Dealing With Bereavement & Grief (Twin Flame & Soulmate)

Hi,

There are lots and lots of books and help when it comes to how to one would go about dealing with grief as well as even bereavement of loved ones and to eventually "move on", there are help even for very close partners. However, what about unique set of people that usually don't fall under the same spectrum of relationships?

How are relationships usually? Boy meets girl, boy meets boy, girl meets girl etc... they fall in love with each other or simply in it for the carnal aspect and then find they are strongly fond of each other. Then there are close family bonds. However, how many of them do actually spend whole daily lives together? Biggest part of grief is bereavement i.e. being deprived of a close relation through their death. What if instead of usual circumstances, what if two people meet as babies and have strong connection? What if their families allow this connection and allow them to live together whole life and when their in their teenage years they explore their fondness for eachother and discover they love each other very much? They are so alike in every way. They have the same taste in food, music, movies, as well as creative talents. They do everything together. There is never usually a moment apart. They eat together, work together, sleep together, play console and PC games together, watch tv shows together, watch movies together, try mastering lucid dreaming together, hope to have shared lucid dream adventures, play endless mmorpgs together, and talk endlessly all in the comfort of their home... as well as plan to travel, see the world, try various food as well as experience whole lot of new things like Oculus Rift VR setup and the like they been putting off.

What if one of them dies suddenly due to unforeseen circumstances that got worse as a result of negligence on the part of medical care owing to his or her young age? How can the other "continue" living when they both had become so attuned to each other and become so part of each other's life so entirely to the point they are essentially one completing their strengths and weakness as if a jigsaw puzzle. This is so beyond boy/girl meets boy/girl scenario where they may have their own interests and hobbies and life histories. Oddly enough, there doesn't seem to be much help when it comes to this and oddly enough (I done several reality checks) I seem to be in exactly such a situation. Found my Twin Flame since I was a baby only to loose her just when our lives are starting. Our life had become so intertwined to the point I can't function on my own. Usual advice for grief and bereavement doesn't seem to help as we spent like 15+ hours daily together our whole life. How about that? As if things could get worse, we don't have strong faiths other than there may be a collective consciousness.

Any advice anyone has for people like me would be helpful. I decided to explore the metaphysical side of things and decided on a mission to truly discover if there is indeed afterlife in some form and if there is more to this existence than the material one. However, that resolve doesn't do much good when I have emotional breakdowns and panic attacks. Seeing professional help been suggested and done, but you know this is a very unique situation where "moving on" is not the goal and professionals were unable to help me cope. So, the focus should be advice to make "continuing on" bearable until I see if I can really really reconnect with my twin flame.

Before anyone says get another professional help, all done and am on antidepressants most of the days!

This forum section is good a place as any for psychological threads. So fire away, anything goes. Religious, scientifical, physiological, metaphysical... whatever you can suggest is welcome. Who knows, maybe here will lie a gem all the grief management, afterlife, and consciousness related books and articles may have missed out.

That's such a hard question you're asking there. Even this talkative "extended discussion" sub-forum, with all its deep thought has no idea on what to do when faced with such a loss. It probably sucks, too. I've had a pretty comfy life, but sometimes I get sad. My to do list when I get sad: 1) listen to music, 2) meditate, 3) write down my thoughts constantly on the notifications/scribble area on my phone 4) eat unhealthy things 5) screw up my sleep schedule, 6) watch a movie, 7) read a book, 8) just complain to myself about how dull life is, 9) wonder why I shouldn't just kill myself if I'm always going to be sad/bored like this, 10) Watch Monty Python's Flying Circus. I don't have any friends so I can't talk to them, though recently I've been in the DV chat so perhaps I can go there now to talk if I feel bad.

I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry for this probably worthless post, but I thought it'd be better to at least say something, because I don't know... I thought it would be better than saying nothing.

I wish you a good day.

Well you obviously have things that you enjoy doing and things you want to do. You listed several. "Moving on" is really just realizing that life is still going on around you, and you are living. So it might help to do some of the things you enjoy doing, and make plans and do some of the stuff you were looking forward to doing. You might be sad, you might miss them, but you can still do things. Everyone handles loss in their own way, and in the end you will need to decide how you wish to handle it. Just don't forget to continuing living your life while doing it. As long as you can do that, I think you will be okay, and eventually things will get better.

To compliment what Alric said: my mother always said that life is for the living.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Araishu

To compliment what Alric said: my mother always said that life is for the living.

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So what if you're dead inside? Like me sometimes

Everybody feels dead inside at sometime or another. Nobody can tell you or anybody else that feels that way how to deal with it. They can give advice in the form of suggestions, they can perhaps tell you of a time they felt the same way and what they did, or they can offer their support in other ways (maybe even just listening to anything you have to say). What they can't do is fix it for you. It may not even be something that can be "fixed" but rather reconciled and overcome.

