dream diary

[SpaceFlower]

Well b4 i get to regularly journaling my dreams I think I will start with listing out some of my thoughts and goals for lucid dreaming. I&#39;ve been having a dry spell lately. I didn&#39;t even have recall for awhile but now I am getting better at it so I will TRY MY HARDEST to journal every day. lots of snippets . . . </span> Something about my ex-boyfrend - we used to play tennis together. We were playing again. He was still pretty good and I was getting rusty. I made a comment about how he was still almost as good as he was in high school and how I was out of practice. He said yes, he had kept up with it. i asked who he playe dwith now and he hesitated an said "a friend" - which i took to mean his girlfriend now.

[SpaceFlower]

A long-ass dream! Ok, this dream went on forever so I will try my best to remember it in order. I don\'t know when it started but I guess I was in my house - a new house. I needed to use the bathroom. For some reason the toilet was in the kitchen. I looked around and did not see anyone so I used it. Just as I was finishing my mom and sister came out and were like - wow that\'s weird that your toiilet is in the kitchen (i can\'t beleive this didn\'t make me lucid!) As I was getting up to pull up my shorts they got stuck, it was like My butt was too big to pull them around. I also remmeber it was morning. Then my aunt and cousins came out from their rooms. My cousing asked where\'s the bathroom? I just stood there in front of the toilet (almost hiding it behind me) embarrased as hell, I had a long t-shirt covering me but I was embarrased about having a toilet in the kitchen, being on it, and still not being able to pull up my shorts. I wasn\'t really embarrased in front of just my mom and sis but I sure was once the whole family was out. Then the dream kind of changed and I was going to some sort of doctor\'s appmt. It was an OB/GYN and pediatrician\'s office. The examination rooms where open in the middle of a large room right next to the waiting room. while I was waiting for my appmt it was as if the whole staff was really busy in the back rooms, there was no one around. no staff that I could fins. On one of the examination tables there was a little boy - a bit older than my son, but he reminded me of him. He was laying on the table all alone and he looked tired. His btt was close to the end of the table and he looked like he was going to fall off. I went over tot he boy and scooted him back onto the middle of the table. Oh, and my mom was with me. Me and my mother just kinda felt like we should stay w/him until the Dr. got back - he was just al little boy and he was all alone. When the Dr. came he was upset with me. I just explained I was waiting with the boy and I politely stepped aside and went back to the waiting area. Later, the Dr. came over to me and started yelling about how I was inappropriate and wrong to have done that. It became a huge scene in the Dr office. I started yelling back about how no one was doing thier job to help people. I pointed out that this sick baby almost fell of the examination table. I pointed out all the staff members (of course they were all here now) who were not there and left this boy alone. Even the secratary was no where to be seen! I remember pointing my finger at her and she shot me an evil look back. They all loked at me with accusing eyes and made me feel as if I had done something wrong. "I don\'t have to take this!" i yelled back "you people are supposed to work for me and if no one here wasnts to be helpful I\'ll find somewhere better to go. I stormed out all pissy. I remember I was upset that my mother acted like I was over-reacting. I guess I shoulda let them yell at me for trying to help? I went home, the site of my previous humiliation, when a girl (I think she was my friend) came running in with a letter for me. It was my insurance co. they wanted to know why I had rejected that Dr\'s office. Apparently I had to explain myself to them too. Then it switched to later on in the night and I was at some sorta Party at a friend\'s house. We were all playing this game where we had to guess people\'s assumed identity. Like we would ask questions like "where you ever arrested?" and they would answer. The main guy that was trying to figure out was playing the role of some old school gangster. At the end of the night they let out the paper that had everyone\'s identity written down. I was surprised to find that the women at the party were also assuming identities and i didn\'t even know, I thought it was just the guys. I felt pretty lame at that point. Then I realzed that everyone there had been assigned a role except me. I felt really left out - and stupid - again for not knowing what every other person at the party did. This is when we were leaving the party. For some reason we were walking upstairs to leave instaed of down. I remember I was trailing behind cause of an old friend I wanted to talk to. Everyone was going up the flights of stairs just fine, but I was getting tired - how many flights of stairs do I have to clinmb anyway? I actually asked myself why we were walking up to get out of the building but I didn\'t get lucid. Instead my mind told me that at the top floor we took a slide down - and I thought this made perfect sense! When we finally did get downstairs I was talking to an old friend of mine that was graduating college and going to a prestigious school like DUKE for her masters. I walked up and offered my congratulations. I knew she would be having a prty before she left. I busted out a question like when and where before I realized I had just kinda invited myself. She kinda smiled and avoided the question. she got in the car and drove off without answering as if she didn\'t want me there. This is all that I remember. As I type it I realize what it all means. - I think the toilet thing is me being embarrased that my house is not clean enough, especially the kitchen - The doctor\'s office is about when I had to take my son to the emergency room the other night - he was wheezing and couldn\'t catch his breath. I was mad at how unconcerned the staff was and how long it took for us to see a Dr. The little boy alone represents my fear that Dylan may one day have an wheezing attack without me there. - the part about he "identites" at the party confused me. I will probably post about this. - I think the last part is me being envious/intimidated by my friend\'s success. In high school we both took honers classes and both seemed pretty smart. The truth is she has alot more drive than me and is alot more responsible. She has become very successful, while i am proud of her i do kinda wonder why I can\'t get a decent job myself.

