Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

I think my brain must be hardwired incorrectly. I've been thinking about how much I love weed, and I noticed something odd. I've done stimulants like coke and speed, and even though they did rock, I could easily use them only occasionally when I felt like it without getting hooked, in fact stimulants were probably my least-used drug back when I actually did them. But with weed whenever I get a strong high again for the first time I get instantly hooked, and when I first started smoking it years ago I actually blew threw nearly $2000 in a little under two weeks on it. On weed. Also, I've heard tons of people say that with stimulants, after you start getting used to the high and gaining tolerance it goes from being sort of a mind-expanding euphoria to just more energized and sexual. For me, stimulants just started to get dysphoric and anxiogenic, so I stopped using them. I also hear a lot of people say they quit weed for those reasons. However, I have started getting the energized and sexual effects from weed the more I get used to it and gain tolerance. At really high doses, it even starts to resemble a sexual speed psychosis trip.

What's up with that? :?

Weed > Meth

/Drug rant.

I have similar experience except for the part about sexual stimulation. Then I kept smoking weed and now it's starting to make me paranoid. For the first time ever. I guess that gives me something to rant about. Weed is starting to make me paranoid. It's almost to the point where I don't even enjoy smoking it any more. Every time I see my name, I feel like such a poser.

And $1000 a week on weed? That's pretty impressive. Even when I was growing I didn't smoke that much. Probably $400 a week tops. And that was smoking two joints before I got out of bed in the morning. And sharing it around.

When I first started smoking, weed gave me anxiety. The less tolerance I have, the more it gives me this strange feeling that I really need to burp but it won't come, and whenever it finally does the anxiety totally goes away and the high mellows out. A couple times when I was a brand new stoner, I even threw up from it. If I keep up smoking it for a long time, that goes away. It may be related to how much weed I smoked, because when I started I hung out with this guy who was already a major pothead and he gave me no comparison for the amount of weed you normally start on. For the first few months I didn't think it actually counted as being high unless you were frequently slipping into OBEs and seeing the world in choppy vision and extreme slow motion. I spent all day every day like that, and then I started gaining a tolerance and realized what a more common high is supposed to be like. :chuckle: Anyway, point is, after I'd been smoking weed for a long time, that burp feeling came back, only it had been so long and so much dissociation that I had totally forgotten what it was, and this time I had become a bit more cautious about my health overall from doing other drugs and that made me a little more open to anxiety, and that's part of how I started having stronger panic attacks because I still kept smoking. Finally I've come back to the point where I can recognize the feeling for what it is and ride it out, even if it is uncomfortable. Now weed doesn't really make me paranoid anymore, or if it does I know how to calm myself out of it. Anyway, just food for thought.

Yeah, I was smoking idiotic amounts of weed, I just didn't want the high to end. >w< It was pretty much blunt after blunt after blunt....

I posted too long of my dreams' description in "Share your dream from last night in one sentence" thread. I feel bad. Everyone was keeping it short and sweet and Carrot comes and blabbered on and on. :silent:

:therethere:

You're cute when you're worried. :3

So some of my friends are stupid. Two in particular are absolutely fucking certain they've had past lives and the worst part is they were famous people. And it's got me wondering how many fucking people on this planet think they were one of the 12 apostles in a past life? Seriously there were only 12, that's it. 12. Maybe 24 if you consider they all had wives, but even so I not only have a friend who claims she was one of the female apostles but apparently several of the people she's known in life were also fucking apostles. And I can't just laugh and think "God you're fucking batshit" because I like her, she's cool. But the more I think about it, the more I think not only is it batshit, it's fucking arrogant. And these people are everywhere. Some dick was posting in S/B not long ago claiming to be John the Baptist, one of my friends other friends was also John the Baptist. I'm sure this fucker talking on White Knights about planet Vulcan being really close to earth but cloaked also thinks he's fucking John the Baptist. That being said, here are some rules in regards to past lives.

If you ever had a past life in Japan, you were either a samurai or a ninja. No exceptions.

If you have neck pain, it means you were beheaded during the French Revolution. No exceptions.

If you think Jesus is alright, you were an apostle. Most likely Judas.

If you think swords are kinda neat, you were a knight.

If you like Clint Eastwood films, you were a cowboy. Most likely Billy the Kid or some other outlaw.

If you have a beard, you were Socrates. Either that, or you were a pirate.

If you enjoyed the anime Evangelion, you were definitely Nietzsche.

If you like croissants, you were King Louis XVI. No exceptions.

