All DJ Entries

I am at work when I notice a shorter, pudgy blond boy holding a shirt and standing right by the mall entrance. He is sort of obscured by the racks of clothes, but i still see him conceal the shirt somewhere on him and then exit. I know I’m not cleared to stop people by myself, and I don’t know where Lainey is right now, but I run after him anyway, feeling that it is justified. I go up to him and just tell him that he needs to come back. I let him lead, staying pretty close to him, noticing how young he looks. I ask his name and he tells me. I ask his age, and he tells me something like 13. I think about how old kids are looking for their age these days. At some point a girl has started walking with us, like she’s with him. When we get to the door, I tell them to put their bags and phones up on the desk. I recover the merchandise, hanging it on the wall. There are Nike sweats, two things from Pink, and something from another store. Now, there are three 20-somethings sitting in here, in three chairs facing the desk. They have grabbed the paperwork and are filling it out themselves, nonchalantly. The guy in the middle is even reclining and has his phone set up and playing a video or something. I take it and set it on the desk. Now, it is the boy and girl again. I look over and notice the girl playing a game on her phone. I hit it out of her hand, saying “Get off your fucking phone, I’m not fucking kidding.” Now, it seems a little later, and I’m being invited into a house by a slightly older looking Nathaniel’s dad. I get the impression that the two earlier were Nathaniel and Beatrice and he wants to talk to me about it. He plays a tape or recording and I hear myself saying what I said earlier and hear the phone hit the ground. He politely tells me that he thinks I was being aggressive. His mom is here now too, and I tell them that I’m very quiet and so I have to try to be more assertive. I tell them we never try to be mean to people there, that we tell everyone it can be easy and we want it to. They seem understanding. I also tell them that like half of the people we get are homeless and that it’s saddening.

I am working, though this place does not look like work. It almost seems like something at the Legends, like a department store at the edge of a shopping mall and its large parking lot. Laynie and I are watching cameras when we notice an old lady stuffing jewelry into her purse in a deserted aisle. I think she is with 1-2 others, and they may be doing so also, but we only see the lady do it. We go out into the parking lot after her to stop her. She comes back, and now I’m alone with her in what looks like a large, empty fitting room stall. There’s a desk in here, on which are all the stolen items that were in her bag. There are about 3 to 4 boxes of different shapes and sizes. I am asking her questions and filling out paperwork, confidently. I ask things like why she did it and if she’s done it before. I feel in charge, but I am also being nice with her. I can’t really read her, but she seems to not care.


*The following seem like fragments, but are probably part of this dream since the fitting room and parking lot seem the exact same.

Laynie and I have gone out into the parking lot to stop a few teen girls. As soon as one sees me approach and try to talk to her, her face reddens and she turns hard to avoid me. They try to run from us as we yell that they could come with us or we could call the cops.

I have brought a teen couple back into the fitting room with the desk. I am being funny and friendly but serious with them. They don’t seem to care that they’re in here. I have them turn over the stolen merchandise, and they start stripping off tons of clothes and concealed clothes. I’m almost impressed with how much they have - I think I tell them this. It seems like they do this almost professionally.

I am at work with Lainey. We have stopped a teen girl right outside the mall entrance. I think it’s the same girl that she stopped in Sephora and had me be a witness for. Her mom happens to be right over here, so we have her come over. I kind of explain what happened and tell her it’ll be easier since she’s here. The mom seems pretty understanding. I am holding a shoe box that is apparently what she stole. I start to go through it, and I find ear buds (which I think could’ve been hers since they’re a little tangled and not exactly brand new looking) and a smaller pair of shoes shoved inside a larger pair of shoes (they’re like a converse or something with a high ankle area that allows this to happen). I noticed that the box did feel a little heavy. I talk to just Lainey for a second - she wants to let her go, but I really don’t since the shoes are around $100.

I am at what looks like work, out on the floor and at a table (that is not really there) by the registers. There are a few different cakes that Mom has made sitting out. I think she’s sitting here too. I’m trying the cakes, and they are really good. Walking around now, I see only Beth ringing and what looks like a forming line. When I go to help, I see that the ‘line’ of people are still looking around. There is something about the Grateful Dead’s ‘worst’ show that happened to be played in Mexico. I think I am currently listening to it. It is very short. I think there are only six songs in the first set and one short song before drums in the second. I think there is a song with Bob and some female pop singer that really just doesn’t sound like them. Kat is here, and I tell her it is pretty terrible. Then I realize she was at the show and I don’t want to sound mean; I say it’s still fine because it’s the GD, but it is bad for their standards.

