Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

I'm a very trusting person--maybe too much so. I believe all people are inherently good. Unless I'm given a reason NOT to trust somebody, I almost always give them the benefit of the doubt. And if they do me wrong, they're no longer involved in my life. Simple as that--I won't tolerate it.

So when a person who I've known and trusted for years stabs me in the back... it really fucking pisses me off. That said, I'm not one for revenge or anything silly like that. He took advantage of me and came out on top, so good for him. But, I don't let the same person hit me twice.

We just passed 22222 likes. Holy fuck.

Well, because of the positive response, here's a photo ;C
This is a big step for me, I don't think I've uploaded a photo with me in it for over three years.
My self confidence is just like, at zero, haha. Anyway! Here's the fort, cake, and us :)
http://www.facebook.com/ajax/messagi...BJ_2Cu3b-PkJnW

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Originally Posted by yuppie11975

Well, because of the positive response, here's a photo ;C
This is a big step for me, I don't think I've uploaded a photo with me in it for over three years.
My self confidence is just like, at zero, haha. Anyway! Here's the fort, cake, and us :)
http://www.facebook.com/ajax/messagi...BJ_2Cu3b-PkJnW

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Hey, hey, psssst, the link's broken.

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Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Just remember that personality tests are just based on observations with different test subjects and the results you get can vary a lot depending on your mood at the time and what you've been doing that day or just any time recently, depending on how they're structured. If you believe that your personality is a certain way then it probably is, regardless of what a test does or doesn't say. In other words, you should use the test as a guide, but don't let it get too up in your head. If you want to be happier, more optimistic, and more carefree, you should make it happen. :)

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That's what my friend told me too but I like actual hard facts supporting my thoughts so I can stop questioning. But your mood might not actually change your personality since under stress we tend to do something unlike ourselves.

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Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Carrot, you could also be ISFx which just means you can really go either way at any given time.

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I think the only thing I'm sure of is I'm an introvert, the rest's a complete mystery. :?

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Originally Posted by tommo

We just passed 22222 likes. Holy fuck.

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Thanks for your contributions to the likes lols. :cheers:

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Everything was so pleasant when I slept. Then I wake up and my cousin was constantly moving around. One moment she requested to use my iPad, the next moment she was opening my cupboard on her own to get some Pokemon comics from me. I shoved her aside so I could get the book for her since I know she wouldn't bother to tidy my cupboard up if she made a mess of it. I touched the iPad she was using earlier and it felt greasy to me. God I just cleaned it yesterday. :(

And then I'm stupidly getting upset and irritated over a forumner's disinterest of talking about the homosexual topic after he persuaded me twice that it's unwise to say it out loud on the net. I hate my countrymen's thinking sometimes, the forumner is from a local forum.

Anti-Rant: (<- Lol I'm doing this too)

I got into a sleep paralysis this morning and I attempted to get into a WILD. I was in a major sleep paralysis and I almost succeeded but my dream eyes tried opening which resulted in my real life eyes opening. I attempted again and I ended up drifting into a non-lucid.

Several hours later (yeah I slept for hours), I got into another sleep paralysis and I quickly prolonged the sleep paralysis effect so I could end up in another WILD, then I succeeded and I was slowly sitting up, in fact I think I was experiencing an OBE too. But my dream just ended abruptly, seems like my REM period is up again. :?

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Originally Posted by tommo

Boring.

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Sounds nice sometimes... until I have a kickass lucid dream like last night that reminds me how great it is to be all-powerful. :rolleyes:

And now my rant is that I'm not some kind of omnipotent goddess. I know I've brought it up before, but it still makes me sad. :T

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Originally Posted by yuppie11975

Well, because of the positive response, here's a photo ;C
This is a big step for me, I don't think I've uploaded a photo with me in it for over three years.
My self confidence is just like, at zero, haha. Anyway! Here's the fort, cake, and us :)
http://www.facebook.com/ajax/messagi...BJ_2Cu3b-PkJnW

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As Link said, the image link doesn't work. I'm glad you're able to take this step though, I can't wait to see it. :) You shouldn't let your confidence stay so low, you seem like a good guy to me. :P Honestly, I wouldn't really want to be with a guy who wasn't up to do the kind of stuff you described, at least not for a real relationship. There's nothing wrong with actually doing things the right way. :thumbup:

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Originally Posted by Carrot

That's what my friend told me too but I like actual hard facts supporting my thoughts so I can stop questioning. But your mood might not actually change your personality since under stress we tend to do something unlike ourselves.

