I have suffered from extreme depression & nightmares since I was very very young. At age 5, I was taken to a specialist to explore my anti-social behaviors. I have always been very isolated and have always had lucid nightmares. In my dreams, I am cognizant of the fact it is a dream. I always know that the things I am seeing are not real, yet I do not have any control over them. I can tell myself "Wake up" and I do.

Due to an abusive relationship that lasted for 5 years, I underwent extreme mental degradation a few years ago. During the relationship, I had very lucid nightmares about death, including nuclear warheads exploding, my dead grandmother coming back for over 5 months EVERY NIGHT in my dreams, sometimes 'alive' again, sometimes rotting away, and other 'dark' ideas.

I have continued to suffer from depression my entire life, and have taken several medications, including sleep-inducers. However, I became dependent upon these sleep aids, and decided it was best for me to try other methods, although I was able to stop dreams and sleep through the night with the medication.

For over one month now, I have had incredibly lucid nightmares. They are usually about my ex-boyfriend, although I have not seen or heard from him in over a year. It is usually him telling me he hates me or trying to kill me. However, in the dream, while I know it is him, I 'feel' that it is my current fiance. I never dream about my fiance, though. I am set to be married in a year and very happy about our union. However, I cannot sleep at night anymore. I might sleep for a few hours, during which I have a lucid nightmare and then wake up and lay there unable to sleep. I have been extremely tired and I am working full-time and taking online college courses, so it is becoming a problem.

I am not sure if this is an appropriate location to post this, but perhaps someone has experienced this before or has suggestions. I have seen many specialists regarding my insomnia and my nightmares, but no one can suggest anything that has been productive.

I am looking forward to keeping a dream journal, as I think it will help me, and reading about other peoples dreams for reference. My dreams seem to be the cause for a lot of my anxieties, lately, and I am looking for any possible solution.

=)