Thread: "In this room, all of my dreams become realities...

NOTE: I am going to type these up the way I wrote them down in the middle of the night. Therefore, they may not be grammatically correct, spell-checked, or even coherent. To the best of my ability, I will try to clarify for the reader on the people/places/ideas they don’t understand from my waking, actual life. I will also try to indicate when I mean something occurs in “waking life” as well as the dream.

NOTE: I HAVE NEVER REMEMBERED ANY NON-NIGHTMARE/ PSYCHIC PREMONITION BEFORE. THEREFORE, WHILE SOME OF THIS MIGHT BE BORING, IT IS EXCITING TO ME, SINCE IT IS ALL A NEW EXPERIENCE TO BE REMEMBERING... MUCH LESS HAVING A BIT OF LUCIDITY HERE AND THERE.



(night of Wed, June 28, 2006 – went to bed around 9:30, night light on; on prednosolone and meclizine for severe rash, dizziness. Did affirmations of remembering dream, etc.)

12:28 a.m. June 29, 2006:


I was rich and was trying to tell a group of peers how it was ok. Just a “having-money-is-ok” speech.

I was in this apt. complex – 2 levels not unlike my own, but with a wraparound deck (more like next door.) It was my town, but things were just different. I remember being in a parking lot and thinking how I was going to get in my car (strangely, a really clean black SUV with black, soft interior.) I met Peggy, who had been at her family diner – she was about 20 or so, maybe 23, dressed in waitress clothes still. I was telling her how I’d been having a problem with tickets/police (they said reckless driving, I’d been using no hands, but still safe – I thought) – I had showed her that there was this compass ball in the console of “my” SUV, and by aligning it with my mind’s eye, I could drive it with the power of my soul/Love. She looked at me a little weird, but then was like “Oh, you should talk to _____, she knows all about it.” Then , to the girl “right, _____?” And the girl chuckled and started to tell her story. It was Janalee, but I think she was being called Mary, maybe? She had me look up the parking lot lamp and I did, really slowly. I remember vividly, there was a blue cart at the bottom of it, tail end at the end of the lamp-post, which was shaped like this --
|
`{ } []
0 0 (I can't reproduce it here well.)
and the “camera angle” panned up, taking in the whole length of the lamp. The sky was dark blue, dappled with storm clouds coming in, and a wind had picked up. Janalee/Mary was saying it was a (her) beacon she could operate, the way I could my car, but I wasn’t understanding exactly. [I looked around the shopping strip – the SR strip – it was exactly the same as in real life, but the signs were bizarre, I couldn’t read the characters, but I could note the colors as being the same. I know I looked at the SR strip consciously, but there luucidity ended.)

-HERE, AS I WRITE THIS, KOR WAKES UP, I HAVE TO PUT HIM TO BED, THEN PEE REALLY BAD – FEELING DREAM FADE, BUT CAN STILL “get into it” A BIT, I THINK W/ EASE –