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I don't think your mood changes your personality at all, but it can change your personality test scores. Many of them rely on you making quick emotional decisions, which can change with mood. I understand wanting that support though. :) Also, I want to respond to more of your post but I need to head out right now so I'll do that later! >w<

Re: Exams, etc.
Personally I'm studying at the 'University of Life', where currently I'm failing everything. Plus it's way cold in here. I have to wear a pair of gloves to operate the keys on the computer keyboard, else I will get chilblain type sores on my fingers like last year which are painful and take weeks to go.
No I haven't got the heating on as it is far too expensive - RANT. :pissed:
I have to go on the exercise bike to thaw out after going online.

Congrats. Carrot on the WILD btw. I'm sure it will be one of many. I'm due a really good LD myself, so I think I will raid the fridge and use all the AJ and the B6/Banana's up during my WBTB. Well, "Snooze, and you lose" as they say! :D

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Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Yes. :lol:

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Today my rant isn't really a complaint, but it's a rant nonetheless. I took a college algebra exam this morning and I finished it within like a few minutes. It was probably the easiest exam I have ever taken. There were questions that made you draw things like the graph of f(x)=(x^2)+2, but it wasn't even just draw it knowing what it means (as if anyone wouldn't), it actually already had f(x)=(x^2), and it told you to draw the new one using that. Really?? That wasn't even an easy equation I just made up to mock it either, that was actually an exam question. Seriously. -_-

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... Add N to (X).

http://reviews.skateandannoy.com/fil...add-n-to-x.jpg

(P.S: I suppose I better not overdo the B6 thing as I have got to go to the Hospital next week, so I don't want 'dayglow' yellow fluorescent pee like last time.)

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Originally Posted by Linkzelda

^^^^Oh ho ho ho, trust me, you wouldn't want to indulge in that thought. I had horrible past with that.....it wasn't really......engaging in ego boosting. It may feel good now, but when you look back at one part, it feels so weird...and awkward.

Trust me. :therethere: It's just a number, it isn't exactly activating your Kundalini or higher self. :P

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I've complained about school and guitar stores. Not much left I can complain about. What's Kundalini?

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Originally Posted by Woodstock

I've complained about school and guitar stores. Not much left I can complain about. What's Kundalini?

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There's a lot of meanings for it, but I guess you could call it divine energy, or untapped potential and consciousness, but now I'm concerned on why I used that in the previous post. :?

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Originally Posted by Linkzelda

^^^^Oh ho ho ho, trust me, you wouldn't want to indulge in that thought. I had horrible past with that.....it wasn't really......engaging in ego boosting. It may feel good now, but when you look back at one part, it feels so weird...and awkward.

Trust me. :therethere: It's just a number, it isn't exactly activating your Kundalini or higher self. :P

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Speak for yourself, I feel respected and honoured when people who I have little connection with like my posts.
http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/ga...y-painting.jpg

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Originally Posted by tommo

We just passed 22222 likes. Holy fuck.

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And now post #11111. :rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by Alyzarin

And now post #11111. :rolleyes:

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How do these things always happen when your around??

People stop looking at the numbers! They're all coincidences!

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MapleStory decided to give monsters the chance of dropping coupons that can change your hair, face and eyes randomly, they used to be only modifiable with cash. I was excited when I changed my character's looks for the first time and it looked pretty good. Then I keep getting the coupons and I keep changing my character's looks. Turns out it kept getting uglier and uglier, like having green face, etc. So I spent consecutively 5 - 6 hours on that game just to get my look right. Gosh. Now I twitch every time I see monsters dropping that coupon.

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Originally Posted by Carrot

One moment she requested to use my iPad, the next moment she was opening my cupboard on her own to get some Pokemon comics from me.

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Not the point I know, but do you have Magical Pokémon Journey? :O

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Originally Posted by Carrot

And then I'm stupidly getting upset and irritated over a forumner's disinterest of talking about the homosexual topic after he persuaded me twice that it's unwise to say it out loud on the net. I hate my countrymen's thinking sometimes, the forumner is from a local forum.

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Forget him, he's not worth your time. :therethere: I mean, what exactly is going to happen if you say it online? Lol. They're not that strict about it there are they? :shock:

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Originally Posted by Carrot

Anti-Rant: (<- Lol I'm doing this too)

I got into a sleep paralysis this morning and I attempted to get into a WILD. I was in a major sleep paralysis and I almost succeeded but my dream eyes tried opening which resulted in my real life eyes opening. I attempted again and I ended up drifting into a non-lucid.