I am working at Sherwin Williams. I think I have come back for just today. I think I’m going to just work today and use all my old info to clock in, etc, as if that’ll actually work. I’m thinking that the people still working here will remember me and remember that I left. I am in a sort of goofy, detached mood that has to do with me being back in a place that I willingly left. This place definitely doesn’t look like SW, but more like a movie theater or something similar. Everyone is gathering in a dim room with a stage or some other platform and fairly steep, tiered, red seats. Melissa’s dad is giving a speech or talking to everyone. I am walking in with Nathaniel Fuller? (He appears to be as he was when I knew him). He is in the lead and takes an aisle seat in the front row. I’m not sure whether I’m sitting with him or not, so I survey the seating. There’s an empty row, but I’m not sure if it’d be weird if I sat alone or not. I end up taking the seat between him and another (familiar?) guy. The seat seems small and I feel squished between the two. Now, (or maybe it was earlier?) I am walking around here. There’s a long hallway area and different inlets. I enter one and am in a grocery store. I felt like I was going to get lost or end up somewhere and not really know how to get back, and now it has happened. I see a chubby guy with shaggy hair and scruff pushing a shopping cart. It is full of liters of light colored soda. I think I try to find my way back. I am with Melissa and Brooke now, outside and by some small, enclosed ticket taking booth inside which sits a middle aged woman. We have some receipt (from Sherwin Williams?) that we’re trying to use to go to the restaurant or food place that the tickets are for. We don’t have the actual ticket, but I’m thinking that this receipt will show that we have permission. I could see where the lady would think we’re being fraudulent, but we’re not. When she talks to us, Brooke’s replies are kind of snarky, even though this lady let us through. She’s actually been pretty nice, and probably doesn’t care if we do get to go.




I am in the living room at Dad’s. From my perspective, it looks like I could have just come in from the garage. I’ve walked into a scene of two police officers sitting on the floor and a large group of people standing around them. Dad may be here too, and I think the officers may be in plainclothes. They tell me they are here because of my social media rends/tendencies. I feel a pang of guilt in my stomach that is only amplified by the disappointed looks on every face. I am thinking that they’ve found me out and there’s nothing to do about it but accept it. I am slightly relieved when they tell me that they can’t do anything about it legally, But then I think that means the FBI has to get involved.

I am at work and entering the fitting room. I am not alone either; at least four other people are also entering at the same time. I notice a fairly dirty looking guy in his 20s and his female companion. He has long and shaggy brown hair (or dreads) and baggy clothes, and she has dark hair and pants and a somewhat skimpy purple tank top. The guy, with a sort of detached fervor, starts grabbing anything in reach on the folding tables (I notice a folded dress shirt) like he’s going to take them into the stall and steal them. I think he has not noticed that I work here. I say “hey man” kind of casually, which startles him and causes him to look guilty and remorseful. I think he leaves now, and I start checking the stalls. Most have a floor completely obscured by tried on and tossed clothes. One contains a man passed out or sleeping on the floor and amongst the clothes. I don’t even know what to do. Now I am helping ring up customers, and I notice the guy what was going to steal. He is actually buying a pair of black slacks.




I am with Melissa in a bed. I think we are just cuddling and talking. Now out of nowhere it begins to snow. Almost immediately the roads are covered. (It looks like downtown, like the street parallel to the river and behind the movie theater). I offer to give her a ride wherever so she doesn’t have to drive in it. I think it’s out of the way or will create a problem with where the cars are, but I don’t mind going out of my way. Now, I am driving us somewhere. I think Melissa says something about the speed, as if I’m going too slow. Right after, the car violently slides out and then corrects itself after a tense moment.




(I think this one was part of another dream that I can’t recall. It has a weird feeling to it). I’ve been watching a movie that is or is very similar to Hereditary. I have an image of Charlie’s decapitated head in my mind. It looks more animated and like it has more skin on the face, around the eyelids and lip areas. I think there is some distinct, enigmatic, seminal plot to this movie that I can’t stop thinking about.




I am sitting at Melissa’s kitchen table in the seat facing the sliding door. At least Carlos and one other family member is here. They’re talking about late puberty? (like in their early 20s). I lift my bare leg up so they can see the hair on it and say “I haven’t seen my legs since like fourth grade.” It elicits some chuckles. I then feel slightly self conscious about putting my bare foot on their table.

I am at work when I discover a huge rack of clothes that need to go back. (This place doesn’t look like work, but more like a store’s vestibule for shopping carts crossed with, now that I think about it, the women’s fitting room that I brought clothes to yesterday. Their rack was very full). Upon closer inspection, the myriad pants? look new, like they’ve just gotten here and are ready to be put on the floor. So I instead enter one of the fitting rooms, instantly disappointed that I do, finding a small sea of tried-on pants left on the ground. I notice a lot of their tags - Levis? As I filter through them, I think I find evidence of shoplifting. I end up finding quite a few fake bills (20s and 50s I think). I hold them up to the light, making the ink on them appear to have been drawn on. This and the crude renditions of the faces on the bills is quite humorous.




I am at work? (it seems to be the area above the escalators that is still near the clothes but is mostly now the area for appliances). I seem to be in a large kitchen model. I think there is an island counter surrounded by a large L of counter space and a plethora of cabinets. A middle aged couple and the mom of one of them come over now. The wife tells me she is looking for a cookie cutter. I start looking for her, genuinely trying, searching every single drawer and cabinet, left to right. I come across a total of three circular apple slicers, one of which I offer as the closest thing we have to a cookie cutter. She politely declines, but genuinely thanks me for looking, then tells me to have a nice day and leaves. I consider bringing one of the apple slicers to Dad’s. I now look in a drawer very close to the ground and find a bunch of newspaper clippings. They are ads or sales. One is offering a pizza for a certain price contingent upon you reviewing some place. I see a 13 near the top, leading me to believe that it is from 2013. I also discover a few black shirts - Marilyn Manson and Nine Inch Nails band shirts. They are marked down with turquoise clearance stickers on their tags. I think that Mom is keeping them in here so she can give them to me as (Christmas?) gifts later. I think about how I don’t even really know NIN and how the prices will probably be expired by now. There is also a soft looking, navy blue Grateful Dead shirt that I think is going to be for Dad. Makayla is here now, on the phone, and she asks what we should get for Dad. I tell her I don’t know.

