I haven't posted in a while although I have been lurking the forums. The reason I decided to post again was because I had a really disturbing dream the other night and I wanted to hear your opinion/interpretation of it.

I was on a large boat, not quite as big as a cruise ship, but there were plenty of bedrooms and it was quite populated. I can't really remember the beginning of the dream, but at some point I got my hands on a fully loaded pistol and for some reason, one by one, I started to shoot and kill everyone on the boat. Nobody really put up a fight and a few people were running, but besides that it was calm for the situation at hand. Each kill was one shot to the head and I saw the blood and occasionally blown out brains clearly. I have no idea why I was doing this, there were no thoughts besides aiming and shooting going through my mind. I guess at some point I figured I was satisfied and went to the back of the boat where I planned to shoot myself in the head. I stood on the railing and leaned backwards, pulling the trigger as I fell into the water. I was still alive. So I reloaded(still underwater) and pressed the gun under my chin and pulled the trigger. Still alive. I did this about two more times until I realized something wasn't right. I climbed back onto the boat and checked the magazine to see if I had any ammo left and I was out. There were still two people alive, the captain and some other important fellow. I asked one of them if he could help me find a bullet and he had no problem searching for me. He found a few of them in the crack between a seat cushion so I took the one that I needed and headed back to where I tried to shoot myself earlier. I was standing on the edge ready to lean backwards and that's the last thing I remember. I don't know if i did shoot myself or not, but I know there was an ending to the dream that I can't recall and I didn't just wake up as I was standing there.

I've never had any dreams like this before. I've killed people in my dreams before, but only those that were justified, these people were all innocent. I have never had any suicidal thoughts before, but I do have depression. There's been a lot of shootings and such going on in and around my area lately, that might possibly have something to do with it. After I woke up I felt really depressed for most of the day and kept thinking about the scene. If anyone has any idea or has had a similar experience I'll listen to whatever you have to say.

Thanks, Circa