We all suddenly decide we have to go, because (suddenly) it is pitch-black night, like 11 p.m. or so. It had already rained – as the grounds were dampened – and suddenly I was driving right in front of Peg’s diner, making a left. But then I (I was alone here, we all took our own modes of transport) was both/either myself making a left, or these two stupid wigger-type boys (hispanic with gold chains and big jeans, one or both had a white – zip pull up jacket, they had sideways caps, also white with dark blue stripes down like this [note: I drew a picture here, but I can’t reproduce it w/o scanning it in; it had blue stripes down all the stitching from the button at the top of the baseball cap] and a brand-name but I couldn’t read it.) And I had (as the boys walking) made a comment at me (the driver) about watching where I was driving (half-rude, half-smiling come-on) and then just me (as the driver) rolling eyes, saying like “come on, grow up” but then dismissing it with a smile. I had my hands at 9 o’clock position – very vivid. And I thought to myself – lucid-style – “come now, you can’t be both the guys and the driver” so I think I tried – and succeeded in making my POV my natural one.
Suddenly, I was at my apt. complex (like next-door, wraparound deck, wooden veranda and a red brick flight of stairs on one landing – seemed to lead to another flight downstairs around the corner, but not unlike the GS Plaza stairs by Borders.) It was that blotchy sky again. First, it seemed we were at left of complex, but then it seemed actually in middle, and were more white buildings at the left. Me and Janalee (who was Janalee now) and Peg/ not Peg was there (could feel Peg’s presence but maybe not see her – def. couldn’t see her face) and Janalee was talking about her beliefs with it all as we walked around deck-veranda, and I was agreeing and thinking how she seemed quite a master at the love/mind’s eye stuff, and had my (actual) beliefs as well. But then, as we went down the stairs, I made a very genius comment and then everyone (only she??) realized that I was a master (too? Or maybe at a higher level in thought, but not as high in action.) [I felt I was trying to control the dream here, but flailing about, waking up, and still being swayed by the dream itself.]
As we headed for the nest flight of stairs, it actually became the GSP Borders entranceway, but down the level. I was dressed in my bright blue button-down shirt, partially unbuttoned, with a cotton camisole under, and light grey pants-trousers- that were a little tight (actual clothes I own, actually fitting the way they really do.) But the “camera angle” was now slightly above “Christine” walking, zooming in from above and then lowering itself till I could see my face profile and hair. My hair was a bit shorter, but kind of wild and wavy (like it can actually be), but a brassy red with blonde roots (kinda like when Tom was here in Oct ’05, but color as that of when I was pregnant.) And I remember that as “walking Christine”, I felt very self-sure and confident, but “Cam Christine” said to actual, sleeping Christine “Well, that’s unattractive”, meaning my hair (color? And maybe style) and how my face actually looks (and thinking what a shame I had actually put on some weight, cause it uglied up my face a bit.) But then all the parts of me said, as a lucid walking Christine, “All right, that’s enough, we’ve got an important speech to give right now” and thinking a bit like I was at Pressler, but I was a potential client. But I gave a speech more like a life-coach (like Neale Donald Walsch’s “Abundance and Right Livelihood”) and I had gone into Pressler’s (it became Pressler’s then, I felt like I logically made it that, and remembered the process of entering and the outline of the floor plan, going in and all.) I’d just gotten off the phone w/ Tom ( a nice call, but then it was a “back to business” feeling – and it felt more memory than dream.) But I went into the employee lunchroom and was looking at the fridge door – I had put back milk (I don’t remember actually putting it back, just that I had done ) – it was in a black and silver metal carafe, like we used out of the fridge at Borders, and I recall making that comparison in the dream.
I actually realized I was dreaming here and forced dream Christine to read the materials posted on the fridge (I’d opened it with left hand, and held door slightly ajar as slowly closing and trying to look at it at the same time.) I could tell I gaped – mouth open- when I realized it was (actually) the papers about “What to Do if Someone’s Choking” (I could see the illustration perfectly) and then the Employee Rights/ Min. Wage gov’t sheet the jobs have to post. I made dream Christine try to read it (actual Christine feeling “I know it is labeled “New Century” in real life) and dream Christine admitting “I can’t read it” but noted the pattern of the word layout. But at the part that was marked in “New Cent” (where it would’ve been in real life) it looked like this [NOTE: pigpen cipher] L 7 [ []
But characters like that, I gave up and chuckled as Dream Christine and then real me chuckled out loud, which startled me towards waking up (actually) but I said “No, I want to continue this dream.”
So, suddenly, I was in this big bright white room – very sterile and flourescently lit – looked like the training room (from before perm. Hired) at Pressler but the desks were there/not there and the chairs turned into the black ones from (actual) William Paterson (can’t tell uf writing desk part attached or not.)
-I AM BARELY REMEMBERING NOW-
And the guy who trained me at Pressler (actually) introduced me. I went to front of room/ class to teach. Has a white large dry-erase board & markers, and I was going to write had it been a chalkboard, but the dry-erase put me off. Then, I was giving that financial speech [note: it happened at this point in the dream, but I wrote it first because I thought I’d lose it when I woke,a nd I knew I’d remember the apt. stuff feeling] And I was giving the speech to these people who kinda looked down at me very skeptic – angry-style/ bored. Nalini was there, smiling, but then looked at the others and chose a more dour face to blend with them. (Here, I’m not sure if I gave Neale’s speech about Italian shoes or not, but I felt the same reaction from how I imagine his crowd to have been.) Then, one of the PP bosses – Shannon? Irish one – came in, looked like “Wow, that was so lame and not at all what we expected” and put right hand on my right shoulder (couple style, but w/o the “couple” feel, more like shooing me) while publically thanking me for a rousing speech. I couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or not, but felt yes he was, and felt “bugger this place”. But then I was at actual area I quit/ was fired and talking 1 on 1 to Shannon (Bill was working at the desk, though, and I felt “Shannon appears to be the nice one, but he’s 2 faced, Bill’s actually the nice one” and consciously felt real Christine was looking at dream Bill and going “Aww, Bill, good guy, shame he works at P&P, he must hate it.) And Shannon was dismissing me and gave near-actual speech of “Well, it’s just until you get your life together…” he had no problem w/ my work when I did it, but that I’d been taken away a lot from it. Then I was actively having the memory of being fired (though I felt right before it turned memory, he was reluctantly stuffing a fat check in my hand, but seeming like he wanted to in secret, but reluctant, and eyes looking elsewhere and at my eyes, as I looked down at the check entering my hands – I looked up and his gaze hadn’t left my face.)
Suddenly was memory of being fired – I think I was in the same clothes as I was then, even – and I felt strong conviction I was doing right by leaving, but humiliation at how quickly he agreed I should go, and the thought of someone asking about me next day (maybe Matt or Nalini) and Shannon crassly “Gone!” and pointing theumb over right shoulder like he had straight out fired me, and all of them laughed, esp. the Chinese guy who trained me and bitch Allison.
Then I was leaving, humiliated, turned in my key chain entry tag, and left as an individual, not “part of them”, just a regular person. I felt humiliated then another memory came up where Kor kicked out of Tutor Time and how they had all known about it before I did, but buzzed me in like nothing was up – I quickly relived the meeting w/ owner & the leaving but I got really (actually!) angry and WOKE UP.