I am with Melissa in some clothes store. I carry three pairs of Levis as we casually go into a fitting room stall and close the door. It’s just big enough for the two of us. Without me trying to do so, the ink tag on one of the pairs separates and comes off. I try them on and they fit very well (though they’re a little long). They’re sort of a faded Tahoe blue in color. Since they fit and the security tag fell off, I’m going to wear them out under my other pants. I tuck the cuffs into my socks for extra invisibility, and with my shirt back on they are entirely concealed. I briefly consider where to leave the ink tag, though it doesn’t matter a whole lot. I think about bringing the other two pairs back out, but then know it would be suspicious without the other pair I came in with, so I leave them in here. We casually walk out (into the mall?) and towards what would be the food court. We get in line for something (Brooke may be with us) There’s a guy about our age or younger in front of us. One of his friends appears and starts snaking his way in front of us. He has something with him that says (or he is labeled?) ‘Ladders’. The first guy is ‘Chutes’, so I guess it makes sense for them to be together and don’t fuss about him cutting. Melissa is holding a drink, a thin and tall glass clutched at chest level. This second guy starts grabbing at it, which is when I start to have a problem. He tries to make casual conversation. I clasp my hand on his shoulder, and, in a sort of fake amiability, pull him aside with more of a shove. I ask/tell him something. The first guy has his phone out and, sensing this new tension, bluntly says something to Melissa about her unfollowing/blocking him. Without missing a beat, she coolly responds with something to the effect of ‘not a chance’ or ‘not in a million years.’ i get the sense that maybe we’ve met them before and she was receptive on social media to be polite and/or because they didn’t seem too bad. We now pay for the mini golf? at the counter and go wait at some tables outside. Oddly enough, we are still going to be mini golfing with them.




I am at work when I discover that there is more to recover than there should be. Clothes are misplaced and strewn in random places. I notice a section in particular that no one attempted to fix while I was gone. This really irritates me, but I start working on it anyway. On top of a shelf there are pins and nails and the paper filling from inside the shoes. I see Rocio over here, so I go talk to her. She speaks a lot in Spanish, repeating some things. I understand some of it, trying to reply in Spanish too. I think she asks if I am going to teach. I tell her maybe, really considering it. The large, yellow cup from Dad’s is here and full of water. I take a large swig.




I am at a very small concert festival with Melissa. I see a lineup poster by a stage - Venom is playing at the same time as another band (they’re both headlining though?). Melissa asks me to pick which one we should watch. I pick Venom because they sound familiar. They come on and start, and Melissa rushes to the stage. I imagine moshing.

I am at work, in the clearance section. Two or three guys are browsing together over here; one of them approaches me, holding a pure white men's jumpsuit, saying he’s looking for a different size. I quickly scan all of the hanging white items as well as the single rack that’s on the wall by the jeans. I come back over to tell him that I didn’t find any, when we see a folded, white dress shirt on the cream white and fairly empty shelf in front of us at shoulder height. I casually offer it as a possible substitute. He unfolds it to find out that it’s actually a tuxedo vest. He says something like ‘oh nice, a vest,’ like it would actually work for him. As he is unfamiliar and possessing of a sort of expressionless face, I can’t tell if he’s being serious or if he’s fucking with me. I now unfold another, and this one is actually a dress shirt. It’s close to a jumpsuit in only the material - it’s heavier, like a broadcloth, also a cream white. This guy is actually happy with it and is going to get it. After they have left, I end up putting some items in the clearance next to the kids shoes. The shoes are on a torso-high display and looking pretty disheveled. There are way more things in this section than in real life. I start walking somewhere else, and the whole place is different and much larger than in real life. It seems more open; there’s a sort of skywalk to another part of the mall (or casino? - it feels a little like a casino). Over by it, I briefly help a Hispanic man look for something before I go to do something else. I end up over by the suits fitting room. There’s a computer desk at the wall opposing the opening at which sits Evelyn. I have the impression that someone’s been trying to call me on this radio, but I’m not entirely sure. I ask Evelyn if they have, and she says yes. Someone (the lady at work with sort of darker skin and frizzy hair who I think is a supervisor and whose name I’m not sure of) starts walking over to me, saying that I didn’t really help my customer if I didn’t completely follow through (referencing the Hispanic man). She directs our attention to the man who is standing on the skywalk, arms crossed, but not in an unpleasant way. He’s wearing a plum colored long sleeve with a vest over it, blue jeans, and cowboy boots. He seems dependent on the help, not in a co-dependent way, but more like he is turning the trust over to the employee. I tell this supervisor sorry, I was helping someone else and so my radio was down, slowly adjusting the volume up as I speak. I do feel poorly for leaving him and for not hearing the radio. I tell her I know I was helping him, but I forget what for, and ask if she knows. I genuinely am trying to remember. There’s another employee too, and they look slightly incredulous. I can’t tell if they find it funny or think I’m stupid or both. At one point, someone was ridiculing me for something, and it irritated me enough that I considered bringing it up to someone higher up. Anyway, I attempt to make it right and start walking over to the man. There is a rush of people moving in both directions, causing me to lose sight of him. I reach the top of the incline on this skywalk so I can survey it all the way to the bottom, but he is nowhere to be found. I double back and still, nothing. I’m by an elevator now; it is closing, so I get the notion to jump into it while I can. Literally jumping forward into it, the doors brush me on each side before closing on my JCP key lanyard trailing behind me. I pull it out and turn around to be greeted by two Hispanic men. They both seem genial and good-natured, and they both seem to think my jumping into this elevator was somewhat funny if not unexpected. One of them is shorter and more portly; I think he has a mustache. I dryly say either “that was close” or “just barely made it.” They begin talking to me, slipping into Spanish. It is too fluent for me to understand most of it. I think on a different floor now, I see the door closing. It is closing on a chubby white family with a daughter. I don’t know why we haven’t let them on, so I am awkwardly diverting my glance. Doors closed now, we need to choose a floor. They tell me ‘tres’ and I go to press 3 but mistakenly press something else. I can’t entirely read the numbers on the round, silver buttons. For whatever reason, I end up just pressing all of them, the off white light illuminating behind each in succession downwards. I think the elevator is going to the highest floor first. It ascends, and part of the wall must be glass, because I can see what looks like the Atlantis casino outside the elevator. [As in looking into the Atlantis (from within) from the elevator, not as in looking out at the Atlantis]. I think the men now exit and I continue up one more floor. The doors open, revealing a floor that appears to be one huge hot tub. There’s a low ceiling and dim but colored (blue?) lighting that plays on what is either bubbles or an excess of foam. There’s an unassuming swim up bar, and I think a pool up above it. A young boy climbs up and over the bar counter to get to it. I don’t think I’m in the water, but I am conscious of its proximity to my clothes and my radio. I start to think about staying here and using the hot tub, imagining sneaking onto the hotel room floor to find a towel from a room being serviced or the service cart itself. I wonder if anyone at work would notice my prolonged absence, but figure it’s a large place so maybe not.

