Zhay, you want some of deez nuts?
Sorry.
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Zhay, you want some of deez nuts?
Sorry.
I left him again and I am staying at my sister's again. I just couldn't take it anymore. For anyone that has responded or read my posts in the past, you might already have a good idea about how my husband is. Well, this time wasn't as bad as last when I needed to call the cops, but he did act in a violent way that compromised our son. He threw one of my textbooks across the room and shattered a glass of water which wasn't far from where my son was standing, watching it all. He was angry with me because I had told him that I was fed up with the smoking in the house and since he wouldn't listen before that I was going to put my foot down for once. It is my house, too, afterall. The only reason I didn't do it before was because I was afraid of this kind of confrontation. I'm just tired of being ignored and my opinions about what we should do or shouldn't do being disrespected. I shouldn't be afraid to say what I think for fear of how he will react.
I hadn't planned on leaving him over it, but when he shattered that glass, as if to put me in my place, it just pushed me over the edge. Especially because he could have hurt our son. It was ironic to me that the comment that sent him over the edge was when I said "you don't care about your son's health". How is reacting violently going to disprove that comment when you could have easily sent glass flying into our son's eyes or compromising the environment where our son would walk in glass? Anyway, I made sure my son was ok and went to clean up the glass. He cleaned it up, still angry, but then he left for work on that note. I had a panic attack immediately after he shut the door. I just started bawling because I felt so controlled by him.
I texted my mom while I was crying because I didn't know what to do. I am tired of going through that. Anyway, I've been gone for over a week now. He's changed jobs since and is seemingly less stressed, but he's putting guilt on me for not being home. "I'm lonely" "This isn't helping anything" "I'm afraid you won't ever come home, you're getting too used to it there" and "I think things will be better" (now that he has a different, less stressful job). I just don't want to make the same mistake of going back and having to do this all over again in a few months. The baby will be here soon and we need to resolve these issues as best we can before then. It's going to be a lot harder to leave him when I've got two kids.
He came and got my son yesterday and his keeping him til tomorrow morning when I go to pick him up. I'm nervous because I don't want him to talk me into coming home. I'm starting to feel guilty for being gone, but I know things aren't going to change if I go back now. I feel like we both need more time, but I can't handle the guilt. I hate keeping his son from him, but he works and I don't, so it makes sense that I keep him with me. I do love him, but if he wants me to come home, I need to see change-- not only with his anger issues, but I need to see that he will be more supportive of me and our children.
I guess I'm writing this because I need to know I'm doing the right thing... I miss him and it would be so easy to go home, but my sister is more than willing to keep me here for as long as I need. I've discussed everything with her and my mom and they both keep assuring me that I need to stand my ground and that he will say anything to get me back home as soon as possible, but that change won't happen if I go back now.
I think the worst part is the effect this is having on my son. I don't want him to get used to mommy and daddy living separately, but I think it's better for both of us. Since I've been gone, I haven't smoked a single cigarette. I was smoking maybe one a day and that is horrible for me being pregnant, but it was mostly due to being around it all the time and being stressed. I do feel better here, with family to support me emotionally and help me with my son. My husband doesn't do that so well.
Im just getting to the point where I"m feeling obligated to go home for good. I don't know whether to take my stuff with me when I got to get my son, or leave it here, or what the hell to say to him tomorrow when I pick up my son.... it's so hard... I feel like if I stay gone any longer my husband is going to flip out and break things, or .. I don't know.. just do something. I feel like I am making it worse, but... damnit... I gave in last time and ended right back here a few months later... How do I know when it is time to go back?!?!?! arrgh... finished. Need to do homework and go to bed.
Think of it this way, Suena...it's not going to get easier or less stressful with two children, no matter what job he has. Smoking indoors doesn't help you, your son, or your unborn child but I'm not here to preach on that.