If you don't remember any past lives, it's cause you aren't cool enough to have them. This is your first life ever, welcome to the stadium you fucking neophyte.

If you think space is kind of cool and enjoy deeper conversations than talking about the weather, you're a Starseed. Most likely from Sirius or the Pleiades but you may be a Venusian or even a Maldekian. I'm an Arcturian, so fuck you guys I'm better.

@Omnis Dei: Just goes to show they think life is so effing boring that they need to start giving lame reasons as their reason to live.

I don't think their life is boring, or mundane or anything. That has nothing to do with it. They're just eccentric and a little self-absorbed.

Hmm. Because this has kind of happened to me, I'm under the impression I'll be more than just another mere soul if I die and go to afterlife. :D Maybe they don't have anything realistic to look forward in life?

I don't think they're clinging to any of this shit out of fear of being mundane, finite life-forms. But I disagree with reductionist materialism as a general philosophy anyways. I'm not really concerned with that issue. I just think it's funny how little basic critical thought some people use. I think it's strange how a piece of evidence in favor of something automatically means that something is true. But I can't say they're the only people guilty of impulsive beliefs, in fact I just centered in on my main problem with the reductionist materialist model of reality in general.

I can't say for certain whether or not reincarnation exists, and in fact as I continue my research i lean closer and closer to it as a real possibility. However, in any case, if it does, there were only 12 apostles (or perhaps 24) so making a claim that you were one of them, specifically, is fucking arrogant. That's my problem. I don't care if people believe in life after death whether it's heaven or anything else, for that matter. I just don't understand why everyone had to be someone famous in a past life. Why did you have to be a samurai, why couldn't you just be a regular Japanese citizen? For instance.

Hmm. From my point of view, not referring to your friends, if you have such thoughts, most probably you have no goals in life. Not about being mundane or anything. Reality might have failed you so many times that you start looking into other sources for comfort, be it with or without evidence. Or they might just be plain egoistic.

Yeah that's not them at all. They're rather productive, actually. They just buy into weird shit without proper evaluation. It also has to do with their interfaith minister, who I have never met. Frankly I'm a little worried if I did meet them they'd mistake me for the reincarnation of King Herod and everything I do would be evaluated by my friends based on the judgments they've been given about me by their minister.

They're not totally blind followers though. I mean, they wouldn't elate at my hellbound soul like some sort of Mormon. They wouldn't try to convert me and condescend to me for not buying into their bullshit. They just evaluate life with a different sort of method than me. I evaluate life more critically. Though I bring up a lot of crazy shit on these forums it's because I never shy away from a concept for being too bizarre or outside the "scope" of science or whatever. I am open to anything and love playing with concepts and possibilities. I write fantasy and science fiction, I have to be a little eccentric. But I still try to process everything into a cohesive conceptual model. And when I meet 3 people in my life all telling me they were John the Baptist, and imagine how many other people must have encountered someone claiming to be John the Baptist, my conceptual model cannot compute and I'm forced to say you're all probably nucking futs. My criticism has nothing to do with thinking I'm right and they're wrong in any objective sense, it just means I have found the most probable reality I can conceive of presently. My imagination has nothing to do with needing life to be more than what's in front of me. It has nothing to do with clinging to some bit of information in order to escape some feeling of worthlessness. I revel in my ultimate worthlessness. I enjoy it because it means there's no pressure to be anything and I can do anything I desire. I enjoy living my life where nothing matters, nothing's true and I can just do whatever makes me happiest, which as it turns out is the act of being happy, itself, so Buddha had it right I guess. But for all I know I really am an Arcturian and frankly I enjoy playing with the idea. Maybe I'll write a story about it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Omnis Dei

If you think space is kind of cool and enjoy deeper conversations than talking about the weather, you're a Starseed. Most likely from Sirius or the Pleiades but you may be a Venusian or even a Maldekian. I'm an Arcturian, so fuck you guys I'm better.

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I was on a Starseed forum once, and was curious as to how and why people thought they were born off-planet. I like to understand people, but as much as I tried to understand their "alien reasoning", as a mere human with an earthly rational faculty, I was doomed from the get go. My human mind was inferior, and so apparently bogus links from one material to another was only such due to my human limitation. I think I lasted a day there - felt like someone had smashed me round the head with a golf club when I left.

@Omnis Dei
Do you believe in being an animal in past lives? I never thought of myself being human in past lives... I think I was various animals. :)

Lets assume this (even if not true):

P1) that all energy manifests itself in an endless cycle of different forms - no real creation nor destruction, but only apparent creation and destruction.