Several hours later (yeah I slept for hours), I got into another sleep paralysis and I quickly prolonged the sleep paralysis effect so I could end up in another WILD, then I succeeded and I was slowly sitting up, in fact I think I was experiencing an OBE too. But my dream just ended abruptly, seems like my REM period is up again. :?

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Welcome to the club. :P

Is there something wrong with sleeping for hours? X) That's pretty cool about the sleep paralysis though! Is this your first time getting it?

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Originally Posted by dutchraptor

How do these things always happen when your around??

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I could ask you the same question! You could only possibly make that judgment using the situations you were there for, meaning that you have in fact been there every time as well. :rolleyes:

Maybe we're just special. :cheers:

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Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Not the point I know, but do you have Magical Pokémon Journey? :O

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No. I wanted to buy that years ago, then I forgot. :o

I have this though. ^^

http://photo.goodreads.com/books/1178159721l/765827.jpg

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Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Forget him, he's not worth your time. :therethere: I mean, what exactly is going to happen if you say it online? Lol. They're not that strict about it there are they? :shock:

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I don't know. I can't stand conflicts? But then this sudden thought raced in my mind, at least I'm experiencing sadness at that point of time, it balances up my emotions. <- Weird Logic

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Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Welcome to the club. :P

Is there something wrong with sleeping for hours? X) That's pretty cool about the sleep paralysis though! Is this your first time getting it?

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I slept for 14 hours? Nothing wrong with it. :rolleyes:

But if I can keep at 8/9 hours of sleep per day, that would be best. :content:

This isn't the first time I was experiencing sleep paralysis. I got it years back before I even knew about LD. I had this scary dream where something came to my bed and I was spun around on my neck. Afterwards, I woke up in the middle of the night and the right side of my neck seems to be slightly hurting. I was then really puzzled whether was I awake or asleep when that dream happened to me because it was really realistic but it would be impossible for me to feel just a slight pain after being spun around so much. I was in need of the toilet when I woke up in the middle of the night. I posted my dream descriptions on Yahoo! answers and someone told me it might be possible that I've just experienced sleep paralysis since my need of toilet woke me up.

That experience was different from the sleep paralysis I got from WILD, I didn't experience any hallucinations when I was attempting WILD, just whole body vibrations. I randomly attempted WILD in the past and gotten into a sleep paralysis for a while too, but I never managed to get into a lucid dream.

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Originally Posted by Carrot

No. I wanted to buy that years ago, then I forgot. :o

I have this though. ^^

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All That Pikachu? X) Never heard of it, looks interesting though. :P I was wondering about Magical Pokémon Journey because they published the whole thing in English in Singapore, but not in America. :whyohwhy:

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Originally Posted by Carrot

I don't know. I can't stand conflicts? But then this sudden thought raced in my mind, at least I'm experiencing sadness at that point of time, it balances up my emotions. <- Weird Logic

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I understand that logic. As long as you don't let it stick with you. :)

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Originally Posted by Carrot

I slept for 14 hours? Nothing wrong with it. :rolleyes:

But if I can keep at 8/9 hours of sleep per day, that would be best. :content:

This isn't the first time I was experiencing sleep paralysis. I got it years back before I even knew about LD. I had this scary dream where something came to my bed and I was spun around on my neck. Afterwards, I woke up in the middle of the night and the right side of my neck seems to be slightly hurting. I was then really puzzled whether was I awake or asleep when that dream happened to me because it was really realistic but it would be impossible for me to feel just a slight pain after being spun around so much. I was in need of the toilet when I woke up in the middle of the night. I posted my dream descriptions on Yahoo! answers and someone told me it might be possible that I've just experienced sleep paralysis since my need of toilet woke me up.

That experience was different from the sleep paralysis I got from WILD, I didn't experience any hallucinations when I was attempting WILD, just whole body vibrations. I randomly attempted WILD in the past and gotten into a sleep paralysis for a while too, but I never managed to get into a lucid dream.