Quitting a bad man is like quitting cigarettes. You find it hard at first but over time the reasons to quit outweigh the reasons not to. Being away from him doesn't mean he isn't a father nor does it have to diminish his role in raising the children you make together. You must weigh the desire to stay versus the impact another book being thrown will have on the kids. They're more important than either of you now.
I know this isn't easy. Life is made that way.
In my opinion the better choice is to be apart. If he's a man and a father he will still be there for the kids and you will have to spend less time worrying about his anger issues, especially with a supportive family that clearly cares for you.
Be well! *hug*
Wow, it's one thing for him to act violent, but it's a completely different situation when the son, like you said, was so close to being injured because of the father's random aggressiveness.Quote:
Originally Posted by Suena
I'm not saying this is right at all, but to me, based on things I've said before to you (which I still don't know how I came up with them), it seems he's just feeding off of your continuing desire to see things through, and always trying to find the good in him, and he keeps abusing over and over.
I can tell you're not the person to be pushed over the edge like that, and I don't think it's your fault at all. He was close to injuring your son, and for what? Just because he couldn't rationally talk to someone he's supposed to really be thoughtful of, and just try to make some compromises for a stable relationship?
I don't know, but it seems that if he's going to really go THAT far where the son is constantly in that environment of him being passive aggressive...it's really hard to suggest anything, because how things are structured in this society at least, everything seems so divided because the social roles that we try so hard to keep up with, playing along what it should be like to be a mother figure, and what it should be like to be a father figure.
In my opinion, and again, it's not perfect, but your child should always be put on top priority, and I'm sure you already know that. If the father is showing signs that he goes into that state of aggressiveness again, obviously he doesn't have the thought of being considerate that he's really creating a bad assumption of himself for his son.
I always presumed that a child would be one reason a parent would abandon their dreams (or even use their goals to ensure the development of the child) because they feel the need that nurturing their child is their new dream, and if you expose your son to that guy more where it's not an environment of stability for the kid to develop, you might have to take this type of matter through court eventually. (If he wants to take custody for the son).
I mean, you going over the edge is just proof that asshole is just abusing you, I'm sorry for insulting him like that, but if he's willing to do something so horrible that the son is in danger, it just depends on where you draw the line Suena.
And like melanieb said, you have a family that is willing to help you out. I really suggest you shift your kindness and continuing perception of trying to see the good in people towards them and your friends, but not that guy.
He's just a waste of your time, especially when you're trying to do well in school too, you don't need an inconsiderate jerk to mess things up for you.
Anyway, I hope things turn out well for you :hug:
But in all honesty, the guy fucked up, he showed he can't even control himself towards his son. If he can't do that, then he clearly has no hope to be bear the responsibility of the baby coming into life as well.
This may be wishful thinking, but I think there are better men out there who will be grateful of your ability to try and see the good in people and understand them better.
There's just some people who always show no signs of evolving themselves mentally, and I don't think that guy deserves you at all. Then again, I'm clueless in these things, sorry. >.<
I really do wish you the best though.
Hardy har har, Tommo :P :lol: Thanks for the laugh :)
:hug: Suena.
If he was truly sorry he wouldn't still be blaming you (or guilting you) because of HIS actions. And if you're afraid he's going to get more violent if you don't go back... it just tells me that he's not really changing.
What a jerk!
I'm glad you have your family around to help you and I'm even happier that you're letting them.
I'm sorry, Zhaylin, but I had to have fun with your words. I only deleted words, added nothing.
*hugs*
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zhaylin
I'm not going to type type out a long reply- cause I don't really know what to say.Quote:
Originally Posted by Suena
Dad with a moderate temper=better than no dad at all.
Dad who is constantly fighting with mom and regularly breaks things out of anger? I think I'd rather have no dad. Especially if the marriage blew up halfway through my childhood, which it likely would.
I don't know which your husband is. But I know which one he sounds like...
