I spent my childhood up until the age of 16 going to a camp for kids with cancer. 4 summers ago I met this kid named Robb (yep, with two b's.) He was amazing. I had a crush on him instantly and at the time, that first summer, it was simply because he was cute. After camp, I figured out he also "liked me" and we got to know each other. I liked him more and more and more and his personality was amazing. The summer after everyone knew we had a thing for each other, and so we decided to continue it outside of camp. We went on 1 date, and it was amazing. He was like my best friend, except I had feelings for him. I don't think I was ever in love with him, but I definitely loved him. Somehow, we stopped talking. I saw him at the hospital again, and that was the last time I saw him. Even though he was right across from me in the waiting room, we were texting. My mom said we were acting like idiots, and we were. I should have just talked to him. We started talking for a while, but school was getting difficult for me so I didn't really have time for my computer anymore, or my phone.

May 14th 2009, I got a call from my friend saying he passed away. Ewings sarcoma took his life. After a few months, I thought I could think about him and talk about him without crying. You know, reminiscing about the past and smiling at the memories? Well I realized this summer I hadn't healed. I was up at camp and crying most of the time because everything reminded me of him.

I've been thinking so much about him that I had a dream. t felt like it was supposed to be my closure, but I wasn't ready. I wish I could have become lucid since I've been trying to talk to him in a dream for a loooong time.

Basically he was swimming (irl he loved swimming) and I was sitting on the dock just talking to him, and at one point he told me he didn't have much longer to live. I started crying and asked him how I could go on without him. He just told me that I would be okay, and just smiled at me. I was confused at how he came to terms with the fact that his life was pretty much over. At that point I was crying even harder and I wanted to give him a hug but he wouldn't come out of the water, and I didn't want to go in. Not quite sure why. He just kept reassuring me that I would be fine eventually and that it's okay. Apparently he was happy with what life he had been given. He came close to the dock, and told me to lean closer and I did. He told me he would be okay, and kissed me. Later I realized his legs had been amputated (makes no sense, in real life his sarcoma affected his spine.)

Sometime that night he was hospitalized, and the doctor wouldn't tell me whether or not he had passed. I don't remember the details of the dream, but I know I was constantly harassing the doctor. The dream pretty much faded in my memory but I do remember seeing a glimpse of him near the end. If this was his way somehow of trying to give me closure, it didn't work.


I don't even know what to think of this. Should I be happy or upset? I don't know.