Hey everybody, so this is gonna be a pretty long story, but I gotta tell someone, and who better than you cause I have some questions and also just kinda need to tell someone thats gonna know wtf I am talking about. Anyway any of you (not many ><!) who have read my introduction know that last night was going to be my fourth night since I found out that this sort of thing could be learned. I had basically just decided to sleep for the night just like I normally would and see what happened. So as I attempted to do this I found that I was going to have insomnia that night. My mind began to wander and I began thinking about WILD, which I must admit seriously has intrigued me ever since I read about it the first time four days ago. However I had been telling myself "You're not ready yet" as basically as I understood it this was quite an intense thing. Last night though, I was bored as heck and knew it was gonna take me a good two hours to get to sleep anyway so I basically said screw it, might as well give it a shot. The following long segment is taken directly from my Dream Journal, because I just had to write everything down after it happened, I was so... stunned. It's unedited (err ok I actually added more stuff that I think is pertinent now), except for in the real journal random notes are scribbled every which way lol. Here we go:

July 19

I started this whole process between 11:30 and 12:00 AM

---------I just failed a WILD. It was one of the most intense things i've ever done. I was afraid to try it, but whilst I was trying to sleep I thought I saw a purple blob image in my eyes and basically decided to throw caution to the wind and go for it. At first I was saying to myself "Tonight, when I am dreaming, I am going to realize that I am dreaming and I will remember what I dreamed" Whilst doing this I focused on breathing and envisioned myself becoming more relaxed every time I breathed out. I did this for what seemed like
FOREVER. My mind eventually started wandering so I decided I needed more focus and began counting "1, I'm dreaming, 2 I'm dreaming etc" At first I set a goal of making this all happen by 100 (Not a good idea I decided later on, but at the time it seemed like the thing to do) Nothing happened by 100 and I realized this wasn't something you make happen, it's something you let happen. I decided to pick one more number and just forget it all. I figured it must be between 2-3 AM by now and I figured I had pretty much blown my night already so I decided to pick 1000 and just forget everything. Soon after my feet felt numb/heavy and I thought "Hey this might be progress" I willed my entire body to become this way but it did not. I kept having to swallow and having itches. I swallowed without letting it distract me and I tyold myself the itches were in my mind. Whether they were or not is irrelevant as convincing myself of this made them go away. After this point as progressively more of my body became numb/heavy, I became aware that occasionally it felt like I twitched. I'm pretty sure I didn't actually move. It worried me for a moment because I've experienced hypnagogic jerks before just trying to regular sleep and they always jolt me awake. But I told myself tonight that isn't going to happen. It eventually felt like if I didn't move my foot it was going to jump out of itself. I was afraid of waking myself up so I focused everything on staying still, breathing and counting. By the time I had counted to 300, this became less of an issue, but I realized I was sweating quite profusely (or at least felt like it) and I felt an immense pressure on my knees as I was laying on my right side with my left knee resting on my right knee. Off and on now I can feel my heart beating in my extremities. I am now also aware that it feels like my lips are numb (kind of novocaine-y). As time seems to drag on and I actually fear my 6 AM alarm is going to rouse me out of this, but I have know way of knowing as I always cover my clock when I sleep. The pressure on my knees turns to pain. It now feels like a hot coal is being crushed between my knees. I tell myself "It's all in your mind, you can stop it if you want but you'll waste all your effort this far" I decide to perservere. Everything is uneventful whilst I count onwards. As I approach 500 I am thinking I may have blown it somehow, maybe I tried to hard or just didn't do it right, this is after all my very FIRST try at this. I am just about ready to give up and let sleep take me, lucid or otherwise when it happens. The heartbeat I had been feeling in my extremities off and on suddenly encompasses my whole being and as the first beat resounds through me... I don't know how to describe it. I felt like I fell out of my own body. I begin to feel as though I am suffocating. My vision becomes instantly clear. It is black and dark like my eyes are closed but now it seems to have a depth to it. At first I instinctivly fight to breathe, then I remember reading someones post somewhere where they had said "I figure if I'm suffocating in my sleep I'll wake up" I let that comfort me and let go. At first my breaths immediatly become shallow and unproductive. I am still counting, approaching 600 now. Through all of this I have the most... immense mixture of fear/excitement. I think to myself "You've come really far now, don't blow it!"Just when I feel like I will pass out from suffocation my breathing becomes deep and regular. The heartbeat feeling continues, though it is less pronounced now. I wonder now how I will "know" I consider the fact that maybe I AM asleep at this point. I remember reading about hypnagogic imagery but I have seen nothing. I realize that my left eye is partially open, actually I had been fighting to close it in the 200-300 range but when what I now realize was sleep paralysis happened I completely forgot about it. I wonder what to do as I continue counting. The initial "falling out of myself" feeling repeats itself twice more, each time with less intensity. Unsure at this point whether I am dreaming or awake, I conclude that I must test it somehow. I remember having heartdto try to roll yourself into your dream but I fear I might awaken myself. I will myself to roll into a dream (unsure exactly how to do that) and nothing happens. I am up to between 700 and 800 now and I feel as though I could step through my eyes into the dream world. I will this to happen, but it does not. I ponder this for awhile and as I approach 900 I realize I am never gonna know for sure unless I give it my best shot. I consider stopping at 900 as the wierd "falling out of myself" sensations have stopped repeating themselves. I decide however, that I set an initial stopping point of 1000 so I would just see where it took me. As I reach 910 I realize I am too nervour/scared/excited and if I don't do something now and I AM asleep, I am going to awaken myself. As I hit 914 everything climaxes and I go for it. After a roughly 1 second delay I feel an immense tingly feeling and roll to the left and find myself in my own bed. I say "Aww crap." and mutter various expletives, but then I think "err... wait..." I pinch my nose to see if I can breathe through it. I cannot. I walk over to the clock, uncover it and check it. It reads 1:05. I look away and back willing it to change. 1:05. And again. And again. As one final effort I attempt to "zap" a nearby box of salt(Yes there really is a box of salt in my bedroom, I had meant to throw it away). Nothing happens. Finally I become convinced that I am indeed, most unfortunatly awake. I begin to think of what I had just done. Since it is now 1:05 although I had thought during it that it must be close to 6, the entire process lasted around 90 minutes. I think to myself "If this is what failing a WILD is like, then oh my God what will it be like when I succeed?" It was so amazingly intense. I can't wait to try it again tomorrow. I go to write it all down but I am still shaking almost uncontrollably. After 5 minutes it subsides.----------------

So that was my experience. I hate to use the word "failed" now because I realize I came damn far for it being my first time. This is where I need your help.
I am really unsure what I did incorrectly or forgot to do or what. I am unsure why it didn't work.
Was I too impatient?
Or was I too patient?
At the end when I tried to make it happen, should I have just let it happen?
Did I wait too long and miss the window?
Or did I never actually get there and was confused?
I'm pretty sure the feeling I describe as "falling out of myself" as well as being unable to breathe are what I have read and understand to be sleep paralysis. Perhaps I was just too new and it was a bunch of little factors and my own excitement. I WILL succeed, be it tomorrow or a week or a month from now. I will probably not try tonight as I am super exhausted from lack of sleep. After it all I was so mentally exhausted and intrigued I couldn't go back to sleep for a while. I made a random post here and read some stuff... then eventually got to sleep around 4. Maybe tomorrow. Anyhow, thank you for reading this incredibly long story of mine, and any input you have would be greatly appreciated.