I am outside of the preschool (I only have the thought that it is the preschool - it looks nothing like it). I’m standing with my back against a cement wall. I think it’s a ramp or something, as the building is a bit above where I am. It seems more like an elementary school. Melissa and some other girl are with me. I am smoking a joint, passing it to this other girl at times. Now, Nathaniel’s mom and sister show up. I hold the joint down at my left side, partially obscuring it, but not completely concealing it, as I don’t feel the need to. They start talking with us and Beatrice, seeming older, casually takes the joint. Before she does anything with it, Stephanie asks sharply “is that a marijuana cigarette?” with a small, incredulous, and accusing emphasis on the last two words. It is largely rhetoric anyway; she already knows it is. She bats it out of her hand and the two of them leave. When Stephanie asked, Melissa had quickly said no and backed away a few steps. I pick the joint up, bending it back into shape a bit, feeling bad about this whole situation. Apparently word has gotten to Niki, as she is quickly coming over here. She seems mad as she tries to talk to me and I just walk away from her. Sometime later I am texting Melissa, telling her I’m very sorry. She says that Stephanie is livid. I get the impression that Melissa is more upset at her being mad than at me. I now go into a building here, as if I’m going to work. It looks nothing like work and more like an IKEA, but more ornate and with larger rooms with higher ceilings. There is so much furniture and things on the walls that it looks as if it could be a hidden object game. There are a lot of people walking through here. I am taking a few of the same fuzzy, zip-up sweatshirts back. I feel a little high, and it is agreeable. It puts a smile on my face. Without the sweatshirts now, I enter a room. This room has a dark wood floor and a velvety, mossy green tapestry covering two of the walls. There’s also a black grand piano on the left wall. James is here, and I ask if he can play. He tells me “a little” and sits at the piano. He starts playing something that actually sounds pretty advanced. It oscillates between low and high notes; the lows sound far too deep for a piano, and the high notes are pretty high as well. I think that I’d like to try this piano. I also think that there are two older men sitting in two chairs in the far corner.

Sep 17 2018

I color-coded again, but somehow still went out of order. Why is the order of ROY G BIV so hard for my just-awoken mind to remember?

[F1] Red - I was in an open wooded area with about 6 others (family/friends), and we were being threatened. Possibly at gunpoint? The dream was long, vivid, and dramatic, but I don't remember much now.
[D1] Yellow - I had a new boss, who looked like a soccer mom/high-powered woman from an episode of Undercover Boss I recently saw. She had serious botox face and bad red lipstick. We became close and trusted each other with secrets. In the office (dark interior, fading afternoon sun coming through huge windows, on a stairwell near a door to an auditorium) I see she's looking at her phone with a night-vision video playing, I understand it to be about my current manager (Y). Y is in the wrong. I ask for details but new boss can't share them. Next we're in a minivan riding down my old street. It's dark, and we drive up to my childhood home, but my dad has left a ~10x5 foot flatscreen TV on a box in the middle of the driveway.
[D2] Orange - I'm in my childhood home with my new boss and family/friends for a barbeque/get-together. It's morning or overcast afternoon, and it has just rained/is about to rain again. I talk with my boss & family for a while and then I understand that my grandpa is coming in (he was dropped off in the backyard?). I go to help him in. I pass a bouncy castle in the back-left corner of the yard where a tree is with kids inside. It's raining and I'm wondering if they'll be okay in there. I hop around, dodging deep muddy ruts and footprints in the yard. Finally I get to my grandpa and help him inside, and I notice he didn't bring any drinks (he always brings soft drinks to social gatherings). When we get to the patio, I look in an oversized ice chest and there aren't any drinks there either. Suddenly the rain intensifies and I warn my dad because the grill is flaming and isn't under the patio.
[F2] Green - This is a strange sequence of events and I'm not sure which came first. In Scene A, I'm downstairs in my WL living room which is brightly lit for a while with others, then the scene transitions and I'm in bed with the side-table lamp on, and there are three servants in the bed next to me. I clap our WL copper cooking tongs together and the servants take a strange formation. In Scene B, I'm in bed in the dark, and I have a close memory of being downstairs, so I focus on the difference between the location of my body in bed (which I can barely feel) and the location of my body downstairs in memory. I try to WILD and almost succeed, unsure if I did. There are three possibilities and I can't remember which is the actual case.
Scenario 1: Scene A came before Scene B, and I was trying to DEILD and failed.
Scenario 2: Scene B came before Scene A, and I successfully WILDed.
Scenario 3: Scene B was an FA, because its memory has a dream-like quality.

