Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

I only got about 5 hours of sleep day before yesterday and I didn't sleep at all last night. I am dead tired, but I'm on a major roll, cleaning and organizing etc. I ran out of smokes at 1AM and I've been on my e-cig's since. I dared to try another Blu cartridge pack, but I got vanilla instead of menthol. It's surprisingly quite nice. But I also got a disposable menthol, so I've been alternating between them.

I'm also getting back on my spiritual feet. I brought out all my old Witness books, loaded up the Watchtower Library and I got some reading done :)
But I have to keep reminding myself to take it slowly or I'll burn myself out before I make any real progress. It's still going to take a LOT of work to get back in good standing with my Congregation. But it will all be worth it.

Its a sunny, windy day, so I have to go do laundry now *blah*.

It's raining outside, and I was going to use Monday to take care of the laundry, but I can't carry a huge bag behind my back over to the laundromat that's 5 minutes away from where I am in the rain!

UGH!!

And I went to the ATM to get a $20 Withdrawal, and I needed to break the $20, so I had to buy something, so I went to a fast food to get a $10 change and a few dollars, since I don't like using a $20 bill to get quarters for the washing machines and drying machines.

And the Laundromat is getting worse and worse. Each time I go there, there's always some pair of machines that do not work, which means that if I go there LATE, people will hog all the good ones, forcing me to use the $2.50 machines for a load. That's bullshit! Whoever owns that place (it's just protected by a lot of cameras) needs to get more machines, otherwise, people are going to be REALLY ANGRY if they can't get their clothes cleaned.

And I'm not going to wear the same worn clothes again. This rain BETTER stop in time for me to get the laundry done!!! Otherwise, I'm just going to procrastinate and do whatever is due on Wednesday tomorrow. Damn you college, why you make me so lazy1?!?!?

I just learned something scary.

iPhone users make up only 1% of the cellphone market.
iPhone users are responsible for HALF of all cellular "traffic" due to the data-intensive nature of recent models.
Since service providers cannot keep up with this data increase, they are raising prices.

I AM THE 99%! I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS INJUSTICE.

I'm mad because the site I used to watch anime on, which i barely watch much of it, is now not working. Like none of the anime websites are working, (the sites I'm looking for are oneswhere I can watch it without downloading it.) But I'm watching some on Netflix so that's good ^_^

And I'm going back to the glasses place to see how much they'll cost :D

My brother is a rude, mean and angry person and he's breaking our family. It's my parent's fault for letting him think he runs the place, but I still feel bad for them.

One reason why I'm glad I just have half-siblings.

I have a good sibling and a bad sibling. The good one doesn't live here anymore though.

Do you know what scares me? When a group of people has no idea what they are talking about, but they all believe the same thing because one person in the group came up with the idea. I've been in those groups and been one of those people... When we find out the truth (OR see another group doing that with pity) I facepalm so much.

let stand 3 minutes .....why you lie to me pot pie?

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Originally Posted by greenhavoc

let stand 3 minutes .....why you lie to me pot pie?

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Haha awwww, was it still screaming hot?

yes, ma'am. :(

I hate that :(

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Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

So I see y'all managed to get the drinking night thread locked haha!

Reminds me of frat parties in college when the cops shut down the party because we were too rambunctious :P

also, WALKING DEAD = the reason I'm not in chat

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Liked for Walking Dead. And "rambunctious" :lol:

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Originally Posted by ThePreserver

I just learned something scary.

iPhone users make up only 1% of the cellphone market.
iPhone users are responsible for HALF of all cellular "traffic" due to the data-intensive nature of recent models.
Since service providers cannot keep up with this data increase, they are raising prices.

I AM THE 99%! I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS INJUSTICE.

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Where did you get that data from?

They own 9% of the entire mobile market and 90% of the smartphone market (which is the market we're talking about when
we consider data usage, really).

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Originally Posted by ThePreserver

I have a good sibling and a bad sibling. The good one doesn't live here anymore though.

Do you know what scares me? When a group of people has no idea what they are talking about, but they all believe the same thing because one person in the group came up with the idea. I've been in those groups and been one of those people... When we find out the truth (OR see another group doing that with pity) I facepalm so much.

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Confirmation bias probably+Jumping on the bandwagon.

Dear God... I didn't sleep last night, I took micro/mini-naps at my desk from 4-5, gave up and went to bed at 6, then woke back up at 9:30 because I was dreaming of..... [insert drum roll please].... FARMVILLE, and I realized it was past time that I harvested and my crop probably went bad. :doh:

You know you have a gaming addiction when you dream of Farmville :cackle: And this is hardly the first time.