Wow, I hadn't anticipated how quickly anyone would respond to this. Thank you, though, because reassurance is helping me, hopefully, to not give in tomorrow. What I know is that my gut is telling me that even though he says he is wiling to change, nothing has changed yet, and that is what I need so I know that going back now... it just doesn't feel right. I just think he will be expecting some kind of resolution tomorrow, which I am willing to discuss some matters with him, but I don't want him to get his hopes up that I will be returning so soon. I know he's lonely and must be feeling rather sad that we're not around, but until he understands that this is all about real issues, and that he needs to reflect on himself as much as I have been, then he will continue to feel that way for a while.
I guess partly I feel bad for not working and sort of living off of my sister and my parents, but they keep telling me that they are happy to help and that I don't need to do anything but take care of my son and focus on school. I'm afraid to get a job or apply for a 6 month lease in a low-income apartment because it feels so permanent and... if I get a job, it will only put additional stress on me with school, having a baby, and caring for my son. I know I can stay as long as I need, but what will I do when the baby gets here?? I can't stay in my sister's basement in one bedroom with a newborn and a two year old... I just hope he gets his shit together soon and that we can work something out before then. He still doesn't understand why we need some distance...
I suppose I need to accept the fact that it could be over for good... Things will probably get a lot more crazy before they get any better.
Anyways, thanks guys. I'm going to bed and hoping to God that I don't feel so weak in the morning. I get knots in my chest just thinking about getting knots in my chest tomorrow... lol..
(On a positive note: I can't wait to see my little boy again!! Two days is almost too long. :))
Lots of new families need help. You're lucky you have a good one to offer it when needed.
Don't worry about the burden...get through school and make a good life. You can help out your family when they need it in the future, and they'll be proud to help if you have a better life for your kids because of it.
Rest, and let tomorrow be tomorrow. *hug*
hehee, you're rotten Melanie :cackle:
My early morning rant is that I bought a raspberry cheesecake (snack cake) at Exxon yesterday. I just opened it and something that looked suspiciously like mold was on a small portion of it. I was hungry so I thought "To hell with it" and just tore off that spot. I took a couple bites but then my tongue started tingling as if I had eaten Blue Cheese (the only food I have some sort of allergic reaction to). I gave the cake to my son with a warning of possible mold. He doesn't care about that sort of thing lol and he munched away... and then found a larger, obvious spot of mold :roll:
The cake wasn't past expiration and it was very moist so I don't think the wrapper was torn, so what the heck?
My rant is that I feel old. Really. 90% of the folks here are half my age or less. I suddenly feel I don't belong here and that's depressing thought :(
Where has the time gone...?
@kislany...Try not to feel old. Older, maybe, but not old.
Hell, I'm 39 and I know there are people on here much older than I am who find value in the open discussions.
Ideas of value can come from people of any age.
And if it makes you feel any better, a few years ago I found out my grandmother went back to college to earn her Master's degree at the age of 69, and even stayed in the dorms at the University of Texas with much younger students. They looked up to her. This was back in 1979.
Older, but not old. :)
Oh thanks a lot Melanie. I feel better now. It was just such a shock somehow, lol. I never really considered myself old, but when seeing all these really youngs folks, I had a reality check (no pun intended). *sigh*. Btw also due to life circumstances that threw me from one country to another, I went to college after the age of 30. I was again an 'oldie' amongs the 18-19 years old, but that was fun. Ok I'll try to feel positive about my age and that I'll integrate well here :)
Suena, you're doing the right thing by staying away. This isn't the first time you've had to leave him, and if you went back it won't be the last. I'm pretty sure you know that. Plenty of children grows up with separated parents - it's getting more the norm than the exception - and they turn out all right. But constant fighting is hard and if there was ever actually violence it will almost certainly harm the children. No matter who the target was. I think you should trust your family on this, they have your best interest in mind.
