Crazy, crazy dreams...

[Todd82TA]

Hey guys, A little bit about myself first. If anything sounds like a brag, I apologize but I just want you to get a feel for who I am so maybe it might help the expertise here figure out what I'm going through. (I appreciate any insight). I'm 29, soon to be 30 (not really a big deal for me). I'm very intelligent, make a very decent living. I'm happily married, I have a lot of hobbies, I have a job that I like, and I pretty much live on a level of euphoria. I guess the best way to explain it is, there are some people who suffer from depression all the time, but I typically suffer from happiness all the time (if that makes sense). I mean, I don't walk around like a weirdo, but I'm always in a decent mood. I certainly get grouchy, but I get over it quickly. Now, I do have a LOT of work, I do feel overworked since it's a busy time of year. I also do a lot of contracting in my line of work which is in addition to my regular full time job. I don't need the work, but basically, I agreed to keep working / contracting on the last two companies I stopped working for. (software development). I'm also going to school (three classes). I don't have any kids yet, but my wife and I are trying. I'm certainly more than happy to do my part. I also have a lot of really useful skills, IE: I can fix any computer problem, I can fix any automotive problem (I have a lot of classic cars), and I'm pretty big (6'3 and 220lbs). With that said, I spend at least 2/3rds of my time on the weekends helping people move, carry stuff, fix their cars, or fix their comptuers. I won't say that I'm being used, because they are REAL friends, and they would give me the shirt of their backs if they could, they just don't posess any skills that I really need help with. All that aside, here is my issue / problem... I have REALLY whacked out dreams. They are brutal. My dreams are always along the lines of someone being attached, usually me. I'm usually being attacked, but occasionally it's someone I know who's being attacked. That's how the dreams start. I always end up defending myself, or the person who's being attacked... the problem is I usually take it a little bit too far. For example, I had one dream where I was being attacked, there were a group of people around... I immediately defended myself and started beaing them senseless. It got to the point where I started to tear their limbs off, rip off their heads, and just totally violate their bodies with my fists. I have these dreams at least once or twice a week. There was another dream (and this is pretty graphic), where there was a lady being raped. I have no idea who she is / was. I immediately stepped in, and the guy who was raping the woman had a knife. He stabbed me in the mouth, which for whatever reason cut my jaw in half. I fought back. In the midst of the fight, my jaw was dangling by a single piece of flesh, and I guess for whatever reason I thought it would be a good idea to remove it, so I ripped the rest of my jaw off since I guess I thought it was in the way. I immediately got on top of the rapist, and I started to beat his face in. Meanwhile, I'm gushing blood all over his face. I proceed to pound his face in until his skull literally collapses into a pile of disgusting mush. Now, my first thought, if I was to look at this from an outside perspective is... WTF??!? I would immediately assume that I'm a complete and total psychopath. Other things that have happened more recently, is I've started having "thoughts" during the day. For example, I'll be grocery shopping with my wife, and she'll be bending over to grab something from a lower isle. Normally, if no one was looking, I'd smack her butt really hard (it makes a nice satisfying sound), but lately... I've been imaging her vulnerable and how someone might attack her, and what I would need to do to protect her. So I follow an entire scene in my head for about 10 seconds, and then I snap back into reality and again, I think to myself... what the hell is wrong with me? I have no mental disorders, I don't even have any allergies. Some of my co-workers (who are also programmers) even refer to me as super human. They say we could take over China if the US government decided to clone me as soldiers (weird, but whatever). However, I am attention defecit disorder, or at least I was when I was younger. I've either grown out of it, or I've learned to deal with it? I do not take any medications. There is one thing however, I recall on two instances in my past where I became "manic". The first time was when I underwent "surgery" to have my 4 wisdom teeth taken out. The doctor used laughing gas, or sleeping gas (whatever it's called). I think it was nitrous oxide. In any case, when I awoke in the waiting room (I was 16), I immediately flew into a violent rage. I remember everything clearly (now), but at the time, I was in a complete state of mind. It was like if someone put someone else's experiences in my brain. I just remember that the only thing that kept going through my head was do whatever I needed to do to get outside of the building. In any case, I got off the recovery bed, tried to stand, but my legs didn't work (don't know why?). I crawled to the door. My mom tried to get me to get back on the bed, and for whatever reason I shoved her out of the way and to the floor. I crawled out into the hall, and into the doctors office waiting room, where there was this kid playing. I back-handed him clear across the room because he was in my way. It finally took two doctors to force me back into the recovery room. I blanked out, and I woke up strapped into the recovery bed. I was groggy, but I was back to a normal state of mind (I apologized to the kid). There was another time that a doctor prescribed Claritin D for a bad cold I had. I took it, and within about 20-30 minutes, I started to become extremely paranoid and perhaps even schizophrenic? I remember being extremely paranoid, but at least realizing that I was NOT feeling normal (right) in the head. I locked all the doors, covered all the blinds, and decided I would go to bed in hopes I would sleep it off, (which I did). I was about 21-22 back then living in an apartment (bachelor). I have had no other situations since then. I drink occasionally, maybe once every two weeks, I get totally drunk maybe once, twice a year? I have never used any illegal drugs. So, my question is, what the hell is wrong with me? Am I a total psychopath that's a ticking time bomb? Or am I just stressed out? Again, I would never harm anyone, I don't harm animals, I don't even kill spiders or other insects. I catch them and let them go outside. And I also would just like to emphesize that I'm not trying to grand stand myself with the above comments about me. I just really want everyone to get a good idea of who I am, and what I am. I am very proud of who I am, maybe a bit arrogant, but I always try to be humble and don't think for a minute that I know more than anyone. I'm always willing to learn from someone else. If anything, I'm a bit eccentric and maybe I ramble too much (as you can clearly see). Oh, and one last thing, when I DO drink, I become even more happy / playful, (not agressive and mean like you see on shows like Cops). So, what do you guys think? Psycho, or overworked? Thanks...