The dreamless guy has a dream!

Righteo! First post and it looks like its going to be a long one. So first off, apologies for the big slab of text im about to write. Also i must apologise for any language i use, i am normally very 'colourful' but ive tried to keep it to a minimum. A final administrative thing... if this is in the wrong section, feel free to move it to a more relevant part of the forum.

Some information about me! Im a 21yo male who can only remember 4 of my dreams in the last 10 years. As such i try to get the most out of my dreams and would be delighted if someone could help me understand them better ;)

I have never been diagnosed with chronic insomnia, however a few people that know me would describe my issue as just that (~4 hours sleep for last 5 years).
I dont trust authority of any sort and see Society as a whole as limiting my freedom. Why am i telling you these two tidbits... not quite sure but they might be relevant somehow :)

Also, in a few days time im leaving to go to work for three months in a different state.
If you want more information about me, feel free to ask :)

=============
===The dream===
=============
Im in a Kitchen preparing food. Sam is on her way over to my new house. Ive owned the property for a while however very few new of its existence and even fewer have been inside it. I have fixed/remodelled and outfitted my home with my personal touches for a long time. Its a big house (read: manison) with substantial land around it.

I am notified by the house that someone is at the front gate and proceed to plate the dishes and feel satisfied with my cooking. I walk outside the house to meet my guest. She steps out of her car and it's odd. I was certain it was Sam that was meant to be coming over, however out stepped Emma as if she had been dressed by Angela. She had a strange sparkle in her eyes that was exactly the same as Emily's . She moved with the elegance and grace of Casey. This however still feels like the same person i was expecting, and i greeted her and took her into the house.

I took her though the usual rooms of the house and avoid the most direct route through the rooms that are in my eyes not perfect. We finally arrive at our destination, the roof/balcony thing. We sit down at the table, start talking more deeply and enjoy our meal. Some flirting but generally just catch up chit chat. After a while she asks about the house and i give in and start giving her a tour of it.

We visit all the rooms on each level and in general just take it in. Our conversation is still just chitchat however i feel relaxed and calm, even when going through some of the more unfinished rooms. She often playfully teases me about various things. Normally i would not be able to handle it well, but as in this case it feels welcome and natural. There are many many surprises for her along the way and i can tell she is incredibly intrigued with the house.

Anyway we its finally time to approach the basement and i feel queezy about it. She notices this and suggests going back upstairs. To my surprise i decide fuck it, if ive shown her the rest of the house, might as well show her the basement. Unlike the rest of the house of which the doors are sometimes simply locked, the basement is quite different. There are many doors and security clearances that required to be passed before you reach the entrance. Quite similar to the "getsmart" intro :)

Once finally in the basement, I start to carefully uncover my cars and explain them and their meanings to her. While normally i am able to explain the most complex of things in a fairly simple manner i cannot do so with these cars. I also worry that this lack of clarity will push her away however while she struggles to comprehend what im on about, she keeps trying anyway. I find this incredibly humbling and start to recover the cars. We proceed to go back up to the roof/balcony thing once again.

Once we arrive at our destination, my mood drops and i feel a sense of sadness and despair. At first i think its due to the fact i know i will shortly reject her. I tell her how this was all made for her but that even if she was willing, it could never work. I mention that i just felt it the right thing to do, to show her what could have been. However deep down i know this act has done irreversible damage to me. I bid her farewell, and the take a walk into the forest next to the house. Not too far into the forest i come to a shed which holds my most prised possession that i could never give up, my first car. I turn the car or and drive off never looking back. I never return nor do i settle. I just keep driving, place to place with no real goal and no destination in mind.


=================
==Analysis of dream===
=================
Dreaming about future = Not sure about the future.

House:
New house = changes in me.
Lots and lots of rooms in house = lots of segment/parts to me.
Not letting people into most of these rooms = secrets... sounds right.
The rooms that people do see are beautiful, elegant, clean and well furnished. Indicates my wish for people to think my mind is perfect... or well just that it works well.
Outside of house is majestic, grand and on a huge block in one of my favourite locations = physical appearance... think everyone wants roughly same things there :P


Cooking:
Doing something for another. Proving my willingness to do something for someone... kind of like asking to be loved.
The fact ive Finished cooking and am happy with it also means something. Id say something along the lines of im satisified with my plans and goals on how to show/ask for love. Pretty much, im happy with what i consider love to be.

Love:
Dreaming about being in love/loved... seems fairly straight forward... i want to be in love/loved.

