Feeling that I'm not really here

[Arra]

I'm wondering if anyone else gets this feeling. It doesn't happen that often, maybe once every month or so. Usually, it happens when I'm in a relatively strange environment, like outside or in class. I don't think it's ever happened while sitting at home. It sometimes happens spontaneously, but tends to occur when I actively gain a strong awareness of my surroundings. It's hard to explain, but I sort of say to myself, "I'm here, right now, in this room. This is reality, these objects are real." It's similar to how some people do reality checks. I can't induce this feeling whenever I want, though. It happens when I'm not expecting it. The feeling itself is also difficult to explain. It's a feeling that I'm not really here, an inability to grasp that everything around me is real and I'm really doing whatever I'm doing, like I'm dreaming or something. It feels like I've been watching a movie without paying much attention and then realize I'm really a character in it, but it doesn't feel like I am, and I can't help but remain detached. It feels distinct from any other experience, and I don't think anyone who hasn't experienced it will be able to understand it. It lasts for only a few seconds. I used to think that everyone got this, and that this was what people called "de ja vu". But I've always heard de ja vu described as a feeling that the current circumstances have happened before. This feeling doesn't involve that.

[DeletePlease]

I'm wondering if anyone else gets this feeling. I felt something like that shortly after arriving in India during a recent trip. I kept doing reality checks and asking my sister if she was seeing what I was seeing. There was so much noise (they honk their horns so much there's no point in listening to music), there were camels, goats, horses, even an elephant on the road, and a whole lot of other stuff going on it was hard to accept it was real and not just a dream. During the (14 hour) car ride from the airport, I kept my gaze fixed on my hands to keep from freaking out and breaking down. I even had this fear that if I tried to sleep it off, I wouldn't wake up so I just sat their reciting the lyrics of any and every song I could remember. I must have looked pretty shaken because my sister eventually came to sit beside me and fell asleep leaning on my huddled self, something she'd never do on normal day. By far one of the worst experiences I've had. Of course, not having slept for two and half days prior to landing probably played a role in that ordeal. Other than that, I've never felt it.

[Philosopher8659]

Perhaps you are on the verge of making a very real distinction, between you and your body. You must follow that distinction to being aware that you are also not your emotions nor your reasoning--but someing yet more primitive. At that point, you simply are. The subjective identification with the environment, with your body, with the functions of your mind, are integrating functions. They help you to ignore the irrelevant, however, they do it by reducing awareness. On the physically adaptive side, if you have grown to understand things previously held in error, your mind must reduce that integration to change the hard wiring of the mind itself. Extreme versions are called a temporary breakdown, but it is not a breakdown at all, it is a form of self repair.

[sloth]

Something very similar happens to me several times a day. I become very aware of my own consciousness, and the fragility of it as well.

[Philosopher8659]

Something very similar happens to me several times a day. I become very aware of my own consciousness, and the fragility of it as well. However, there are real associative disorders.

[tommo]

You're probably experiencing derealisation. I've had it before, after nights of drinking while on anti-depressants and also sometimes without drinking. Derealisation in this context just means "everything seems not real". Like a dream. People have all kinds of analogies and references for what it feels like, but nothing explains it better than simply "it feels like you're in a dream" imo. I find it quite comforting. Most people don't though. If you don't, just ignore it. It will go away after a while. If you find it comforting you could focus on it and try to keep that feeling. I found it comforting because I felt invincible like you are in dreams. I felt like I could do anything, no nervousness at all and I spoke as if there were no inhibitions. Which is rare or non existent for me other than these times. EDIT: If you want it to go away.... I shouldn't have said ignore it. That's not really correct. Just accept it. I'm not 100% sure exactly, but in some people it is most likely caused by stress, and worrying isn't going to help that. So you do ignore it sort of, but you just have to accept it more than anything and not dwell on it.

[Savy]

I think I know the feeling. It's kind of like, "how did I get here?", right? Sometimes I just feel really weird like, "Oh, so this is the world, and I've been here the whole time,". I don't know how to explain it. I must sound so eloquent. Does that sound right? It's like a moment of hyper-awareness for me. Like for an instant I'm not thinking about what I have to do, what I'm doing, or anything. I'm just sitting there feeling my pulse and looking at the world like I've never seen it before. It happens to me quite often, actually.

[Philosopher8659]

I think I know the feeling. It's kind of like, "how did I get here?", right? Sometimes I just feel really weird like, "Oh, so this is the world, and I've been here the whole time,". I don't know how to explain it. I must sound so eloquent. Does that sound right? It's like a moment of hyper-awareness for me. Like for an instant I'm not thinking about what I have to do, what I'm doing, or anything. I'm just sitting there feeling my pulse and looking at the world like I've never seen it before. It happens to me quite often, actually. That is called "wonderment" noted by philosophers from the start of philosophy. The awe and mystery of being itself. I have learned to look at it like Janus. This awe the wonder, this vast universe, so wonderful, yet here I was, born too retarded to comprehend it.