I'm also ranting because I'm hungry and thirsty for a Soda. Tough! I had a Big Breakfast with Bacon and Hot Cakes and later on some Veggie Chips. That's all I'm getting until after hubby leaves for work. Time to start chugging water.
Oh... but why is it sausage kills my gallbladder but bacon doesn't? Unless it's the spice used... :uhm:

**EDIT**
My son asks: "Do you want a hotdog?" I shudder, crinkle my nose and say no thanks. That's been my reply to him for the past several weeks. Tonight after I said it, I shook my head hard and said: "Actually, I would like a hotdog. I don't know why I've been reacting this way. I like hotdogs." Son laughs and said "I know... you're weird." hehehe.

Another thing I do that drives him insane is when my son asks: "Hey, have you watched Raising Hope [or any comedy] yet?"
To which I say: "Eh, I have to be in a special mood to watch it because I don't really like comedy's."
"What are you talking about? I hear you laughing..."
"Once I start watching it, I love it, but it takes me a while to watch it because I don't care for comedy's"
Sons reaction: :facepalm: "YOU MAKE NO SENSE." :lol:

But sadly, it's true.

Just ate 1 1/2 hotdogs. They were fine. At least I don't feel like I'm starving and I can FINALLY submit this post :D

:shock: My son used to pee on the wall in his room and yet I still think I have it easier than you. ^^^

Trusting a human is about as stupid as trusting the air to catch me upon jumping off a cliff.

Bridges are closer though. I want to test it, but for now I'll just drink.

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Originally Posted by Dianeva

Trusting a human is about as stupid as trusting the air to catch me upon jumping off a cliff.

Bridges are closer though. I want to test it, but for now I'll just drink.

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Care to elaborate? :(

Just getting some thoughts over with....



Does anyone know how it feels to realize that a person that cares a lot about you is willing to let themselves die in front of you? What if a sharp projectile came out of nowhere, and they were able to react and take it through their heart before it got to you. And you didn't even care about that person at all....

Would you be saturated with guilt? Would you feel horrified because you realize that the same person you thought was insignificant, but still cared about you, makes you feel more like a mortal? Would it remind you that despite how much you think you're superior to them, the thing that makes you the same is the internal ticking of your hearts?

The moment as the object slowly pierces their skin, and the blood dripping on your face....will you be traumatized? Or will you laugh manically to hide the madness as you realize that it could have been you?

Do you think you could bear having a guilty conscience? Not conscious, conscience, a sense of right and wrong....will you feel tempted to kill, just because the guilt invariably makes itself apparent in your misguided cause, and that you can't feel any better but to kill, kill, kill, kill.

Or how about a butterfly, does one even speculate, breathe, or try to experience the fragility of such a small organism compared to us? To see it fly freely, to see its wings sift through the air. To see it on the palm on your hand, to feel it's life on your hand...to feel the weight of it, to know that you have the choice to let it rest and go its separate way, or to crush it, feeling the goo slowly crawling on your skin.

Gone. Dead. Useless Waste of Space. Now it has to be cleaned up. Do you believe that because you killed it, suddenly, you're the judge of what should be alive or dead? But as the same time, you're just as susceptible as that same butterfly being crushed by a greater force.

All the things you've done in your life, the people who still give a shit about your life, and you constantly ignore them and take them for granted. Does one really speculate about this? Are people afraid of analyzing this possibility?

Every breath you take, every move you make, something or some phenomenon is preventing you from dying because it is busy making a collision with something else. Nothing but hatred, constantly being diluted with pretentious acts of genuine peace and acceptance.

But there can never be genuine peace that lasts forever, without the blemishes of others who were prone to sin being tempted to degrade the purity of another. To see a white piece of paper, that represents purity, being stained with black ink.

It demands to be degraded. One dot of black ink, and it is already soaked, and once the ink dries up, that part becomes deformed as tiny particles fuse into an alternate shape that cannot be plain and flat (to the human eye).

It is already to late to try and be purified, it is already too late because the temptation, the blemish, will sustain itself into your conscience.

Echoes of desires to demand more of this darkness, this black ink, to stain this purity. Purity demands it, it demands that it's soul be sent into the abyss, to where its hue, its existence, does not exist anymore to the what can be seen, even hidden from what cannot be seen.

To be alone, and yet, be content as this soul sets out on its journey in enlightenment. Everyone, all of the people they have interacted, are forgotten, they are nothing more than just a luxury to exhibit ones flaws. Vessels to project that mortality of said being, instead of seeing who the vessels really are.

