My mom told me today that she and my father are willing to take me to physical therapy for my back. I had a spinal fusion for my scoliosis almost 6 years ago, and I still have chronic back pain from it. I've been wanting to do something about my back for a few years, but haven't had the money or time to do it on my own.
So that's great. I'm really appreciative. But I'm still bitter that I had the damn surgery. Before my surgery, I had pain while I was shivering, and while I was carrying a heavy backpack. Now I have pain every day. I'm 23, and I feel like a goddamn cripple. I feel more deformed now than I did before my surgery. Sitting in most chairs causes me pain. I hate how the doctors gave me effectively two options: surgery, or nothing. I was once suggested a back brace, but was told it was pretty pointless at the stage I was at. Not once was physical therapy mentioned by my family doctor, nor by the two specialists I visited.
Apparently most younger folks that had the surgery are happy they had it. Most of those people are young and self-conscious kids wanting to look normal. What a joke. Being mutilated so your ribs or shoulders are more aligned. I had this fucking surgery because I thought it'd prevent me from having pain in the future; I didn't expect pain for the rest of my life. I trusted the doctors. I was such a naive tool. Then again, they never told me there'd be a risk of chronic pain.
*deep breaths* The positives: the surgery didn't paralyze me; if my dad keeps his promise I'll have physical therapy soon; my fiancé is very sympathetic and considerate about my back pain.
I keep trying to accept my situation and move on, but on days/weeks where I have a lot of back pain, it's difficult. The pain messes with my mood. Pain medication helps, but I refuse to become dependent on it. So I just become miserable.
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