[SpaceFlower]

this sucks! I was reading a thread about someone\'s lucid experience and I remembered a very fuzzy detail of my dream last night. I was either lucid or one of those weird states where I was thinking of lucidity. I was trying to do something like fly or jump through a ceiling but I couldn\'t - this is why I think it coulda been one of those "thinking about lucidity" type dreams becuase normally when I am lucid flying is the easiest thing for me. Even if I wasn\'t lucid it does suck that I have such a fuzzy recall.

[SpaceFlower]

In my shoes The next thing I remembered I was in a different place. It was confusing I\'m not sure if it was supposed to be past or present. My mom was telling me that When I was younger I used to always slide my shoes underneath my bed at night. I think this has something to do with her telling me I used to be more organized. Then I liiked under the bed and they were there, the penny loafers I used to wear in catholic school. It was like I was in the past and present at the same time, I rememer thinking this was weird, I questioned it but not enought to make me lucid - so close!

[SpaceFlower]

Another Lucid! Allright, basically this started in the middle of the night, I wake up alot and I make it a habit to look at the alarm clock. When I looked it was 3:00, then I looked again and it was 2:00. I thought that couldn\'t be right so I plugged my nose and I was still breathing - yes! I ws really happy becuase unlike before I had my mind pretty together. All the other times I was fuzzy. So, remembering a post I saw here I decided to take a moment to look at my hands, the preblem was it was dark, and although i could see that they were there it was too dark to see any detail. I started walking around - my place was different, bigger. I was in my sons room and I saw a mirror on the wall. Again, I would normally not remember but this time I remembered that I always wanted to look at myself in a mirror while lucid. When I did I was a scary version of myself. I kinda looked like the rabbit from Donnie Darko. I played around for a while making scary faces. Then I saw my son\'s crib and wanted to go play with him. I thought "i can\'t go like this, I need to be cuter". Then I morphed into the puppy from Blue\'s Clues. I hopped into his crib and played w/the baby for awhile. the rest gets fuzzy . . . .

[SpaceFlower]

