Babies and Labor

Hi all,

I have looked and looked, and not yet found a dream similar to mine, so here goes!

1) I'm at home alone, and I go into labor. The baby girl comes out easily (no pain at all), and my immediate family is excited when they hear about her. I love her instantly.

I'm not sure of the time frame, but the baby girl is still an infant when I give birth again. I start getting scared because there's a lot of blood everywhere, and this pregnancy was a surprise. I was worried and scared of what my family would think.

This birth was easy, too; it's a boy this time! Both babies are beautiful and healthy. But I lie to everyone (including my boyfriend) and say that I'm just babysitting someone else's child. In my mind, I was planning to give the baby up for adoption the next day in the hopes of getting money. It seemed that I just couldn't wait ti get rid of him. IRL, I know that's not how it works, but I guess that doesn't matter in dreams :)

Anyhoo, I decide to take the baby far, far away. I'm not sure where, but it's a difficult journey with lots of hills, mountains, etc. at night. Maybe over the border (which means I must be desperate, as I plan on avoiding Mexico at all costs). It feels more like an adventure, and less like a loss. I get to a place that feels like a summer camp, drop the baby off, and head home. Not sure if I got paid. So I don't think that was the point of the dream.

This may or may not be significant, but I am black, my boyfriend is white, and both of the kids I had were white. Not mixed, completely Caucasian features - straight dark brown hair, big blue eyes, cute pointy nose. They didn't look like me at all. So strange.

2) A little about me. I'm 25. I get along with my family okay. Our unspoken rule is "Don't tell us if you're having problems; pretend everything's okay, because failure is not an option." My boyfriend has a wonderful, kind family that I see often, and they like to talk about everything. No secrets!

I have absolutely no desire to have children of my own, which is great because I can't have one anyway. I like kids. If I decide to raise one, the child will be adopted as a toddler or older.

I moved here from another state, where I worked full time in an artistic capacity. I was laid off, and became homeless. To pay for basic need, I had a part-time job as a dominatrix (btw they don't have sex for money - I could never do that to myself). Yes, it was pretty much a double life! I gave that up and moved here to be with my boyfriend.

I have a business (non-adult industry) that's currently struggling. I have been toying with the idea of becoming a domme again to keep it afloat. I've only told my boyfriend, as no one else would understand. I don't feel 100% comfortable with doing it again, but bills must be paid somehow, and a lot is on the line.

Is the dream just a product of carbs before bed, or does it really mean something? :)