Friend going to the army

Hi all!

Could someone pls help me out interpreting this dream! Its driving me insane!:

Cottage house. Firewoods outside. Felt European (like that hansel and gretel setting). There was a lady probably in her late 50s. Possibly Martin's mum? I felt like this lady was very traditional with old school values. Martin and I were there. We still aren't in good speaking terms.

At the dinner table when we had dinner, Martin was sitting next to me, he announced that he had found his dream home, and dream place and that he had joined the army. When he said that last line he was emotional and he was trying to hold back his tears. I shook his hands and held it like old comrades and said "Congratulations, I know it's what you've always wanted and you wanted to be in the reserve". I choked up from withholding my tears and emotion when saying the last word. He was lying on the table and I was still seated in my seat near his feet. I reached for his hand and shook it and congratulated him again. I think he may have been sobbing while laying on the table. I could see the lady seated near his head and somewhat both consoling him and saying congratulations.

That's it. What does this dream mean????

I think that part of the interpretation on this dream hinges on answers to a few questions:

Does Martin in real life want to join the reserve to your knowledge? If yes, then you dreamed of a friend fulfilling a wish that you know he has, and it may be a dream due to your wishing your friend well, and wanting him to fulfill his goals. If not, then joining the military may stand for something else in this dream.

It depends in part on, how do you actually feel about someone close to you joining the military? Different people have very strong but very different emotional reactions about that. For example if a friend or relative of mine joined the military I would be worried that they could be sent in harm's way, and so it I dreamed someone I cared joined the military that would probably mean that I was worried about that person for some reason. However, my boss believes that the military makes boys into men, and is an essential character building institution, so if he dreamed that someone joined the military, it could mean that he thought this person was growing personally and shaping up in their life. Very different interpretation because of very different connotation to joining the military, so what is yours?

The lying on top of the table is a weird and probably significant element of this dream. I may be completely wrong here, but lying on a table makes me think of like a corpse laid out after death. This may be because to me joining the military would make me worry that the person might get killed, and so if my next dream scene involved that person lying on the table, it would be due to the reflection of that fear. Now very important point: I do not believe that this dream means that your friend is actually in danger of dying, but if your association to joining the military and lying on table is similar to mine, then it could be a reflection of your being worried about your friend out of some reason, and the reason may well be exaggerated in the dream, and a much smaller cause for worry in real life.

With the woman being described as traditional, am I assuming correctly that maybe you and your friend are not as traditional as that? I noticed that there is some crying by men in this dream which traditionally is almost against a societal taboo, although our society I think is loosening up on this. Anyway, you and your friend are very emotionally moved in this dream, and I think that these strong emotions are a central theme of this dream.

Also significant that Martin says that he has found his dream home, his dream place. He has found his place in life, where he belongs, his calling, his family, his career, his emotional or spiritual goal. He has reached a decision for what he wants to do, who he wants to be. You are happy for him in this dream. But is is bitter sweet happiness? Does this new life include or exclude you? Will this means that he is leaving you behind? While Martin found his calling, what about you? I think the lady both congratulating and consoling him is also part of that general feeling in this dream that the news is bitter sweet and not all good. You try to hold back tears, what else do you try to hold back? Do you try to hold back any words to tell him how you really feel about these latest developments? And if so, are you holding them back because you are being a good friend to him, or is it it due to the traditional expectation that "men do not cry" or other traditional expectations, or is it due to some other cause such as your own pride or insecurity or self-esteem issue or your interest as opposed to his? Would he be better off or worse off due to your holding back whatever words you are holding back?

Your position at his foot at the end as opposed to seated next to him earlier may also be significant. When you were seated next to him you were I think more his equal and more accessible, it is easier to talk as equals when sitting next to each other. But during the last scene the lady is in better position to whisper in his ear (perhaps her traditional values?) and you are relegated to the less convenient and less important position at his feet. Do you feel that you are not in a good position to speak with him, that he is not as accessible to you as before?

As usual if anything I say does not sound right to you, please discard and look for meaning elsewhere. Best!

Thanks Joanna for the response!

Martin does in fact would like to join the army/reserve because he likes that sort of thing however, I don't think he'll be able to get in because of his fitness level and possibly because of his back problems. My thoughts about the military is that I would support the troops but I don't necessarily agree with the countries invading other countries or the government sending soldiers overseas. Basically, I'm not into the war scenario, etc.

What I do feel if someone close to me was going to the army is that I would be isolated from them - as in, communication would be minimal, we would lead separate lives and we wouldn't be as close as we used to be.

The lying on the table I didn't think was that significant until you pointed it out. I guess the part about where I sit near his feet makes sense. Martin and I used to be very good friends and we had a falling out just recently. It has been months since we hanged out and just a couple of days ago we did this race called 'WarriorDash' (it's a 5-6km obstacle race run inspired by military style obstacles!). Because we had already booked this event early on the year with our group of friends, we were forced to see each other. During the race it was a little bit awkward as I didn't want to really talk to him and I kept distancing myself as much as I could. And he was probably not sure what to do. However, we did keep it civil and didn't cause a scene.

There are certainly some strong emotions in this dream because when I woke up I felt sad/angry/happy at the same time and I think a little tear even came out. Perhaps, this might mean that our friendship will not be anymore??? I don't know but I really am hopeful that one day he sees the error of his ways and just genuinely apologise to me (I won't go into detail what he did).

However, just writing this response to your interpretation about the feet situation has made me realise something! I think the dream was perhaps about the 'WarriorDash' event (military connotations) and that by seeing each other again and me almost ignoring him that day - I have hurt his feelings and that he doesn't think that I understand how much hurt I caused. Perhaps, it's the dream has a double entendre??..

Have you considered the possibility of forgiving your friend even though he does not deserve to be forgiven? Sometimes when two friends have a falling out, it is a question of who is more stubborn, and if both are too stubborn, everybody looses. You clearly care a lot for this friend as this dream and your posts show. Sometimes forgiving the unforgivable is what is called for when dealing with those we care deeply about. He may not make it into the military, that you do not have any choice about, but whether or not your friendship ends right now is your choice, and you cannot say that he is the only one whose choice it is - both of you have that choice. Will you be by his side, at his feet, or not even in the same room with him when he next needs a friend, when you need a friend?

That is very interesting - I hadn't considered about '"forgiving the unforgivable"'! It is true what you said about caring for this friend as we both have invested a lot to each other. In my angry/disappointed/hateful state of mind, I have overlooked about the issue of forgiveness, of maybe finding a mutual ground between us or of maybe backing down. The one obstacle right now is that because the fallout just happened so recently (a couple of months ago), we're still both too stubborn to back down. I will definitely give myself some 'healing time' right now and maybe in a couple of months I might be more open to dialogue and we might see eye to eye..