Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

I went to a cantus yesterday. You know what this is? A sort of drinking game involving singing and "punishment". It's not so strict though. Result= I was reaaaally drunk and sent some drunk texts to you-know-who (if you've been reading my rants). I don't even want to read them now, I'm afraid they're worse than I remember.

About the parents rants: my mother drives me crazy as well. She also still treats me as a kid sometimes - I think that'll never change, actually. And a lot of criticism, too. Now the basic thing is that she's unhappy with my choice of study. In the first place she thinks the humanities are inferior to exact science. She's always tried to convince me to study medicin, and still is! I don't know why she always bothers ME with it, and not my sisters or brother because they're not in exact science either... And now she's not content that I chose to study further about the Middle East. Oh no, I could come home with an Arab! And all Arabs are terrorists and treat women like shit! In her head... I've always idealized her as a teenager, actually. She's so smart, and strong, and succesful.. but then she can be so stupid too sometimes.
And I think it's also bothering me that I try to live up to my parents' high expectations but I'll never be as good as they are.
I'm also wondering why I'm always harder on my mother than my dad. Because he's also not perfect. I just seem to forgive him easily. Maybe because he's so quiet.

I agree, I used to consider myself a vessel rather than an actual human being throughout my childhood to High School, the only thing that motivated me was to see that my father was satisfied with my performance in High School. I realized that I never really cared much about others, and focused more on academics. I figured that if people are loathing me for no fucking reason, that I might as well not waste time and just over qualify myself for applying to college as much as I can. Even though I moved to several High Schools, which potentially could've made me fuck up in school each time, I still maintained a high ranking, probably because I just thought I was nothing to people.

I started to become more aware of my actions and behaviors in High School, I really hated people. I would give them that pretentious facade of respect, but I would always compare myself to them, and always consider them inferior. I hated their guts, I wished that they didn't live, especially seeing those students with horrible language and can't even make a decent and coherent response.

I was so caught up with only seeing only those who strive to be perfectionists like I once did, but I could never find someone like that. I ended up working harder even more than the valedictorian and salutatorian, hell I was even fucking friends with the #2 at a certain school, he was good at math, but piss poor at English compared to me. But I don't blame him, he augments his Asian stereotype as having parents with High Expectations

But instead of me regressing back to I think about parents, I get what you're saying when you said your mother is smart overall, but can be silly sometimes. I see that a lot in parents when it comes to politics (at least over here in Texas). They get so engrossed in the debates, and some of them just make side comments whenever a candidate talks, and it gets annoying because I always thought that when someone talks negative things about some famous person on the screen, that they can't really jump into the T.V. and give them a piece of their mind.

Parents will naturally want their children go into something that's hard, but reliable (or at least they think it's reliable). But if it's not what you want to do, then you don't have to listen to them Meeps. It's up to you only to decide what you want to do in life, and they shouldn't even be bothered by your choice. I had a talk with my Biochemistry Mentor last semester, and when I asked him how he keeps maintaining a passion in what he's doing (he does all sorts of research and experiments, and looks like a hardcore scientists), he told me that he went with the default mentality of a certain major, then found other things that sparked an interest for him.

I think you might find that through your University/College, you'll start to see things that can elevate you more when you find the right parts and people, don't let your parents discourage you Meeps. You're a cheerful person, don't let them drain that happiness of yours. You'll have build some tolerance of what they expect of you until you can isolate yourself from them for good (at least physically )

I didn't want to respond to this at first, but I was just kind of sad to see how your parents had such high expectations, and that's normal, they just want you to be the best you can be. I used to be so into the idea that my father was so cool and so smart in my childhood years, but lately, I can see that I'm rapidly becoming way superior to him because I had a perfectionist mentality early in High School for my own reasons.

While he's the type of person to make ignorant, sexist comments about women (occasionally), I start to hate him more about that. Always criticizing a women's structure, and how this girl is so fat and should lose some weight (just narrow minded mindsets like how your mother thinks all Arabs are terrorists and treat women as inferiors).

