Thread: Apparently Inevitable For Me To Have Children?

I have a problem. (And be prepared for a long rant. This ain't gonna be pretty.)

See, I really don't want to have my own kids when I'm older (no offence to the people that have or want them; I don't mind them!). I'm 18 and I've been really set on this idea for years. I never really took interest in toy baby dolls when I was a kid. But suddenly, even though I'm only 18, there is slight pressure on me. I'm expected to find a man and get married, and then have kids.

I've heard of people saying that it isn't normal for someone to not want kids and that it's just a 'phase' or that I just need to 'grow up'. I'm probably going to be really set on this idea because I have a fear of childbirth, of carrying a child in my fucking womb for nine months only to pop it out, and then take care of it. I'm not too fond of babies, I'm not tolerant to loud noise and I'm really immature, meaning I wouldn't be fit for a mother.

Thing is that even though everyone expects me to find a man, have babies and raise them, I'm an asexual. I'm not interested in sex at all. People, once again, say that it's a 'phase'. "But everyone has/loves sex!" No. Just no. No fucking thank you. I'm not having sex and I'm not having a child. People look at me strangely when I say that. Is it because I have female reproductive organs and that I'm expected to have a child because I'm a woman? Do I not have a say in the matter? When people say, "You will have kids," I feel like screaming. No one knows my heart better than me so they shouldn't tell me what I should do.

Now, here's my main problem: telling my parents. My mum loves to talk about how she will eventually have grandchildren. Even though I have a brother who would suit the role of a father much better than I a mother, she just looks at me when she says it. I really want to tell her that I don't want to have kids at all, but I'm really scared that she'll get angry and not accept my choice. I feel so terrible but being a mother is not the life I want.

I'm just really stressed over this and it's probably gonna affect my recall a lot so I might stop lucid dreaming until I can feel better about all this. I just don't know what to do.