[tommo]

I get that too sometimes, but I don't think that is what the OP is talking about. If she was, the thread would have a whole different tone and would probably be in the philosophy section.

[Arra]

It seems like tommo gets it. Others might, but it's hard to tell because it is difficult to explain. It isn't a conscious thought of awe about reality (I've gotten that too), it's more forced, maybe a bit like what de ja vu is supposed to be (although after realizing this isn't de ja vu, I'm not sure I've ever gotten actual de ja vu.) I also feel invincible during the few seconds I'm experiencing it. Last time I got it, I was in Statistics class. I might have looked high or something, because I started looking around me in awe, at the room and the people. The fact that this was a formal classroom and students were sitting down in rows and the teacher was lecturing felt so strange, like I was seeing past the formality in a way I never had before. But it was different from a conscious realization through thought that formality is bullshit, it was more a forced state of mind. I felt like I could get up and do anything. I was completely free of social anxiety, which felt strange because I almost always have some degree of social stress while around people. It doesn't make me uncomfortable, although it might get annoying if it lasted for a long time.

[Tara]

I get these feelings a lot (at least once a day, really), and I've also experienced very severe moments of derealization where I thought I was about to faint/have a heart attack/etc (my vision is also affected in these situations; I experience the "dolly zoom" as described in the article). It happens so often, in fact, and my moments of derealization were so intense, that I've begun to wonder if I have a bit of a dissociative disorder. I took a test recently and my high score suggested I may have one or at least some symptoms of one. I don't plan to do anything about it from a medical standpoint, if there's even anything that can be done; besides the more intense episodes, it's not bothersome in the least. It's pretty interesting, really. And déjà vu is "the experience of feeling sure that one has already witnessed or experienced a current situation, even though the exact circumstances of the previous encounter are uncertain and were perhaps imagined.", "The "previous" experience is most frequently attributed to a dream, although in some cases there is a firm sense that the experience has genuinely happened in the past." I get very intense episodes of déjà vu as well, to the point that I have to stop and reality check.

[Zhaylin]

I've experienced what you've described, to varying degrees for many, many years. I became aware of it the most when I worked as a stripper. In WV, it's COMPLETE nudity. I'm the sort of person who prefers undressing around my husband in darkness (though I was recently single at that particular time). The job went against who I AM at the core of my being. I focused on the music, felt the music and just moved. While you have hyper awareness, I had sweet oblivion. It was a very addictive feeling, oddly enough. Thank goodness my "career" only lasted 4 months Now-a-days, it's more the "I'm trapped in a dream" feeling. And I usually only get them now when I'm off my meds. I have severe anxiety (especially in social circumstances) so the problem and anxiety do seem to go hand in hand. Has anyone ever had a dream where they feel completely exhausted. Your body feels like lead and you can hardly keep your eyes open in the dream, but to fall asleep would mean waking up? Sometimes, the episodes feel a little like that and those are miserable.

[tommo]

It seems like tommo gets it. Others might, but it's hard to tell because it is difficult to explain. It isn't a conscious thought of awe about reality (I've gotten that too), it's more forced, maybe a bit like what de ja vu is supposed to be (although after realizing this isn't de ja vu, I'm not sure I've ever gotten actual de ja vu.) I also feel invincible during the few seconds I'm experiencing it. Last time I got it, I was in Statistics class. I might have looked high or something, because I started looking around me in awe, at the room and the people. The fact that this was a formal classroom and students were sitting down in rows and the teacher was lecturing felt so strange, like I was seeing past the formality in a way I never had before. But it was different from a conscious realization through thought that formality is bullshit, it was more a forced state of mind. I felt like I could get up and do anything. I was completely free of social anxiety, which felt strange because I almost always have some degree of social stress while around people. It doesn't make me uncomfortable, although it might get annoying if it lasted for a long time. That's interesting that we had the same reaction to it. Well, since you're ok with it, it will probably go away eventually. Maybe take the opportunity while you have it, to experiment with being more open in social situations etc. So when it goes away you will still be more confident. I missed my chance to try this. Maybe I'll get it again some day....

[DeeryTheDeer]

Yep, I know exactly what you're talking about. It's happened to me a few times before, especially when important or unusual things are going on.

[thepractice]

Like another post said, it sounds like Dissasociation Disorder--not to diagnose you or anything because I often feel that way and many people do. My advice is to use Body Work techniques to "drop into your body". Body Work can include breathing exercises, tantra, meditation where you're focused on 'feeling' different parts of your body, etc...

[saltyseedog]

I have this. its this feeling of nothing is actually real. it comes out of nowhere.