In any case these were pretty vivid. I just wish I got more sleep

Sep 8

Long NL. I'm in my apartment complex's front yard and office area. My manager from work is there, along with some coworkers and random DCs. We are in school sdesks arranged in the parking lot, doing work on laptops. I see an email in red letters that says "failed", although I know the test was successful. The email gets sent out again with SUCCESS, and mentions something like "good job everyone", but I notice that it's not just an email, it's a meeting invite. My boss comes around and pats people on the back, telling us to "enjoy the long weekend" and mentioning that we can work from our beds. My fiancee is there as well (either as a worker or just as my fiancee) and calls this out as bullshit as we were already working overtime. Before or during there is also the understanding that I have to assassinate someone.

Dream scene changes and I'm in a room walking towards a door. My dog is there and so is my fiancee. I am holding my dog as I pass through a door. I become lucid! I keep telling myself "I'm lucid" and "I'm dreaming" but don't do any RCs. I see a small door (like a dumbwaiter) and consider using it to teleport to my dream world I've been incubating, but for some reason I hesitate and don't (don't know if this was a conscious decision). Instead I go with the flow of the dream.

The scene shifts. I'm still holding my dog, and I think "he's the best". I'm in a somewhat cluttered room now, and I understand that I need to kill all of the DCs here. I do some jedi mind tricks to make sure they don't resist, and they work. I tell them I'm dreaming and they all react in a friendly way. Each time I go to kill one of them, it seems like they go through the 5 stages of grief for themselves in front of my eyes, always ending up at "acceptance" before dying. I kill 2 of them, and then decide to use ice powers*. At first I was intending for Skyrim ice shards, but it came out as more of a stream of icy powder/wind from my fingertips. My thumb and forefinger are pressed together and the way the stream of ice comes out is something like when you put your thumb over a garden hose to spray pressured water at someone. As I'm pondering this I go into intense visualizations of the streams, and there are 3D mesh outlines of the stream and its "weather patterns" overlain on my vision, like a series of oblong lines. The visualization shifts to a long sawblade with teeth marked with numbers. As I mentally change the number from 8 to 2 and adjust it by notches, I see the angle and strength of the stream change.

The scene shifts to a security cam view, and as I press my left thumb and forefinger together, I can send ice shards from the camera, although they're not reliable. The camera reminds me of the show Person of Interest. After this I'm transmitted into the room. There is a blue tint to the room, and I look around and see some DCs. I walk out of a door behind me and peer into the hallway (very bright incandescent light and white walls and floors), then I go back into the blue room. I tell the DCs "I'm dreaming" and again as I approach them they go through stages of grief. I do this to a couple of DCs then walk through a doorway/archway. Above the archway are two drill bits. I jump up and grab them. I test one on a wall and it drills right through, despite having barely any threads (it was basically an ice pick). I go up to an old lady DC and say "I'm dreaming". She looks at me with sadness and says "We'll take care of each other/ourselves", then I wake up.

The dream lasted around 2-3 minutes and was very vivid. I was lucid and aware the whole time, but it still felt like a guided/directed dream.

Longer NL -- I'm a young boy who is somehow a vertical venetian blind(???). I am on a quest with a young girl, we're descending into a deep level of some underground building, with a furnace and monsters. Her face doesn't seem real, more like a porcelain doll or something. We arrive and there's a giant hydra in a brightly lit room. It has a "cement burning rocket" that's burning me and melting my armor. The girl is wrapped up in one of the hydra's necks or tentacles. I back away and reach a closet with the venetian blinds. They tell me or some other voice tells me that I am one with the blinds.

