Printable View
In a non-lucid dream: I'm in a DC's house with a load of other people and the DC is getting agitated.
Me: Can I drink this juice?
DC: (sort of worried look) if you want to..
Me: Well only if its ok with you
DC: have it.
Me: you dont want it?
DC: I want it
Me: (drinks it) Sorry i forgot you wanted it
Great thread btw really funny stuff I've loled so many times :lol:
In a lucid dream I had earlier this month one of my DS's was roaming the streets of New York City singing Pat Benetars "Hit Me With Your Best Shot."
I proceeded to snap his neck.
Hehe just kidding, however it was incredibly annoying at the time.
My DCs don't really say anything, I find what I say more humorous...
Me: Can I have a lucid dream?
DC: Sure
(I didn't get lucid)
My cousin was over at my house and he goes
DC: Jazmine's here! (he doesn't know this Jazmine,I do)
ME:Where?!
DC: Oh, I guess she isnt.
(5 seconds pass)
DC: Jazmine's here!
ME:Where?!
DC: Ahh hang on, no she's not.
And this happened about 7 times, straight after each other
This thread kills me XD
I'm gonna add one from a recent dream.
I walked into a hotel I think it was, I was wet, dirty, ragged and tired. I'd just done something but I don't remember what it was. I heard someone say "That's what happens when you get low" and then I heard over the loudspeaker that someone was stealing my car, so I ran out into the rain and tried to block the guy from leaving the parking lot. Another guy went "No, THAT'S what happens when you get low"
here another one of mine:
Says mom to my teary-eyed younger brother, "you're like bill gate's brother to bill gates".
my mate had the funniest ones
He was being chased by zombies and they ganged up on him.
Zombie: Do you know what time it is?
My mate: (scared) no plz don't hurt me.
Zombie: Will its too late because, (starts dancing) its peanut butter jelly time its peanut butter jelly time.
My mate goes lucid and looks me for in his dream.
My mate: Why can't you go lucid?
Phonix: oh its because, duck duck duck quack quack quack duck duck quack!
mate: wtf speak sense (grabs me) speak sense or else.
Phonix: No plz don't hurt me! I will tell you come closer.
Mate: (leans closer)
Phonix: duck duck duck quack quack quack duck duck!
mate: (outraged) thats it where're gonna fight! (pull out a sword)
Phonix: Your on. (Gets into a fight stance and puts on a serious face.) Now for my weapon. (Pulls out a duck)
My mate woke up because he was laughing so hard
My mate remembers a dream about these two people who love chicken.
1st DC: Man I love chicken.
2nd DC: prove it
1st DC: I already humped it what more do I have to do
I remember one that I had about that big fire demon chasing me from lord of the rings
Phonix: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH help me
Demon: You will fry
Phonix: (somehow realizes he's dreaming) Wait you can't chase me.
Demon: and why not?
Phonix: Beacuse I'm dreaming
Demon; Well guess wat..... ok (walks off)
Asked a old lady if I'm dreaming.
Old lady: what is fucking wrong with you youngsters (she keeps hitting me with her bag)
Trying to summon a short blade like in assassins creed.
Phonix: I want a shortblade
Brass clocks appear
Phonix: NO A SHORTBLADE
scissors appear.
Phonix; Give me a damn shortblade
A one inch blade appears
Phonix: Haha very funny
Even in my dreams I get the mick taken out of me lol
What do ya think funny eh :D:boogie::P:banana:
My math teacher wrote on the board in math class '3x2=1$'
Also, when I told my mom that I would do my homework(in my dream of course) she said 'ok, go and get fat!' like in an angry tone.
I walk into my parents bedroom with arms crossed over my chest.
Dad: Are you a smarty?
I look down at my shirt. There are two strange, furry animals on it.
Dad: Well, which one are you? The elephant link or the lion?
I point at the one that looks more like a shaved puppy with a mane than a lion.
Dad: The lion?
Me: Someone glued hair on it's cheek.
I start to play with the hair glued on it's cheek.
Dad: Well, you owned him for Jesus.
I start laughing.
Me: Where did that come from? I "heared" that somewhere today. (Yes, i actually said "heared".)
My parents look at me and burst into laughter.
Dad: You're drunk!
The jesus remark was so funny that i woke myself laughing.
My friend and i climbed through a bath tub and came into an attic with a dragon laying under a table. I convinietly find a sword and slay this dragon.
Suddenly a girl from my class comes and starts snoging him, but she totaly hates him in RL.
