Two things.
First, not to be cruel. It's sounds like your relationship with your husband is overwith and you know it, but don't want to accept it. He wants you to, "Wake up! Wake up!" to the circumstances that are right before your eyes. You have terrific fear of losing your husband and instead of waking up to what's going, on you injure yourself repeatedly. The truth is so painful that you would rather injure yourself than face it?
There are 2 husbands named John, but your John isn't there at the moment. The woman says, "What husband?" She has a husband named John also. The implication is kind of obvious.
Does this fit with reality for you? Did you have suspicions? Are you in denial? Are you missing the obviuous? John is blurry. You aren't seeing him clearly for what he is.
Sometimes, we know more when we are asleep, then when we are awake. So, while the circumstances in your life may not be good now, you have found a strength and source of knowledge in yourself.
2nd
Some of the details you describe, physically, are kind of frightening. You may have sleep apnea. I think you should research that possibility.
Best luck
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