Just Another Dream Journal

I am not an emotional person in life. I might get angry and grumble, but unless there is ABSOLUTELY no other way, I do not yell. And when I'm sad- even grievously sad- I almost never break down in tears.
When my grandmother died several years ago (I was closer to her than to my mother), I held her hand as she drew her last breaths. And when it was all said and done, I couldn't sit still. I had to clean and organize everything.
So, all that said, emotional dreams are exceptionally interesting to me.

In one dream, my brother (whom I have never been close to in real life) had died. It was confusing... he died of something like West Nile Disease, but he had also been caught in flood waters where he ultimately died. He had been in the water for a day before he was discovered. When someone (?) broke the news to me, I hit the floor on my knees- tearing at my clothes and wailing.

Interpretation: I have no idea. I have never wanted a richer relationship with him. We are completely different people. I love him in a sibling sort of way but he's never been so much as "friend" to me. I don't mourn the lack of a relationship I never had. To me, relatives = chaos (i.e. DRAMA) and sadness so I keep my distance without actually shunning anyone.

The other dream was of me in a car at first. I left my 4 kids in the car for something like 6 hours. I have no idea what I was doing at the time, but their bio-dad ended up getting them. My kids were really young. My oldest is now 18 years old, but in the dream he was around 5. In the dream, my ex-hubby thought they had only been in the car for 1 hour and I wasn't about to set him straight!
His dad was there, trying not to get involved. But I could tell he did NOT approve of what I had done.
My ex-hubby then started giving me hell about how I was raising the kids and I blew a gasket.
My voice was very raised as I told him we hadn't seen or heard from him at all in several years so he had NO right to jump my case and tell me how horrible a mom I am.
Then the dream switched somehow and we were arguing about a manuscript I was writing. I told him I was open to ideas and criticism and at that he threw his hands in the air and turned to his dad who just casually rolled his eyes at the "logic" of women.

Interpretation: No sure. I still have some anger toward him for abandoning us... but in truth, he rarely ever even crosses my mind.
So, does he represent the man I'm now married to? They're both very controlling and demeaning at times... my ex was never there as a father and my current hubby has never been a father to my kids either. But I'm older now, just a tad bit wiser lol, and I'm not quite the doormat I used to be. I now tell my hubby when something he does or says upsets me. My biggest problem, though, is with finances and I brain-washed myself so thoroughly as a child that I still find it exceedingly difficult to hard-ball over my allowance. He has the job. He's worked all his life. I'm a slacker who plays facebook games all day. I have no right to make a fuss about anything... Or so I tell myself.
I always wanted to be a novelist but it's slipped away. Hubby kind of scoffs whenever I've mentioned writing. So, I connect writing with creativity AND financial freedom (yeah right, I know lol). The first part of the dream was me screaming about how the men like to give orders and complain, but they've never BEEN there so they should shut the heck up.
This interpretation feels true. I was yelling in the dream because I'm ever the mediator, so even when I'm unhappy about something, I sugarcoat the issue when I really just want to scream or punch a wall.