ (Liberal Arts, Natural Science, etc) that has different majors under it, like the College of Liberal Arts has psychology, sociology, anthropology, etc, and then you can get a degree (Bachelor of Science or Bachelor of Arts, Associates, Masters, Doctorate...) in that major, then you minor in another subject. By "college" I was referring more to the entire experience of going to school to get a degree and the actual physical university.

So if I'm reading this right, you go to regular school and when you would be entering high school here instead you prepare to get a degree, and once you pass all that then you're enrolled in actual courses for your degree? Or is it that you take all the classes for your degree and them pay for a final exam, which upon passing grants you your degree?

That is an awesome price! Do you have to pay for your other schooling? And by paying for the final exam, do you mean you don't pay for classes except taking that final exam per class or for your total pre-college or your total degree?

Sorry if I seem dense here, the way you guys do stuff is very...foreign...to me. Lol.

--
And I finally worked stuff out with classes, but I'll need to take summer courses to graduate on time. Boo. I might have even lost that semester ahead I had. Also boo. Upside I was able to keep both fencing and racquetball, I still meet the minimum hours for fall, and I won't have as many science courses to take in spring. I'd better pass everything or I'm royally fucked though. *Sigh*
Crying is lame. Now I'm all congested and of course if you cry in front of faculty you get recommended to talk to a counselor

Now I need to go work on this plant competition paper for biology before my husband gets home so we can see Django Unchained tonight. I need something to get my mind out of here. I've felt like cutting all week. God, it's tempting. But I'm not going to because I know it will fuck me over more.

I wish logic completely overrode emotions.

You don't wish logic completely overrode emotions. Believe me.

Also, you should cut more often, its great. So long as you don't do permanent damage I don't see the issue. I mean sure it seems kind of horrifying- who wants blood, if i saw blood I'd be like so much "shit, it's blood.".

but, ultimately, that is a surface level thing. We have this kind of reaction to seeing a cut, or a bruise, which is like "that hurt, therefore is inherently negative". I don't buy that. I mean bruises can be fun, cutting can be fun, the problem is damage and death, ain't nobody wanna deal with that.

But if you're just wanting to cut because it feels good, you're a female so you probably do shit little cuts on your thigh or something, and I say go for it!

I mean, I'd cut if I didn't like, you know, 'not enjoy pain'

But hey, different strokes for different folks.


I guess my point here, is that you shouldn't cave into biased societal prejudice against cutting, it can be a healthy and enlightening past time.

(The above post made me think about this but I'm not responding to it, just ranting about this in general).

I don't see how logic and emotion conflict at all. Someone can be very emotional and logical at the same time. Everything we do, we wouldn't do if we didn't have both faculties. For example, someone might try to lose weight due to their negative emotions associated with being overweight. They then use logic to determine what foods they should eat.

I guess when people bring up 'logic vs. emotion', what they really mean is that people shouldn't act impulsively and should think things through more before acting. If you're angry, yelling at someone might seem the best solution at the time, and so emotion is said to have trumped logic. But even this reasoning is logical in a way. Because in that moment, the person is intensely angry and they've reasoned out that if they yell they're going to feel better. Upon more thought, they might realize that they wouldn't really feel better, and if they did give it more thought and decided to keep quiet, it would be said that they chose logic over emotion.

Strong emotion may cause someone to ignore their sense of reason and to do things that they'll regret later, but other than that I don't see them as being opposites. Both are necessary. If we were emotionless, we would never have reason to do anything other than what is instinctual. Even the most well thought-out, reasonable things we do, we wouldn't do if we didn't have some emotion which made us want to accomplish something in the first place. Someone might be very emotional and desire something badly, and then use a profound logical ability to set out accomplishing that goal.

Zoth:I'm not sure what you mean by "faculty", but it sounds like our College of ___ (Liberal Arts, Natural Science, etc) that has different majors under it, like the College of Liberal Arts has psychology, sociology, anthropology, etc, and then you can get a degree (Bachelor of Science or Bachelor of Arts, Associates, Masters, Doctorate...) in that major, then you minor in another subject. By "college" I was referring more to the entire experience of going to school to get a degree and the actual physical university.

So if I'm reading this right, you go to regular school and when you would be entering high school here instead you prepare to get a degree, and once you pass all that then you're enrolled in actual courses for your degree? Or is it that you take all the classes for your degree and them pay for a final exam, which upon passing grants you your degree?

That is an awesome price! Do you have to pay for your other schooling? And by paying for the final exam, do you mean you don't pay for classes except taking that final exam per class or for your total pre-college or your total degree?

Sorry if I seem dense here, the way you guys do stuff is very...foreign...to me. Lol.

