New YouTube layout. It sucks. :c
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New YouTube layout. It sucks. :c
You can;t take Oxytocin like that anyway. It has about a 15 second half-life. Unless you were on a drip or something I guess.Quote:
Originally Posted by LightofHeaven
But I don't think it would be helpful to use it all day, you'd be connected with everything, what a horrible thought.
No but seriously. It may not help anyway, I guess you'd feel what it's like to love someone but you would have to mechanically go about injected yourself every time you wanted to feel that with someone.
Kinda defeats the purpose....
Also, I highly, highly doubt you're a psychopath, you're more likely apathetic, as many adolescents are. Although you said mother Theresa was an amazing woman, and if you actually know what she did, well, maybe you are a psychopath.
I absolutely hate myself for spending the whole day watching Justice League, meditating, phasing out, and then forgetting I have a final tomorrow. Well, I still have 4 days to study for the other 3 next week. And even though I'm going to fail the one tomorrow no matter how hard I studied, it's like..........if the bitch isn't going to curve, save myself the stress!
But now I wasted 8 hours of potential studying time. Well....I guess whatever happens, happens.
It was just a thought, that's all it was. Settle down.Quote:
Originally Posted by tommo
What the hell? I wasn't even mildly unsettled.
Nothing in that post comes across as aggressive in any way to me.
I wish I had more energy. If I just had some energy, I'd be content... for the most part. lol
Having dry cough. *Cough cough*
That's the second worse thing other than flu. I had just recovered from flu and fever. And now coughing in my sleep drives me up the wall because I will start tearing and I have to continuously wipe away the tears which ended up hurting my eyes from rubbing it so much.
And it seems like I'm going to get dandruff again because I changed to a stronger shampoo. :?
:hug: Dakotah, Carrot, Wayfaerer, Link.
I got absolutely nothing accomplished today. I laid down for a "nap" at 3:30PM and woke up at 12:30AM :bang:
I woke up freezing and because of "Vurps" (vomit burps- or in my case, pure stomach acid belches *sigh*).
My hand was killing me, my legs were killing me and I was drenched in sweat and I finally figured out why this is such a common occurrence. I've always known I tend to sleep in a ball- ESPECIALLY if I'm cold. But dear God, I'm like a Floridian Roly-polie (pill millipede). I'm in a tight ball, with one of my hands fisted and the other clasped over it under my chin. Then I have my chin resting on my knees and I breathe into the chamber of the ball.
I don't know how it is for everyone else, but my chest radiates heat. It's the warmest part of my body, so when I'm balled up and then breathing hot air into the trap I create, I get exceptionally hot. Then I sweat and the cold air around me makes it a cold sweat. :bang:
I HAVE to retrain myself how to sleep lol
I'm hungry again and I'd like a Coke but this room temp Creme Soda is going to have to do until hubby leaves at 8. I think I'll go make some mac and cheese, watch Hulu then tackle the laundry room before it gets too warm.
Blah... my son just woke up lol...
-After this Paypal transaction is approved for the money I made for blogging, I'm eliminating Paypal out of my reality. With all of the complaints that come in, I'm not risking my ass using them to receive online payments. I mean, I'm not going to sell anything at all, but with how things are going with complaints that come in daily, I can't risk anything.
I'll just be taking a check for any earnings from blogging, I'm also just a few dollars away from the next transaction, and hopefully with the hysteria that's going on in that blogging site, I won't have my time wasted because of "this" or "that".
-And Organic Chemistry Exam today. I didn't study at all, I'm not going to cram all that stuff in. 150 point test multiple choice with a 40 point mini-exam all within 2 hours. The chances for me to actually do well is low, and the professor only dropped the grade scale by 1%, 1%, which is another way of saying, "you're screwed."
-It's amazing how much a person is willing to block out from a person they hate, and they prefer the same thing they're blocking out of their mind from someone else they like or don't mind.
-I've been skipping breakfast and eating during lunch time to last for pretty much the whole day. Although I haven't had any problems doing that, I am concerned about how passive I am with making sure I have decent nutrition.
-Dream recall is kind of random. I'm not really surprised, because I when I try to meditate for 30 minute or so (1 hour or so used to be my max), I end up sleeping.
-Although I'm like REALLY calm these past few weeks, I don't know, I just don't know anymore....