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Oh wow, that is a long time. :chuckle:

That's interesting though. :O I'm jealous, it's difficult for me to get into sleep paralysis, though it does happen to me from time to time when waking up. The only two WILDs I've done were totally random and didn't involve any vibrations either, they just transitioned into my perceptions. I have gotten sleep paralysis without hitting WILD once at the right time to try it though, but like I said I didn't take it at all the way and it was with the help of being really high. You should definitely keep at it, if you've gotten that far more than once I'm sure you'll improve in no time. :content:

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Rant: I was just doing some more reading up on OCD. I have it fairly bad, not insanely bad like people they show on TV that just can't control themselves at ALL, but not a mild case. I've read that drugs that can ultimately lower activity at (downregulate) 5-HT2A receptors, basically serotonin precursors like 5-HTP and releasing agents like MDMA and classical psychedelics (5-HT2A agonists), can have positive effects on OCD symptoms, and I'd actually experienced this before reading it so I'm all for that belief. What's news to me is that further research was done into that and studies have linked OCD to polymorphisms in the gene that encodes the 5-HT2A receptor. :shock: Which basically means that it's linked to altered and potentially enhanced activity at 5-HT2A. This makes perfect sense with the lowering-activity-at-5-HT2A fix, but the implications go so much further beyond that.... Most importantly to me, is that why I'm so psychotic? >.> Is the psychedelic receptor in my brain different and more active than the average person? Is that why psychedelics effect me differently than my friends? Honestly, I'd believe it.... I never actually felt that psychedelics were altering my thought patterns in some profoundly new way, they were just enhancing my natural craziness, even when I took the 20 hits of acid. Everything felt so natural and I was totally in control.... And I pretty fully embrace my oddities, so that could also explain why I love psychedelics so much.... I don't know, but it would all make a LOT of sense to me....

So many things to consider. :panic:

Interesting. It has also been linked to dopamine as well. Which does make sense, because basically you get more dopamine than you really should from certain things, which means you get addicted to doing them.

Although those receptors are closely linked really (in ways I don't really understand). So it could easily be both.

I do know that when I smoke weed I basically forget about most of my OCD things though.
Stuff relating to germs I actually have to remind myself to do it, otherwise I'll be all anxious when I come down.
As opposed to when sober I basically can't get it off my mind if I don't do it.

When I was getting close to going into the dream state, all of that "noise" stuff like feeling the bottom of my feet warping, I hate when I try to think of something I could do, just before the WILD becomes a success, that it's always a bad image that shows up like....

-Dropping into planets....(No that's scary!!!)

-Being probed by aliens...(No, wrong hole buddy!)

-Or just randomly being in a huge body of water, and wondering if some big ass creature will show up...(I know it would be a dream, but if something like this ---> http://legendzelda.net/wp-content/up...to-262x300.png shows up, I would poop my pants).

I always hated encountering that thing in windwaker when I DIDN'T have a Boomerang, Arrows, or even a freaking Hookshot....that was scary stuff not knowing where I would be transported to if I got too close to the Big Octo...


.......and what was even scarier than that was that Cyclos guy who would float on a cloud, and have a big ass cyclone surrounding him...and because it covered a wider span than the Big Octos' whirlpool, if you got caught, all I could say was,

http://ompldr.org/vZm82NA

"Well f%5&!"

or even Gohma:

Spoiler for Holy.....:

http://ompldr.org/vZm82Mg

How come all of a sudden I'm afraid of these things....I defeated all of them, and even that big, fat Ganondorf....oh man...and Phantom Ganon.....

Ahhhhhh! I feel the same way when I first saw the Windwaker version of ReDeads when I was probably just 9-12 years old...woah :shock:

http://ompldr.org/vZm82Ng

Those shrieks make me cringe and shake....:eek:

Anyway===

I NEED to buy Xenoblade Chronicles, I watched the video of Riki, and oh my goodness....his voice so fun to imitate!

"Dinobeast big and scary!"

Spoiler for Dinobeast big and scary!:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCpybPtSqig

Gahhhhhh....I miss that feeling where I would sit down playing a game for hours, forgetting I'm a human being, and just having fun wasting my time playing games.....I'm going to miss that :(

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Originally Posted by tommo

Interesting. It has also been linked to dopamine as well. Which does make sense, because basically you get more dopamine than you really should from certain things, which means you get addicted to doing them.

Although those receptors are closely linked really (in ways I don't really understand). So it could easily be both.

I do know that when I smoke weed I basically forget about most of my OCD things though.
Stuff relating to germs I actually have to remind myself to do it, otherwise I'll be all anxious when I come down.
As opposed to when sober I basically can't get it off my mind if I don't do it.