Ahahaha, it's okay

Up to 14 years old, we're exactly like you americans (I think): we just go to the school and they all got the same program, with just a minor differences (some schools might have some foreign language that others don't, like german, things like that). Up until the 9th grade (which we complete a bit before turning out 15), teachers are encouraged to not let students fail the year, because 9th is mandatory education in our country. They are trying to make school mandatory till 17 years old though.

So anyway, at 15 years old we make our first choice: we go to a school (the secondary school), where we choose one of the different "areas" available (ex: humanities, social sciences, sciences and technology, and arts if I recall). We have a small core of subjects (portuguese, one foreign language), and the rest of the subjects depend on the area you've chosen. For example, social sciences has maths applied to social sciences, sciences and technology have a harder math subject and biology, arts has arts subjects, etc etc. They all possess equivalence, for example 3 years of math B equals 2 years of math A. These 3 years refer to the 10th, 11th, and 12th grade.

At 11th and 12th grades, we make exams at some subjects. The ones at 12th hugely determine your final "grades", so many of our teachers orient the learning program to go along them, which many criticize. If I recall correctly, we only pay anything if we want a paper that allows us to subscribe to an university, and it's a pretty low amount of cash (11€? something like that). Oh, we also pay for our manuals every year though, and it's around 100-200euros at the last years. We also have some "technology courses" like computers courses, but these are mostly viewed for students that under-achieve (which is stupid, I can tell you that programming is far harder than most of social sciences courses, I've switched from one course to the other). We can switch "areas" during the secondary school (like I did): you get equivalences between subjects, and the ones you can't get you'll have to either fail the year, or do like I did which is study the entire subject at home and pass the exam without attending any classes.

Lastly, we have "university", which in Portugal is nothing physical, but merely a concept to indicate a region composed by schools where people get their degrees. For example, the university of Porto refers to the group of schools where people can take their degrees in this city. These "schools", which we call "faculdades", have several degrees (Psychology, medicine, journalism, etc), and a degree is basically the 3-4 years experience that gives us a certificate. Then we have the master's degree like you do, and phd etc etc. I think the names are what makes it different

Although I'd never encourage anyone to cut themselves (I think there's better way to have fun/pleasure/calm your mind), I do think that there might be some pleasure for some people to do it for the sake of watching the blood drop. A friend of my did deep cuts for a few times, and he did report a very "zen" experience while watching the blood go through his shoulder down to his arm/floor. He would agree with me when I told him he was making too deep cuts though, go figure.

God why does everyone on dv cut themselves? It's like it's some classic past time or something. God, I think it's fucked up.

i think it's pretty dumb to say that cutting is totally fine, it's just a hobby etc. first of all that's a pretty shitty hobby... secondly i'm sure there are people who just make superficial cuts for fun but by encouraging that you're also encouraging the self-destructive behaviour of people w/ mental illnesses. i started out with "shit little cuts on my thigh" and over time that evolved into massive gashes, which required stitches (but never got them) & which could easily have killed me had they gotten infected. two month-long hospitalizations later & my thigh is covered in huge nasty scars that are never going away and i have to take a cocktail of powerful pharmaceuticals to prevent myself from stabbing myself to death every time i get pissed off at something.

really it's about as enlightening a hobby as repeatedly punching yourself in the head, try channeling your drive to cut yourself into something productive. quit trying to be an edgy teenager

Who said it was a hobby? People do it because it makes them feel good.

And what makes you think some people are doing it for fun? Maybe they're just saying it's for fun so no one worries about them or tries to solve their depression. And what makes you think people with mental illnesses require encouragement? People cut themselves because they're sad, you don't necessarily need a mental illness for that. I don't like the term anyways because it alienates people and makes them feel like they're broken.

High School has changed a bit from when I went. When I went, a second language was required to graduate.
Now there are two "paths" to choose from. If you choose the "Professional" path, you have to take a second language. I don't recall what the other path is called, but it's more like "Blue Collar worker", but it doesn't require the second language.
My hubby went to some sort of accelerated Medical school program in Miami. The students ONLY took medical related classes. They graduated in something like 18 months and part of their Residency program was completed while they took classes. He says it was brutal. A lot of the students dropped out. The other students hated them lol and the school eventually did away with the program because it required a lot more than regular courses/teachers.
It's all over my head, lol, but sounds pretty intense!

NewArtemis. Feel better soon!!!

I have a love/hate "relationship" with cutting. It's saved my life more than a few times. So, I'm thankful for it in that regard. Scars don't bother me in the least. But I'm always conscious of other peoples emotions. It makes others uncomfortable. Some people, it even angers. So I keep myself covered.
Logic vrs emotion. That's a tough discussion. I value logic more than emotion. But DO I really? I've written of this before. I avoid confrontation. Period. I will immediately go into submission/subservience 90% of the time. As smoothly as I transition, you would be certain I had been abused as a child. I wasn't. I knew how to keep my mouth shut My folks fought daily. It was vulgar (they cursed one another "Fat bitch; bastard etc). When I was 7, their fights became violent at least once (my mom threw a knife at dad when he hung up the phone on her while she was talking to her mom).
My brother got the brunt of dad's anger (mostly just shoving). I got the verbal abuse from my mom.