-And another thing, it's amazing how someone can fixate on one person alone, make them the totality of all problems, forget the daily problems that can come in from others, and still go back to that one person. That's what you call high quality ignorance.
-First impressions are always a bitch because people expect you to be in this constant demeanor, and then they're like "ooooooooh I know everything about you!! I'm a good judge at everything! My mental consistency is obviously limited about your daily life, but I'm so arrogant, I'm going to ignore that and keep making fun of you! ooooooh, look at me, I'm so cool!"
Lol burn in hell.
We used to be able to filter our search by newest at the top, relevance, etc. Now I can't do it. Stupid. I don't mind if you change the layout but don't take out our functions.Quote:
Originally Posted by Taffy
I don't wanna live on this planet anymore omg. I HATE SPIDERS
http://i50.tinypic.com/11vguu0.jpg
^Scares the shit outta me. D:
Another rant; I'm afraid of Wilding atm. Cause I've read this story about an experienced lucid dreamer. Who had lucid dreams every night using MILD and DILD. But at one night he had sleep paralysis without wanting to. And he had an out of body experience. He saw some scary stuff up there like demons, aliens, monsters,.. And ever since his out of body experience he witnessed loads of paranormal activity going on in his house. So he probably opened a gateway between our dimension and the astral realm. And basically I don't want that to happen. :L
Paranormal activity, demons, aliens, monsters. There are so many things to be afraid of, but so many things that can't kill you. It's only your fear that prevents you from doing anything correctly. Sleep paralysis doesn't come at you and go, "OH HEY THERE BUDDY, LET ME FREEZE YA FOR A SECOND AND SCARe jOo."
And as for the astral realm, or any other realm, think of it as floors, or levels. Depending on how used you are in aligning yourself to higher levels, you have to go through the most disgusting and sick areas, but it's really easy to overcome that because you can just raise your frequency. Just think positive thoughts, know that entities won't kill you or possess you, or do anything to you. You have control, you don't need to engage in whatever thought processes occur in those "lower" realms.
And as for your experienced LDer,
"Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see." -Benjamin Franklin
I mean, you can stop dreaming overall if you want, it's your choice, but you're going to come in conflict with negative energy from time to time, but you can easily align yourself to the right mindset, and nothing will stop you or scare you.
Literally, when you're doing these things, your thoughts are you enemy if you make them so. The only way to really conquer that fear is to just know it's a byproduct of your thoughts, and you can raise your positive energy/frequency/vibrancy/whatever you want to call it, and anything negative that comes in contact to you will be destroyed.
@Crashyy: Oh my god, like normal jumping spiders aren't bad enough. Who mutated the spiders?
The only fear I have for WILD is I'm unable to differentiate between reality and dream and I started acting out my dreams in reality, because the WILD technique I used made me visualise my room and if I'm successful, my lucid will take place in my room. I realised I have a tendency of killing myself and jumping down the building in recent lucids, I'm really worried I'll act it out in reality if I mistook it for WILD. But we should be aware enough when we're awake to tell that we're awake right? :?
@Linkzelda Well you're actually right. I've experienced sleep paralysis a few times, had a few lucid dreams. And I've never seen a demon or alien in real life yet. Apart from my first lucid dream. I've had an encounter with a demon. That was just a dream though. But my other lucids were AMAZING. So I really don't wanna stop dreaming. I would love to be able to WILD every night and have loads of lucid dreams. But raising my positive energy doesn't really work in real life. Ever since I've had my first lucid dream. I've seen shadow persons in my house. And so did my mum and my little brother. At first she thought it was just me coming downstairs but I was upstairs. And there wasn't anyone else at home. So she definately saw a walking shadow which looked like a man. I often hear strange sounds coming from downstairs at night. Sometimes the lights turn on by themselves. And I feel being watched so I usually imagine a white bright light around me. And only think about positive stuff but I keep on seeing shadow persons and stuff. What do you think's going on?
@Carrot, The only thing I can suggest to you is just keep track of your dream journal lol. I do some weird stuff in my dreams, and I'm kind of like in a passive mode with trying to become lucid. I'm slowly collecting every single emotion, every single encounter, every single dream character that stands out, and then formulating it all together to know when I'm really dreaming.