Overall feeling: first, conviction in self, but not fitting in – real-world style. Blazé. Overall, good when master at apt., lousy at meetings part.

************************************************** *********************************
Actual: I’ve been living in a new apartment complex for 6 months. SR strip – a strip mall (outdoor mall) where the center is ShopRite, a major grocery store. Peggy – high school best friend, recently back in my life; Janalee – uni best friend – recently asked me about my philosophy. Nalini – work best friend when I worked at Pressler & Pressler. P & P is a law firm that dealt with taking people to court over debts owed by our clients, the biggest of which was New Century. My son, Korbin, has Autism, but it was not known then. In the month I was at P&P, I got the divorce finalized, DYFS was called in (the people who take kids away if abused/neglected), I lost my job, and Kor was kicked out of the daycare he was in. Borders is a bookstore/café that I used to work in, and was (I felt) forced to quit by my boss who wanted to give my position to a guy she wanted to date. When he quit suddenly, she gave me the job back, and less pay, without asking, so I quit. Tom visited me for over a whole month in October 2005, and kept commenting on my “autumn color” since I hadn’t dyed it brown when he was here. I was pregnant in 1999-2000. William Paterson was my uni.
************************************************** *********************************

Back to bed 1:34 a.m. – I want to get back into dream, but I can only think of the mtg. part and don’t like that feeling. “Beauty and the Beast” ‘s “Tale as Old as Time” pop-hit version had played in dream, concentrating on it now.

Trying to dream about Tom, got Tom feeling, but then slight dream-stage: Tom and Ophelia had just finished having sex and I was disgusted and horribly sad. Then I thought I was writing down everything w/ the pencil and I put it in my mouth and gagged – then gagged in real life. I thought I was gonna puke (actually) and then (actually) wrote this part down.


5 a.m. – Something about a race. 8 lanes. I have to carry someone on my lap – Kor? Sammi? When I go through, they (announcer) make a comment about me being “gay” (American version of “lame”) and I have to spend rest of trip trying to get through the race gates. I think Ricky B. from H.S. was there, maybe others from school.
There is a man in a brown jacket and tie, white shirt. He points to himself and says, “Percival says the best time to write down dreams is within 15 minutes of having them. Write it down before you forget!” I say (maybe actually out loud) “But I’m tired!” We are in my room, but then it is also like some empty room at the lodge by the race. But there’s this feeling of it being “mine.” Percival looks disappointed in me and I hear in my head “You wanted this”, but I don’t know if it’s his voice or mine. I WAKE UP.