I started to see more of what my father really was, and hated him. Instead of trying to get him to be satisfied with all the things I've done to get a high ranking in High School, I've grown to try and be the complete opposite of him. It's a good thing I don't know much about him anyway, other than his sexist comments and some other qualities I hate about him.

Which is probably the reason why I didn't really go out with any women at all during High School, not because of his ignorant sexist comments, but because I wanted to be the opposite of that and respect women. (This sounds completely contradicting because I know I've already labeled myself as a pretentious sexist on the Hawt Females Thread, and it pains me that people will probably think of me as that....but people will never understand who you really are until reveal the layers to your whole being, which can be risky at times)

He was quite the womanizer back then, at least what he used to tell me, but I never really fancied being so fascinated that a guy can have so many relationships with females. It bothered me, it sickened me, it just makes me hate going after more females and just sticking to finding one. It's no wonder I didn't really care much about relationships, I just didn't feel like being that guy to go after many women like my father.

I'm glad I didn't become a copy of him, but I do still find myself as a vessel trying to fill his expectations of me just getting a good job and a good life. It must be annoying for your parents to riddle you with so many traits and qualities they want to see out of you right Meeps? Like Melanieb said about parents before, it's just they want to see their dreams and expectations passed on to their children, and not being able to communicate properly with their children is one of many factors as to why we have problems with our parents.

I remember when I went to a New Years Party one time, I started to dance with women because they wanted me to dance with them and teach me how to dance. They were older with more experience of course, but I never really wanted to try and improve, but I just learned how to do it quickly with little trial and error. They told me that I should use what I learn to go get chicks in college, but that bothers me even more. While they're busy probably trying to make their children no go into relationships and focus on their schoolwork, the more I see them promoting me to eventually become a womanizer like my father once was.

I find that no matter how hard I try to avoid being like my father, I end up being a vessel for his expectations to be met (he isn't that high in expectations compared to yours Meeps, but him declaring basic things that he would like to see me doing annoys me because it's as if he needs to teach me these things that I already learned in school).

"Vessel" is the right word to describe me now, because honestly, some parts of me just operate without me sometimes. I think that I'm giving it my all, but I also think something else in me is taking care of things to make me do well. I also look at people at my University, and I can just see the look on their faces as they try to find some way to make weird expressions towards me. I start to see apparent signs of apathy and just facial disrespect towards me.

Then my ego starts thinking that they just suck and are ugly, and I shouldn't be worried about them. I don't know what's wrong with those types of people I see, it's as if they think I'm some kind of guy who is going out with many women. And the same thing with the girl in my Biology lab who intentionally screamed out what she thought I was thinking that she was a bitch who was annoying...you see...it's things like this that really pisses me off. When I try my best to just be quiet and remain in the shadows, someone always has to come in randomly to make it look like I'm flirting with girls.

I hate that pretentious vibe constantly hammered at me without me even attempting to make it happen, I can never find myself to be a whole person anymore, I just keep thinking that I'm a vessel, and I think I was just born lucky, because there have been many events where luck played a huge role in my life, no matter how much I hated going through life itself.

I'm sorry for that long ramble Meeps, but to go back to what you were saying, yeah, don't worry too much about your parents, they can't really grab your body and treat you like a puppet, they can only talk and talk and talk and talk, but it would be bad for them to actually use force, especially since you're already defined as an adult.

I'm sure you'll find a way to know that their expectations aren't going to be there for long once they see you do what you love, and knowing that you're doing it for yourself.

What a great post, thanks Link.

I don't think you're a pretentious sexist. It's not because you like large chested women that you're a sexist, right? Especially after this post I believe you're not sexist. The pretentious part... Well in some posts you do seem pretentious, but it's always toward people you don't know. And I haven't seen you act pretentious toward someone on the forum so... maybe it's just a misinterpretation then.
It's impossible to be completely free of prejudice. I'm generally pretty distrustful toward men, but I try not to be. The stereotypical thinking will always be there in some way. I just try not to let it take me over.