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That makes perfect sense, actually. :O 5-HT2A receptors in the nucleus accumbens, the major motivational center of the brain, have been implicated in a lot of the local dopamine release in response to rewarding stimuli, even including things like cocaine, amphetamine, and morphine, and psychedelics, of course. I think they might have linked it to alcohol too, but I can't remember right off the top of my head.... 5-HT2A also forms functional heterodimers with D2, the main dopamine receptor implicated in psychosis and schizophrenia. At these sites activating one receptor increases activity of the other, so it's possible that altered and enhanced 5-HT2A activity could be generating some of the psychosis-like symptoms of OCD through this mechanism as well. I also wonder about its role in intrusive sexual thoughts (which are, or were if you count the fact that they don't really bother me anymore, my most severe symptom), as D2 is also a major player in libido, and it could explain at least for me why so many of my sexual fantasies are so psychedelic and why all of my psychedelic trips are so sexual. I also think that D2 plays an important role in perception of entities, especially with drugs like salvia, and I get entities a lot more easily than all of my friends as well.... Hmmmm....

Anyway, about weed, it helps me as well but only if it's because it's made me totally couch-locked and zoned out, or just really distracted with something. When I start paying attention to it while high it can get much worse, however it follows the same pattern while sober so it's not surprising, I think the weed just makes me get even more worked into it if I let myself get that far. I think it used to help more, but it's been too long to say now... once you start tripping a good amount your high tends to change to feel more psychedelic because you notice the tripping sensations more easily, sometimes in ways that don't really ever seem to go back to how they were, or at least take a very, very long time to do so. (Word to the wise.) I think that probably helps me obsess more because I get those racing mindsets more easily. Actually, with this new polymorphism information I wouldn't be surprised if it's helped me notice the psychedelic aspects of my mind in general more, too.... (It's certainly felt like it has.)

The good thing about 5-HT2A/D2 anxiety though is that it isn't real. If you ignore it, it goes away, just like letting a trip do its thing instead of freaking out about an ego death. The same can definitely be said of OCD symptoms... if you don't let them bother you then they're really not that big of a deal, in my opinion anyway. Maybe if you have it REALLY bad, but most people don't, and if you do have it that bad you should probably be using medication anyway.... To leave on a potentially interesting note, I must point out the fact that SSRIs attenuate both OCD symptoms and the effects of psychedelics, as well. :-?

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Originally Posted by Linkzelda

When I was getting close to going into the dream state, all of that "noise" stuff like feeling the bottom of my feet warping, I hate when I try to think of something I could do, just before the WILD becomes a success, that it's always a bad image that shows up like....

-Dropping into planets....(No that's scary!!!)

-Being probed by aliens...(No, wrong hole buddy!)

-Or just randomly being in a huge body of water, and wondering if some big ass creature will show up...(I know it would be a dream, but if something like this shows up, I would poop my pants).

I always hated encountering that thing in windwaker when I DIDN'T have a Boomerang, Arrows, or even a freaking Hookshot....that was scary stuff not knowing where I would be transported to if I got too close to the Big Octo...

.......and what was even scarier than that was that Cyclos guy who would float on a cloud, and have a big ass cyclone surrounding him...and because it covered a wider span than the Big Octos' whirlpool, if you got caught, all I could say was,

or even Gohma:

Spoiler for Holy.....:

http://ompldr.org/vZm82Mg

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I love Windwaker and I would be so stoked if any of those things happened to me in a dream, sounds like an adventure. X)

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Originally Posted by Alyzarin

All That Pikachu? X) Never heard of it, looks interesting though. :P I was wondering about Magical Pokémon Journey because they published the whole thing in English in Singapore, but not in America. :whyohwhy:

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Do you need help shipping it over? :chuckle:

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Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Oh wow, that is a long time. :chuckle:

That's interesting though. :O I'm jealous, it's difficult for me to get into sleep paralysis, though it does happen to me from time to time when waking up. The only two WILDs I've done were totally random and didn't involve any vibrations either, they just transitioned into my perceptions. I have gotten sleep paralysis without hitting WILD once at the right time to try it though, but like I said I didn't take it at all the way and it was with the help of being really high. You should definitely keep at it, if you've gotten that far more than once I'm sure you'll improve in no time. :content:

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And that's not even my max, the longest I have slept was 18 hours I think. :shadewink:

It just occurred to me that I have experienced sleep paralysis more than just these few times. I remembered waking up once in the middle of the night and I have a lot of difficulty moving my limbs, almost as though I was immobilised or something was stopping me from moving. That was indeed rather scary, scarier than that hallucination I had since I was more in doubt than fear after that hallucination.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Rant: I was just doing some more reading up on OCD. I have it fairly bad, not insanely bad like people they show on TV that just can't control themselves at ALL, but not a mild case. I've read that drugs that can ultimately lower activity at (downregulate) 5-HT2A receptors, basically serotonin precursors like 5-HTP and releasing agents like MDMA and classical psychedelics (5-HT2A agonists), can have positive effects on OCD symptoms, and I'd actually experienced this before reading it so I'm all for that belief. What's news to me is that further research was done into that and studies have linked OCD to polymorphisms in the gene that encodes the 5-HT2A receptor. :shock: Which basically means that it's linked to altered and potentially enhanced activity at 5-HT2A. This makes perfect sense with the lowering-activity-at-5-HT2A fix, but the implications go so much further beyond that.... Most importantly to me, is that why I'm so psychotic? >.> Is the psychedelic receptor in my brain different and more active than the average person? Is that why psychedelics effect me differently than my friends? Honestly, I'd believe it.... I never actually felt that psychedelics were altering my thought patterns in some profoundly new way, they were just enhancing my natural craziness, even when I took the 20 hits of acid. Everything felt so natural and I was totally in control.... And I pretty fully embrace my oddities, so that could also explain why I love psychedelics so much.... I don't know, but it would all make a LOT of sense to me....

So many things to consider. :panic:

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I don't really understand what you're saying especially with those science terms but you were trying to say, weed, alcohol and some type of drugs/medicine help in reducing OCD? And I don't know if I read it right but do OCD increases libido? Or its another type of chemical? People who were deceived by my innocent face got a shock when I told them I do notice boobs and crotches.

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Anti-Rant: (Yay!)

Today was my last day at work. In fact I skipped work for the last remaining 3 days since I lose the motivation to go for work after being terminated. I think this part belongs to the rant section. But I had to go down today personally to return my passes and fill up a clearance form. When I reached the office in the afternoon, I stared at the clearance form and I told the supervisor there's nothing for me to fill in the form, someone with higher authority has to fill it up for me.

And to get on to the anti-rant part, it seems like 3 other people were having their last day today too. So I was gathering chocolates and sweets from them. A tradition in my office that people having their last day will give out goodies. Then I felt tempted to get goodies for my colleagues too since most of them are really nice people. I got them abruptly from some mini-marts since I didn't prepare beforehand because I didn't feel good with the termination. I returned back to the office and started handing out chocolates and biscuits. :)

I stayed all the way till work end, the feeling was great since I'm not there for work, just to accompany the nice people that were there with me. I did some "free labour" too because today was supposedly my unpaid leave and I just came down to return the passes. My friend had some issues with work so I helped her. :O

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Originally Posted by Carrot

Do you need help shipping it over? :chuckle:

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Oh, in another life where I actually have money to spend. :rolleyes: I actually tried once with Chuang Yi, but they never got back to me to complete the order even after we got through the first couple steps. :madtongue:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Carrot

And that's not even my max, the longest I have slept was 18 hours I think. :shadewink:

It just occurred to me that I have experienced sleep paralysis more than just these few times. I remembered waking up once in the middle of the night and I have a lot of difficulty moving my limbs, almost as though I was immobilised or something was stopping me from moving. That was indeed rather scary, scarier than that hallucination I had since I was more in doubt than fear after that hallucination.

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So many hours! :bowdown: Sounds amazing, maybe I'll spend all day in bed some time soon. :chuckle:

Yeah, that's mainly what gets to me, but I hallucinate myself moving for a second or two before everything just kind of rolls back to me in bed again. :shock: Though one time I was just legitimately stuck, and there was an entity creeping up on me, but it was too dark to see anything. These days it doesn't really bother me though, sometimes I realize what's going on quickly and can generate phantom limbs to move with until my mobility returns. :3

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Originally Posted by Carrot

I don't really understand what you're saying especially with those science terms but you were trying to say, weed, alcohol and some type of drugs/medicine help in reducing OCD? And I don't know if I read it right but do OCD increases libido? Or its another type of chemical? People who were deceived by my innocent face got a shock when I told them I do notice boobs and crotches.