I guess there was always that fear of abuse though. Logic would imply I behave certain ways to keep myself from getting beat. Getting "beat" would have been easier (so says the person who never was). I craved peace. Which is emotional. So my actions are actually a desire to keep emotional peace. I tend to be very pleasant because it's disarming. It's harder to lash out at someone who's always nice to you. I make eye contact. I smile. I sympathize/empathize to an extreme so people don't hurt me. It's all rather silly.

ANYHOW. If a person has NO outlet, I think cutting is fine. Just know your limits. Use a clean tool. Clean your wounds thoroughly. Cutting is deeply personal. It doesn't matter how "superficial" or deep it is. For me, anyhow, it's mainly about regaining control of turbulent/dangerous emotions. If I can accomplish that with a cat scratch, great. Sometimes it takes more.

Salty, there are always alternatives if you can use them. Exercise is GREAT if you can pull yourself out of your funk long enough to do it. Sometimes cutters need an extra or immediate "kick".

Thanks for the encouragement NewArtemis. I don't recall ever having to truly do chores. My mom would yell at me to clean my room lol and if I didn't she would come in with trash bags while I was at school and "clean" it for me.
It's so much easier to hide away in my bedroom and ignore the mess. If I don't see it, it must not exist... right?
That's one of the reasons I was such a horrid mom. If YOU make the mess, by God YOU'LL clean the mess. If you don't, I don't have to leave my room. And my kids were mess makers Supreme.
My son still is. I tell him, I cannot mop if there are dishes in the sink. Clean the kitchen, then I'll mop the floor. He finally cleaned it last night, so I'm going to mop here shortly.

But I really don't want to lol. I will though

On cutting:

I'll reiterate the same advice I gave last time. The impulse to cut requires compassionate attention, not alleviation. The act of cutting is a means to escape the impulse to cut, but what one ought to do instead is investigate the impulse. Observe it, go into the feeling. It can be difficult but it's the only way. Impulses do not go away when they are ignored, and if you simply act on the impulse in order to relieve it then it will come back again in the future and the problem remains unattended.

Now for a personal rant:

I'm kind of ambivalent about learning Palmistry. Like astrology, I'm not a huge fan of any study relating to judging a person's personality based on external qualities. Probably because of things like phrenology, and weird superstitions that have somehow managed to survive the ages. While few people consider a hook nose to represent a suspicious person, one of my friends said just the other day that if your eyes point down you're self-centered. I find that kind of judgment unsavory. And while palms vary between people of same race like 99% more than between different races (just like genetics) it's still one of those things where as I judge my own palm while studying, I can't really say I find the information agreeable. Or if it is agreeable, it's agreeable in a vague way everyone could lean towards. I might as well just give a bunch of positive news about someone and make shit up, if I'm going to use the interpretations I've read about so far. If I were to give a palm reading, I'd want it be helpful, but palm readings are about personality and stuff, for the most part. And I don't see what's helpful to people about giving them a vague personality reading that could apply to anyone.

The problem I'm facing is that palmistry would simply be too lucrative to ignore. It would be much easier to talk people into a five minute palm reading for $5 as opposed to a 10-20 minute tarot reading for $10-20. While I would expect to still get a good number of tarot readings, at the very least I'd want to incorporate some basic palm reading into my sales pitch, along with the mentalism tricks and body language reading. But again, at least body language is fucking true, and people would actually get a lot out of it if my readings were based entirely on body language. But palm reading just seems gimmicky and unhelpful. It's too lucrative not to research to the point where this conclusion is beyond doubt, but I may find the research to be a waste of time when all is said and done. I am innately opposed to satisfying people's desire to be told how cool they are by external qualities. I have a double bottom line and my practices must fulfill both.

I'm not sure what to think about cutting. Since people seem to do it for a number of reasons, perhaps each case should be looked at individually to make an 'good/bad' judgment. Like fiftybirds, I have many scars on my thighs which are never going away, and of course that's a reason to regret having done it, but at the time I honestly didn't know that I'd cut deep enough to leave scars. One perspective I'll offer is that when people cut because they're feeling miserable, the act is similar to crying. There's a feeling that something extreme needs to be done. Crying makes a person really 'go into' their pain, to really feel it, until they finally stop crying, and only then do they begin to feel better. Cutting can be similar. Cutting myself would make me feel worse in the moment, because I was doing something horrible to myself, damaging my body because I believed I deserved it. Once I dealt with the wounds and forgot about it, though, I'd begin to feel better, like I had 'entered the pain' in the same way that happens with crying, and I'd start to feel a lot better.