Sleep haunted by ex wife

I've never really tried to understand my dreams before, but these particular dreams are messing with my emotions so I wanted to see if I could get some idea of what (if anything) they mean.

Background
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I've been divorced for 4 years, my wife had an affair with one of her work colleagues and left shortly afterwards. It broke me, severely. I haven't really had a lasting relationship since.

I've had occasional dreams about her since the day we met but over the last few weeks its become an almost nightly occurrence. The dreams never really seem to be the same, but regularly involving her.

I'm struggling to remember any real detail of any other than the most recent two.


The Dreams
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1. Me and my ex were in the house we rented before we split up. I remember finding out that she was expecting and feeling overcome with joy. It seemed as if the pregnancy rapidly progressed, going from just finding out to her being in the late stages in the blink of an eye. The whole dream only involved the two of us for the majority, only in the setting of our old house. The only other person in the dream was her mother, I remember sharing the news with her but I don't remember in which stage of the dream it was. I remember the crying a lot throughout the dream and waking up feeling very emotional with a big sense of loss which stayed with me for quite a while after I had woken up.

2. Most recent. I was out in a club that I didn't recognize. Just a generic club, dark setting, smoke, colored lights, I remember the atmosphere of loud music but I can't actually remember any music (if that makes any sense?). I wasn't or couldn't interact with anyone, almost like I was a spirit overlooking the scene and watching it play out. All I really remember is seeing her dancing, it looked like she was on a girls night out with friends that I've never met but I think I saw them in photos on her facebook sometime after we split. I remember her and her friends flashing for someone taking photos and feeling really angry. Then the next thing I remember was seeing the screen on the camera like someone was holding it in their hands and tilting it to show me and the photos that were taken were only of my ex. I remember feeling really sad and then waking up.

They are the only two that I remember in any great detail but she's popping into my dreams most nights, sometimes its about her, sometimes shes just there.

Its weird because we haven't seen or spoken to each other for almost a year but the dreams have become more frequent, intense and emotional over the last few weeks and I'm not sure why or what it means.

Any insight would be gratefully received.

Aero.

The Dreams
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1. Me and my ex were in the house we rented before we split up. I remember finding out that she was expecting and feeling overcome with joy. It seemed as if the pregnancy rapidly progressed, going from just finding out to her being in the late stages in the blink of an eye. The whole dream only involved the two of us for the majority, only in the setting of our old house. The only other person in the dream was her mother, I remember sharing the news with her but I don't remember in which stage of the dream it was. I remember the crying a lot throughout the dream and waking up feeling very emotional with a big sense of loss which stayed with me for quite a while after I had woken up.

2. Most recent. I was out in a club that I didn't recognize. Just a generic club, dark setting, smoke, colored lights, I remember the atmosphere of loud music but I can't actually remember any music (if that makes any sense?). I wasn't or couldn't interact with anyone, almost like I was a spirit overlooking the scene and watching it play out. All I really remember is seeing her dancing, it looked like she was on a girls night out with friends that I've never met but I think I saw them in photos on her facebook sometime after we split. I remember her and her friends flashing for someone taking photos and feeling really angry. Then the next thing I remember was seeing the screen on the camera like someone was holding it in their hands and tilting it to show me and the photos that were taken were only of my ex. I remember feeling really sad and then waking up.

They are the only two that I remember in any great detail but she's popping into my dreams most nights, sometimes its about her, sometimes shes just there.

Its weird because we haven't seen or spoken to each other for almost a year but the dreams have become more frequent, intense and emotional over the last few weeks and I'm not sure why or what it means.

Any insight would be gratefully received.

Aero.[/QUOTE]

Hi.....Sometimes our dreams will review our past in an exaggerated way (to emphasis a point). In the first dream you are taking back to what was your past vision of how your life might have gone. A happy family, baby on the way,etc. Sadly it did not play out that way and in the dream your soul is expressing it's sad and some perhaps depression over how things ended. In other words, your dreams were broken. You are not in current time over this.

Dream 2: I believe this dream is taking a look at the past seeing a side to her you never saw before in order to help you choose a partner in the future with more care. You're seeing her as a fun loving party girl and being a little loose and this obviously angers you. The entire setting, dark smoky, loud music is more like college days, party on and the people involved not ready for a family or a commitment. This is being shown to you so as you go forward in your life you don't make the same mistake again as often we repeats patterns in choosing our partners. Whatever it was that attracted you to her what not a deep enough basis for a relationship otherwise she would not have strayed.

The dream also shows you are holding anger to her...and this is bad for your own happiness in the future. Her mistakes were hers and holding anger against her only hurts yourself. Forgive her and hope she matures and realizes she was young and foolish. Everyone eventually grows up, be it in this lifetime or another. We repeat our mistakes until we learn from them. Some people get their lessons immediately and some take forever.

To sum it up the dreams are saying you need to first of all Forgive, Let Go of the Past but also learn from one's choices and make better one's in the future. Her actions only reflect on her. If you know your standards and don't settle for someone below those standards , you be fine. But if you are holding anger, bitterness and resentment you will attract a partner with those same qualities.
TL

I agree with travellight27's assessment. I would stress that the reason why you are haunted by her is because you are not over her. You keep holding on to a past, to dreams of a future that can never be. You resent that she is now with people you do not know, that she is flashing herself - showing herself intimately to strangers, whereas you still think that this should be for you only. Alas I think you need to accept, to let go, to find a new focus for your life - she cannot remain your focus because the future cannot be focused in the past. If there is no one else for you, then finding a different focus such as spirituality or an interest that catches your subconscious imagination and channels emotions in a new way, rather than being consumed by emotions based on the past. And yes I know that this is much easier for me to say than for you to do. All the best on your path.

I agree with the two replies. Forgiveness can sometimes be difficult but in my experience, It's been helpful. If you forgive her, It's not saying that what she did was OK but it will de-chain emotional ties from her. Any and every time I've been unjustly angry with someone (Particularly my Father) If I didn't forgive (Even if I wasn't wronged) I'd metaphorically become a pressure cooker about to blow up, And I sometimes did before I started forgiving.

Forgiving someone 490-500 times works. There are methods that make it quicker than it may be at first starting, It may take a while before you discover them.