zombiesarebad

i dreamt that i had woken up and was performing my usual morning routine of stopping at the gas station on the way to work for an energy drink. There was a tall and skinny- very pale- guy in the parking lot leaning against one of those ridiculous tricked four-banger economy cars. Sarcastically, i said "nice car." He thought i was being sincere, and thanked me. I turned to walk into the store, laughing at him to myself.

next thing i remember, a woman came up to me in Rite-Aid and said she was the man's mother. Apparently this was some time later... she told me that her son had died of cancer and had no real friends. She said that he remembered what i said and had told her that he wanted me to have the car after he died.

last night i had this dream that i was George Harrison of the Beatles, and i could fly. I was dressed in the blue jean suit that he's wearing on the cover of Abbey Road, and flying around above my parents' house. A Beatles tune was playing in the background... I think it was Glass Onion.

I looked down and saw my parents' labrador looking up at me while running down the lawn and trying to take off. He did that a couple of times but could only fly a very short distance before falling back to the ground. In the dream i found this quite hilarious. I looked over and saw Paul McCartney, also flying, and he said "dogs just do that sometimes, man."

weird, weird, crazy dream last night.

it was the end of the world, and this was signalled by a human woman giving birth to a baby gray alien. I walked into my living room and saw this woman sitting on my couch nursing the infant alien. It turned to look at me with its huge glassy-black eyes, which scared the bull-jeezus out of me.

Next i was in the hospital where i work. Some sort of massacre was taking place and i was on the top floor trying to escape. As i ran down a hallway I saw a freakishly long arm reach out of one of the rooms and grab a patient, pulling them inside. There was another patient nearby in a wheelchair, and i saw that the nurse that was trying to wheel him out had been killed. I ran up and started to push the wheelchair toward the exit, when the patient turned around and grabbed my arm... his flesh was paper-white and his bottom jaw was ripped off. Somehow he could still speak, and he said "My skin's cold, isn't it?" When i opened the door to the exit, it made a loud "ding!" like a cash register.

then i was in a park with my four year old daughter and wife. I was saying to my wife, "i wish i could meet the sonofabitch that killed all those people at work..." No sooner did the words leave my mouth than a huge red demon (!), horns, tail and everything, walked up and said "here i am." My daughter got scared and ran out into the street, but the demon grabbed her just as she was about to be hit by a car. He sat her down on a picnic table and asked me where my friend K___ lived. I told him there was no way i would tell him that, to which he replied "i can't save her if you don't." He saw that i didn't believe that was his intent, and he pointed to my right where a bullet was floating in midair. "That's where she'll die if you don't let me help."

that's all i remember

i was dreaming about flying a fighter jet (my dream job that will never happen) in a dogfight. I don't know who the enemy was but i was bragging over the radio about how this model fighter i was flying had never been shot down. No sooner did the words leave my mouth than i felt a missile hit.

I heard people laughing at me over the radio, and suddenly i realized i was not in a jet but actually in my living room playing a game about flying jets. The people laughing were other players on the Xbox Live.

one of them told me i had to eject. "How?" i asked. "Call the hotline... they know," was the answer. Suddenly i was on my cell talking to some smartass woman. "...and how did this happen?" she asked in a mocking tone. "I suck at this game, i lost, that's how!" a yelled. "Just chill out and push the triangle button," said she.

i noticed there was a triangle button on the controller that i had never noticed before. I pushed it and suddenly i flew out of my chair, down the hallway, and into the bathroom shower.

what the hell?

this was years ago; i think 2005-ish. I was in my early twenties. I had a string of lucid dreams that were not induced... they just sort of happened. This one was the first and most memorable.

I was in Boston walking past the mouth of the big tunnel. Suddenly a coach bus went by going impossibly fast, careening between the lanes until it lost control and flipped over. When it entered the tunnel- sideways and on its roof- it took out dozens of cars and people (who for some odd reason were standing in the tunnel).

i went into the tunnel to look at the damage, and i saw a whole bunch of people flattened out on the road like pancakes... there was no blood or gore, they were just flattened into ten foot circles. It was then that i realized i was dreaming, and as i looked at them i began to laugh hysterically.... which , of course, woke me up.

i had kind of a fitful sleep last night that was filled with odd dreams. I only remember two of them:

in the first i was in a dimly lit funeral home with some older guy whom i understood to be the mortician. He was telling me about a horribly mutilated body that had come in, saying that it scared him to even look at it. We were trying to just leave the building, but couldn't find the way out. Every time he opened a door he would say that it didn't lead to where it was supposed to and that the spirit that belonged to this body was causing it. He was getting more and more exasperated... finally he opened a door to the embalming room holding the body. It was strung up with gore that formed something like a spiderweb that stretched from wall to wall, taking up the entire room. Body parts were stuck in it here and there, including the head whose eyes were open.

