Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

:hug: Erii. Thanks for the bad dream :cheeky: Your Dentist experience made me dream about my teeth falling out :lol: I hope you're feeling better today.

*hands AnderJ the comfort food of his choice* Get better soon.

*Joins Aly in merging with the furniture* What a strange sensation that must be!

I've been on an emotional roller coaster today. I woke after 5 hours of sleep feeling okay. Then the anxiety started kicking in but I ignored it (no Valium), then I showered and cleaned the shower as I cleaned myself lol PLUS I actually SHAVED :banana: So I felt more human after that lol
Then I went to my p-doc appointment, anxious about his reaction to my SI relapse.

It was a GREAT session. The part he focused on was me standing up to hubby despite having SI-ed to do so :roll: He didn't care for me taking even 1/8 of Valium so he prescribed something called Klenopti-something or other.
I explained I'm NOT anxious about the future or dwelling on the past when the attacks hit and in my explaining I both chuckled and had tears running down my face and he smiled at me in the most delightful way. My outburst humoured him in an endearing sort of way- like how a parent looks at a child or the look of a friend trying to figure out the doings of a more naive friend.
I KNOW he is neither parent nor friend but he's the closest thing to a friend I have, so I just ate up that look. It's the first time I've ever seen it.
I see him in 2 weeks but he told me to call and come sooner if I need to.

Anyhow... so I left and started making my next appointment and the tears just started flowing again :bang:

He said my attacks are a delayed reaction to earlier stress (hubby, brother etc). But then, while driving to Walmart, I started thinking how petty and stupid me and my problems are and I started getting all weepy again.

REALLY?! WTF??!!

I dropped off my script, went to Sheetz for a Soda and one of the workers always puts a smile on my face. She hurt her hand and she's had it wrapped this week. As I was leaving the store I saw one of those ace bandage "clips" laying on the floor so I took it to her. But for some reason, I went to hand it to her like a surprise (my hand was closed and I would have dropped it into her hand). But she was confused and went to "fist bump" me :cackle: Then I showed it to her said I figured it was hers.

So now I'm feeling fine again.
No telling what I'll feel like a couple minutes from now though :roll:

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Originally Posted by Zhaylin

*hands AnderJ the comfort food of his choice* Get better soon.

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Hmm, I wonder what that might be? :lol:

http://funfoodandfreeweights.files.w...vnxpo1_500.png

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Originally Posted by Zhaylin

*Joins Aly in merging with the furniture* What a strange sensation that must be!

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Yay! A sofa buddy! :D Yeah, it's definitely not... ordinary lol.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Zhaylin

I've been on an emotional roller coaster today. I woke after 5 hours of sleep feeling okay. Then the anxiety started kicking in but I ignored it (no Valium), then I showered and cleaned the shower as I cleaned myself lol PLUS I actually SHAVED :banana: So I felt more human after that lol
Then I went to my p-doc appointment, anxious about his reaction to my SI relapse.

It was a GREAT session. The part he focused on was me standing up to hubby despite having SI-ed to do so :roll: He didn't care for me taking even 1/8 of Valium so he prescribed something called Klenopti-something or other.
I explained I'm NOT anxious about the future or dwelling on the past when the attacks hit and in my explaining I both chuckled and had tears running down my face and he smiled at me in the most delightful way. My outburst humoured him in an endearing sort of way- like how a parent looks at a child or the look of a friend trying to figure out the doings of a more naive friend.
I KNOW he is neither parent nor friend but he's the closest thing to a friend I have, so I just ate up that look. It's the first time I've ever seen it.
I see him in 2 weeks but he told me to call and come sooner if I need to.

Anyhow... so I left and started making my next appointment and the tears just started flowing again :bang:

He said my attacks are a delayed reaction to earlier stress (hubby, brother etc). But then, while driving to Walmart, I started thinking how petty and stupid me and my problems are and I started getting all weepy again.

REALLY?! WTF??!!