I had a few other NLs and fragments. In one, I'm in my grandpa's house and there's a weird square baby with thin, posable arms. It reminds me of BMO from Adventure Time. It was a premature. The parents are proud. There's an old lady to my left who looks like my aunt, who's wearing a white shirt with gold lettering. I note it, it's in different languages (Chines, Latin, Greek) together. At some point I had my midget intruder FA again, but it was very hazy and I yelled "Fuck you!" or "I'll kill you!" loudly and it fades quickly. In another fragment, I'm Dexter and Rita is dropping in the pool next to me. I'm supposed to be enjoying it, but I'm Dexter so I hate it. I say something like "Rita, the water is going like 20 mph". Scene shift to Deb and Quin, Deb's in a room playing with a reclining bicycle for toddlers and Quin comes in and says something while smiling and laughing. Next scene, Deb is driving a bus, Rita and I and the kids are in there. She's taking a risky corner under an interstate high rise. I don't see the bus flip, but I understand it does. Rita scolds Deb in that annoying way she does. Finally, I have the transparent eyelids effect, I can see my room clearly and thought I heard my fiancee calling me, when I move my waking body my head is under the blanket and I go downstairs to find my fiancee watching TV, turns out she didn't call me.



*I don't know if this counts as the "Breathe an element" goal

Sep 5 2018

I'm in the front yard of my childhood home. It's dark out, a long while before dawn. My parents are there (we're all sitting on ice chests or plastic/yard chairs, I can't remember seeing them) and we're preparing for a party or get-together of some kind. The song "Sweet Child of Mine" is playing, and for some reason I have to learn the solo (I know it vaguely from playing it IWL in high school). This could be from the fact that my parents always wanted me to play guitar at family gatherings and I always hated it. I wrote down something like "just...play it" in my DJ but don't remember the significance. For some reason my high school girlfriend who I dated for like 3 weeks was going to be there, and I remember her name in loopy script. Can't remember if I wrote it or someone else did.

Very vague dream fragment in a restaurant. After that, a vivid dream where I'm on the patio/balcony of my current apartment. I had a "profound sense of acceptance" to quote my DJ.

I woke up around 5am into pretty good paralysis and decided to try a quick WILD attempt (my fiance gets up at 5:30am). Unfortunately my dog got up, flapped his ears loudly, and sat right on my arms/chest, which pulled me out if it. I lay awake for the remaining time and let my fiance sleep, but I heard some weird soft sighing. At first I thought it was her, but as she was leaving I brought it up and she said she heard it too. The only rational explanation is that it was our dog, but it sounded like a human female...

I walked the dog and looked at the stars, pushing my alarm back a little and resolving to get lucid.

In my next dream, I'm on a computer and for some reason I have to download a set of 128 bit pixel smileys. They're coming from a website called Jered/Jerek's World, or Site. The smileys are crude in an "early internet" kind of way. One of them was a picture of exaggerated red lips, another is more orange and is laughing, and my fiance laughs at them. I open up the windows search bar and paste what I had, into the search. It pastes the words "Jerek's World", and as I read the words in my head, the desktop background starts alternating between some tiled images, one tan one saying Jerek/Jered's Site and another grey one saying "Jerek's Billion Dollar Software Company". They transitioned in horizontal and vertical screen wipes.

Next, I'm in a long kitchen stretching out maybe 10 feet to the left and 20 to the right. I'm not aware of anything behind me, but I understand that in front of me past an archway is the living room. I'm standing at the sink, looking for something or someone. Possibly my fiance is there. I was just walking around with a Brita pitcher, and now I see that there's a second, rounder one on the counter. I try to find the lid for it and I see it's in the sink, but the inside of it is covered with a greasy layer of spaghetti sauce.

In my next dream, my boss's boss is giving advice on business lunches, i.e. where to take clients. She suggests some other restaurant, but her favorite is the hotel restaurant. She hands it over to a younger guy who looks annoyed and seems to be a drier, more monotone version of a WL coworker. The room is tinged with blue lighting. He hands out a textbook. We're going to go on a business lunch with him, which he's not pleased about. I pull my phone out and subtly try to voice-record him, but no such luck. I end up taking notes on paper and draw a vivid picture of lips (was one of the smileys). I think at this point I was trying to record my dreams in-dream! Should capitalize on this. I woke with slight headache.



*Note: Analyzing my dreamsigns from the entries I've posted on DV, I think I can safely say my strongest ones are a) childhood home b) fiance c) family members. Hopefully I can add trying to dream journal as a new one, we'll see if it keeps manifesting.

Sep 3 2018

Woke 3:35. In a fight with parents and grandpa about cooking or setting up something (possibly speed-reading). Daylight outside, long tables (possibly crawfish boil).

Woke 5:05. Long fragment in a stadium, receiving some sort of business presentation from coworker. After it's over, I'm picking up my laptop bag and I stand out of the way for a coworker and an unnamed DC, who say that they have a "merge request in the morning". The presenter (another coworker) is kicking us out.

Awoke directly from FA nightmare. My dog barked and I could tell instantly that it was serious, not just him barking at another dog. The door to the bedroom is thrown open and the midget from Twin Peaks season 3 entered with a small gun. He approached the bed, not looking directly at me or anyone, just at the wall behind us. He said something vague and I tried to lean up in bed asking something to the extent of "What do you want?". As I tried to move, and in some sense solve the problem, my vision blurred and the dream started to fade. He was wearing a blue shirt with the pattern of "I (heart) N Y" but the letters were "? (eye symbol) T Y" in white. The room's layout was completely realistic and accurate unlike other false awakenings. I woke up and said "holy shit" aloud. Very scary experience, but very vivid -- would have been invaluable if I could have gotten lucid and converted it.