in the second dream i remember, i thought i was watching a movie. I don't remember the entire beginning, but it was about an older black guy who was a professional clown. For whatever reason he was forced to join the navy... i think as a cook. He had tried repeatedly to get out, saying that he couldn't stand the isolation of being at sea. It kind of dragged on but in the last scene he put on his clown outfit and makeup and went on deck during some sort of ceremony. He took out a pistol and shot himself in the head, blowing half of it off. He was still alive, and yelling about how he wanted to go home. It was really horrible, but everyone on the ship was laughing. The intensity of the scene made me forget that it was supposed to be a movie, and i was yelling at everyone to shut up. Finally, he fell over dead. His last word was "DEEEEEEEERP," which made everyone laugh even harder.

had a dream last night that i started a new job (which may actually happen) in a new hospital lab. They tell me the first thing i have to do is go up on the floors and collect specimens.

i get up there and it looks ultra futuristic... the walls are white plastic and the floor is some glossy black material. It looks like a spaceship set on a science fiction show. I get lost and i'm trying to find my way back down to the lab, and i'm worried that i'll make a bad first impression.

suddenly i come upon a patient room where i know i am supposed to go in and draw some blood. I go in and it's nothing like the rest of the hospital: the walls have peeling old wallpaper and it's really dirty.

the patient is just a giant head sitting in a wicker basket. It has a sign on it that reads, "Old Father." A nurse explains that the patient has hydrocephalus. I ask where I'm supposed to draw the blood from and she says, "you're supposed to know that."

odd.

i've had sleep paralysis a handful of times, but there are two instances that really stand out:

the first time it happened to me was (i think) eight years ago... i thought i had died. I woke up on my back in the early morning and couldn't move, couldn't breathe, and i felt like there was an incredible weight pressing down on my entire body. It also felt like there was a pair of hands pressing down on my face, contorting my eyes into slits and exposing my teeth. This made my vision blurry and i could even hear air rushing in and out through my teeth. I began hearing voices... most of them just sounded like people screaming really far away, but one was right in my ear. It was a deep voice that was just yelling all sorts of things at me; "FUCK YOU!" and "I TOLD YOU I'D MAKE YOU SORRY!" and stuff. FYI, I don't believe in demons or anything supernatural, but my half-asleep self did at that moment.

the next time it happened was not long after that. Again, it was early morning and i woke up on my back. There was an old man standing in my doorway... nothing special or weird about him, but he still somehow terrified me beyond all description. It seemed very real. He was wearing a blue flannel shirt and brown pants. Just standing there staring. The whole time i could hear a steady beeping, like a heart monitor or something.

It has happened a few times since, but the first two occasions are the only ones i remember well. They were definitely more intense than any other episodes since then.

just wanted to get this into my DJ... it's from my bedside notebook. The date was 4.12.12, and it was by far the worst and most vivid dream i've had yet this year. This isn't word-for-word as i wrote it that morning, by the way. It's rewritten here to make more sense. Here goes.

there was more at the beginning, but the first i remember i was in some post-apocalyptic world, standing on top of a very tall building that was an odd combination of skyscraper and medieval castle. I was talking to the leader of the group that lived there- an old man who looked like a wizard, complete with beard, blue robe, and pointy hat- trying to convince him to let me stay there.

he said there was a girl there that was sick and had to be separated from the group, and i could stay if i took her down to the basement. So i went to her tent (they all lived in tents on top of this building), and after an argument with her parents i picked her up and carried her over to this big industrial elevator that went all the way down. She was a teenager with short black hair and i noticed that she weighed next to nothing. I could tell she was indeed very sick.

the basement was very much like the inside of an office building. This part is so ridiculously vivid it's almost like a real memory. The carpet was red and the walls were green. It looked lived in; there was laundry all over the floor and a blanket spread out in the corner. She told me to put her on the blanket, which i did. I tried asking her what was wrong, but she said i really had to leave. I walked back to the elevator, only to find that it was either gone or not where i thought it was. I looked around a little, and started getting really anxious when i couldn't find a way out. The girl started yelling at me to leave, and i knew something bad was about to happen. I kept running down the hallways, looking for a way back up. Then, i saw the girl at the end of a hall... her skin was blue/gray, and her arms were strangely long. One of her eyes was red and the other one was black... the black one oozed some dark inky stuff. She was just standing there looking at me.

and that was it. I woke up in a sweat.

i know, i know, there's probably a million creepy doll dreams on here but this one shook me pretty good. I didn't get back to sleep for at least an hour.

it was a very brief dream. I was visiting some old woman in a run-down old shack. Nobody i know in real life, nor did i recognize the house.

i was leaving and she said something along the lines of, "take a look at my little dolls." There were three dolls in her yard, sitting in a baby stroller. "can you tell which one is different," she asked.
The one in the middle had huge yellow cat eyes, and as i walked around it i noticed that they were following me.

I woke up.