Now these people take that alone to mean that reincarnation, in an individual sense, must be true. That is a large leap of faith - in actuality, it'd mean that, ultimately, we are all of the same essence. That all that is observable can be considered from 'one'; however, it doesn't imply any transfer of an individual consciousness from one entity (form), to another entity (form). It's this relentless grasping onto individuality, onto the ego, the I AM, that bothers me.

Mini-rant overrr

^ "The mindset that says, 'I think,' is different than the mindset that says, 'therefore I am.'"

Hmm, I butchered the quote but it went something like that. Anyway, I agree. :)

This is the first I've heard of starseeds. :wtf2: I need to check this out lol.

I woke up still high. :damnit: Damn you, brownies!

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Originally Posted by Alyzarin

This is the first I've heard of starseeds. :wtf2: I need to check this out lol.

I woke up still high. :damnit: Damn you, brownies!

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Seriously? lol, then stay away. ;p Indigo children, blue-ray babies, draconians, pleaidens, apollonians, arcturians, sirians, etc etc. Full of all sort of people that have apparently been sent to earth to save it.....sounded like the plot from The 4400 to me lol.

And I pretty much can't do weed - every time I've done it, I see people and feel as if there's an energy trying to take over my consciousness....To be fair, it's got better since the first time, but damn....always negative. It's only the feeling of impending doom that ruins it for me tbh.

Oh, there was also a moment where I went to the bathroom, fucked, and as I unzipped my flies.....I was suddenly on the floor banging my head against the bath LOL. But this didn't actually happen.....because I suddenly snapped back to me urinating. No blur or apparent loss of consciousness - it was completely seamless.

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Originally Posted by Wolfwood

Seriously? lol, then stay away. ;p Indigo children, blue-ray babies, draconians, pleaidens, apollonians, arcturians, sirians, etc etc. Full of all sort of people that have apparently been sent to earth to save it.....sounded like the plot from The 4400 to me lol.

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Still sounds worth checking out to me. :chuckle:

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Originally Posted by Wolfwood

And I pretty much can't do weed - every time I've done it, I see people and feel as if there's an energy trying to take over my consciousness....To be fair, it's got better since the first time, but damn....always negative. It's only the feeling of impending doom that ruins it for me tbh.

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I have a few friends who say the same. It gave me anxiety at first like I said before but I knew the anxiety was physiologically based so it didn't bug me and eventually it went away and was always just euphoric from start to finish. Also like I said, eventually it came back when I was more open to anxiety and I forgot about those symptoms, so I was dealing with the impending doom feeling a lot (and even the seeing people stuff sometimes), but then I finally took a break and am slowly coming back to it and getting back to being able to use it normally again. I can't say much to help if you can't link some physiological symptom to your weed anxiety, though. Different people just synch better with different drugs. However, it has been shown through studies that the anxiety effects gain tolerance faster than the high effects, and so the more often you smoke the less anxiety you potentially get (if you're someone who gets it at all, some people don't). That's probably why it's gotten better since your first time.

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Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Still sounds worth checking out to me. :chuckle:



I have a few friends who say the same. It gave me anxiety at first like I said before but I knew the anxiety was physiologically based so it didn't bug me and eventually it went away and was always just euphoric from start to finish. Also like I said, eventually it came back when I was more open to anxiety and I forgot about those symptoms, so I was dealing with the impending doom feeling a lot (and even the seeing people stuff sometimes), but then I finally took a break and am slowly coming back to it and getting back to being able to use it normally again. I can't say much to help if you can't link some physiological symptom to your weed anxiety, though. Different people just synch better with different drugs. However, it has been shown through studies that the anxiety effects gain tolerance faster than the high effects, and so the more often you smoke the less anxiety you potentially get (if you're someone who gets it at all, some people don't). That's probably why it's gotten better since your first time.

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Yeah, the problem is that I'm a rational person, and understand full well that I am on drugs and such effects are to be expected and are temporary. But it was impossible to reason with feeling - changing the environment, including positive stimuli had no effect. However, when I changed the environment to a more suggestive one.....semi-darkness basically. Jesus....all that I saw was negative. Seems I could enhance the negativity but not affect the normal level of negativity in a positive manner.

And then the weird full embodied hallucination in the bathroom above.... that did it for me ^_^

Smoking ridiculously small amounts even makes me feel restricted rather than expansive.