You could do reality checks like NOT jumping off a building or trying to kill yourself lol. Other than that, there's really not much you can do except just become aware of what's different in this reality and what's different in your dreams.
Maybe try analyzing your day to day emotions in waking life along with what happens in your dreaming life too.
There are many other ways to be aware without jumping off a cliff or building. :therethere:
@Crashyy, raising your frequency, energy is not hard at all.
Do things that make you happy:
- Listen to music you like
- Do your favorite hobby
- Imagine the things you can do in your lucid dreams
Really, there's nothing to it.
When you're sleeping, just take the time to forget about the conflicts you have to go through in your life, it's your personal time for some freedom and peace. Just go down the list of major things that you feel holds you back, and just say that you want to Let go.
After that, just think about good things, things that are a benefit to you.
I always telly myself during meditation that during this time of tranquility, silence, peace, and solitude......every single conviction that is a mental baggage for me is going to be released. I think of myself in another state of consciousness where all of the problems in this reality are just petty in comparison to the next level of awareness I'm going in.
You just have to let go of thoughts bad thoughts. Do them one by one. Thoughts are just temporary, think of them as guests inside your mind. If you don't want anyone inside your house, you sure as hell are going to kick them out. Horrible analogy, but hopefully you get my point.
After that, it's really up to you being aware of what's occurring, and if you feel any vibrations, hear any hallucinations, or whatever, it's all just a process, it's nothing that will do anything bad to you. You're just going through things you weren't conscious of.
I'm actually at that stage where it gets easy to fall asleep during meditation, so if I just find the breaking point in sustaining awareness, I can pretty much do anything from that point. It's hard, but it's not impossible Crashyy.
(sorry for the double post, I didn't expect anyone to respond lol)
Well being thoughtless really doesn't take any energy, you shouldn't be trying to surpress your thoughts. For me the actual void sensation people talk about only happens once I have reached a deep awareness and I have no need for thoughts.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ctharlhie
Rant: I didn't study for my test because I knew that they were small and I was told I didn't have to. I ended up doing quite mediocre in them and now I feel guilty even though I knew perfectly well that these tests are of little value so I didn't have to be bothered.
I know I shouldn't complain about what people have decided to get me and my son for Christmas or whatever, but I really wish they wouldn't spend so much money on fancy electronics and maybe just offer to pay a bill or something. I don't need a Kindile Fire HD, Mom. That is so expensive, but what use is it, really? I've got a computer, the internet. We have an XBOX and an HD TV. I've also got a smart phone and... well... I've got more than the basics (except basic cable--but I consider that a luxury)! Why can't they see that there are other things we need? Not that I expect anything more from them than they have already given--I know they want to get us something that seems like a gift, and I know they will still help us out when we need, regardless, but... We're going to need so much help getting by this month because his job his letting him off for a week for the holidays. That's one whole paycheck (since he gets paid every friday). I wish they wouldn't have gotten something that we don't need for 200 dollars... they could have bought my son something else instead that would have been worth less in price but more for his entertainment. I hate seeing my family (my parents) transition from simplicity to complicated and practically useless technology. My sister got my TWO year old son a DVD player for christ's sake... He's freaking TWO. :/ I can't even afford to get him anything this year, but if I did, and if I had the money they did, I still wouldn't see how that would be a reasonable gift for a two year old kid... sorry, but... I don't want to raise my kid on the tube. He watches enough PBS as it is...
Just drives me nuts... anyway... I've got 8 days until I'm due to have this baby. For sure he will be here by the 21st because they won't let me go past the 20th for trying all natural. I hope they don't end up having to cut him out of me... God I'm scared to death to have another c-section... People always make light of it saying, "Oh, it's not a big deal, lots of girls get c-sections these days." It's like... um... yea, that doesn't mean it's good for you or any less dangerous. Don't get me wrong, I'm not truly worried that my doctor will screw up considering he is a skilled surgeon--I trust him, but if it isn't necessary... ugh... I can't believe how close I am to not being pregnant anymore. He could literally come at any moment, even as I type this. It's so weird to think about...
OK. need to clean and study for finals. Two down, two to go.
Thanks for the nightmares, Crashyy :bslap: hehee j/k
I googled that flying spider and, THANKFULLY, it's fake. Winged Spider Misc? - Bodybuilding.com Forums About halfway down the thread, you'll see the original pic of that spider.