My rant is that I lied to a psychologist 3 years ago when I was hospitalized due my heart problems. :roll:
@ Suena, there's not a lot I can say that hasn't already been said, but I think you're making the right choice by leaving him. Stay strong and remember that you've got the support of your family and you can always come talk to us here if you feel like you need some help. :) You're in our hearts. :hug:
Thanks, Zhay. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Zhaylin
I think about that stuff a lot too! It gets worse when you've taken deliriants and you actually experience over and over again thinking that you're doing something perfectly logical only to realize you're just staring at the wall. Now it's not even just that I know everything could be a dream, I actually intentionally took the drug that I still might be on to this day, innocently believing that I'm not just zoned out on the couch. :chuckle:
I think about other people a lot that way as well. It's a really odd concept. :huh: It especially gets on my mind a lot if I'm out in public, or driving on a crowded street, or something like that. All those other people got to this same place somehow different from me, and they're all going somewhere different from me, we just happened to intersect right here at this point in our lives. Crazy....
That's a bummer about the teeth. :T But if it's any consolation, at least you can whistle at all. :P I've never been able to. :whyme: You can't get a different size or adjustment or something to see if they'll fit better?
Heh, it's probably better that you didn't. :roll: I was kind of a dangerous person back then (the stories get worse than the ones I mentioned), though if you like being pushed to the edge of sanity then I guess you'd probably have fun lol. It was not uncommon for the people I talked into tripping with me to wake up covered in their own piss, not having any idea how they got where they are, with memories of being god, reliving parts of their lives from the perspectives of other people (yes I saw a close friend act out a hallucination of re-experiencing the first time he had sex from the point of view of the girl, and yes it was hilarious :lol:), dying multiple times, walking through an underwater mountain range populated by giants, flying into the sky to get away from zombies who were trying to capture them during some massive worldwide flood, and things along that general theme. We enjoyed ourselves. :content: The only times I ever went that crazy I spent the entire trips laughing maniacally, so that should tell you something. :chuckle: There's something about going insane and dragging everyone else down along with me that I find very appealing. :whistle:Quote:
Originally Posted by khh
Future Charlie Manson right here guys :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Alyzarin
Hey, don't be rude. :P I promote insanity for the sake of peace and love. I'm a good little hippie. >w<Quote:
Originally Posted by tommo
he seems to have many symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narciss...order#SymptomsQuote:
Originally Posted by Suena
perhaps neverQuote:
How do I know when it is time to go back?!?!?!
I'm 38 years old. There's a few of us here as Melanie pointed out. Dark is in his 70's isn't he :P (he's really in his 50's methinks).
Thanks Aly. I LOVE to whistle though I don't as often as I used to. It gets on peoples nerves after a while lol so I finally reined it in somewhat :D I can whistle pretty much any song I hear. It's one of my only true talents so I'm proud of the ability :D
My baby brother actually learned before I did which upset me. I must have been about 7 years old at the time, but I would spend hours outside on top of a huge slide listening to the birds. I practiced and practiced until I was able to mimic them. I've been addicted ever since :)
My son laughs at me because if I'm really exhausted and sound asleep and my birds start carrying on, I'll click my tongue and whistle to them in my sleep.
Crashyy, why are you feeling bad about something that happened so long ago?
My rant is the weather. I think it's going to go from blistering summer straight to freezing winter with nothing in between. It's 45 degrees right now :wth:
I need to get off my ass and get under the Modular and start pinning up insulation or my pipes are going to freeze again this year.
My son's going to be miserable but that might help him to get off his butt and find a job. I have a tiny room (as I've stated a million times by now lol) and a space heater so I stay plenty warm. The rest of the house is pretty open though and the space heater he has doesn't work properly.
He'll have to move the living room back into the master bedroom again but I would rather he didn't. Maybe I can talk him into using one of the back bedroom's instead. They're smaller and would be easier to heat and he wouldn't be practically on top of me drowning out anything I do with his video games and such.
Other than that, I hope the winter is miserable so it will kill off all the bugs. The fleas have been brutal. And I have never seen as many Praying Mantises as I have this year. And they're all huge. They're thriving because of the abundance of insects. Even the spiders have been much more numerous this year.