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Originally Posted by Wolfwood

Yeah, the problem is that I'm a rational person, and understand full well that I am on drugs and such effects are to be expected and are temporary. But it was impossible to reason with feeling - changing the environment, including positive stimuli had no effect. However, when I changed the environment to a more suggestive one.....semi-darkness basically. Jesus....all that I saw was negative. Seems I could enhance the negativity but not affect the normal level of negativity in a positive manner.

And then the weird full embodied hallucination in the bathroom above.... that did it for me ^_^

Smoking ridiculously small amounts even makes me feel restricted rather than expansive.

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Yeah, dim lighting is bad for a bad trip, you probably shouldn't do that. :P Weed panic attacks can be really hard to reason with unless you have a scapegoat (like knowing it's a physiological symptom and focusing on making it go away). It's a stronger drug than people give it credit for.

However, it sounds like you're also pretty sensitive to it! Tripping hard on cannabinoids and panic pretty much go hand-in-hand, unless sometimes it seems if it's really CB1 selective (which weed is not). What was the full embodied hallucination? :O

Edit: Oh, I see your edit now. :P That's pretty ridiculous. :chuckle:

A friend of mine was like this (I think he still is). He always wanted to smoke though, so we tried a few times smoking him up in different environments and with different amounts of grass, but no good. I think he's better now, because he smokes occasionally (I believe--haven't talked to him in a while).

I never really got anxiety, asides from being in shady places (where moderate anxiety was appropriate). I actually smoked by myself the first time (lame) and have always enjoyed it. Too much, maybe (thus, my love/hate relationship).


Too add a rant, here's one from yesterday. While biking I stopped for a piss break and to snap a few pictures. Took my sunglasses off, though I slipped them in the front of my shirt. After a while of walking around I went to start riding again, but my glasses weren't on the front of my shirt! So I spent over 15 minutes walking around looking for them until I caught a glimpse--I stuck them in the BACK of my shirt. :roll:

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Originally Posted by sefalik

A friend of mine was like this (I think he still is). He always wanted to smoke though, so we tried a few times smoking him up in different environments and with different amounts of grass, but no good. I think he's better now, because he smokes occasionally (I believe--haven't talked to him in a while).

I never really got anxiety, asides from being in shady places (where moderate anxiety was appropriate). I actually smoked by myself the first time (lame) and have always enjoyed it. Too much, maybe (thus, my love/hate relationship).

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Yeah, I always felt super calm when I was high, even when I first started since I knew there was no logical reason to panic, it just felt weird. I think my eventual anxiety attacks were just the result of doing too many other drugs and overdoing the weed, a lot of people do quit because it starts to make them anxious or paranoid eventually even if not at first.

Hey Wolfwood, I was thinking, THC has some anticholinergic properties in the central nervous system through some mechanism, and that means it can cause delirium. (Which is also a hallucinogenic mechanism that correlates very, very well with what you've described.) Maybe you're just sensitive to delirium? Have you ever taken diphenhydramine for sleep or allergies and gotten some unexpected side-effects? :rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by sefalik

Too add a rant, here's one from yesterday. While biking I stopped for a piss break and to snap a few pictures. Took my sunglasses off, though I slipped them in the front of my shirt. After a while of walking around I went to start riding again, but my glasses weren't on the front of my shirt! So I spent over 15 minutes walking around looking for them until I caught a glimpse--I stuck them in the BACK of my shirt. :roll:

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Hahaha, smooth. :chuckle:

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Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Yeah, dim lighting is bad for a bad trip, you probably shouldn't do that. :P Weed panic attacks can be really hard to reason with unless you have a scapegoat (like knowing it's a physiological symptom and focusing on making it go away). It's a stronger drug than people give it credit for.

However, it sounds like you're also pretty sensitive to it! Tripping hard on cannabinoids and panic pretty much go hand-in-hand, unless sometimes it seems if it's really CB1 selective (which weed is not). What was the full embodied hallucination? :O

Edit: Oh, I see your edit now. :P That's pretty ridiculous. :chuckle:

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Haha, I had to experiment. In the semi-darkness, I could stand there for 10 minutes with a perpetual hallucination of an old woman sitting, drinking tea. Whilst sat opposite was a young girl, just staring at me. Occasionally, a man would come running up to me with a dagger from behind the couch, but then dissolve into fractals as he went in for the blow. Ya, even though I felt bad, I still knew it was a drug effect, so I was fine in that sense, but couldn't shake the feeling.

It's like if you got smashed over the head with something. You can't make the pain go away; however, as soon as you know that no serious damage occurred, then it's just an empty feeling of pain that means nothing. Has no message. It was like that.