I sometimes really feel like a vessel, yeah. Though somewhere I do know they just want the best for me but still... Now she's kind of given up on the medicin-dream for me but she's trying to convince me to do the diplomacy-exam. I did make her shut up the last time by saying: "If I'm a diplomat, they'll send me to a middle eastern country for sure because of my specialization." It's not like all the things she says I should do, I'm not interested in. It's just that I don't like her pressuring me.

Yeah parents... driving us mental, but we still love 'm don't we?

OOga. Getting more depressed <_< It stopped being daily for a few weeks, but now it's creeping up on me. This past week I've done nothing. Been ignoring my asshole friends who want to "hang out" and I've had a poignant feeling for the past couple weeks, just constant overwhelming anxiety that makes me want to punch someone in the face and take a nap xD

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Dying is like sex: I fantasize about doing it, I think about other people doing it, and I've never done it myself.

Love is like a glass of wine: It's bitter and sweet, it makes you irrational, and it always goes away eventually.

A school bus is like the internet: It comes to your house, it wastes hours of your time, and it's sometimes filled with retarded people.

Anyway, needless to say, I'm drinking. I feel like we're on a secret internet site. Which, I suppose, we are. I wish quite badly that I had friends in person, with whom I could drink. It's 1:21am and I'm bored, I want to do something fun, but I have nobody. No one's in tinychat/dv and it seems that IRC isn't working either. The person i was playing l4d with is now offline. I really don't know what to do, I suppose I'll keep drinking and getting depressed.

I'd drink with you if you weren't so far away. :<

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Dying is like sex: I fantasize about doing it, I think about other people doing it, and I've never done it myself.

Good one!

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Love is like a glass of wine: It's bitter and sweet, it makes you irrational, and it always goes away eventually.

Cool, but I think it'd work better as "Love is like wine: It's bitter and sweet, makes you irrational, and it always runs out eventually."

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Anyway, needless to say, I'm drinking. I feel like we're on a secret internet site. Which, I suppose, we are. I wish quite badly that I had friends in person, with whom I could drink. It's 1:21am and I'm bored, I want to do something fun, but I have nobody. No one's in tinychat/dv and it seems that IRC isn't working either. The person i was playing l4d with is now offline. I really don't know what to do, I suppose I'll keep drinking and getting depressed.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

I'd drink with you if you weren't so far away. :<

My thoughts exactly.

As for my own rant... I'm hung over >.< At least I've finally stopped puking, and now only have to deal with the churning acid pit that's relocated to where my stomach used to be.

I feel like shit this morning. If anyone ever sees me ordering long island iced tea again, please stop me!!!

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Dying is like sex: I fantasize about doing it, I think about other people doing it, and I've never done it myself.

Love is like a glass of wine: It's bitter and sweet, it makes you irrational, and it always goes away eventually.

I just had a dream that was related to glass in general and a lot of fragile objects. I've fantasized about dying, but probably not as much as you seek it as a pleasure. I normally think of ways of how I could die easily and other people dying as well, but usually just forget about it because I might get distracted.

Sure, love can be a glass of wine. When you put so much pressure to it, and the vibrations of sound start hammering it, it will break into tiny pieces that will not be worth picking up and re-arranging. (Sorry I just felt like saying something to that lol).

Originally Posted by Erii

OOga. Getting more depressed <_< It stopped being daily for a few weeks, but now it's creeping up on me. This past week I've done nothing. Been ignoring my asshole friends who want to "hang out" and I've had a poignant feeling for the past couple weeks, just constant overwhelming anxiety that makes me want to punch someone in the face and take a nap xD

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

I'd drink with you if you weren't so far away. :<

I'd drink with you in my dreams if I wasn't so stupid in not picking up moments to do reality checks :<

Actually, Dianeva, I just remembered... I had a dream about drinking with you last night! Or at least, trying to. :T You came over to my house during a family party (which is pretty normal for me, I usually have a friend or two over so I can be at the party but still mostly avoid the crowd) and we were gonna raid the liquor cabinet and head to my room but it was full of random people already.