************************************************** *********************************
Kor has been playing the pop song of “Tale as Old as Time” constantly all day. Sammi is a charming little girl I used to babysit, whose birthday just passed (and I felt bad since I sent her nothing, but her mom is psycho.) The “gay” comment didn’t imply my sexuality, but that it was lame. Ricky B is someone from high school who I was acquaintances with, but never friendly, really. Me and my best friend Jennifer used to sing “Rick, Rick, Rick, Ricky… Ricky Raccoon” at him, and then I nearly did a project with him and a friend named Danielle. “You wanted this” means I wanted to remember and write down my dreams.
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(night of Thurs, June 29, 2006 – went to bed around 12 a.m. Friday morning; night light on; on prednosolone and meclizine for severe rash, dizziness. Did affirmations of remembering dream, etc.)

3:34: awakened by Tom’s phone call
4:04 a.m. taking dream notes

I think I am stressing out about recalling – I keep dreaming just a little bit and thinking “Oh, I should wake up and write this down.” Also, first dream was a bit embarrassing since it was sexual.

[NOTE: Any sexual dream is a bit difficult for me to admit/ write down. I understand the normal “stigma” others may feel about writing about sexual activity, but I believe it to be even more difficult for me. This is likely most due to the fact that I was raped for years; I obviously have issues regarding letting others know that I am a sexual being. I understand that I could simply mark this - and future entries – as “private”, but I want to face this issue, not run away from it.]

I was dreaming I was with someone. We were both wearing jeans, but were naked on top. We were having dry sex but then I got confused and thought, “Oh wait, are those breasts?” and I thought my partner was a woman. It wasn’t; it was Tom. I started stroking him and we were kissing, then suddenly naked. His mouth left mine to suck on my left nipple. Then he was suddenly laying on his back on this tan-ish carpet. I had one knee on each side of his head and he was eating me. It was really passionate and I was feeling good. I tried to make a conscious, lucid move to make dream Christine bring him some pleasure, but that changed or ended my dream.
I was at this school, in a gym or something, and me and Janalee were with a bunch of people our age (which was high school age, here.) We were trying to hang an American flag on a wall, but we couldn’t do it the way our instructor wanted us to (was Muesel, or some other androgynous instructor.) It was like we had to get a rope through the holes on the sides of the flag, but then we saw that there were holes surrounding the entire outline of the flag – way too many. Then the flag seemed to be really heavy, so we started folding it up. We were doing it the right way (the way I actually learned to do in Girl Scouts, the official way), and got to the part where the flag was folded like a big, long strip from left to right. I think I was on the starred side, but when I wrote that down, it seemed more like Janalee was on it, or that there were stars on both sides. We then got an idea at the same time, shared a glance, thinking the same thing but not saying it. We either thought or asked out loud “Will it work?” and smiled to each other that it would.
We suddenly appeared at the (actual WMHS) football field, at a graduation. There were lots of big ropes arched over the podium like this (drawing cannot be reproduced here) and we had to decide which rope to thread the flag through on. We tried putting it up quickly before the grad. class got there, but didn’t. When we thought we were going to get in trouble, the flag stripes all separated and turned rainbow colors. It became a rainbow, with each color going on the respective arched rope. We got away by sliding down the rainbow to someone’s house (we didn’t know whose), and weren’t quite sure if the grad. people were angry or fascinated with us, but we figured it was a little bit of both. The house was empty, but reminded me of Josh’s house, or the Easton’s (had an Easton feel to it, but looked like Josh’s, only fancier with big bookcases and a fireplace, but the same white walls and tan carpet.) I thought, “this looks just like another room in the place where Tom and I were fooling around in a dream” so I thought I would tell Janalee about it looking like the same house we were in right now. I was wearing this sexy low-cut sleeveless green shirt with white flowers on it with no bra underneath (as I actually went to bed in that night) and my left nipple popped out just as I was talking about Tom sucking it. She looked a bit interested and then said something to the effect of “Don’t be disgusting, I’m not hearing this.”
Then I went downstairs and it was the Easton house, because Kor and Kenny were playing together in (actual) downstairs playroom. I asked Kor how he got here and he said “Down the rainbow” in a DUH voice, like I should know already. I then got confused and thought I had taken Kor down with me instead of Janalee, but then remembered my conversation w/ her and knew I’d just come down the rainbow with her. (Note: HERE I began tossing and turning in my sleep badly.)