While kissing he looks back at me and yells,
"HAHA", then continues.
I got really pissed of because i did all the work and all he did was folow.
That dream was real depressing...
lolollololololololololoQuote:
Originally Posted by Grey Dragon
DC on TV: "Pre-cut potatoes are excellent for detecting rare birth defects."
(the sponsor was a well known fast food chain)
I was sitting in a chair in a living room of what was my "dream house", my mother was folding laundry. I was lucid and simply looking around and appreciating things, feeling textures etc...
I looked at my mother in the dream and said "It's amazing how detailed we make these things.." (referring to the dream), my mother responded with a towel in hand; "Yes well, this one isn't very soft anymore".
DC: Dude, why can't you be comfortably naked around someone?
ME: You want me to get nakey.
DC: (Silent) No...but just think about that. (Walks off).
I was wondering around down town and a foreign exchange student
He got hit by a car,started bleeding and I called 911
After the phone picks up the voice answers and says
"you have dialed the exact wrong number to get help"
I pull the phone away and look at it and instead of 911 it said 961
this also happened at a later dream when I tried to dial 911
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Man.vs.Mind
Don't eat the jelly beans, they will burst into fish in your mouth.
I don't really remember dialougue very well. My brother tried to make a grenade out of jelly beans once in my dream.
"African acrobats are such showoffs. This stunt is nothing but a waste of chairs."
One of my dream characters said "You're getting to be a regular here"..
to which I replied "I'm not a regular,I take Exlax..they laughed.
Polaris D.T.
that and the "exact wrong number" made me lolQuote:
Originally Posted by gguru1
A more recent one, and was more nightmarish than funny:
I was ten years old again and fishing at a lake I know when something took the line, hard, and ran from the water up into the woods on the bank. It was a fallen angel whose wings had been ripped off and eyes had been gouged out. The angel was carrying its severed wings in its arms. The line turned black and wouldn't break, and also I could not let go of the fishing rod. As it ran up into the woods it was crying/wailing "How can you compare, you who do not know these WINGS!"
(In my mind I had been comparing the lake to other places in my life and was thinking how much better it was than other things/places. Obviously I had no idea what it was like to have those wings -- or the suffering you might feel after they were torn off.)
another:
was on a trip to Disney World and stopped for coffee at the Epcot Mall, which looked like the Epcot ball. There was this ratty kid behind the counter where I was trying to buy a coffee.
Me: I need a medium coffee and can you throw some ice in to cool it down?
DC: I can, but the ice I'll have to charge extra.
Me: (WTF) Why? It's just ice.
DC: It costs us money to make ice so I have to charge for it. And we're not getting much business as it is. (was kinda sad, there was NObody in the mall)
Me: Well what about this sugar? Do I have to pay for that, too? How about this lid? Do I have to pay for talking to you? (really pissed off and totally ripping on this poor kid)
DC: Well, I can give you the ice now and you can pay for it on Saturday if you want.
Me: Why the hell would I be here on Saturday? I'm having a bad enough time right now not to want to ever come back.
DC: Don't you work Saturday?
Me: No. What?
DC: Don't you work here?
Me: Hell no I don't work here. This is the first time I've ever BEEN here. Tell you what. Can you give me some half-n-half? Or do I have to pay for that as well?
DC: I can give you half-n-half, yes.
Me: Ok. Tell you what. I'll buy this coffee off you, with some half-n-half, and I'll even throw in a tip.
*bought the coffee and left, using half-n-half carton as a mixer*
Sounds as if your DCs are trying to trick you into working.Quote:
Originally Posted by Torcher
This thread is awesome!!! :D
So far in my 2 LDs, there's always this same guy who's with me everytime I find out that I'm dreaming. I know him in RL though, and we talk about dreams all the time, so maybe he's some sort of DG?
Anyway...
Me: Hey, can you remind me to do a reality check when I'm dreaming?
DC: Ok, sure!
Me: Thanks!
--Few minutes later...--
DC: Dude, check your watch.
Me:... holy crap! I'm dreaming! Thanks, man!
I was riding the subway in my dream when out of nowhere I realize that I'm dreaming. I look around, and to the left of me on the other side of the train car, I see my friend again, with a huge grin and a thumbs up. o.o
Quote:
Originally Posted by Torcher
LOL!!! you should have said "put it on my work tab", then never went back, still oweing them money. Saturday rolls by, "OMG HE'S LATE FOR WORK AGAIN!"