Thread: Birth (review)

Holy crap I wanted to hurt someone after the first 15 minutes of this movie, and that urge became more and more prominent as this twisted, nauseating, mind-boggling boring and dull movie whored itself out in front of me. First off I'd say most porn has more dialogue in it than this movie does; probably 3/4 of this movie are in ABSOLUTE SILENCE. Conversations are dragged out to the point where people start crying in the audience because it's so slow-paced (character A: (5 or 6 words) [10 SECONDS OF SILENCE] character B: (5 or 6 words) [10 SECONDS OF SILENCE] [10 MORE SECONDS OF SILENCE RANDOMLY THROWN IN TO KEEP PEOPLE 'ON THEIR TOES'] *repeat*). The director also loved positioning the camera on someone's face repeatedly for long periods of time, when NO DIALOGUE WAS BEING INTERCHANGED. Damnit I'm still bitter about this travesty.

This movie also immediately instilled that feeling where you just know the ending is going to be rather hollow and leave you feeling like there should have been more. With respect to that this movie surely doesn't disappoint. In fact, I'd say they did a rather great job of slapping together about the stupidest ending they could; no, the ending is not clever at all, but where it lacks ingenuity it makes up with it by providing the most obvious and numbingly-boring ending. Apparently the ending was supposed to be a twist, but I needed someone to point that out to me because anyone who was able to withstand the compelling sleep-inducing effects of this movie could have easily guessed the ending rather early on.

The supporting main character in this story (the little boy) is by far the CREEPIEST little boy I've ever seen. I mean, the kid looks evil and for the first half of the movie I kept expecting him to pull a couple of knives out from behind his back and start hacking and slashing people to death. By the second half of the movie, of course, you start to realize that NOTHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN IN THIS MOVIE, and what little interest the boy may have originally instilled slowly dies off, further perpetuating the movie's hidden message that the director hates people and wants everyone to suffer...slowly. Furthermore, and I'm assuming this is to add credibility to who the boy is supposed to be in the movie--but it didn't work for me--not for one second does he seem like a 10 year old. I mean, come on, even if he's supposed to be playing an older character he's still in a 10 year old's body and subject to the same whims and impulses as a kid... ugh this movie makes me mad.

In closing, I'd just like to say that I cannot find one single endearing element about this movie...nothing. Oh wait, it was consistent: it was absolute crap from beginning to end. Consistency is a virtue, is it not? So I guess if you're a big fan of consistency, or movies that are painful to watch, I'd TOTALLY recommend this movie. To those of us who are normal, however, do yourself a favour (and your friends a favour too, because this piece of shit can only add further strain to any relationships) and avoid this movie at all costs.