-HERE, I TAKE A PEE BREAK AND COME BACK FROM IT FEELING VERY HORNY SINCE TOM TOLD ME ON THE PHONE THAT HE’D BEEN THINKING OF ME THAT WAY TOO. His dream had been vague, but about deep, hard penetration-

So Kor and Kenny were playing with two big plastic trucks, one a yellow schoolbus, and one a red firetruck (I think these are actual toys at Kenny’s. ) Kenny’s father came downstairs and we were talking about an (actual) email I had sent him. I was wanting to get back to Tom, who had snuck in their attic bedroom. So, I was trying to get Kenny’s dad to “watch the boys for me so I can use the toilet.” As I convinced him, Kenny’s mom came downstairs asking if anyone wanted food. She was offering for us to try some steak she had been preparing , but she was holding a big butcher knife, and instead of steak, there was a strawberry slice on it. I took it off the knife with my mouth and the dream changed.
I was in this place I thought was Trader Joe’s, but it looked nothing like actual TJ. It was like this big decrepit barn (like horse farm near Mr. Wonton’s 88 ) with this long hall-like portion up high, connecting it to a slightly more modern house (connecting like Jason’s actual job looked at McCarter, with mod house looking like Pennings a bit.)
I knew I was in this boarding school place, and was learning about food/cooking, in some informal class setting. I got really offended that the teacher had offered us steak on a knife, and as I stood up, I said “I’m a vegetarian, you know” really snarky. I stormed out, saying “this is what the whole point of the flag banner was!” As I walked down the hall, livid, I thought about the time we put up the flag banner, but it was all wrong.
A crowd was in the city for a parade. I had to get the flag banner up, but there was no way of doing it in secret. So I prepare my best path. It was this clichéd thing where I had to use a rope (web?) attached to a building to swing over the traffic to another rope one, until I was able to stretch the banner across the street on those overhead wires, curb to curb. But there was this giant female singer in the way, as big as a parade balloon would have been, but no one seemed scared of her being so big. Everyone was clamboring to see her. I thought it was Oprah, but then she was Diana Ross signing “I Will Survive.” I almost swung right into her, but at the last minute ducked to the right (her left) and went around her. But all the TV crews and audience had noticed me, and everyone stopped, watching me as I put the banner up really quick.
That was what I was recollecting as I walked angrily down the hall. Then I began thinking about how I should “deprive” TJ of some zucchini and squash, since they obviously didn’t appreciate vegetables. AS I was walking around and doing it, I saw some people working, loading wooden crates on a pickup truck. The truck was midnight blue, with wooden slat sides built up around the extended pickup portion at the back (the empty cab part.) I thought I’d get caught, so I just picked up some free zucchini fingers (baby zukes) from the center of the register counter. But then the item turned into some cross between an eggplant and this spanish potato-like tuber called baca (dark with a white interior.) Then I saw a sign, and though I couldn’t read it, I knew it said they were not free, but 60p. if you bought a recipe card. I thought, “Gosh, why is that in English currency? Well, it looks like I’ll steal something after all… hey… aren’t those recipe cards free usually” (they are, actually, in supermarkets.) The guys at the truck saw me leaving with the produce in hand, and started to chase after me, yelling. I jumped into a pickup that wasn’t mine, and drove away. By the time I had parked, I was at the WMHS parking lot. But it was this secret agency place, where I’d been with the flags earlier, but in a different part of the agency. Two boys pulled up to my left in a black car, and one ran in. Suddenly, their car – and passenger – disappeared. I gave a shout of surprise, and the kid in the passenger seat reappeared saying, with a smile, “Oh, it’s the new cloaking device they outfitted our cars with. You should try it out too.” Then I was trying to work it (mentally?) and it faded and shrunk! I wanted to get back to Tom quickly, inside the doors of the school by the (actual layout) auditorium. He was coming in the other direction as I came in, and was rushing to get out of there – some danger. I told him how I’d missed him and had a tough time, and he leaned in and we were kissing really passionately. Then I felt like Tom was actually trying to tell me something and I WOKE UP.