Instead of focusing on getting everyone to like them, they love those who hate them, who want to see them dead so that their lives can be easier, knowing that the death of a person will not make a significant impact to the world overall. It isn't enough to change the status quo, unless said person, supposedly was significant in changing the lives of many.

But even if said person died, have they really made that much of a difference to these people? Or were they so persuaded by their words, that they thought it was a monumental force that they felt obliged to instil into their mind?

It's not as if that person was a necessary component to live and survive, it's only because they felt that the intention that they were important is their pathetic reason to care about that person's existence that is now eradicated. As Mother Nature absorbs them.

Are they human? Do they deserve to be called a human? Do they have a soul, are they soulless because they love it when they see one human die off one kill at a time?

Does it matter, is it when a person is near their death, that they truly know who they are? Even a person who is the most intelligent, strongest, and powerful person in this planet, they won't live forever.

People bitch about corporations as if it's just one person controlling or fucking up one part of the economy or behaviors of many people. It's not as if they are going to live forever....the only thing that will live on is their selfish intentions of hoping that the goals that they couldn't accomplish will be achieved through the next of kin.

But really, does the next of kin deserve to be pressured into conforming into previous ideals? Are they forced to make their ideals their ideals....their dreams their dreams?

They never asked to be alive, but if they speculated about it, it's suddenly taboo. You're suddenly deemed as a living piece of shit because you're exposed to the same fragility as a butterfly.

But it's because they are focused in getting their intentions and wishes passed on to the next of kin, not having hindsight, only experiencing the moment in the present instead of just as it develops into their brain or after it develops into their brain.

To pass on their genes is to not guarantee that the child will be able to live our THEIR dreams instead of their PARENT'S. So now they are a slave of the ego that could not meet an agreement with parts of itself.

It continues to be that "demon," with its wings spread wide open, waiting for the naive child, seeking comfort, and trapping it with false intentions to console the child.

As its wings get closer and closer to the child, and blinds them from reality, all they see are the feathers that has made them feel alive, pure, content, relaxed, free.

But what if they were on their own? To be compared to billions in this planet, to be nothing more than an existence that can only exist if conscious effort was made to acknowledge its pathetic show of incompetence.......

LMAO...this is fucking digusting, but it can't be helped....no matter what we do, we cannot escape this. It's only until we see a person die, that we suddenly rationalize why they had to die....belief systems start coming, full force, to make the one contemplating feel somewhat better.

This pathetic rationalization that involves repression of a catalyst that should be used to help them not expose their attacks that would be futile in achieving whatever triumph it is trying to feel.

Isn't humanity so amazing? We're so small, and yet we can make people our own universe.....HAHAHAHAHAA FAILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL...........

Is it wrong to think about this? OF COURSE NOT! It's only those who are afraid, who are so weak to be afraid about these observations. They are afraid, they are afraid, not matter how much fear they try to suppress, you can't do anything about it! You are not the judge of establishing balance of worlds, and worlds of other worlds, and worlds of universes, and universes of worlds, and so on.

No human being can comprehend all of the responsibilities that comes with hypocrisy. How can they live like that without having a horrible conscience in their mind?

No matter how pure you think you are, not matter how much you make yourself like a saint, you're only conforming to the rules of society, or whatever force that entices others to regress into a state of ignorance that is supposed to be "proper" and "civilized."

It's only when these forces die off, that people will find that someone will replace their roles, and may change the ideology that will always breed ignorance because it is not ideal, it never meets the ideal. It is only a combination that others can comply with. It never meets their ideals, it's only ideals clashed together that do nothing more then force others to pick sides.

It was good typing this out. I'm not ashamed of what I thought just now, I just let it go. I have no regrets, because to worry about what goes inside my head, just a part of what it really is, is accepting who I am, and what I think. Several facades that make a person feel at ease, just enough until their dead, is when one can finally live like who they want to be.

Good night everyone, have pleasant dreams.

This is the same mentality that has helped me dream more and more, and care less about others in waking life.

The only thing we do know, is that we're wrong. Everything we think is a fact WILL ALWAYS change. To assume that we're a certain species, or to assume that we're not a species of something, is only because we're believing people and magistrates that supposedly have credibility for us to eat the lies they are feeding us.

We are all wrong, what we were taught was wrong, if it was so right, then why must it be updated when something else that makes sense dominants it? It's because we're wrong. Do we deserve dying knowing that we're wrong?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA so pathetic this world is.

