I have the alarm to wake me up to FILD, I dream journaled for a while so I know how to do it, I have lucid dreamed before, and I've read extensively on lucid dreaming and know a fair amount about it.
Yet, I never try to. It always goes like this.

Wake up, think "Ok, tonight I will lucid dream. I am so stupid for not trying!"

Midday, think "Alright, I got this. I'm going to set the alarm when I go to sleep and lucid dream!"

About to sleep. Then, I psyche myself out of it. I don't know how to put this into words, so I'll try to describe it. I get this deep feeling of both demotivation and also fear. But not like fear where you see something scary down the hallway, but fear like I want to avert doing it at all costs and just this feeling that lucid dreaming is scary (But, again, not like scary down the hallway scary).
So you can see, I'm both super shitty at explaining the feeling and at lucid dreaming.

I also get this weird feeling that the dream characters are all artificial and are going to act super weird towards me (And weird in a negative way, like they may do weird bad things to me). I can't describe this feeling either, I wish I could. But I just get this feeling of bad juju I guess, the feeling you get when you make a decision and half way through made a terrible mistake and you are in danger.
I don't know how to explain these thoughts, but I don't want them anymore. I've sat for hours trying to convince myself that, objectively speaking, lucid dreaming is extremely fun and will make my life both more fulfilling and fun. And I know that it will do that, but my emotions disagree.

Idk, this is a jumbled mess. Someone help!