I also had a dream where a friend told me that saltyseedog was on the news for making some groundbreaking new discovery about dreams.

Originally Posted by anderj101

I feel like shit this morning. If anyone ever sees me ordering long island iced tea again, please stop me!!!

At least you're a brave fellow, Anderj.

I feel so unloved (not really)

I called hubby and said something had to be done about my gallbladder NOW, and after he momentarily cursed me for having had eaten Wendy's the day before and for waiting until the last minute to get things done, he told me what he had learned about Dr. options.
Luckily, one of the people spoken highly of works in the next town (30 minute drive). Even more luckily, the Doctor was the one working at the hospital that day.
I arrived at around 9AM and I was the last surgery of the day (at around 8PM). Thankfully, the attack had passed after my ultrasound. The doctor told me I had a very nasty looking gallbladder, which is why he went ahead and took it out that evening.

I will NEVER have surgery again. I woke up feeling like I was suffocating to death. The anestesiologist (sp!) said I had plenty of oxygen in my system (they gauge that with a monitor). I couldn't even talk for "lack" of oxygen. He massaged the front and sides of my throat and was very kind. But it was the WORST sensation I've had my entire life.
I told my hubby, earlier in the evening, to stay home. I don't like people being around me when I feel poorly. But when I couldn't breathe I wanted so badly to have them call him.

I finally got back to my room (a private room I paid extra for ) and I couldn't stay awake. The nurses and nurse assistants kept doting on me, telling me to wake up, and I would for a couple minutes then fall back asleep mid-sentence. They were worried but everything made perfect sense to me this morning.
I didn't take any of my anxiety meds yesterday. When my anxiety is most severe I have catalepsy attacks. And even on a good day, if I'm too tired or too stressed out, I will fall asleep no matter what I'm doing. And last night's breathing problems was likely a full-fledged panic attack. If so, I'm now EXTREMELY grateful for the level of anxiety and anxiety attacks I commonly have. I also understand why some people think they're dying when having a panic attack!!!!!

Anyhow, they wouldn't let me drive myself home, so I called hubby to pick me up. But I had been dressed and moving around for a good while. I had signed myself out out for a cigarette break and had been outside. Other than some basic pain I was doing okay. When hubby arrived, we walked around and he told me I walk too fast I naturally do. So, after the nurse walked us outside then disappeared back into the building, hubby went to his car and I went to mine I felt like such a rebel.
I could tell hubby was impatient to get back home, so he followed me to the house then I went to Walmart to fill my script for hydros (which work less well than Tylenol for me), some lozenges for my still sore throat and a few basic groceries (which I made my son unpack).

When all is said and done, I'm glad I had my accursed gallbladder removed. But it's not something I would EVER have done again.
The anastesiologist came and saw me before I left and he said I either had a bad reaction to the anesthesia or I was sensitive to it (don't recall which- maybe both lol).
I'm not sure when I see my Dr. again because I forgot the paper in the car.

For now, I am home, staying home, and doing nothing until I feel better.

:hugs: to everyone.
I have my own parental rants, but I'll wait until later

I'm glad you got the gallbladder out, I hope you get well!

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Dying is like sex:

No... no it is not. I'm positive I died last night, and a witch or wizard brought me back to life. I feel like fucking crap. Stupid wine, Why must I drink you when I know what is going to happen! I guess drinking all that beer didn't help either.

:hugs: Zhaylin.

At least you got the gallbladder out. A day of pain and discomfort beats the pain you get after eating most foods.