The Women:
This one is weird! First of it feels like im expecting Snam over, then it ends up being Emma dressed like Angela would (how angela would dress if she looked like Emma). But then she's got innocence and wonder (as in she cant believe its happening) that Emily would have and the poise and presence that Casey used to have (Casey was a friend in highschool, but i was never interested in her that way)

This is fucking 5 VERY VERY different people.... Is this pointing to me wanting/expecting a lot of things from her? Or is it me accepting them all (and hence a whole lot more people)... Am i becoming pickier? Or am i starting to like more of what i see?

***Legend of characters***
Sam_
Friend that has been off limits for a while(Emotionally unavailable). I enjoy her company but more importantly for me, i hold he family in very high regard.. they are similar to mine and have similar values.. A long term relationship would be very easy for everyone and thus making my job of pleasing everyone a simple task :)
Emma_
Friend that im not so close with, exciting/exotic person to be around, in a psychological sense more so than a physical sense... however she's not lacking there at all :P. Very different personality from what im used to and I guess im attracted to the unknown :P The distance/lack of any attachment makes pursuing this quite possible, however I find it doubtful.
Angela_
Very good friend of mine! Has a very different background than i do and also possesses a morality and view on life that i envy. I look at her as a person i would happily let raise my children... only 2 other people could claim that honour and they are my parents. In terms of a relationship, more or less impossible at the moment or in the foreseeable future. the risk of loosing her as a friend is one im not willing to take.
Emily_
Angela's cousin. Innocent as kitten, not exposed to the harsh realities of the cold mean world. But main reason im attracted to her is due to ah... certain physical attributes. While i can prevent myself from reacting to it, i cant stop myself from noticing :P
Serious relationship possibility is very low.
Casey_
Highschool friend that i admire deeply. Again, she wasnt a bad looker so there was ofcourse a sexual attraction at some point or another, however it is her kindness and that reminded me to have faith in the world and its inhabitants more than once. Im fairly sure she didnt even know she helped me at all.

story analysis:
Me calling her over to my place = me letting her get to know me.
Taking her to the top balcony and giving her the food i made = showing her the best parts of me.
After food, taking her through the house, showing her all the rooms = opening myself completely to the woman.
basement... = Showing/explaining my demons, bad sides. The fact i found this very difficult to do could point to me being incredibly insecure about my problems. One of these problems is my lack of ability to control my unconscious to the degree i would like.


Cars:
I could be incredibly specific here, but i could probably write a solid 20,000 words on the symbology of each the cars. In real life, i have this 'thing' for cars. Some people may be "car crazy"... I think I go beyond that. I see more things in cars than in people; I can relate more to them, I can see the potential hidden in every single one of them. I can see what the creator aspired to achieved, their short comings and also their magnificent successes. I just connect spiritually with them in a way that I have never with other people.

Only once have I met a person who i understood and whom understood me on close to that level; an old man with an undying love for a car that eventually took his life. Must be noted that this car has been smashed to an unrecognisable state at least 5 times before and the owner was close to death quite a few times because of this car, yet he still chose to go to incredible expense and effort to bring it back each time. Ive been told im crazy because i can relate/understand this without any issues.

The bits i dont get:
Explaining i created this entire thing for her, but then telling her she cant have it?!?!?! WTF?!

Driving off... leaving everything and just living like a modern day nomad. Does this mean I will be content at this point? That i am not running away but rather that i have lost all faith in myself and/or the future? In the past i have had big philosophical issues with nhilism and fatalism... Something im not sure i have EVER really gotten over. My inability to find a purpose to life other than living has bothered me for most of my life. Is this section of the dream just a reaffirmation that i believe that nothing i do,or anyone else for that matter, will ever matter?


=============
===Thanks!!!!===
=============
And now a big thanks for reading this! As i mentioned at the start, i dont remember most of my dreams so i tried my best to preserve the details and atleast what i think was important. Any help, suggestions or other views are very very welcome! There can never be too many opinions :)

Quote:

---

The bits i dont get:
Explaining i created this entire thing for her, but then telling her she cant have it?!?!?! WTF?!

---

Well, the way i see this... its something like when u have feelings for someone, you want to be with this person... But you have somme issues that are holding you back or you are not sure about how is this relationship going to work. sry for my english...
maybe there is some distance, physically or mentally. The fact u dont want to give her the "thing" means that you have some inner issues, struggles, problems.
Also, verry good interpretation, gratz!
Maybe the house is just yourself. And the basement is part of yourself which u are not secure revealing. Maybe your deepest fears, feelings, secrets, desires.