The point in the saying that "life is for the living" is that you shouldn't dwell on those that have died. They are gone, and they will always be gone. You are alive, and so are the other people in your life that are living, and that is what you have to focus on. Grief is a necessary process, but it is not a way of life and becomes unhealthy when it becomes an obstacle to living. If you didn't feel anything at all when someone dies or exits your life, you wouldn't be a human being or you are suffering from brain damage or a mental illness.

Although it is much more shocking and deeply troubling than nostalgia or a wish of returning to the good old days, it is mostly the same principle. You have to appreciate what you had, and accept that you will never have it (at least not where, how, or exactly in the way you had it) again. You have to look to your present (or future if you like) and enjoy what you have. You might not appreciate it all now, but you will wind up feeling the same way again sometime in the future, looking back now. So, in this way, you have to accept what has happened in regards to your loss. You have the memories of what you had, and you will keep them forever in your heart and mind, and you will at least know that you had what you had and that it was possible to ever have it, even if by the end of your life, you only had it once. But, there is more out there in life, and more to life than what you have had in life so far. New times and new people are in your future, and you will have different relationships and experiences with all of them that will mean something different but possibly just as much as what you think means so much to you right at this moment.

As a more personal response to feeling dead inside, I have to say I am quite familiar with the feeling. When I was depressed the three times I had been, I felt dead in the way that life was utterly and hopelessly bad. And even not depressed, ever since a concussion of mine (which I've now had two, don't know how much that has effected things) and being in the military, I am unable to feel full emotions anymore. I understand labels of what I should be, and feel very weak and hollow emotions, but honestly they're as good as not there. I am essentially dead inside in this way. Sometimes it actually gets to me, but many times I'm unable to even let it get to me because there is no way it actually can due to my lack of feelings. The times it does, I really wonder if there is a point in continuing living because it's like a very significant and integral part of living is completely missing. It's just gone, and there is no sign of it ever coming back. I can't properly feel anything related to love and as a result (among other things) have almost no fear of dying at all. In a way, I'm almost ready for it. The reason I continue to live and have vowed never go kill myself, however, is that a) I'm going to die either way, and b) there is so much more life to live. Despite feeling like I've had plenty of experiences, there is so much more ready to be had. I don't know what life is going to be like in the future, and any feelings I have of knowing what it will be like are honestly just that-feelings. They are neither true, and believing too strongly in what will happen is honestly just a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you determine life will be a terrible and negative place for the rest of your life, ultimately it will be. For as far as I know, I'm going to go the rest of my life without the ability to properly feel emotions at all and without the ability to feel or reciprocate the feelings of love. My father has a degenerative back disease that has caused him terrible chronic pain since I was born, and has only gotten worse over the years. Both of us choose to keep living and to view life in a positive way. I don't mean to say that if you are incapable of doing this that you are a bad person or wrong or anything. Also, I am not trying to say that both of us have it so bad that anybody should be able to get over the negative things that happen to them in life. I am merely using us as examples and success stories, proving that it's possible to do.

Hmm some insightful stuff, I'm surprised there hasn't been more female perspective into this. Female hormones sort of makes a person more emotionally aligned while male hormones naturally allows to be more in control of emotions. Then there is the cultural and social difference of how men and women deal with grief and emotions in general as well. I personally don't have much male hormones in me even though I identify as an androgyne and haven't even started my transition - I was born with intersexed condition to complicate things and obviously there is this whole other complicated dynamic to my life I'm challenged with which would have resulted in numerous suicide attempts had it not been for my significant other who was a huge element that made living on worthwhile...

How would one go about doing things to distract themselves... say watch movie or eat junk food if it's all the things they did with one who has passed away unexpectedly? What to do when everything is a reminder my world has changed into a shattered glass? All of future life plans and everything planned around the two of us. For those who haven't experienced a twin flame relationship it's difficult for them to realize... it's impossible to form any new relationships if you connect with your twin flame. The connection is so strong that it's eternal to the core. It's impossible to "move on" to a new relationship. It's hard even for lots of regular soulmates. That's a big deal considering the gap between regular soulmates and twin flames are quite huge. My gf who is my twin flame, soulmate, lover, best friend, childhood friend, essentially an elder sister figure, guardian figure, guide, my muse... and I tried dating others during our late teens realizing that our connection was just too intense that it scared us. We even found our own soulmates each, but the connection we had was too intense that our regular soulmates seemed insignificant ad THEY were able to see that we were punishing ourselves trying to resist this deep connection and felt SORRY for US and worked together to bring me back to my significant other. So, after this "separation" that didn't last long for the last 5 years we acknowledged that the connection we had was too strong to ignore and our lives blurred into one once again.