I dropped off my script, went to Sheetz for a Soda and one of the workers always puts a smile on my face. She hurt her hand and she's had it wrapped this week. As I was leaving the store I saw one of those ace bandage "clips" laying on the floor so I took it to her. But for some reason, I went to hand it to her like a surprise (my hand was closed and I would have dropped it into her hand). But she was confused and went to "fist bump" me :cackle: Then I showed it to her said I figured it was hers.

So now I'm feeling fine again.
No telling what I'll feel like a couple minutes from now though :roll:

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Hooray for a good session! :content:

:hug: What you really should try to stop doing, in my opinion, is belittling your problems. :/ Sure, there are people who have it harder than you do. There always are. But that doesn't mean your problems aren't important too, and it's not always up to you the way you react to things. :? Just because you may not think your problems are as big as other peoples' doesn't mean you should blame yourself for reacting to them this way, it's all relative.

That fist bump story is pretty funny. :chuckle: Also, out of curiosity, is the drug he prescribed you Klonopin?

:barf: I LOVE bacon, but THAT seems a bit much :lol:

Yeah, I pretty much butchered the medicine name. I just picked it up and it's Clonazepam .5 mg He told me to start with half of that but to take no more than one. He also said to take it every day, not As Needed as most people tend to do.

And okay, Dr. Aly :cheeky: You sound just like my shrink. He said pretty much the same thing. I try to approach my feelings/attacks logically and feel stupid because they make no sense. But they are what they are.
I'm from the school of thought: "You must confront your anxiety to overcome it". I confront it, conquer it, then crash days AFTERWARDS. I mean, what the heck?! Really?- stupid, stupid Brain! :roll:

My current rant is that mine is the first post. I HATE being the first or the last. The last post tends to go unnoticed but my rants are never important enough to be first lol

Time to finish renewing my FAFSA application. My eyes are droopy and I really don't want to do this, but whatever, might as well get it done and over with. Already at the final steps online, but ugh.....

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Originally Posted by Zhaylin

:barf: I LOVE bacon, but THAT seems a bit much :lol:

Yeah, I pretty much butchered the medicine name. I just picked it up and it's Clonazepam .5 mg He told me to start with half of that but to take no more than one. He also said to take it every day, not As Needed as most people tend to do.

And okay, Dr. Aly :cheeky: You sound just like my shrink. He said pretty much the same thing. I try to approach my feelings/attacks logically and feel stupid because they make no sense. But they are what they are.
I'm from the school of thought: "You must confront your anxiety to overcome it". I confront it, conquer it, then crash days AFTERWARDS. I mean, what the heck?! Really?- stupid, stupid Brain! :roll:

My current rant is that mine is the first post. I HATE being the first or the last. The last post tends to go unnoticed but my rants are never important enough to be first lol

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Hehe, it makes me hungry. :drool:

Ah, yep. A friend of mine was on Klonopin for a while. That's one the benzos I usually hear more as for a regular schedule than just for panic attacks, like Xanax. Actually I think it's usually one of the ones they give you before Valium if they want to see if you actually need to go that far yet. It's one of the longer-lasting benzos, about half the duration of Valium I believe.

Hey, I just call 'em like I see 'em. :P Mine comes in similar time spans, but plays out a little differently. Most of my anxiety is caused by my drug abuse, which I knew was a bad idea especially with certain drugs even at the time, so whenever I start to panic I usually get depressed and think "Well, this is what I get. :undecided:" and I either wait it out or take a pill if it's too much, and then I slowly beat the rebound anxiety over the next few days, and I do fine for a while after that but then it shows up out of nowhere again. :?

And lol, there you go again belittling your own problems. :chuckle: Just enjoy the spotlight while you've got it. :P

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Originally Posted by Linkzelda41

Time to finish renewing my FAFSA application. My eyes are droopy and I really don't want to do this, but whatever, might as well get it done and over with. Already at the final steps online, but ugh.....

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You're already at the final steps and you're complaining? :P Why are your eyes so droopy at this time of day?

I just finished completing it, all I have to do is wait for free monehs for college...lucky me...I really take that for granted.

