Hello, you guys.

After two years of taking a break from active LDing (and from DreamViews, though I've lurked constantly and kept reading extensively on the topic in other mediums), I've decided to return!

I'd stopped last time because, at 14 years old, some of the things I was experiencing were a bit too frightening for my childish mind But I've taken up an active interest again. The main reason that I stopped (and that I don't continue to pursue LDing as actively as I would like) is because I am still a bit apprehensive about SP, False Awakenings, and WILDing.

After I read about sleep paralysis, I developed a subtle fear of it, so of course my body decided to bombard me with it at every chance it got. I woke up in SP most times I went to sleep, and it scared the hell out of me not being able to move. I did NOT like the feeling of being constrained. I also started having multiple FAs, not very often, but when I did they usually came 2-3 or more per night. All of these experiences left me quite shaken, so, naturally, I decided to take a break from dreams. I would pray most nights that I would have a dreamless sleep, so that I wouldn’t have to go through any of this.

The reason I am posting this is because just a few minutes ago I almost went into a WILD.

Not almost, but I’d practically succeeded. I’ve been very scared to WILD because most people say it causes sleep paralysis, which I am obviously not too fond of, so I’ve never actually practiced it. But I realized that it’s not hard for me to do. What has just happened is more of a combination WBTB & WILD: I laid down and fell asleep within minutes, woke up a few minutes later, and, still quite tired, lay still in the bed. All of a sudden a dream scene (dreamscape of the room I was falling asleep in) began to form in front of my eyes. Startled, I opened them and peered around my room. However, I was quite curious, and closed my eyes again. The scene started forming again, and I saw a slightly tilted version of my room. I opened my eyes again, and it went away. Closed them again. This time I was in the dream, right there. I saw another “me” in the corner reading something. My mind was flooded with thoughts that were too fast for me to decipher, things I wanted to do, experiments I wanted to try. I turned to fly out the window, but I got scared of just “leaving my body” sleeping and going to play in the dreamscape; I was also scared that my DC self might attack me for some reason :S (I have dreams with very vicious DCs). So I opened my eyes again and woke up for the last time.

What frustrates me the most is that I was right there, I had successfully done it, I was in the dream. And I chickened out.

I hate myself so bad sometimes -_-;

tl;dr -
I know this was too long, didn’t plan on writing this much, sorry :s But if you did read this far, has anyone else had such an irrational fear of sleeping, and trying to WILD, or being conscious not in your physical body? It’s probably more a fear of…how can I say it…existing and trying to make sense of another reality, of this dream reality, more than it is WILDing and getting caught in SP. Any help on how I can get rid of this fear and finally enjoy LDing as much as I want to? Or am I just gonna hafta tough it out by myself?