<span style="font-family:Verdana">better recall ok, I had really good recall this morning so I hope the drive to work didn&#39;t ruin it. The River: I guess I was like the keeper of this river. People were coming by giving me advice about how to make it prosper. The river and the fish inside as well. This kills me becuase fish out of water has been a dreamsign but now I am thinking fish in general. Anyway, I had some environmental guy there telling my to put more water in. My parents were there telling me the water was stagnant. IT was too still, it needed to flow more and I needed to warm it up. this would be the only way the life in the river would prosper. side note: I&#39;ve been feeling really crappy for the past ouple of days so I took one of my old prenatal vitamis b4 i went to bed. Along with another million things they do have alot of b6. this may be why I had such good recall. Running around Naked: I here alot of people have this dream scenario although this is the first time I remember having it. Me, my mom, and sister were walking around outside my old college. We decided we needed to wash off for some reason, We dipped in what looked like a jacuzzi outside. Then my mom and sis had to go. for some reason my clothes were over at the school building. All I had with me were 2 little washcloths. I put one accross my boobs and the other down below. I could see that there were people walking by but I figured by the time I got over there there they would be gone. I was wrong. I remember as I was going over there I was wondering why I didn&#39;t care so much about being naked. I was a little concerned about them seeeing me but not very much. When i got there it seemed like more and more people started popping up all around me pointing at me. Not really in a mocking sorta way but more like "hey, check it out, Laura&#39;s putting on a show&#33;" When I got to where my clothes were supposed to be I was pissed that someone had hid them as a joke. Now there was almost everyone there just watching me run around for their amusement. When i finally found my clothes it was just a shirt. A wine colored polo shirt that was too big for me. I found out it was one of the female staff members that hid them. The whole time I had jsut assumed it was one of the guys playing with me for fun. The fact that this older woman did it really made me even more angry for some reason. I&#39;m not sure if this is the same dream or not. At some point I was talking to someone about old pictures of me and my sis when we were young. Apparently we did alot of gymnastics and competed alot. I remember I was upset that my mother had packed away all of our old pictures. Apparently it was like she didn&#39;t want to talk about i becuase we didn&#39;t win. I was upset, i thought she should acknowledge it becuase we had fun. Instead she just wanted to ignore it because she was dissapointed. </span>

[SpaceFlower]

This is one of thosedreams that junped a bunch of storylines Ok, it starts with me talking to my old nieghbor Krista. She is a little girl around 5. Growing up she was about 5 years younger than me. She's probably grown up now but to me she will always be a little girl. So anyway, I am talking to her about someone (don't know who) that apparently we both knew. I was trying to find out what happened to her. I guess this person was missing or something and I was asking Krista if she knew anything. She kept asking me why it mattered. Then I said something to her about how people have souls so it matters even if she is gone cuase her soul would still be wandering. Then Krista told me that when her dog died his soul was fine and I shouldn't worry. Then I told her sonething like dogs don't have souls like humans and that made her cry and run away. So I kept wandering around, now I was in sone sorta mall. I was in a shoe store and some lady was trying to sell me some sneakers. I remember the detail of them - I think I may have seen them in a dream b4. Anyway, the lady had me try them on and asked me if they were comfortable. I told her they were, but the sneakers I already have are comfortable as well and practically new. I was tempted to but them but I told myself no becuase I did not actually need them. Then she tells me about how another place two stores down has bras for sale and I should go check it out. Then i told her I didn't need bras either but she insisted I should go becuase they were a really good deal. So when I leave I was actuallly looking for the store for some reason. but I got distracted when I found my friend Dawn from Highschool. She was with some mutual friends of ours. We decide to go on a daytrip. We are riding in the car and all talking when I realize that Dawn is in the back and I am inthe front. I asked her how she was driving it and she told me she just put in the destination and the car drove by itslef. The car was scaring me cause it was going fast and cutting people off. I kept tapping the brake now and then to slow it down a bit. THen all of the sudden I am in my own car and I see hers driving ahead of me. I decided to just get outta the way and let hers pass becuase I didn't trust bein too close to it. Then I was at some place that looked like a batting cage but it was for people pitching instaed of hitting. There was a tall fence to block the area off and I was walking behind it so I didn't get hit. I guess there were judges becasue for some reason Simon Cowell was there? The rest I don't remember.

[SpaceFlower]

wow! tonight sucked, I couldn't sleep. Basically all I remember is some FA about thinking my alarm was going off and sleeping in anyway and my bf mumbling some garbage about how I was late for a commercial?

[SpaceFlower]

so I'm pissed because my roomate - yea, he has been demoted! decided to look through my DJ and then didn't put it back. So I woke up this morning with great recall and couldn't find the damn notebook! So after scrambling to find it at 5:30 in the morning I just got pissed and had to leave for work - now I can't remember anything