And it's not even being worried, or complaining how one's life suck. It's about just forgetting those desires that we seem to be a problem, and seeing what is really a reality, to go beyond what your ego, superego, and id blocks from revealing to you. That small scope that becomes the "eye," the same "angel" that is supposed to protect you from being exposed from phenomenons that are too much for a human being to comprehend without getting their brains fried. How amazing that we think we're so grand, and yet so weak.

We' so easy to be killed off if enough force is applied to something that has the potential to pierce your pathetic body that you have to conform with.

Incompetence, what a pathetic show of incompetence. We all deserve to forgiven for at least attempting to be self-righteous hypocrites.

Was he a sleep walker, Melanie?

I enjoy driving my son bananas with my eccentricities :D I always leave him scratching his head!

:hug: Dianeva I don't know what you're going through but you're in my thoughts and I hope you're well.

**EDIT**
You should be a writer, Link. You have quite a way with words even if I don't understand all of what you say sometimes or agree with you :) :hug:

My current rant is that I remember why I no longer like hotdogs. My gallbladder doesn't like them. I'm not having an attack, but I can feel one (or something) coming on. I hope it doesn't amount to much!!
Another rant is that my right hand has been tingly since I woke up. That's been over 4 hours now. WTH? It's not intense, like when your hand "falls asleep". I still have full use of it and full sensation... but it's very strange.
I feel very odd in general.

After my last post, I took a laxative, a Hydro and half a valium. I tried going to sleep, but tossed and turned, woke up several times. The last time was at 4:30 and I was in agony. I jumped into a hot shower until the water got cold. I could not get comfortable for anything. At about 5:30, I broke down and called my hubby in tears. He said I couldn't have picked a worse time to get sick. (He always operates on Tuesday and leaves at 6AM). I asked him if there was absolutely no one he trusted at our local hospital because I wanted "this thing out of me NOW". He said not a chance.
I said having access to a tub would help immensely, but I don't have access to his house (he uses the garage and one of the Construction workers has his only extra opener). He asked me if I wanted to come over now. I said yeah.

My hubby loves me after all :smitten: Even though he didn't have the time, was running late, was extremely flustered, he got me his cellphone, a blanket, a heating pad, blood pressure cuff, thermometer and the rose I bought him the day before yesterday. He kept asking if I needed anything else. I was crying like a baby and he was tearing up. I kept telling him I was fine. He said if I started running a fever or if the pain got worse, then to call him and he'd have me life-fighted to Morgantown (a big city with reputable doctors).
I sat in a Shiatsu chair and used it some but couldn't get comfy, so I got into the tub a little after 6AM and I slept in it until 8:30. When the water got cold, I'd wake up, drain some water and fill the rest with hot.

It's 9:37 and I feel a million time better, though there's some residual soreness. I woke up starving, so I called hubby's office to make sure they let him know I was okay and then I went out and bought a salad.

Hubby now knows how serious the pain is. He's going to ask around himself for doctors. Hopefully, this won't be a problem soon.

Oh yeah, I also bought a pack of cigarettes :roll:

I NEVER cry like I did earlier. The pain wasn't any worse than it's been previously. I think the combo of benzo's turned me into a ball-baby.

I am so sick of eating salads.... but it's far better than that pain!!!!!!!!!

Zhay, that sucks! :blue: I'm glad you're feeling better though. :) I hope you can get a better solution for the pain soon. :hug:

I've now procured everything I'd need for a DV party. A bottle of wine, a bottle of dirt cheap vodka (which, together with the assorted spirits I already have, should get the job done) and mixing water. I've also gotten a new microphone, as the old one was getting broken. So... when is the party? :cheeky:

edit: Oh, wow, that really sucks Zhaylin.

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Originally Posted by khh

I've now procured everything I'd need for a DV party. A bottle of wine, a bottle of dirt cheap vodka (which, together with the assorted spirits I already have, should get the job done) and mixing water. I've also gotten a new microphone, as the old one was getting broken. So... when is the party? :cheeky:

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If there's another drunk night any time too soon I'll be passing on the drinking this time, but I'd love to sit around and watch everyone else get drunk. :P

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Originally Posted by Alyzarin

If there's another drunk night any time too soon I'll be passing on the drinking this time, but I'd love to sit around and watch everyone else get drunk. :P

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Oh :(

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Originally Posted by khh

Oh :(

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Sorry! :therethere: I'm trying to take a break from alcohol for now, especially after that hangover. @_@