nightmare

o over the past few days I've been having a mixture of nightmares and, 'troubled' dreams. Here's just a brief record of a few so I can remember them.

1 - I have children. One of them's about 15. He gets murdered and it hurts so badly. Then my boyfriend (husband at this time) dies and I'm left heartbroken with two kids.

2 - My dad goes out to Afghanistan. My mum has a really bad car accident and ends up in a coma, I hear on the radio my dad's dead, told his parents instead of my mum. My mum dies. I have to leave our house because it's renting from the military. I'm homeless before exams.

3 - I wake up being burnt really badly. My entire right side of my face is beyond repair, lots of scars and skin grafts, most of my body is burnt. Loose all confidence. Get persuaded out one day and I make a child cry. I wake up properly after killing myself.

4 - My boyfriend gets burnt badly. He draws into himself but goes about his daily life. I'm supposed to be going somewhere with him and I get on the bus and only when it drives off do I realize he's not with me. I get off and run back to his. Talk to him, persaude him out. We argue, I leave in a hurry, forget something and when I return find him saying I'm not worth the effort. We break up. I run away and don't ever see him again.

Few others I can't remember at the moment.

Today Djpatch999 persuaded me to try and WILD. He'd attempted the night before and thought it'd be a useful exercise for me. He lent me his headphones playing pink noise and set me off on my task. A few conditions that probably should have been considered before this experiment were the fact that I;

- am ill and have been for a few days,
- Had taken some medication that day and was still under its effects,
- Had been watching horror films the night before at about 2am and earlier in the evening when I was not able to sleep because of the first reason.

After a while of trying to relax to the brink of unconsciousness by keeping very still and focussing on just my mind I managed to feel my limbs loosen up and stop twitching or moving. I'm one of these people who's limbs can barely ever keep still. Whilst this was going on my mind was flitting between many different thoughts. After some more time had passed I noticed my body go very very cold. This was even more prominent to me because I'd been having a hot flush within my illness as I attempted this. Once my body had gone really cold I began to notice that one of the thoughts my brain was switching to was a little different to the rest. I didn't realize this had happened till alot longer after I had woken up.

This thought then began to develop into a dream. I think it was part-way through when I joined it because I was in a pitch black forest and I had been running away from something very fast, and very hard as there was adrenaline filling my body. The reason I think the dream was part-way through is because I knew I'd been with a group of people before and now I was all on my own. Somehow in my mind I knew everyone in that group, including my boyfriend, was dead. This thought petrified me and threatened to send my dream self into hysterics, whilst I'm fairly sure my breathing actually remained normal along with my heartbeat. I looked around me frantically searching for the thing that had been chasing me and I heard and felt a really fast rustle/whoosh through the undergrowth so I turned on my heel and started to sprint again.

Apparently it could be seen by the other person in the room with me that my hands were starting to twitch and jerk at the time and it was evident that my eyes were moving very quickly and panic stricken behind their closed lids.

As I sprinted away this time I could feel something had changed and I knew I was going to die. I was terrified and completely panicked. I kept running and suddenly felt something grab my arm and before I could fall to the ground I woke up suddenly, finding the other person in this experiment stood over me beginning to turn the pink noise off. When I awoke I could tell my right eye-lid had been twitching heavily on my body which corresponded to the franticness of my 'dream'.

It was pretty scary stuff. :L