Before that, I was in my childhood home, on the phone with my manager about something that needed to get done. The screen was black with red nubmbers and dial-screen graphics, and an orbiting globe outline. The call got dropped. I was worrying about this with my parents but they seemed to think it would all work out (it was nighttime). My sister was in my room on my computer, looking for the first book in a series my fiance is currently reading. I suggested that she can just read my fiance's copy rather than buy it herself. I end up also giving her a japanese manga volume and another poorly translated japanese book, I remember the engrish being hilarious in-dream. After this, I went to the kitchen (all of the lights were out). I was trying to write down my dreams in ink on the wood floors. In the back of my mind I knew this was a terrible idea and that my dad would be furious, but in the moment I wasn't worried about it. There were some drops of water on the floor and it was smearing the ink, so I started wiping it up, making the smearing even worse. I was also worried about cockroaches.

After the ink, I found myself in a distinct dream scene. I was on the ground looking up at the side of a cliff maybe 4 or 5 stories high. There was a good bit of dirt caked on and I thought to myself how nice it would look if I could get the dirt off. I grabbed a wedge-shaped piece of reddish slate and scraped as much dirt as I could off and stepped back, and noticed how nice the geometric patterns were. I remember the thought-phrase "cliff face". When I looked again, one of the rock formations sort of looked like a nose, and the one below looked like a mouth! When I started examining the rest of the cliff, the whole thing was taken up by face structures (abstract and Easter Islandish). The ground went from being solid dirt and rock, to having some cracks in which curved red boards were shoved and prying the cracks apart. In the cracks were green cylindrical vegetables (I thought of okra or fat asparagus stalks). As I moved forward towards the cliff, I noticed a mesh oyster bag of sea urchins, which were moving around each other in the bag, sort of like you expect spike balls to in a metroidvania or platformer. This was a really vivid and overall nice and creative dream that's simple but feels profoundly peaceful, the kind of nonlucid you generally want to have. So of course this scene transitioned directly to the nightmare FA.

I woke again at 8:59. My fiance was in trouble. We were in some sort of college sign-up, car buying, or other related scenario. There were DCs everywhere, and specifically several DCs with deep blue eyes and short hair meant her harm in an insidious way (they were outwardly friendly). I became more and more adversarial over the course of the dream, eventually hitting them and throwing things at them. We moved from the student union/indoor car lot into a side hallway which transitions to a long house with lots of corridors and small rooms arranged in pretty much a straight-shot, but almost labyrinthine at the same time. I was thinking somehow they were hypnotizing her, and she was getting more and more bruises on her arms and abdomen. Eventually I get in exaggerated physical fights with them and I somehow manage to get 2-4 of them to defect to my side as allies and stow her away under a sliding hole in the kitchen (sort of a drain hole in the floor, like you see in restaurant kitchens). She escaped succesfully.

I'm unknowingly in an FA but think I'm fully awake. I am having the "transparent eyelids" effect, and I'm looking around my bedroom at the closet door, but it's the wooden closet door from my childhood home. I'm etching a human face in it with my mind.

After this, I'm in my childhood home and members of my family as well as random DCs are dressed in "starship troopers armor" -- white and blue, and white and red. It was a long and in-depth dream, but I don't remember much of it. I finally escaped the fray and sat back on my bed, but then my father entered my room with his gun held high, and I remember thinking "oh good, you'll just be my bodyguard". When I thought this (non-lucidly), he changed his course of action from running forward to attack me to climbing in bed next to me with his rifle held out (think Fullmetal Jacket "This is my rifle"). I got up from bed* and started walking towards the hallway. Almost instantly I became lucid! I didn't say "I'm dreaming!" or do any RCs or stabilization unfortunately. I walked down the hallway towards the bathroom, and it was daylight outside, maybe early morning. I walked into the bathroom and looked at the mirror, seeing a girl in a dress instead of myself. In this moment, I started to think of the "bad guys" in the starship troopers armor and then banished the thought from my mind, knowing that if I thought of them I would encounter or summon them. So instead I took advantage of the situation -- although I was seeing the girl in the mirror, I felt my dream body as my own physical body. So I turned away from the mirror and decided that I would become the girl in the mirror. I turned back around and I was!

Spoiler for nudity:

My body had changed competely and I was naked. Naturally, I touched my arms and chest to test sensation (it was dull, sort of semi-numb as my dream body sensation usually is). I did a little twirl and

inspected my face further in the mirror -- my face was sort of ugly and homely**, and as mirrors in dreams usually do, my face shifted quite a bit. I leaned in further to inspect myself and kissed the mirror (it was cold). I then leaned back out and decided to try my "Clear sight. Clear sound. Clear touch. Grounded. Calm, confident. I can stay here as long as I want." stabilization phrase. However, as soon as touched my thumb and forefinger, I accidentally said "Clear mind" first! It rejected me from the dream instantly. As I began to feel my waking body, I realized my thumb and forefinger were touching here too; maybe this triggered the waking?