Remind me I said that when I'm washing my hair outside in the snow because my pipes burst :roll:
:cackle:
I got punched in the face last week. We were on my buddy's front lawn smoking cigarettes (well my friends were, I was just chillin) when these two drunk guys stumble by and shout at us from the sidewalk "Hey! You guys got any marijuana!?" loud enough to wake the fucking neighbors. In fucking Narcville, USA, of all places. We just laughed, but they weren't leaving so finally I yelled back, "Not for street trash like you!" and this asshole stumbles over and yells, "I lived in this house before you were even born!" so I replied, "Oh yeah? Tell me more." But he didn't, he fucking swung at me. I wasn't about to get in a fight on my friend's front yard so I told him his buddy to get him the fuck out of there. He hit like a bitch anyway.
Her name was Julie......I met her at the gas station. I was in medical assisting at the time, and she had gotten married not to long ago. She told me how her husband cheated on her the day after she got married, and how she had this boyfriend that lived over in California that wanted to fly her back. She slowly realized that she wanted to be with him, and she felt bad for how she treated the guy. Me, being the opportunistic guy I am ask her for her number. She said no, because her husband shared the phone with her.
fast forward a year.....and several shift long conversations......
I met up with her again tonight. She's had her child, and she's telling me how her husband is acting like it was a mistake. She says he has just enough energy to work at Burger King, and is too tired to do anything else. She's still working at that same gas station, but she's transferring to a place that's closer to her house. She asks me what I'm doing later today, and I tell her that I have to take my Microbiology finals.....and I also let her know that I got accept into the nursing program. She's happy for me, but I can tell that she's sad for herself. I offered to get her number one last time....she said she couldn't give it to me because she thinks her husband searches through it.
I'm not sure if I asked her again because I still like her, or if I did it because I felt sorry for her. Either way, I felt bad for her in the end. At one point she was steadily telling me "oh he's doing better, we're fine". Even when I didn't ask her. And now it's totally different.
I guess you can say my rant is towards people who settle for less. They could do so much better in life, and in their relationships. I'm not saying she would have been better off with me. I'm just saying she would have been better off with someone else, and that kinda gets on my nerves.
Weeds is finished :(
:morecrying::damnit:
Both the shows I've been watching for 8+ years have ended.
House and Weeds.
It's crazy how sad it is....
The last episode was beautiful and sad and it feels like I've lost all these people I've known for a large portion of my life.
:(
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovuIPNJrpMU
Now I just hope that the weed culture becomes what it was in that episode in real life.
"Pack of Puff Dragons please"
:)
When I think about how one can use lucid dreaming for motivation and inspiration, and then realize I never needed to be reassured of the conviction to excel. It's been developed ever since my father gave me the chance to think for myself when I just becoming a teenager, because I know he saw that there wasn't anything he needed to teach me when I was developing just fine.
I don't know, maybe I lost it before, but I don't need to wait for a dream to help me find self-actualization, when it's been behind my back pushing me forward all this time. Nobody will stop my belief of that, because those people do not matter at all. I don't know how I dissociated from that before, but I'm glad it's coming back to me now.
Dreams may offer the motivation, but it's not a necessity when you've managed to do it all by yourself up until now. I just need to recall dreams for fun, but not be serious if I want to apply it to waking life.
That's crazy OP. I'm glad he didn't do any damage lol
:hug: Auron. That's an almost sweet post :D (Everything but the Opportunistic bits :lol:)
I was going to write more but I erased it because it was stupid :cackle:
The long and short of it though, is that some people aren't "happy" unless they have something to bitch about. My parents have been together for some 35 years but they're constantly fighting. You'd think they "settled" but the benefits of being together- for them at least- outweigh any alternatives.
Who knows...
My rant of the day, so far, is only that I'm falling asleep. I slept from 2-10PM yesterday: 8 hours instead of 15, so I guess that's what's doing me in.