It's just when I started, I just didn't want to start on something I had to make sure the information was right (double-checking).

And I'm tired because Wednesday is my busiest day. I have a Political Science Class around 9:10-10AM. Then I have 20 minutes to go to my Biology Lecture (I usually get there in 5-10 minutes), and I listen to the professor ramble on and on. Then when I thought that wasn't enough, I go up two more floors to get to the Chemistry Lab class I'm taking, and I have to hear the TA who speaks to low and isn't too fluent in his English.

So that means when we started the lab today, THANK GOD I WAS PAIRED WITH A SENIOR. We finished the lab so fast, that the TA had to give us another sample because everyone else was just too fucking slow. Talk about efficiency, I respect my lab partner, hope I get to work with him more later on, because Seniors already know how to get shit done. Instead of spending until 2:20PM to finish the lab, we finished it around 12-12:50 AM, so that gave me some time to eat something really quick.

Then I waited until 3:30 to go to the Biochemistry Seminar class, I go up to the elevator to go to the small Conference room, and NO ONE is THERE. I start panicking because today was the due date to turn in the summary paper from the first seminar...so I was like "FUCK WHAT DO I DO NOW?!?!"

I go down the elevator, and I see two of my colleagues who are in the same seminar course as me and asked them if the teacher already came. Thankfully, he didn't because he said that he wouldn't be coming anyway until next week. So that means I got a head start on the Seminar Summary, but I was still shit scared that I missed the class (The class starts around 3PM (but thankfully no one was there at the time)) and then around 3:15PM, we wait until 4 PM or so to go listen to the guest speakers.

So I just need to remember that I need to go to the class before 3PM next week, I got lucky that time, but I should've remembered the guy already told us he wouldn't be there a 3PM since the guest speakers do not need to prepare their speech in the small conference room before heading to the bigger room where all the Biochemist, Geneticists, etc. listen to complicated structures and processes that doesn't make ANY sense to me, yet these people can find questions at the end.

And god was it fucking boring! I was just writing notes at the speed of light. But yeah, that's why I'm tired, just a lot went on today, which is going to motivate me to be more efficient in lab (like today with me and the senior who completely were perfectionists in getting shit done quickly), because it's a lot more fun when you can know everything to do instead of standing there like an idiot going "HERPA DERP."

Less Homework for me since we finished it in the lab too, but enough that, who cares lmao. But yeah, I'm exhausted. Just need finish two more things, and I'm going to sleep early since I have to wake at least and hour and a half before my 8AM Biology Lab class starts (probably earlier in case I get a lot of recall from my dreams to type up). But fuck my eyes are droopy, can barely keep them up, maybe a nice shower will clear my thoughts. :meditate:

This is one of MANY reasons why I want to induce a calculated personality now, being efficient in getting things done quickly and safely makes college so much fun, without stressing myself too much.

Which is why I'm working hard to meet my dream guide, and hopefully see if it can actually help me with life goals, but all I'm getting is shit (I think it's shit because I'm not trying to interpret my dreams as much).

But yeah...

Complaint:

When I finished the FAFSA and got the confirmation shit and everything, it said CONGRATULATIONS! As if it was some big ordeal, these fuckers are seriously trying to troll everyone.

I'm feeling a little better this evening in some ways, but worse in other ways. The fever is gone, but now my sinuses are acting up in full force. Ugh.

Sorry there, Anderj.

Get well soon.

Social Isolation Makes People Cold, Literally

It's no wonder I have urges to drink Hot Cocoa with crackers.

.....

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Originally Posted by Linkzelda41

Social Isolation Makes People Cold, Literally

It's no wonder I have urges to drink Hot Cocoa with crackers.

.....

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I buy it. Serotonin is one of your main emotional neurotransmitters and it's in high amounts when you feel acceptance and euphoria (especially because it works to release oxytocin, the "bonding" hormone) and low amounts when you feel depressed or alone. It also regulates body temperature to some degree, raising it when it's in higher supply. :nodyes:

Wow.... I wonder if the body temperate actually does drop or rise too, or if it's only perception of it.
I like the mother explanation too lol Freud is back.