Waking, actual life: I thought I had woken up upon Tom calling my home phone, since I had bolted straight up in the bed and was reaching for it. But it stopped ringing (I thought) and he called my mobile. I picked up and said I’d call him back from home (it’s cheaper); before we got off the phone, I told him to stay on the line a bit quicker when dialing, because he hung up before I got there. He said he had tried to call me at home, but it was “engaged.” I took a look at the caller ID, and sure enough, his call to my house never got through! Interesting!

I’m not sure that I would’ve woken up had he not called. When I was talking to Tom on the phone, mere fragments were coming to me, but it soon all came together again.

Overall: “On a mission”, doing things contrary to most others, secret organizations, horny – very exciting dream!

************************************************** ************************************
Tom is my fiance, if you didn’t know
Janalee – Uni best friend
WMHS – my old high school
Easton’s – family that my son (Kor) plays with
Kenny – Kor’s former best friend
Trader Joes – a “kitsch” place for organics, produce; similar to a farmer’s market
Zucchini – corgette
Eggplant – aubergine
Life as of late: I’ve needed to do a grocery shop, so I think that’s why they keep coming up in my dreams. I’ve recently got back in touch w/ Janalee, after nearly a year of lost contact. I just watched my sister’s graduation at WMHS. I am a vegetarian, but sometimes I still eat meat, when I want to (so I’m not usually the kind to be offended if someone offered me some.) I am an American, and I was very patriotic growing up, but you’d never see me hanging a flag now. I love the America I know, but I am deeply ashamed of my government.
************************************************** ************************************

5:06 – going back to bed, turning the light off. I am still quite horny, thinking about Tom, so I play around with myself until I get bored and go back to sleep.

8:15 a.m. - I can’t remember anything but fragments when I wake for the day.

Something about a really huge sandpile – like a misplaced dune – and I’m walking by it, amazed, wearing slightly fancy clothes. (This is interesting, because 8 p.m., I was watching a show about the desert and its dunes!

Another was when I’m (yet again) in the supermarket, this time with my sister. Kor is a baby, riding in the front of the cart. My sister keeps getting phone calls on her mobile. When it is just us, she is fine. When she gets the calls, she puts on this apathetic act and pretends to not enjoy or be too involved with it all, like “*SIGH* I’m in the supermarket with my sister. … I dunno, Chris, what’s your new house by?” etc. We are walking past the freezer aisle (not in it) and I see there are a lot of things in a cart marked “Reduced.” I pile item after item in my cart, and this trip for a couple things begins to look like it is going to break the bank.
(Interestingly enough, I recognize when I’m doing my actual grocery shopping trip, that the Reduced items were Activa brand yogurts, something my mom and sister have gone fanatical over lately. They aren’t on sale in my market – nor do I buy them - but the packaging is unmistakable.)

Phew, sorry about the absence (mostly for my own sake.) As real life got more than a bit hectic, I took off to cope through it all. I'm back, and ready to take control of *this* part of my life again as well.

(Night of June 30th – went to bed at 11 p.m. all lights off; on prednosolone and meclizine for severe rash, dizziness. Did affirmations of remembering dream, etc.)

1 a.m. – awoken by pee

I am living at my parents’ house at UGL, but it is all wrong. It is more of a timber-framed, stocky, rugged, wooden cabin (like I’ve actually envisioned the house to look more like in its actual heydey as a hunting lodge.)

