Sounds like you're on the right track with the practices. 
Regarding the differences between lucid and non-lucid dreams, in lucid dreams you would know that you are dreaming. Everything can look exactly the same as a normal dream or even real life, but you would be able to still spot a difference, you would know.
A lot of times, one may be able to catch a dream sign, something very unusual, which can then prompt the dreamer, lead to increased awareness and the famous aha moment when you realize it's a dream. At other times it can be much more subtle and without any other reason you would simply know it's a dream. It may sound quite vague or mysterious but our brains really know how to do that, some people are able to have lucid dreams even from an early age without being told what a lucid dream is. And now that we all know about this possibility, there are even more resources and ideas how to go about inducing lucidity.
I have to say I laughed when I read those quotes from the guides. Teaching someone what to do with their mind isn't an easy thing as you well found out. As far as "clear your mind" is concerned, I would recommend to try to relax instead. You can focus on different areas of your body and feel the tension go in each one, etc. Feel free to explore any relaxation guides, these should definitely help with WILD.
When wilding, the main idea is to find a small point of focus, such as your breathing, the darkness behind your eyelids (there doesn't have to be a specific point there, just overall), the feel of your body, or even the sound of your environment. That is being done for the purpose of keeping a portion of you gently awake (while you still properly fall asleep), so that you don't miss out the transition. But even if you fully fall asleep in the process, there may be the benefit of a DILD shortly thereafter as you are already in the mindset of having a lucid dream.
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