However this doesn't explain why I always feel colder than other people even when I'm with a group of friends.
Even if it's slightly cold, I'll be shivering. Maybe I always feel left out anyway, even if I'm with people....

"When we talk about metaphors, they're not just language; they're literally the way we experience the world"< I like that quote form the article too.

And looking at the articles on the bottom of the article to see how Loneliness can kill you...god damn it. Fuck you scientists, this means I have to put up with people's shit? Aww man.....

EDIT:

Fuck what scientists think, I think it's just a PLACEBO they're instilling in our minds. I better make a dream wife quickly, just in case.

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Originally Posted by tommo

Wow.... I wonder if the body temperate actually does drop or rise too, or if it's only perception of it.
I like the mother explanation too lol Freud is back.

However this doesn't explain why I always feel colder than other people even when I'm with a group of friends.
Even if it's slightly cold, I'll be shivering. Maybe I always feel left out anyway, even if I'm with people....

"When we talk about metaphors, they're not just language; they're literally the way we experience the world"< I like that quote form the article too.

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Well, if the thing I said about serotonin isn't just me talking out of my ass, it actually would raise your temperature lol. One of the symptoms of serotonin toxicity (like what happens with too many serotonin-releasing drugs used at once) is overheating.

Maybe you just have a naturally lower body temperature? :P

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Linkzelda41

And looking at the articles on the bottom of the article to see how Loneliness can kill you...god damn it. Fuck you scientists, this means I have to put up with people's shit? Aww man.....

EDIT:

Fuck what scientists think, I think it's just a PLACEBO they're instilling in our minds. I better make a dream wife quickly, just in case.

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You gotta watch out for those placebos, they're stronger than they seem. :panic:

I had to make FIFTY chocolate heart lollipops at work today for a special order. What sucked was the mold I had only held 6 hearts, and since it takes 30 minutes for them to set properly in the freezer, it took me more than half my shift. Then they all had to be drizzled with white chocolate, celo-wrapped, and tied with red bows. HAND tied.

You know, I thought it sucked when I was doing them, but in retrospect, I get paid quite well, with full benefits, to play with CHOCOLATE. Poor, poor me.

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Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Maybe you just have a naturally lower body temperature? :P

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Maybe that's a possibility. Or I'm just anxious socially which restricts blood flow. Not sure lol
Either way it sucks :lol:

I am like that too with body temperature. It also seems to happen with heat, but more rarely because it isn't hot much here. I'll be sweating if everyone else is mildly uncomfortable or fine. I'll be shivering and pretty much in agony while everyone else is content or only mildly cold.

Oh, and to make this much worse, I found the article by Googling, "How to be a Cold Person."

I should type "How to be a Misanthropist," and get results saying "Go shoot yourself"

:cry::damnit::damnit:

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Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

I had to make FIFTY chocolate heart lollipops at work today for a special order. What sucked was the mold I had only held 6 hearts, and since it takes 30 minutes for them to set properly in the freezer, it took me more than half my shift. Then they all had to be drizzled with white chocolate, celo-wrapped, and tied with red bows. HAND tied.

You know, I thought it sucked when I was doing them, but in retrospect, I get paid quite well, with full benefits, to play with CHOCOLATE. Poor, poor me.

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Sounds like a pretty difficult job. :chuckle: Nah, that does suck though. :P

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tommo

Maybe that's a possibility. Or I'm just anxious socially which restricts blood flow. Not sure lol
Either way it sucks :lol:

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That could be too lol. I got sick of my anxiety causing high blood pressure (plus my earlier anxiety, before it was heart attack related, was all about vasoconstriction) so I obsessively take blood thinners, blood pressure lowering agents, and vasodilators every day. :P Luckily, they're also good for me. I'm so warm that I usually have to turn on the fan when my parents are freezing. :D

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Originally Posted by Dianeva

I am like that too with body temperature. It also seems to happen with heat, but more rarely because it isn't hot much here. I'll be sweating if everyone else is mildly uncomfortable or fine. I'll be shivering and pretty much in agony while everyone else is content or only mildly cold.

