Twoshadows

I had a very disturbing dream where I was going to be killed at the end of the day. I was at home with friends and family, and everyone just accepted that fact. No one was trying to figure out how to stop it. And to make it worse, I was going to be beheaded.

I worried about how long it would take me to die after the ax hit my neck. I wondered who would miss me when I was dead. I wondered which of my dead relatives would meet me after I left my body.

I remember wandering into my bedroom ( I was a teenager and living at home in this dream). I wondered if I should clean everything out now so no one would have to do it for me later. But I decided I shouldn't have to worry about that. I had enough to worry about.

At one point I went into the kitchen and saw a chocolate cake in the cupboard. I didn't know whose it was, but I decided that I could get away with eating some of it. No one would be able to get mad at me later. I would be dead. And I no longer had to worry about trying to eat healthy. I was going to die tonight anyway.

I started to feel sorry for myself. And a little angry. Why didn't anyone care about what was going to happen to me? I was in a room with my mom. We were looking at a magazine or something and I saw something that looked interesting. I said to my mom, "Hey, I want that for my birthday". I knew I was going to be dead, but I wanted to see what her response was. She said, "Sure, if that's what you want we can...." and her voice trailed off as she realized I wouldn't be around for my birthday. She seemed sad, but resigned to the fact that I was going to die. I felt a little bad I did that to my mom. I'm sure this couldn't be easy on her either. But I walked off without saying anything else to her.

I don't really remember any more specific details, but this dream seemed to last all day. I felt my tension grow as the day progressed. I was alone for most of the dream.

I'm sure this dreams represents some real feelings deep inside. Although, in real life I have a very caring and loving family that would never have acted like this, so this must represent something deeper. I'll have to think about it.