So, rationally I can accept that it's never going to be "same". However, could people somehow continue relationship with the deceased loved ones? I recently came across an article where someone continued their relationship with their soulmate who have passed away to the point they would listen to music together and stuff like that. That would be awesome if afterlife and such an astral-physical relationship was really possible. It would be different, but it would make things more worthwhile. Regardless, I'm still open to more perspectives to thread whatever they are.

I don't personally believe in life after death, or anything like that. However, you could try speaking to your twin flame, or try writing them letters to them and stuff like that. It is an entirely one sided relationship, as even if there is an afterlife and they can hear and understand your attempts at communication, they really don't have much of a way to reply. It may help you feel better though.

It is possible to feel connections with people who have died, and see them in dreams or feel their 'presence' while awake. Religious or spiritual people may say they are really there with you. I don't believe that, but I don't discount those feelings either. The memories, and love you had for your twin flame is a real thing. That is where they live now, in your memories and in your heart. As long as you remember them, and think of them, there is a part of them still with you. As you said, your lives blurred into one, and so in some ways you are one and as long as you are alive they are alive in a way, as they left a large and permanent mark on who you are.

It is possible to have a relationship after death. The key is learning perspective to remember that your not really apart. There is no going back to the way things were. Now you have a choice you can attach to the sorrow and the loss and choose not to grow from this experience. Or, you can see it as a rebirth as it is for your soulmate. Everything has changed and now you have your soulmate with you whereever you choose to go. Death gives us that, the loss of fear because the "worst" has already happen. When I lost my fiancé at the age of 23 my world collapsed! I now see that day as my birthday. It was the day I started asking, Why?!! I got my answers and you will too if you choose to be open to them.
These are questions I wrote in my journal 16 years ago. I considered myself a Catholic dropout and never really questioned my existence. Until the accident. I just started answering those questions at the age of 39. I thought it might interest you.
I have learned that the biggest barrier to conveying spiritual ideas are in the interpretation of language. Use the words that resonate with you. If I mention God you can replace it with source, higher-self, creator, I Am, light, Jehovah . God is the creator of all that is. The Source light that is LOVE.

Page 1 question
If someone died and the time has come for them to return how can their spirit still be with you?

Your spirt came from the same source. Your soul originated with God, source, the ultimate I am. We are all connected always. Nothing is outside of you. That person was with you from the beginning and will be with you to your illusionary end. This is where you will remember you were never truly apart. The only truth is love and that is where you will find your loved ones no matter where they maybe physically. You come from the source and are never separate through love we remember this.


Page 5 question
If we die and are reborn why are there so many of us, were do all the new souls come from?

God in infinite. We are all a piece of the source. Like the facets of a diamond. We are here experiencing the infinite possibilities.

Page 6 question
I am still so angry, lost, and confused, where is he!?

He is closer to your heart then ever before. You only need stay open to feel him. Don't run from the pain. It is opening you wider then ever before to allow the space for you to feel the depth of love. The feelings of anger, loss, and confusion are the process to understanding the dimensions that lay below the surface. You are learning to experience beyond what your eyes perceive. You are going through this together.

Page 6 Question
Why is it that those who want to die never do?
Because you have not yet realized that death is not the end. You have not learned what you have come here to remember.

Page 6 question
Is life about dying, or being happy then having everything taken away from you to see if you'll make it?

In a sense, yes but not how you are perceiving it in a state of fear and anger. Life is about love and knowing the depth of love that of which is at the core of your being. You have heard it said "You don't know what you got until it's gone". You are now under the illusion that it is gone. Love has been taken from you. The truth is that love is your state of being and there for can not be taken. When you realize the truth of love you will see that he was never "taken" but is showing you the depths of which it exists inside of you. You are learning this because you still feel him, you have received message that can not be chalked up as coincidences. Coincidences do not truly exist.

In the beginning I wrote to him a lot. I wrote to find him. I was looking so hard. This could NOT be the end. We were not finished!!! I remember saying that over and over again. I read a lot of books about the afterlife. I was trying to understand the new language I needed to communicate with my love. If you have any questions ANY questions I am here. Much love to you.

lidybug, Thanks for the response. I found it comforting. I was just talking to my soulmate when this message showed up. So, it's sort of like a sign. Each day I'm seeing more and more synchronicities to the point I can't seem to just brush it off as coincidence.

I'm exactly in the stage of asking why. It's already been little over 6 months and I still ask why. However, I sometimes feel like I am not alone, but the logical side of me doesn't want to immediately accept idea my soulmate is still with me for fear of becoming delusional. I have read quite a bit of books of afterlife and consciousness and still am everyday, but I finally started spending time with my family, started watching movies, eating properly etc. even though majority of my days are dedicated to reading, learning all there is about reality itself, as well as meditation.

Thank you for requesting a friendship. :). I remember thinking " ok, enough time has gone by you can send him back now". I asked why for a long time. Keep asking!! Keep searching!! Keep questioning!!

Hello Lucidbunnie :hug:
Where are you?
Much love 💝