Here's my take, and bear in mind I'm in no way qualified to interpret dreams - I'm not a psychologist or anything, though I have had a lifelong interest in dreams and have read a lot on the subject (including Freud's On the Interpretation of Dreams and a good deal of Carl Gustav Jung on the same subject).

I would say the composite woman represents all of these people at the same time. Maybe your mind is telling you that you basically had the same experience with each of them? This being the experience I refer to:

You show them around your mansion (your self - personality - life - mind?) and they like the surface parts well enough, but then you're afraid that if/when you take them beneath the surface and reveal certain secrets to them they'll no longer be interested - or rather that you're afraid YOU'LL no longer feel able to deal with them. And I'd say from what you wrote here that those secrets are pretty evident - it's about your obsession for cars and the fact that you relate to cars better than to people.

And the dream may be not so much about these particular people, but about a prospective life partner in general, using them to represent that.

It sounds to me like you've been thinking about a long-term relationship and considering each of these people as a possible partner, and the dream is telling you that you're too afraid to open up and reveal this deepest secret to them - probably afraid that if you try they'll reject you. It may or may not actually be true but in any event I'd say your dream is showing you that this is a FEAR of yours.

2 possibilities I see it pointing toward:

1) Try to get to the basis of why you can relate better to cars than to people - apparently deep inside you feel that it's holding you back form a meaningful relationship.

2) Go ahead, take a deep breath and take the plunge - talk about this deep secret to people and take the risk that they may reject you for it. Some of them may surprise you and accept you anyway. We all have weird secrets, you know.

Well this is my first post on here also!

I would agree with your synopsis of your dream. A couple of things I would like to add which might help. Firstly, the woman in your dreams does seem to be a mixture of all the things you like about the 5 women. Would you think? So I think she probably represents an ideal of some sort. Whether that be your ideal mate, or even the ideal you (minus the female bit). Perhaps you would like more of the qualities of these women within yourself? (Minus the big boobs I presume.). There are some interpreters that believe that every person in your dreams represents yourself in some way. I think this is at least partly true in your case. Read your description of the women again. Are the qualities of the woman in your dream something you would like to be more like in your life?

The different rooms do represent different aspects of yourself. Just to add, the balcony can represent getting more perspective on your life - a higher perspective, the bigger picture.

The basement is a very interesting room! IRL it contains a lot of stuff from our past. Stuff that hardly ever gets used, stuff that is taking up space, stuff that perhaps we should clear out, but we still hold on to the stuff. In a dream, therefore, the basement represents memories from the past that we hang on to, that perhaps we could let go of?????? But we hang on to them nonetheless.

With the cars, well they do seem to have a specific individual meaning for you. However, the generic meaning of the car still seems to fit with your dream. Cars tend to represent our direction in life and how our life is moving along. These cars are not being driven! They are being hidden away under covers where nobody can see - not even you! I guess they represent your past phases in your life that you've held on to. And perhaps if you can describe the cars to yourself, you will recognise which timeframes of your life they represent. Note that you felt humbled while describing these cars. Meaning that maybe you don't really have to keep these past things hidden so much?

Now the bit where you go up to the balcony and say you can't have any.... i think this is your dreamself's way of showing you how ridiculous you've been for not getting on with things and taking a chance on sharing your self with people. did you not think it crazy that you told this perfect woman, "well we could have had all this but you can't have it!!!" You felt very sad in the dream that you were going to reject this woman. Well you don't HAVE to IRL. You're only 21 - you can still have these things! You don't have to keep going with this fatalistic persona. I reckon it's time to let go of it and start living. Perhaps??? Do you think???

The last bit of the dream (I think) is just pointing out to you what will happen if you DON'T Change/take a chance/do or think something different. Basically living in the past (eg your first car) roaming around through life "without purpose or direction" in your own words. Again, this is your dreamself asking you, is this REALLY what you want for your life? If yes, great. If no, then you have to do something about it. Eg. Have a good hard look at all those past beliefs you have about yourself and decide which ones a true, and which ones are false. which ones can you let go of? Which ones can you keep? And are there any qualities you might like to develop within yourself? (Think about the qualities of the woman in your dream.)

It is pretty disturbing thinking about what the point of it all is. I put that down to our modern life and the persistence of science to "boringafy" everything. All the wonder and curious mysterious things about life are reduced to a very boring scientific explanation. Personally, I believe there are some interesting and mysterious about life that science just cannot and will never be able explain. (Apologies for going off in a tangent there).

Anyway, those are my thoughts on your dream (which you described fantastically btw). My opinions might not be quite right but hopefully something helped. Take care and enjoy your 3 months away! Might be just the break you need to think about stuff with a bit of distance and objectivity.