:hug: for all your worries :)
Suena, I can't believe how close your delivery is!!! I know what you mean about the gifts. I'm that way with my hubby. Instead of buying me dinner for $30. he could fill up my gas tank. But he's trying to be sweat and give me a bit of a treat for a change. I'm sure your family's like that too.
My son was laughing at me the other day because I told him that once I became an adult, the only thing I asked for for Christmas was writing paper, cigarettes and sometimes pens or pencils :lol: I knew my folks would be spending way too much on my kids and I wanted practical stuff.
:hug: for everyone else.
I ended up falling back to sleep from 8:30-12:30 :roll: I've still gotten nothing done.
I'm ready to go back to sleep. Curse Valiums half-life (yeah... as if I don't sleep like this without being on something :bang: lol)
Bah... someone's shooting like crazy outside. One of these days someone's going to turn up dead and no one will think anything of it beforehand because of all the hunters...
**EDIT**
WOW! Phantom of the Opera- Lindsey Stirling - YouTube That woman is AMAZING. This is a major anti-rant lol
I don't think I've ever gotten goose bumps from purely instrumental music before.
Maybe it's because I know these songs (she's playing several from Phantom of the Opera) mostly by heart so I know how perfect she is :) (It's a bit high paced, but still...)
Well done. Just did the same thing because of their terms of service change in November where you can no longer make class action lawsuits against them, and they changed it without any notice, if you keep using it, you agree to it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Linkzelda
So scummy.
Also had a problem before with a payment and heaps of people including my brother have had their accounts frozen for no reason and you can't do anything about it.
Hopefully bitcoins become mainstream.
____________________________
I just spent the whole day trying to fix my bike, pulled off the tank and fucking spilled petrol everywhere, accidentally pulled the fuel hose out at the wrong place.... then I undid a couple of screws to drain the carburetors in case they were dirty.... I think that was the problem.
Two screws needed to be undone and done back up. Instead I pulled half my bike apart.
:hug: Sounds like a royal pain in the rear! Glad to hear you got it taken care of though :)Quote:
Originally Posted by tommo
My rant is that I may finally be about to go insane because of this tinnitus. In case you don't want to go back a page or two, here's another link to my sound 10,000 Hz OUCH! - YouTube
The speakers for my computer are always turned all the way up and I control the volume using the volume knob from the box near my machines date and time display. When I play the sound, at volume 12 (not 15 as I mis-typed on YouTube) is when it's even with the sound in my ears/head.
I can't go to sleep easily with any sort of noise. Even soothing nature sounds or calm instrumentals annoy me when I'm trying to sleep. Once I'm out, a war could break out and I normally won't stir lol. Now that the Valium is almost completely out of my system, I can't go to sleep. If it's still bothering me by Monday, I'm actually going to go to a Doctor. I hope to God I have an ear infection. Earlier today, my ear started to ache, so I guess it's a very real possibility.
Not taking Ginkgo for a couple of days did nothing.
I may slit my own throat if it keeps up like this much longer.
I need fun, excitement, and and adventure. Seems like nobody else wants to live though
That is all
Excitement and adventure are over-rated IMHO. I'll take peace and quiet any time lolQuote:
Originally Posted by Majestic
Hope you find someone to do things with though :)
My rant is... well, nothing really :D
I finally crashed before 10:30 this morning. I told my son to wake me at 5 and he tried. And tried. And tried :cackle: I finally got up at 7:30
The dog was freaked out over me again, while I slept. I did wake briefly, most of the time, when my son came back to wake me. I'm very curious as to what makes the dog so upset sometimes.
When I woke up, and got up, she was literally "dancing" with joy. She stood on her back legs and begged with her front, bouncing around with excitement the whole time lol She's such a silly little dog.
And then I saw that she was out of food and water... and I felt less special :chuckle:
The tinnitus is still present but the volume is lower, so far. It seems to get worse the sleepier I get.
I downed some liquid allergy meds before going to sleep. It helped knock me out if nothing else. But I had some weird dreams. In one, I was driving backwards at excessive speeds and I nearly drove off a cliff. In another dream, I was surrounded by all sorts of turtles, wild dogs and crocodiles. For some reason, I was attacking one of the crocs. I stabbed it, but barely made a dent. Then I started beating it. It didn't die, and I felt very sad for it and wondered why I was trying to kill it to begin with :roll: So I apologized to it and let it leave.
