I'm finding all of this so awesome and interesting. There is someone that I have been concerned about recently. They haven't threatened me in any way, but the idea was introduced by another person long ago. This person is really close to me and is very good to me. This puts my mind at ease. 
The pure love thing just blows me away and I'm pretty sure that's why the depression followed. I have only felt that two other times shortly after my mom died. The first time I was in this totally black void, but I was aware that I was dreaming and I wasn't afraid. Then I saw lights coming towards me - they turned out to be my mom, grandma, aunt, a great-aunt that died before I was born, and women I didn't know but knew they were family. They all hugged and kissed me, saying how much I looked like one of my aunts. The feeling was total love and acceptance. I worry if I'm a good person, but I knew for just a minute that I am exactly who I am meant to be and that we're loved and accepted more than we can comprehend. It's really hard to reflect that to myself though.. or even remember it day-to-day.
In the 2nd one I woke in the middle of the night and my mom was standing in the bedroom. I was so happy to see her and I jumped out of bed, but then saw that my husband and I were still in bed. I said "Oh no, I'm dead!" but I felt so alive and light. My mom laughed and said "You don't need that to talk to me". I don't remember what we said, but the feeling of love was the same. I'm so off topic now, but I wish I had a way to experience that more. Glad to be able to discuss this - I never tell anyone. Thanks for the understanding and insight.
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