Hello DV! I have some stuff to tell you.
Hi, guys!
My name is Cláudio, I'm 20 years old and a Brazilian college student. I've been visiting this website since yesterday. I've been here before, I'm pretty sure, but I don't remember what landed me here or why I was lurking around, so my experience just comes from yesterday, really.
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Tulpae
Basically I visited the website because of tulpae. I sometimes fool around at 4chan and I saw this creepy-pasta of a kid who tried to make an MLP pulpa and frequently fell asleep while forcing, which ended up "corrupting", disfiguring his colorful pony, making him scream uncontrollably inside his head for days. And every time I see something new, like "tulpa", I need to look around for it. I went on to Wikipedia and read about it. Then I left the subject alone. The story scared me and I didn't want to go that way, so I just kept it at that.
Later, though, I saw another story about these "beings" and got a little more curious. That's when I started to look around for more information about them. That got me to this forum and to "tulpa.info". I read a bunch of progress journals, experiences, stories, and well... we might be getting to a bigger population of ponies on Earth than of killer whales.
Anyway, I felt like trying it out and started reading guides. That's when I found a journal of this ADHD weird kid who ended up making an MLP pulpa that was basically just very angry, needy and time-consuming. I figured I wouldn't want to waste 3 hours every day to interact, and my skills at mapping out a whole kingdom inside my head aren't very strong. I could make out a house, and it was very blurry, so I just kicked that idea to space.
Eventually, I remembered an imaginary friend I still try to keep sometimes, here and there. We sometimes talk near Christmas and New Year's. This is not a tulpa concept, he can't actually speak his own mind or have a different voice, but I do remember that this fella, Rick, as I call him, was able to talk back to me when I was a kid. He actually got me out of a lot of trouble and stuff. When I grew older, the idea just went to the back of my head, but he's still there. Blurry, brown-haired, willing to listen and throw some back-and-forth. Again, it's not actually him speaking, but sometimes I can get another point of view within myself by just pretending he's there to answer. Maybe that's something. Who knows. What I figured is that I won't give this any more time. I don't want to risk having an uncontrollable thing in me that needs too much attention and time. It would be great to have a companion around, I've toyed with that idea, but Rick's enough as he is, I guess, after all I still remember him and think stuff like "I'm sorry I've been absent for so long, I've just grown older" as if it was normal.
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Lucid dreaming
The whole tulpa experience wasn't really the beginning, though. After being done reading about tulpae and whatnot, I eventually got around to the lucid dreaming sections. These have always been an interest of mine since I'm frequently able to have them (as long as I "have" dreams, you know, the natural ones would happen just when it was the last dream before I woke up).
I read articles about the WILD method, the DILD method, DEILD method, etc. etc. These were interesting reads and I was amazed at how people figured out ways to control their dreaming, such as reality checks, dream guides, a few pointers and stuff. I wanted to try it out, but being my lazy self, I just thought "Eh... I don't think I'll actually be able to remember checking my hands inside a dream." The narration did stick to me, though.
Last night I had a lot of school work to do. Two philosophy papers and a couple more for my Management class. So I just stayed awake until about 5am. Then I went to bed. And since I wasn't able to sleep right away, even though I was really tired, I decided to try WILD. Just staying still, breathing calmly, clearing my mind.
I have to say... I know every single person is different, concentration varies and people have different chemicals and mindsets and everything in their lives, but this was surprisingly easy for me. I didn't take any pleasure in this first "induced" lucid dream, it was really nothing special at all, but I still was able to... get there, you know? I actually felt my body going through the changes... My breathing went to sleep-mode while my cat meowed on my ear, and after he was done I could feel my body giving my feet up... Then the rest. Eventually I couldn't feel one bit of my body, it felt as if I was just my mind... and my breathing.
At this point, I knew I was actually getting to that transition mark. I started imagining things vividly in my head, and after many Blue's clues forms and lights, I played out a whole sword fight with some weird Pokemonish animal. When I hit him last with a sword, a loud positive sound played out in my head. It wasn't much like a buzzing or a "bling", just like one of those sounds you hear at some Japanese video-game fights when you get an achievement. I didn't realize anything at first, but then I thought, "How the hell did I just hear this?" and it was clear.
After that I concentrated all my efforts to actually look at my hands with my eyes closed. I wasn't able to. My sight was still pitch-black with other flashes of things. Unfortunately, the imagery that followed creeped the hell out of me. Things started getting darker and darker very quickly, like skeletons crawling out of graves, rotting flesh, bad, bad stuff. On a weird trance I never actually experienced before, I thought, "Okay, this is clearly going to be a nightmare, I don't know if I want to be stuck on that. Time to just get to sleep and forget all of this."
I tried to flush out all the bad thoughts, feelings and images, but it was tough. My heart started racing, I could feel some parts of my body again and my cat just meowed one more time. I tried to control my body and tell myself I was just going to sleep. But again, I was just there, in black nothing, and started trying to make out some scenery. More random images coming about, and I was entertained again. This time I tried to look at my hands. SO MANY FINGERS.
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The dream
Lamest part. Basically my piece-of-shit bicycle likes to break down every week. It broke again, with the back tire getting out of alignment. I went on to fix it, but as I lifted the bike, the pieces disappeared. I looked around and they were nowhere to be found. Checked my hands again... freak show. Okay, so my bike has a lose tire and all the chain pieces are missing. There was this bum a block away, with some stuff below his little shoe-shining business. I was maaaad at this point. I could see it was my stuff.
I ran up to him, laid down, told him to fuck off and took my stuff. Then I looked over to my bike and let out a resigned sigh because it was going to be so hard to assemble everything again. That's when things went black and I was done.
At some point I do remember looking at my hands again and just knowing I was dreaming, but this was very quick and meaningless, so I couldn't catch that dream.
Now that I know I have an ability to get there with some relative ease, I might try this again and keep an actual journal.
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Guys, thank you all for all the information and friendliness you've provided to me during these two days. This is a wonderful board, everyone seems to be clever, open-minded and polite, unlike a lot of people on the internet. I will be sure to stick around and learn more every day.
Hopefully no more nightmarish imagery.
And I'm truly sorry I made this a giant post. I guess not many people will read it :P