I laid awake for quite a while after that, as I had already slept more than usual for the night, and for the whole weekend basically. I was also still excited about the lucid and hoping to drop back into it. Eventually I went back to sleep and had some more non lucids. In the first, I was with my fiance in a rest area/cabin in the woods. In the next, I felt as though I dropped into the dream as a visualization from waking, but it's possible I was only visualizing from an FA. I was imagining tall waves, and how my body bobbed up and down in them. It felt incredibly nice and peaceful. I was at a beach, and my sister was standing on a board of some kind zipping up a life jacket. I think my fiance was bobbing up and down in the water too. When I looked at the shore, I couldn't quite see the sand but I could see tall buildings above the waves, which I identified to be my apartment buildings from WL. A distinct black shape was swimming towards me, and I thought it might be a shoe or a fish (I thought it could be a dangerous fish but dismissed the thought instantly). After another waking, I had a final dream of being in a wood panneled shop with an old woman who was offering the shop to me (inheritance?). Her wares were laid out on a long wooden table, which after looking away and looking back turned out to be a giant Knorr pasta packet. I believe this all happened in 3rd person.



*I think getting out of beds in nonlucids is a lucidity/awareness trigger -- will have to investigate how to encourage this).
**This is actually the second time I've transformed my body into a woman's in a mirror while lucid, but for some reason I always turn into butterfaces. Also not sure why I keep doing this. Why, lucid mind, why?

The first dream was earlier in the morning. I was trying to get to work on time. I had woken up in my normal house and was trying to get in a shower but my sister had taken one of them. Sam was with me too. We were both trying to get there on time but we only had about 30 minutes to get there so we needed to leave very soon. We both run into a room and see there's only one shower that is clogged and has a bunch of stuff in it. We decide to say screw it and dip our heads in the water to wash our heads. I can hear my sister and my dad screaming at each other about something. They're pissed at each other, my sister is especially upset. I get out of the house around 8:31 and think I'm going to be a bit late.

Sam and I get to this rock climbing place. I'm not really sure what happened here. I definitely climbed some walls at some point. The walls didn't look normal though, they didn't have very many places you could grab hold and pull yourself up.

There was also a moment I was in a hospital with my father. There was a young woman with dark hair telling me about an asthma test I was going to take. I see there's a machine with certain tiny holes in patterns. I blow into a mask or device and girl tells me I have asthma and need to get an inhaler. I look at my dad and then back at her surprised. I say something like "you're telling me I just did a huge test a few weeks ago which came out negative and now you're saying I'm positive?" and she agrees.

In a later dream or possibly after the previous one, I'm traveling to work or somewhere and we're going through this abandoned place. It looks like an amusement park. It's extremely broken down and the colors are all faded, but the rides are actually still going. The rides I see up close are kiddie rides where you sit in a little cart and it pushes you along a single track in and out of some water. The water could've been there from it being so old though. It was weird because something seemed evil about this place. I'm not really sure but it's possible there was something trying to speak to us or tempt us. I think maybe this part ended with some sort of fortnite ambush.

I'm with abbie and my other sister's boyfriend. We're playing a game that looks a lot like mario. There's a yoshi character but he's got a lot of spikes all over his body. We're in this dark cave that has the outline of the yoshi character standing in some red ice. We jump into the body and are now in his level. In the level it's snowing. We're sliding down a slope and jumping over to this cliff side.

Over on the other side of the cliff is this place. The place is evil but I didn't recognize that at first. My dad is there. I walk over and realize the drop is extremely far down. My dad tells me this place is evil and takes control of people. There are these two islands floating off in the air from the cliff that are decorated with bright colorful things. It's hard to describe but they were covered in snow and had a building on them and then had these colorful decorations that made the island look interesting. As soon as I got near to one of the islands I felt like something was taking control. I had jumped to the island and the thing was trying to get me to jump off. I was fighting it. I had gone over the edge a few times but managed to grab hold of the building or a pole. After those times I jumped back to the mainland and fully realized this is where people go to get rid of people they know and don't like. I saw this dad with a wife and a daughter sitting on the edge. When I realized this the wife and daughter turned around and simply jumped off the cliff. The husband had a sigh of relief and walked away. I left this place freaked out.

I'm in some sort of bus driving in what looked like a safari. This part was extremely weird. There were humans specifically young people from those stupid cheesy horror movies that were naked in the grass. They were lined up in certain sex positions. They were dead. There were also either lions/tigers or people dressed in those costumes who were having sex with the dead bodies. It was bizarre. The bus pulls up to a castle place near the cliffside but in a warmer area. There was a person standing in a dark room looking at us. Their head was made of blue snakes. It was talking to us. Its head would disappear and then reappear.

Eventually, we got back to a neighborhood near my house. I was now somehow only 8 or so years old. There was now a car sitting in the street. An old lady about 80 or so years had gotten out and was chatting about how she was so excited to see her grandson and take him home, which was me. I looked at my teachers and started shaking my head no. I knew who this was. This was IT. It was disguised as an old lady in order to take me home and eat me. It had walked down to a trash can to throw something away. I saw It coming back covered in some muddy substance looking barely like an old lady anymore. I started walking down the street which was behind cool spring. It was walking looking back at my teacher asking if she could borrow a car. Then It asked if it could borrow a small loan to buy a car. It was visibly deteriorating very quickly. We get to the end of the street which now looks to be in a swamp or jungle. It says "I need to get back to avalon street. I saw the castle built millions of years ago, I didn't like the structure. I had to change it around a bit." It is now visibly this giant swamp monster who's skinny and dangles down with bad posture. I walk by down old wooden steps. My lanyard gets caught on something. I'm in a swamp overlooking some body of water and marsh in the background. It is behind me telling me something. Any second I expect to break free and get away but the dream ends there. I had never felt scared during this entire thing. In my mind I was outsmarting It and the ending was that I got away.