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Well, drugs like weed and alcohol can help by distracting you from your symptoms, but overall alcohol probably makes them worse, and with weed if you overdo it it'll probably do the same from time to time, though if weed is the only drug you ever use you probably have a better chance of keeping its benefits. MDMA (ecstasy) and psychedelics will reduce OCD symptoms for a while, but they'll come back unless you dose every day (which isn't a good idea) or at least often. 5-HTP helps too but you don't want to take 5-HTP every day, side effects will start developing. Same with the pharmaceuticals like SSRIs, in my opinion the risks far outweigh the rewards unless you literally can't even function without them.

OCD can definitely increase libido, that's why persistent sexual thoughts is one of the possible major symptoms. OCD has been correlated with increased 5-HT2A activity and dopamine release, and that's known to increase sexual motivation. Whenever I take drugs that bind to and activate 5-HT2A (psychedelics) I get an immediately recognizable sexual stimulation that feels exactly like my stranger fantasies but stronger, often involving visions and sometimes contact with highly sexualized entities that directly reflect some of my more twisted desires. Like I said before, I've honestly always felt that psychedelics just enhance my normal mindset even though my friends say they dramatically twist the way they think, so this OCD connection really doesn't surprise me.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Carrot

Anti-Rant: (Yay!)

Today was my last day at work. In fact I skipped work for the last remaining 3 days since I lose the motivation to go for work after being terminated. I think this part belongs to the rant section. But I had to go down today personally to return my passes and fill up a clearance form. When I reached the office in the afternoon, I stared at the clearance form and I told the supervisor there's nothing for me to fill in the form, someone with higher authority has to fill it up for me.

And to get on to the anti-rant part, it seems like 3 other people were having their last day today too. So I was gathering chocolates and sweets from them. A tradition in my office that people having their last day will give out goodies. Then I felt tempted to get goodies for my colleagues too since most of them are really nice people. I got them abruptly from some mini-marts since I didn't prepare beforehand because I didn't feel good with the termination. I returned back to the office and started handing out chocolates and biscuits. :)

I stayed all the way till work end, the feeling was great since I'm not there for work, just to accompany the nice people that were there with me. I did some "free labour" too because today was supposedly my unpaid leave and I just came down to return the passes. My friend had some issues with work so I helped her. :O

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Aww, that's sweet. :content: And working for free! They were crazy to let you go. :P

Totally agree and can (fuck I am lost on the word I was looking for.... basically I have had similar experiences to what you were talking about) with everything you said.
Gonna PM you.

Relate! How the fuck can I forget that word?

Re: OCD.
I'm gonna add my 2 cents for what it is worth.

Stress = (More) Dopamine = (More) OCD.
(Disclaimer: Probably in reality there are quite a few factors to consider regarding OCD. I know an early trauma can trigger it - from personal experience.)

Rant: I wasted some sleep time this morning & supplement. I was too alert to go back to bed!
Anti-rant: I did have some Paracetamol this time. :D
Talking of libido, then I did have some good HI around midday today after going for a quick rest, until the mail man nearly gave me a heart attack by banging all the letters through the letterbox. :(

P.S. I have used a bit of license regarding the HI 'noise', etc. ;)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RobStar

Re: OCD.
I'm gonna add my 2 cents for what it is worth.

Stress = (More) Dopamine = (More) OCD.
(Disclaimer: Probably in reality there are quite a few factors to consider regarding OCD. I know an early trauma can trigger it - from personal experience.)

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Stress-induced OCD isn't really OCD though, it's just obsessiveness. It generates some of the same neurochemical balances as OCD, but it's still not exactly the same, and generally not as severe. OCD is hereditary, though I'm sure in some people it could be dormant until brought out by stress, at least it wouldn't surprise me. Mine has been in full swing since I was a happy-go-lucky child, though.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RobStar

Rant: I wasted some sleep time this morning & supplement. I was too alert to go back to bed!
Anti-rant: I did have some Paracetamol this time. :D
Talking of libido, then I did have some good HI around midday today after going for a quick rest, until the mail man nearly gave me a heart attack by banging all the letters through the letterbox. :(

P.S. I have used a bit of license regarding the HI 'noise', etc. ;)

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Hahaha, that's a bummer. :lol: At least you can get that far, though. :P

My son made the honor choir at school!!!!! I'm so fucking happy right now.

Rant: work weekend from hell about to start tomorrow, and my gums hurt next to this one tooth where some food got stuck earlier.