I had that last dream because right before I fell asleep, I was outside and found an interesting object. It looked like a skull at first glance. It had strips of veinous material that resembled fur. I could see eye sockets and a snout. But there was no jaw or mouth. The base of where the neck would be was solid. At first glance, I thought it was a turtles head. Then, perhaps, a kitten. But once I looked at it more closely and then smelled it (after picking it up with newspaper lol), it seemed to be the knot from a tree or perhaps some sort of very large seed. I showed it to my reluctant hubby and he said it looks like something from a tree.
Whatever it is, it's interesting lol But then again, I'm very easily entertained :lol:
If people don't bother to understand what it is they're rejecting, you're only making yourself delusional and a pathetic show of a full autonomous presumably being capable of accepting concepts into your reality through the implication of choice.
There are so many wonderful things in this world and beyond, and to set the notion that you have everything solved, everything figured out; that is the nadir of your desire to continue learning and applying that learning to an added perspective of this life, and so much more.
But if you want to indulge extremely biased and limited perception of that endeavor to learn, then I guess it's really your life.
Memorizing applied concepts that were learned before doesn't mean you're going to learn and making something new for yourself. You have to go beyond the common sense and actually make something intelligence out of it. It's about going beyond the societal stamping of that concept, defying their conformity, and kicking ass and taking names.
Thinking about the past is depressing....
I've had this on my mind all day. I'm fairly certain that I got my OCD from my mom's side of the family. I've also been sure for a while that I got very a high natural opioid tolerance from my dad's side of the family. I've tried to use high doses of opioids on several occasions and never got any more than mild pain relief the times that I actually needed them, and nothing the times I didn't. A couple of times I was able to get something out of Vicodin when I also smoked weed with it, but it was still just like an accent to the high and not something incredibly significant. I've heard multiple times that my dad and grandpa have the exact same thing, in hospital (and recreational) settings they always required much higher doses than the average person to see an effect. I've also talked to a good amount of opioid users who said that having that be a family trait is not all that uncommon, so I'm not questioning it. But the reason it matters is because of what I was theorizing the other day with the neurochemistry behind sex. Part of what I was saying was that oxytocin activates mu-opioid receptors downstream and that allows for serotonin to create stronger euphoric reactions, and that plays an important role in social behavior and feeling able to emotionally connect to people. If it's true that my mu-opioid receptors are hyposensitive and my serotonin transporters are hyperactive, I suppose it could make sense why I always felt so removed from everything. In fact it kind of correlates with the fact that smoking weed every day actually helps me feel like I have regular emotions, since THC inhibits the reuptake of serotonin which increases it's levels in the brain and it positively modulates mu-opioid receptor function.
I'm making that a rant in itself. My brain is stacked against me. This is also going to feed into my chemistry neuroses. (For example, it's not uncommon for me to think things along the lines of noticing that I'm eating more than normal and get concerned if it's because I haven't been cracking my joints as much lately, since they both cause rewarding effects through D2 receptors.) I'm already starting to consider all the different angles in whether or not I have a naturally cannabinoid-seeking personality since it could be the most effective method of treating my symptoms. Like, they say that anandamide is released from exercise and is the main chemical behind a runner's high. Could that be part of the reason behind my anxious energy? Whenever I'm not high, and often even when I am, I have a tendency to constantly pace around my house because it calms me. It's to the point that my dad gets annoyed by it and says I'm like a caged animal. Just stuff like that.... The endocannabinoid system is also involved in relapse and addiction and supposedly even just things like fantasizing, and I definitely just fantasize all the time, and I do have a pretty heavily addictive personality. And I don't even really need to consider the direct drug link to that.... I can smoke weed and the synthetic cannabinoids like there's no tomorrow. And actually, the only type of drugs I like even more than weed are D2 agonists (e.g., LSD, ketamine, salvia), and D2 increases the release of anandamide significantly. Since D2 is activated by dopamine and the endocannabinoid systems plays an important role as a feedback for dopamine, I wonder if that's why even though I normally feel so starved for euphoria when I actually get it it's so strong? Basically like an addict going back and forth between cravings and fixes.
I wanted to take this rant further but I kind of have to cut it short. Probably for the best lol.