Hugs, Zhaylin, and recover soon, girl.
My grandmother had her gallbladder removed and she told me that the operation was nothing compared to the severe pains this nasty thing had been causing her for years.
I'm really happy that you're comparatively OK now. I've had surgeies too, and I know that it's impossible everything to be just all right with you now.

I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes.

Hooray! No more gallbladder! Now start eating better!

It's okay to flirt with girls...having an interest in the opposite sex doesn't have to mean being a womanizer.


My daughter dropped a burger on the floor and then ate some of it. Yeah, floor-burger. Mmmmmm, I'm lovin' it!

hehee- I remember when the 5-second floor rule ruled Not anymore. My crew is too old now... well, except for my eldest. He'll still eat anything

Thanks for the hugs and well wishes I feel loved again

Two of my biggest rants now about recovery is:
There's been a horrendously sweet taste in my mouth ever since I came to. Everything tastes nasty.
Peeing is still somewhat difficult and still gross. The IV's just weren't doing it for me and I was very dehydrated which caused very orange urine that smelled as if it had been stagnating for a year (TMI- sorry ). It also feels constipated. Peeing has NEVER been this difficult before lol.
Okay, 3 things... these bandages are annoying the hell out of me. The tape's causing skin irritation.

But yeah... I AM looking forward to eating a wider variety of food- and the occasional KFC meal Gosh, how I do love fried chicken. And the skin's the best part!

**EDIT**

Oh yeah. When I was coming to after surgery, I was certain I had been shocked twice.
I dreamed I was in Farmville and someone placed 2 electrocuted hedgehogs on my chest
But the more realistic "experience" which may have been more hallucination than dream, was a certainty that two "balls" had been placed on either side of my neck and I had been shocked. Hubby said it may have been from the tube going in or coming out.

A lot of things will be different now without the gall bladder. Just stay well hydrated while you heal, say the next two weeks.

I also love fried chicken, though the last time I went to KFC was back in summer, and it was so nasty. That location is gone now, an empty building. I'm not really upset.

I have avoided fried chicken since then, not because of a bad experience, but trying to keep from temptation. I really want to eat well, and limit fast food to once or twice a month.

But damn, I'm super-craving Cheetos right now. Hopefully I won't go buy any.

Zhay, that sounds awful, but at least you finally got that gallbladder out! I hope you feel better soon.

And...

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

And last night's breathing problems was likely a full-fledged panic attack. If so, I'm now EXTREMELY grateful for the level of anxiety and anxiety attacks I commonly have. I also understand why some people think they're dying when having a panic attack!!!!!

...yeah. Yeah.... :\

(^^ me every day for six months)

Glad you got that over with Zhaylin.

So question, my grandpa had his taken out, and as a result, since the gallbladder stores and secretes the bile produced by the liver which aids in food digestion, and primarily fats at that, he had to take an extra enzyme supplement to help him break down fatty foods. So my question is, will you have to do that too, to be able to eat that KFC Just wondering because I remember grandpa getting sick after eating some ice cream because he didn't take his enzyme pill.

Again, really really happy you got through the surgery ok, especially with all those uncomfortable complications with the anesthesia. I'd miss your green text too much if anything ever happened to you, especially since there are so few of us around here these days.
Here's to your speedy recovery (<<-- it's root beer)

I'm on the verge of crying watching this Korean drama. Fucking hell. Time to punch some brick walls to regain my manliness.

There wasn't enough food at that birthday party tonight.

I hate tinychat/dv now

I don't know who to trust in there, I guess no one can huh

I just end up cussing everyone out in there

EDIT: I'll check back in there later, I MAY have left Omnis Dei to the wolves

I just can't tell in tinychat these days, especially when they take days to answer

Omnis Dei is in tinychat now, please help him get to this DV

I told him how anderj and Aly explained it to me, but doesn't seem to work for him. And Mancon tried too. Don't know if anyone else has any tips. I gave him my email. Cross fingers.

What was omnis's username? I don't see him in there but there's some unidentified person named "canyouhearmeknockin"