This is LONG. I'm sorry.

So hi. Most of these aren't recent, but I've always been curious about them. I never remember details from my dreams, in fact most of the time I don't remember having dreamt at all, so this is not going to be very detailed.

About me: I'm 22, male, and if you're into this kind of thing - MBTI type INFJ, Enneagram type 4w3 (tritype 461). I've been suffering from depression and anhedonia as well as autoimmune conditions and digestive issues and whatnot the past couple of years, but this shouldn't be relevant to most of my post. I'm sort of obsessed with morality. I have very mild OCD (used to be worse in my teens), I'm easily disgusted, have moderate social anxiety, addictions for food, masturbation and video games. I rarely read because I cannot focus on books, but when I do, it's either fantasy or academic/semi-academic books. I also like some of the not-so-depressing classics, like Jane Austen's or some children's books. I read crime novels, but only because they are easy to read - otherwise I don't like the subject. I have no friends because I cut everyone off. Everyone seems insensitive or immoral or intellectually lazy. I mostly stay at home, being afraid to find a job or go to university. What else... Well as a child I used to think that objects were actually alive, so I felt really bad for having to throw them away and I tried to pair them so they wouldn't be lonely or hurt in the bin. I had an imaginary speaking dog friend. I'm very nervous, so each copy of the same letter in my handwriting is different and I press too hard. It's pretty ugly. I am very musically gifted but during lessons I've taken I would be so afraid not to make a mistake that I would spend most of the time trying to make myself do something with my hands. I would grip the instrument really tightly and sweat a lot. I'm extremely afraid of people's bad opinion of me. Sometimes I trip when I walk by someone who seems to be watching me. Things which I'm able to perform on my own, I can't do in front of people or a camera.

The dreams:

Recurring. Early. The usual tsunami dream. What's interesting is that in my dream, I had a special spot on the cliffs where I would be protected (hopefully; I think I was never sure of it) from the water and where I would go each time. I don't remember the wave actually coming, though. A thing to reference for the rest of my dreams is that usually, in fact probably always, I have a feeling that something is about to happen, but it doesnt.

Recurring. Early. The city where I live is invaded by giants. I'm very scared (I'm generally afraid of big things) and look for a hiding place. Eventually I hide under a table or something, but a giant finds me. However, we actually become friends (with all of the giants, that is, not just this one). Two years or so ago I saw a psychoanalyst of sorts and in the very beginning of our conversation, by which point I had already told him I liked the philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein, he, upon hearing about this dream, remarked "aha! here is Wittgenstein", but since I always try to appear as though I'm fully competent, I was too shy to ask what he meant.

Another one from my childhood. Some things are pretty obvious, others not so much. So our apartment building is 6 stories high and the stairs spiral around a wide gap which was probably intended for a lift or something. In my dream I was standing at the top, in front of our aparment's front door, when through the gap rose my father's protective mask for cutting metal (you know, the machine that throws sparks which can be blinding, no idea what it's called) It was surrounded by sparks and paused high above the gap for a moment. I knew I had to run. I started down the stairs and a couple of floors below I saw my father's bicycle, which would help my escape. But beside it was my stern aunt (who would babysit me when my parents were busy; she once fed me horribly smelling goat cheese and I hated it), and she said that since it was my father's I couldn't take it.

Recurring. Late childhood, early teens. I have to catch an airplane. In fact, I can finally catch an airplane and that is liberating. Perhaps the privilege of being allowed on an airplane on my own is liberating or perhaps I wanted to get away, I don't know. But I am alone and being late and barely making it, and there is someone at the airport who is going to try and stop me. I don't remember much about this dream except being very confused by the structure of the airport and the simultaneous feeling of liberation and being pressured.

Recurring in slightly different forms, from my teens. I live in a city. It somewhat resembles the one I actually live in. There is a particular part of the city that I know and visit and roam around. Or there is a particular bus which I know I normally take, so I take it and go somewhere. Sometimes I'm being late or nearly lost, but I make it. Sometimes I'm chasing someone, sometimes someone is chasing me. Sometimes I'm alone and sometimes not. But the main things is, there is a city to navigate and that in itself, not the reason for my navigating it, seems challenging to me (remember the airport).

Once I dreamt that I was at a social event on some Arabian coast with my grandmother, but I left to wander on the beach on my own. It was dark and the water was perfectly still and smooth. Just below the surface were the pale ruins of a large temple. I swam above it. Everything about the place and what I was doing felt sacred. I felt I was being gifted an incredibly rare experience which also meant something important, and I was being judged, but not by an actual observer. Rather, it seemed as if the purity of the place was judging me. My grandmother's presence could be explained by her being a very social person (so naturally she should be the one to bring me to a social event), but she is also deeply religious, though Christian (and the temple was Muslim). At any rate she didn't seem significant. I barely remember her being there. Only when I went back inside, I told her of the temple I had found and she seemed only slightly interested.

Recurring. Once again I find myself in a city much like my own. There is a fireball in the sky, static and somewhat tangible, like molten rock and not just flame. Around it the sky is cracked and the whole thing is the embodiment of relentless violence. It is doom (though I never think: doom of what exactly?) and it is the end. But it is also coloured like sunset (in fact it very much resembles sunset in its being the end) and its light penetrates the air and the windows around me, and it is captivatingly beautiful. I'm worried and I have to warn everybody about it, but I keep noticing the beauty. Ultimately I hurry and try to get people to listen to me, but nobody seems to notice me or hear me. Overall I feel dread mixed with serenity (weird, huh). Again, there is no conclusion, just like in the rest of my dreams.

My favourite dream. Late teens. I'm walking along an enormous pitch black cave (empty space?) on a path high above, so that to see most of the space I have to look to my left and below. Even my path is not illuminated. I pass by a gigantic skull with an equally gigantic lit candle beside it. As I pass, the candle goes out, making a heavy but decisive sound as if somewhere heavy gates have been closed. An identical skull follows and once again, the candle goes out. Slowly, a barely noticeable sound emerges. I pass yet another skull. The sound gets louder and louder. It sounds like distand but full-bodied thunder, uninterrupted. I feel dread because of the sound, but I remain merely curious about the skulls. I pass the twelfth skull and the rumbling sound is louder than ever. So is the sound of the last candle going out and more final that the other ones, too. I wake up and the continuous sound from my dream transforms into a shout. I was very impressed with this dream, particularly because I had hardly ever had symbolic dreams before. Usually they're pretty obvious. This one seemed like a work of art and I was proud of it.

The most recent one I remember. I was at this French palace's garden, having just arrived for an evening event. The garden was rather beautiful, full of that lively atmosphere one tends to experience in the crowd before a classical concert. There were mellow lights along the hedges and in the trees. The palace was an academy of sorts, much like Hogwarts. The headmistress approached me and I realized the event was about me. I was going to be engaged to a girl. I felt trapped, as if it would seal my fate, and I emphatically refused. Later, everyone was in a ballroom and in the center was that same girls along with two or three others (I cannot remember). Suddenly I felt strong attraction to one of the other girls and I knew I had to be with her. It was really important. I went and begged the headmistress, however in my dream her name was in English, but I spoke in my native language, so I had to translate it and I paused to think. People seemed amused and I felt ashamed. Her name was Molly's Pendant but I incorrectly translated it as Mrs Brooch in my language (probably because I associate the words, though I know they mean different things). My translation didn't seem to be of consequence, only something I felt stupid about once I woke up. Once again, there is no conclusion, but it's interesting to note that in my dream my name was Molly.

I know I mixed tenses and my grammar and punctuation are virtually nonexistent, so I'm sorry.