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I have a friend who's kinda like that too, when I'd be a little chilly outside he'd be complaining that his head hurt so bad from the cold he felt like he was about to pass out. :boggle: You've got my sympathy, that must be terrible!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Linkzelda41

Social Isolation Makes People Cold, Literally

It's no wonder I have urges to drink Hot Cocoa with crackers.

.....

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I'm usually pretty warm, even though I'm kind of "socially isolated." maybe I'm not as lonely as I'd thought. :)

I used to always freeze too... then I got fat :mad: :crying:
lol
Interesting information though!

I couldn't have your job Ophelia! I'd eat everything before anyone else could get a chance :)

:therethere: AnderJ. Get better quickly. And stay away from that bacon sandwich. It cannot lead to anything good :chuckle:
(I showed the pic to my son and he nearly dropped from greed :lol: When I get us fast food I almost always steal everyone's bacon :evil:)

You know Zhaylin, the funny thing is, I can resist all sweets.

What I want, and what subsequently makes me gain weight, are any or all of the following:

1.) Buffalo Wings.
2.) Super Pretzel with Nacho Cheese
3.) Nachos with Nacho Cheese
4.) Nachos with Guacamole
5.) Bagel with Cream Cheese (<---- haaaaaalp)
6.) Anything with Cream Cheese
7.) Cheese (see a pattern lol)
8.) Mr. Salty Pretzel Stix (discontinued item :cry: )
9.) Crunch Wrap Supreme.
10.) Subway.

That's enough, I'm about to binge if I don't shut up. My boyfriend however, a true cupcake JUNKIE.

I want a bagel. :(

:rofl: You seem to have a salt tooth instead of a sweet tooth :D
If I eat a lot of sweets I have to balance it with chips or something. They balance each other out, for me.

But thanks... now I want a bagel too. Untoasted with Veggie/Garden Cream Cheese.

Why am I me? Why am I me, and not someone else? Why are they themselves and not me? What possible reason could there be for that? Why do we experience life when our consciousness is just a system of electrical signals? Even bugs more than likely experience some kind of (for lack of a better description) "first-person" perception, and they're practically machines. Though, as we all are. Do machines experience perception? If perception exists only because it must for the concept of we machines to have access to the information that we are processing, then why shouldn't they? What sets their electrical signals apart from ours? And on that topic, what DOES separate each set of electrical signals? Are they not all floating in the same space? What makes my perception separate from anyone else's? Our are perceptions actually separate at all? Do these individual iterations of this concept exist all on the same conceptual plane of reality? Are they all drawing energy from the same source or do they all exist independently except in relation to their corresponding physical forms? What happens when our perceptions cease? Do they return power to the great unified energy, or do their own independent realities collapse from existence altogether? What does that mean for us and our creations? When we create machines are we borrowing from the same life force that we all run on? Are we creating our own realities? And when we stop those machines from functioning, are we severing that connection to the universal consciousness? Are we destroying an entire aspect of reality?

What the fuck?

I understood everything you just said. But you just made me scared of my toaster.

Just kidding.. I have often contemplated, about how we humans (human machines) are just buzzing electrons, and so are other animals and trees and bacteria and computers and microwaves and dishwashers and rocks and air and meteors and toasters.. so what truly separates us from one another. How did the human machine get free will and no one else? Or is free will out there but we just can't see it, in our egotistical "Only Ones in the Whole Universe" arrogant attitudes.

I guess if you look at it like that, we're all just buzzing electrons, then there's your answer. We're all just buzzing electrons. We human machines aren't really thinking. We're just.. buzzing.

I'm half gone. And Kendall Jackson is calling for me afk.

Double posted because i wanted Zhaylin to look at my bagel

http://newenglandbagel.files.wordpre...gel1.jpg?w=788