-I forget most of the dream already –

I remember being younger, but maybe 21 or so – again, all wrong.
There was a lot more, but the part I really remember is about Max (onerousone, who I just “met”?) and Michael (jewddha) and later LLia friends [I have no clue what this actually means now.] I’ve just moved in, yet I feel like I’ve lived there all my life. I realize I am “babysitting” the house for Mom and Dad as they go away together [actually: they have been separated for 5 years], no one else there. At first I felt excited, but now it’s beginning to feel like a chore, “What am I going to do all night?” But I sit on this window ledge outside (imagine like the actual ledge inside w/ 2 steps, but outside, with enough room to look through, like the comfort station at botanical gardens.) [drawing cannot be reproduced, but it has the words “body of house”, “four posts, open ___ (something illegible), large window”
I see Max and Michael playing in the snow, having a lot of fun. I kinda do that head-bop “hello” thing. When Max looks my way, we’re about to talk and Mom’s phone rings. I roll my eyes and, smiling, go inside to get it, but it’s already gone to machine.
I go back outside a little bit later, after a snack (or maybe it was a meal) and I’m disappointed that I can’t seem to find the guys anymore. They seemed interesting and fun, darn, and now back to boring. It’s getting twilight-y outside, I’m discouraged, getting ready to go back in when I see a glimpse of a stare – it’s one of the guys. So I just yell out, “Hey, you can stop by anytime, alright, I’m watching my parents’ house while they’re away.” He gets out of his spot [I have no clue what this means anymore – hiding spot, maybe??] and smiles, and I get inside. Can’t tell who anymore.
It’s now close to bedtime (around 10-10:30 feeling) and still no sign of my new friends. At first, I’m disappointed, bummer, boring night, no adventures after all. This quickly turns to relief – did I actually invite two younger strangers into my parents’ house and shout to the world that they are away?? What if they steal something? What if they think I’m offering up? [note: to put out] What if they hurt me? But I get a deep personal feeling of trust and love, so I stop worrying.
At this moment, Max shows up. He’s got a big thick book in one hand and (maybe, or is this just a feeling) a big fat rolled joint in the other. [note: I actually don’t smoke, or drink, or do drugs, so quite out of character for me now – but in the past, I’ve done all of the above, none in excess.] I bring him in, but he had been practically letting himself in, which I think is cute and funny. We start talking about his book, whose subject matter seems to be the philosophy of happy. It’s an entertaining, intelligent, easy talk, and I’m having fun. Like all my prior recalled dreams, I can hardly remember the talk itself, just that one occurred. Just when I start worrying that we are getting on too well, Michael rings the doorbell. He’s got a big wooden rectangle (frame?) and a backpack. He apologizes for being “late” and explains that he was hoping his homemade paper would have dried by now.

-Kor calls for me. He apologizes for “being rude.” Strange!!-

Michael shows us the wooden rectangle, which has a screen over it, with the pink paper pulp smeared all over it. The edges look dry and the corners are peeling up, but the middle looks saturated still [note: this is actually how you make homemade paper – and what it looks like as it dries.] I was like, “Cool! I love making paper – a bunch of crafts, really, but I go through times of intense craftiness and then dry spells.” I ask Michael what’s in the bag, and he takes out all these balls of yarn and a set of needles – he’s going to knit [he actually does this in waking life, so far as I know.] He asks, “Do you mind?” and I say, “Nah! Of course not!” He’s also brought along this board game. We set up the square game board for three players. [drawing cannot be reproduced] It’s kind of like a checkerboard; it looks obvious that my pieces are going to go against Michael’s, but then absurd that Max’s are going against both of ours. The pieces are black and white. “This is how the game is played, “they insist, “we make up our own rules.” I can’t remember the actual object of the game, but it is part checkers/chess/mastermind/trivial pursuit. It’s very interesting and stimulating. We play at the living room table [living room is exactly as in waking life, but clean ]
We are halfway (3/4ths?) of the way through, I’m getting tired. I ask them if they want to watch TV – it’s an old movie showing – Nosferatu. [I don’t actually have TV in waking life.] They’re like, “Oh sure” and I remember thinking that was remarkable because most people our age don’t know the old movies. We settle down w/popcorn and turn the lights off.
I’m feeling tired (in the dream) when one of them (Max?) sees my dad’s fancy guitar out of its case [actual, but more “priceless” in the dream – and it’s never out of the case in waking life, except when’s he’s actively playing it.] He gets really excited about it, so I say, “Alright, go ahead, play it BUT BE CAREFUL.” At this same point, the joint is being passed around, but it is the elegant affair, presented as a very bohemian but intellectual thing to do (like the poppy heads in HDM.) I get real tired, and think about how I can’t fall asleep w/ these guys here, “I mean, they seem nice, but still, I’d be so vulnerable.” But I fall asleep right between them. Maybe on one of their shoulders?
I wake (in the dream) in the middle of the night/ first strokes of dawn. TV is still blaring, guitar is gone, guys are gone, doors open, loads of footprints in the snow. I’m buggered! There’s no way I can talk my way out of this with Mom and Dad. I feel stupid and start saying to myself “Silly idiot! See!”
All of a sudden, Max shows up on a bike, holding the guitar in one hand perp. to the ground by the neck. “I was wondering what happened!” I shout. He puffs, gets off the bike, hands me the guitar, and bends over (hands on knees). After he takes a breath, he straightens up and says “We thought we heard someone pull up in your driveway, so we thought we’d leave before you got in trouble. We were in such a rush, I’d made it all the way to Michael’s house before I realized I had sniped the guitar. Here” and gives it back. I thank him and my parent’s car is seen coming up the road. He jumps on his bike and takes off, yelling over his right shoulder, “We both had fun, you seem cool and all.” I feel happy about trusting my judgments and having ahd a fun night as a result. Mom and Dad don’t question anything but house stuff (who called, etc.) All I can report is the phone call, and that Steven had been home, grabbed a couple slices of takeout pizza from the stovetop, and went to his room or out again [my uncle lives with my parents, he’s mentally retarded.]

