Attending My Own Funeral

I had a strange dream last night, a lucid. I was in the room of a house my parents had rented out in the country, though the house was luxurious. My room was filled with soft red, gold rimmed cushions and a huge bed. I realised I was dreaming in the dream because.. I just did. It felt like a dream.

I guess I have to give the background before this, which I think was the same dream though it might have been seperate.

I'm sitting in the tram from school and this guy I barely know (Pippin, he's in my English class), however whom is funny and I have taken a passive liking to (not romantic) walks up to me. We say our hellos. I think he is with friends, all male. He slides his hand down my shirt and places it right above my right breast. His hand is so incredibly cold and I tell him that.

He then proceeds to take his other hand and rub his fingers against my panties. I ask him very calmly what he is doing and he says nothing.

Later on I am at a party, in a huge glass apartment building. I walk across the hallway and Pippin is in the room to my right, engaging in some kind of sexual activity with a girl. I am enraged and tell him that he's a bastard and untrustworthy.

I think it then went into the luxurious room where I realised I was dreaming. Pippin then came and knocked on the door and tried to apologise. I told him to fuck off. I was already lucid then.

I walk down the hallway again into a huge room, absolutely huge. It's like a giant greenhouse with a balcony, stairs, platforms.. everything.

I walk onto a bridge that's over the lower floor, my mom is standing on the bridge too. Below us is a small table with five chairs. Next to the table is a shrine of sorts. My picture (and I look very young.. maybe nine)is on it and below my picture are tons of notes. My English teacher (what the fuck?) puts a note there too.

I speak to my mother and it goes something like this:

"I'm dreaming you know. This is a dream."
"I know that too. It dosen't matter."

I start frantically calling for my Dream Guide.

"SHETMU! SHETMU! COME HERE!"

For the first time in EVER he dosen't come.

"Who's he?", my mother asked.

"My dream guide!"

We both walk down, and my mom sits down at the table. I try to converse with other people but funnily enough my mother is the only one who can hear and see me. Then I see the priest blessing my picture or whatever.. and it instantly hits me.. I'm at my OWN FUNERAL. I pass a hand through myself and I'm a goddamn ghost. I try to change it but I am powerless.

The priest comes and hands out bibles to everyone. He then gives everyone a psalm or something to read or sing. I think everyone asks things like "Can we do that? How?" All I can do is yell at my mother "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU GIVE ME A RELIGIOUS BURIAL?! AND CHRISTIAN NONE-THE-LESS?" I was so MAD.

I don't remember anything after this.

Why were there so many notes under my picture yet only a few people? And why the fuck were none of my loved ones there? My friends, boyfriend, Dad, Sister.. all of my family?

I don't know much about lucid dreams or what makes you lucid. It's rather fascinating that your mother said she knows it's a dream but it really doesn't matter.

Anyway the first and foremost thing to say here is that death in dreams does not represent death. It represents change. The loss of your old self, probably innocence judging by the way that Pippin acts towards you. Whatever he is like in reality as a dream symbol it's simply something dirty.