The dream changes

It’s the next morning, the day of a friend’s wedding [if you can imagine the Facts of Life girls all being bridesmaids for Miss Garret, it’s be something like that.] The Bride is a dramatically older woman (60s) and everything is tacky. Too much garish makeup, lots of green and gold – like St. Paddy’s Day – ‘cause she and Groom are Irish and want to represent.
I’m wearing a hideous green bridesmaid gown with other girls, and we’re getting photos taken of us all in a row. Alissa Oeters is there, and I’m talking with her about “isn’t it so tacky, but cute since they’re happy and all in love.” We agree. I tell her bits about my wedding with Tom and how happy he, Kor, and I are. [unsure if they are at home or at the wedding together; distinct feeling of them being removed from what I’m doing at the moment, but nearby.] The other bridesmaids are Alicia (Lli) and her friends. We are all listening to the older woman’s fairy tales (legends) and she’s opening wedding presents. One is a Claddaugh, but big and gold and bulky, for hanging on wall. It’s huge, a little bigger than a softball (the hands part) but smaller than a plate. She’s excited about us, tells a tale about it having to do with leprechauns, all sorts of trickery involved in getting it away from them. Suddenly, someone has pulled up outside this small room, it’s Harry (Larry?) the groom. He wants to see Ms. ____. At the same time, a small door I thought was to a closet opens to the outside, and Alissa’s BF sneaks in behind her. They are canoodling and giggling, while everyone else is making a big fuss about Ms. ____ and groom seeing each other and kissing on the doorstep ( a big square cement slab.) I’m the only one noticing. Alissa’s BF leaves and she’s pleased as punch, wanting to tell me something. But I cut her off, saying the groom is here, and we rush over to be involved in the exciting commotion. All of us bridesmaids finally get him to go away, but everyone is so excited. We know wedding will be soon.
After commotion dies down (which is really only slightly), Alissa yells over the din, “Well, might as well cancel throwing the bouquet, ‘cause I just got engaged!” We all go “Woooooooo!” and generally go nuts. Then, it’s time to do the wedding, and I look pretty despite the ugly gown. I’m thinner, a bit tan, w/hair in my best way (an actual prom style I’d done.) I am embarrassed, still, to let Tom and the guys see me in it.
The music starts procession begins. (The church room looks BTVS style) I get ready to walk through the door and when I see everyone stare at me, I WAKE UP.

Back to bed at 1:58 a.m., I’d like to get into that dream again and make it lucid [note: this did not happen, it all disappeared like rainbow under your fingers  ]

Just a little note to say that I've still been keeping a journal (for the most part) but it has been in notebook form, not online. This is due to a surge of general "stuff" (read: life BS) getting in the way.